Sad that my husband likes lingerie model types and not me.

Dasshteek · 2023-08-23T11:31:40+00:00

Im sorry but being pedantic about 3-5 kgs, especially after birth, is not really captain mentality.

Unless i am missing something? It has been a while since ive been here.

Yes being fit, sexy, attractive to your husband is of great importance, but that is something he can help with too if you have a child. i.e. do you have time to keep fit? Does he take the child from you so you have time to take care of yourself? Provides a nanny instead?

I mean it is great that he has standards, as i am sure you do, but what is greater is being practical with solutions instead of demanding unrealistic targets.

Yougotmetripping · 2023-08-23T11:50:29+00:00

I am not my husbands type at all. He likes women with a booty and that's not me.

I've learned that I can offer him more than the shape of my body and me focusing on that ends in me becoming resentful and questioning his love for me.

It's not worth your time thinking about. I would suggest doing loads of self care to love YOURSELF the way you are. Nothing is more attractive than confidence.

_ThickVixen · 2023-08-23T14:03:18+00:00

Well there’s nothing you can do unfortunately unless you’re willing to FURTHER alter your entire diet, workout routine and overall lifestyle to achieve Adriana’s figure! How far are you willing to exert yourself? Seriously - Have you asked yourself this? 👀 Because in your husband’s defense, if you aren’t willing to do that, you shouldn’t be too concerned about what media content he consumes… This is what’s appealing to him. To ask him to alter his personal preferences, to accommodate your physical changes is a tall order for any man. The only thing you can do is accept that’s his type, how much your body has changed over the years and the reasons those changes occurred. You matured, you gave birth and you’ve been married for some time. Did he expect your body to stay the same through that?? The extra fat on your body, brought you this far! He’s still by your side, isn’t he? Don’t be too hard on yourself or your husband. These changes that seem gradual to us can appear drastic to most guys! They can’t conceptualize let alone, comprehend it! 🙅🏽‍♀️💯 Give them grace and they’ll give us gratitude… maybe! 😅💞

Deliaallmylife · 2023-08-23T12:26:23+00:00

Has he told you that you aren't his type or that you are fat? Or are you just basing these insecurities on what he looks at online? Is your sex life good?

dontouchmybutt · 2023-08-23T15:50:27+00:00

I'm sorry you're in this position. It is so hard as a woman to be expected to be perfect at all times, but even these models and gorgeous women are only this beautiful for a brief glimmer in their life. Look at Adrianna Lima post baby. She gained a ton and does not look the same at all. We are people. We will change and grow and age. Is he a male model in looks or the most successful 1% man? It sounds to me like he is in fantasy. We can fantasize about people in magazines who are highly edited and made up to look a certain way, but if we expect our partners to be that way daily in reality it is unrealistic and a bit immature in thinking.

Life comes in phases and cycles. It sounds to me like you have not completely let yourself go, but you are rather in a phase in your life where it isn't feasible or realistic to be the hottest woman to ever exist, and that is ok and frankly normal. You are clearly not fat and a healthy weight as well. He is your husband, and you cannot change him or his mind, but you can change how you look at the situation. I wish he were supportive and understanding, but for whatever reason and maybe his own internalized insecurities he can't be. Honestly when people have such high standards for their partner it is usually a reflection of their own feelings of inadequacy. Stop trying to convince him these women are unrealistic because it doesn't matter. Focus on you for a while and get your confidence to a place where it does not rely on him. Start a new workout class, join a book club, take an online course, learn a new skill, go on a cool hike, or plan a weekend to visit your family or a close friend. Surrounding yourself with other supportive women is helpful too. Men are simple. They like almost any reasonably in shape women and a few pounds lighter won't make him suddenly think you are amazing and hot. Your energy, excitement about life, and confidence will though.

beautyandbravo · 2023-08-23T16:10:40+00:00

I can’t find it but someone please link this post that floats around here about the function sex serves to men in their marriage if you have it! There’s a lot more to it than just how your body looks.

