"Teach girls to prioritize feeling safe over being nice."

Ill_Magazine_891 · 2023-11-30T00:22:14+00:00

According to feminism, men are always safe…

ABlindCookie · 2023-11-30T05:57:26+00:00

"Women, think about yourself and your comfort, even if you look like a bitch doing it." "Men, please consider everyone else's feelings before you breathe, you're making people uncomfortable"

Story of my life

drtapp39 · 2023-11-30T12:09:14+00:00

"Teach boys to prioritize themselves over chivalry"

The_Squiggy · 2023-11-30T01:56:14+00:00

No one had a right to feel safe. Everyone has the responsibility of ensuring their own safety.

Feminist theory yet again shirking responsibilities and making it a right that everyone else must be responsible for upholding...

Illustrious_Bus9486 · 2023-11-30T03:32:59+00:00

The world is not a safe place. It never has been.

Greg_W_Allan · 2023-11-30T07:58:59+00:00

Womens' feelings about safety are now prioritised over the actual safety of children and men.

NibblyPig · 2023-11-30T11:57:27+00:00

It says feeling safe. It should say teach girls to prioritise being safe over wanting to feel safe.

Milk--and--honey · 2023-11-30T12:54:35+00:00

That's a good slogan for both genders actually

kitx38 · 2023-11-30T10:05:53+00:00

My partner and i have both agreed - our children need to earn their rights to go out by learning a martial art so they have the ability to defend themselves at all times.

Also if somebody comes at you with a weapon ... just fucking run or handover your shit.

Tiny_Professional358 · 2023-11-30T07:32:24+00:00

Basically they’re saying: “it’s okay to treat men like potential predators.”

Because men are apparently the only ones that can be dangerous 🙄

gabriel-kornilov · 2023-11-30T04:00:49+00:00

"Teach girls to prioritize feeling safe over being nice."

Doesn't seem like they need to be educated in that department IMO, considering the packs of stuck-up, masculine and over agressive "boss bitches" of all kind roaming streets and the workplace lately.

Largest_Half · 2023-11-30T05:17:21+00:00

Women never stop talking about their feelings, thats the problem - everything is only ever about how they feel.

SecTeff · 2023-11-30T09:15:47+00:00

I guess women historically have had heightened fear of attack as evolutionary they just aren’t as well equipped for a fight response to threat. So women are hyper sensitive to the threat of male sexual violence.

So even though they are at lower risk of a physical attack, and statistically they are more likely to be attacked by someone they already know they fear a stranger attack and being raped more.

This is just saying ‘give into your evolutionary fear instinct over showing empathy’ that potentially could leave you open to an attack.

Trust no one is the motto

It’s a shame as if the fear is reinforced it will just heighten and grow. That’s why we can’t ’make women feel safe’ with things like extra police patrols or CCTV or whatever. It will just heighten their sense of threat even more

Lonewolf_087 · 2023-11-30T03:17:29+00:00

It's why people are becoming increasingly closed off and lonely. When you live a cold and bitter life locking yourself away from people you're all alone in this world. People seem to think this is good, it's not. Men and women are more and more becoming lonely and isolated because they don't believe in taking chances. Everything in life is a chance. Somewhere between "I need to avoid toxic people" and "I need to be completely open to new things" is where people need to be and they are thinking 95% of men are toxic by default. That just is not good at all.

HyakuBikki · 2023-11-30T07:00:33+00:00

I wish girls were taught to be nice

Mycroft033 · 2023-11-30T08:41:51+00:00

The CS Lewis quote comes to mind: “The use of fashions in thought is to distract men from their real dangers. We direct the fashionable outcry of each generation against those vices of which it is in the least danger, and fix its approval on the virtue that is nearest the vice which we are trying to make endemic. The game is to have them all running around with fire extinguishers whenever there’s a flood; and all crowding to that side of the boat which is already nearly gone under.” (Emphasis mine)

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2023-11-30T12:11:54+00:00

You should prioritize on being nice more honestly.

How often you meet people you have no click with at first if you instantly rude to them cause you dont feel comfortable around them. Do you think they will help you when something does happen?