Most of us will never be model types. Feeling inadequate that you’re not is like your husband feeling inadequate that he isn’t providing you with million dollar mansions and yacht vacations on demand. It’s just unrealistic and not helpful to focus on. Shift your focus onto the good things you do have in your sexual relationship, what you bring to the table that he does love and can’t get anywhere else. The confidence will follow.

bigtitti3s420 · 2023-08-23T12:17:10+00:00

you’re only 3kg away from his “ideal” esp coming from 73kg after you pushed a whole human out of you (congratulations btw!! 😭). i don’t think your husband is very sane.

i’m here to send you support ╰(´︶`)╯♡ and tell you that your husband is being ridiculous because he isn’t able to see the bigger picture.

ivysaurah · 2023-08-23T13:27:17+00:00

Have you tried communicating that these comments make you feel this way? There’s nothing wrong with a fantasy, but there’s also nothing wrong with him keeping it to himself. Some men do not realize the weight of these things to their female partners and sharing your perspective may encourage him to keep private about it.

I cannot relate 100%. I don’t say it to be smug, but I am my husband’s type and I was blessed with an hourglass figure. But I have a larger nose than I would like, which he used to point out jokingly, but he no longer does this because he knows it hurts my feelings. To him it was a harmless joke, to me it was a reminder of a major insecurity I have, and he says he finds me beautiful and never meant to make me feel that way. Because I communicated this to him, he understood me better and doesn’t make those kinds of comments.

That being said, he is attracted to you, you are healthy, and as you said yourself, being overly thin isn’t going to turn you into a VS super model. Stay healthy and realize that you are his ideal woman. But it is okay to ask for this to be validated verbally by him. Blunt men tend to like blunt communication. Don’t let this sour your marriage and breed resentment when you haven’t shared your perspective yet.

32vromeo · 2023-08-23T14:26:30+00:00

Maybe I’m not understanding the reason for concern. But I’m from America, most the women I’ve seen with bodyweight concerns are like twice the weight they used to be. You shouldn’t have to restrict much, maybe clean up the diet a little and exercise more

goodkittymama · 2023-08-23T14:48:04+00:00

You've given him a child and he's calling you fat because you're 5 kg above his "ideal" weight. Am I reading this right?

countrylemon · 2023-08-23T13:27:44+00:00

First of all? Stop talking about other women’s bodies as if you know everything. I’m 5’4” 51kg and I’m peak health, my doctor has approved of getting pregnant even. You can’t blame women because your husband finds them attractive. Get that out of your head and don’t tear down other women to build yourself up. Full stop.

My husband doesn’t understand

My husband doesn’t get it

My husband knows less than I do

Do you hear yourself?? I think the issue is less of your body and more about your sexy appeal. You’re only 5kg off from the “dream look” so you should be able to seduce him beyond that.

That being said like the other mentioned this doesn’t sound like a MAN, he sounds like a boy. Boys aren’t mature enough to captain a ship, and unfortunately you’ve already had a child with him.

It’s more going to be a mental gymnastic game and forever trying to live up to his standards, a real man would never put his woman in that position to begin with.

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-08-23T13:44:43+00:00

The weight he likes for 5'5 is in a healthy range. Your weight is also in a healthy range. It's okay he has preferences, it's okay they aren't you.

You aren't going to get anywhere by demonizing him and the women he likes. It doesn't seem like he's been mean to you over it or that it's causing problems in your relationship beyond insecurities? You have to let go of the need to control how he thinks. You accept the situation or change your weight (in a healthy, long-lasting way). Attacking his views is only going to push you further apart. Stop looking at the porn he watches.

The notion he settled is harmful. It's more like that he based his decision on multiple factors and you scored the highest across the board. He loves you.

Flat_Shower · 2023-08-23T12:28:05+00:00

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

You can’t change your husband’s ideals. They are; however, just ideals. Your ideals are probably a billionaire with a yacht and a 6-pack. However, you’re loving and respectful enough to know that comparing the husband you love to “ideals” is absurd and cruel.

You can change your exercise and eating habits, with the caveat that you love yourself before, during, and after. If you can love and respect your husband’s wishes and find healthy habits to reduce/maintain the weight your husband desires, your relationship would be improved. As long as you can frame your motivation from an intrinsic place, enjoy the challenge, and ensure; above all-else, that your health is still the #1 priority. Only grade yourself on a “reasonable degree of effort” not the arbitrary grading scale that your husband uses. If you’re doing everything that is sustainable, healthy, and reasonable to do, you should be damn proud of yourself and your husband should have no power over that pride.

Even so, you may not be able to meet your husband’s ideals, and that’s where forgiveness and self-love comes in. If you’re doing your best, he must love you. If he’s doing his best, you must love him.

How you cope: Don’t let it consume you. He’s with you for a reason. I don’t think that reason is “settling”. Focus on your plethora of other positive traits, and how you contribute positively to his life. Put less weight/emphasis on this “ideal.” If this ideal was the backbone of how he was severely mistreating you; I’d advise you focus on this “ideal.” From your post, you say he treats you well, and it isn’t destroying your relationship. I believe you’re putting far more weight on this than he is.

christinaaamariaaa · 2023-08-23T12:33:03+00:00

5’5 adult woman should not weigh 50kg unless their cutting to be a model or a fitness competitor and it is only for a short time. I don’t believe this is a healthy weight for a 34 your old woman to achieve. Maybe tell your husband to look up what’s healthy/ ask his doctor. Because he has unhealthy standards for you. I am the same heigh as you and 22. Last year i had a lot of medical problems, when i got down to 107 i was in the hospital because my heart rate was too heigh, i could hardly take a shower without passing out, etc. please don’t do this to your body.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-08-23T19:01:41+00:00

he likes the 2000’s Victoria’s Secret look; the Adriana Lima body

Ok… who doesn’t like that? Lol. No disrespect to you, but he’s not getting an Adriana Lima.

Also how long ago did you give birth? It takes like 6 months-1 year to get something similar to your old body back, and realistically you probably never will get your old body back in the same way. Child birth changes bodies in general.

AutoModerator · 2023-08-23T11:23:02+00:00

Title: Sad that my husband likes lingerie model types and not me.

Full text: Married 1.5 years; husband 34, I’m 34. Husband likes thin women 50kg-55kg, he thinks this is a normal weight for an adult woman. I’m around 5ft5 and 58-60kg. As a Teenager I was around 50-55kg because I had just left childhood… husband can’t acknowledge that he holds rigid and unreasonable ideals of women’s bodies.

He doesn’t realise that the 2000s body type isn’t healthy and, for most women, involves some kind of disordered eating. He gets defensive when I discuss it with him and denies it, but I see exactly the women he’s looking at online and IRL. He also isn’t aware that a lot of the sexy women he looks at are posting editors and carefully angled pictures.

I’m sad because I didn’t think he was like this and I wished he actually liked the female body as a whole, not the media version of the female body. For my husband, I am a little bit fat. Context may be of use here: he is from Eastern Europe and the weight ideal seems lower there, his family have also referred to me as chubby.

I’ve started to restrict intake to get back to 50-55kg of my youth. I went up to 73kg straight after birth but have slowly lost weight over the past year, down to 58kg.

I am sad because I know how important physical attraction is in order to be cherished by my husband. :(

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LocalCap5093 · 2023-08-23T18:10:52+00:00

I appreciate everyone giving nuanced opinions.

I’ll be honest- when it came to my first engagement (he def was HVM but later on fell into a more redpill style and we ended up breaking up due to that) I’d keep my shape top notch and all.

I was missing those same 5-7kg but doing boxing twice a day on top of diet etc. it came to a point where he came forward and was like ‘would you be open to considering Lipo?’ I said sure.

He paid for it etc and after we both were happy. I’m not saying this is ok or it’s captain behavior but I at least appreciated him also putting from his end for what he really wanted rather than see me do unhealthier things (he was worried I was working out too much)

bunny_mama_ · 2023-08-23T16:08:13+00:00

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I would do everything you can do make YOURSELF feel sexy... I can't speak to everyone's experience but in my own experience confidence outweighs classic looks. If you feel really good about yourself and are eager to flaunt it he will notice, I am confident of that.

LiftsLinage · 2023-08-23T20:48:34+00:00

This is a tough post to read.

I think that it's great that you're trying to do everything you can to make sure your husband finds you attractive. And I want to remind you that he wouldn't be married to you if he didn't find you attractive. Which brings me to my point;

I don't think you can change the specifics of what he's attracted to. Whether or not it's unreasonable or unsustainable in real life. He can probably change his rigid views and the way that he communicates with you about it, but ultimately deep down what he likes, he likes.

I would argue that what you maybe need to tell him is to respect you and not blatantly stare or oogle these types of women. Because that's a dishonor to your marriage and to you.

But I think that you may need to accept that maybe this is just what he likes, and love yourself to realize that you are more than enough regardless if you feel you fit the bill. You bring more to the table.

Title	Sad that my husband likes lingerie model types and not me.
Author	mishkaforest235
Upvotes	9
Comments	62
Date	August 23, 2023 11:23 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15z10d4/sad_that_my_husband_likes_lingerie_model_types/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/sad-that-my-husband-likes-lingerie-model-types-and.1229479 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229479

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