Women are just soo dumb thinking how their interaction with people or their automatically being rude or mean to people for no reason does not become a big reason why people would not want to help you at all when something does go down.

You dont have to agree or go along with anything or anyone. But being curious and nice. By default will make people 10 times more likely to wanna help you if something would go down. Lets keep it a 100 if people acting rude to you or snappy cause she not feeling safe does that make anyone be like damn sure il take a punch to help this rude ass woman. Fuck no. No one would take risks for people that treat people with disrespect or with hate or contempt.

Why do you think most people just look and don't do shit anymore when in public rude women start shit and she get beat up.

Feeling safe is a feeling. That could be different for any person. Its a right women dont have just like men dont have a right of feeling loved. Men can scream till there red or blue in the face of i want to feel loved or cared for. And women would laugh in there face. The right to feel safe is the same thing. Why would people give 2 fucks if women feel safe or not if they cant even treat people with common decency and respect.

Its all backward thinking. Being nice and being respectful first. You gotta give first to expect something in return.

And if you cant give respect or be nice. Why would anyone give a fuck how you feel. Lets keep it a 100 why would anyone else care.

Why people that are horrible people them self are surprised people dont wanna help them. Shocking right? Almost like your actions and interactions has consequences behind them. Good and bad. Shocking right? Big whooping reveal

antiloosh · 2023-11-30T12:17:58+00:00

Safety is a good thing to have. But feeling safe and being safe should never bunched up together. But they're not the same. I'd rather not feel safe and be safe Then Be not safe and feel like everything's fine. If a woman is uncomfortable or doesn't feel safe just because I exist I don't care. In fact, it's a little funny.

OmegaDolphin · 2023-11-30T18:44:59+00:00

“Feel Safe” Can they actually protect themselves?

FaceplantAT19 · 2023-11-30T02:33:37+00:00

You're absolutely right. But this might be something women can be stereotypically bad at in comparison to men. I know I am.

I've (34F) been given this advice more than once, always as a critique of my personal failing to stand up for myself in a way that my father or husband expected me to.

Sounds nuts but if a person who had an obvious mental health issue or was on drugs or was looking at me sexually (or all three!) approached me in a dark alley, I'd feel some bizarre but powerful obligation to avoid being rude, even if I was scared or felt like the situation was dangerous. The men in my life are (reasonably) very much like "WTF just get out of there, who cares if you're rude!"

In a specific example my husband got upset with me once when a man said something blatantly sexual/creepy to me (in front of my husband too). I just played it down and walked away but my husband would have much preferred that I immediately verbally rebuff him.

There is a natural instinct in me to be passive and to keep the peace. I believe this is a statistically female trait. It makes sense: My husband can verbally confront the creepy guy because he can physically fight the creepy guy. But most of my life it made more practical sense for me, much smaller and weaker, to not stir up any arguments, but rather slip out of the situation asap, peacefully, without triggering anyone's anger. When scared or uncomfortable, his natural instinct is to stand up for himself, while my natural instinct is to be agreeable.

Sometimes my passive instinct is practical but often it's unnecessary and not smart. So my husband wants me to stand up for myself more when I can, and prioritize being safe over being polite, which is difficult for me, but reasonable.

So the advice in question might not mean men don't deserve to feel safe or that they never feel unsafe... But rather that women tend to be naturally worse at handling those situations.

BlueJewBruceS · 2023-11-30T06:46:32+00:00

Teach girls Emotional Intelligence :)

40moreyears · 2023-11-30T22:13:32+00:00

Being nice adds to your safety. There’s plenty of scenarios in my life where I’ve had to be nice to not get hurt somehow. Things that you do have consequences. Being mean can be a bad strategy for increasing safety for men and women. More of the avoiding consequences shtick from feminists.

Adventurous_Copy2753 · 2023-12-01T03:29:46+00:00

I'll apply the same mindset when I walk into a majority black area next time

OneWomansViews · 2023-11-30T17:19:13+00:00

I think this is more directed at girls, not women. Girls used to be taught while growing up to be polite and respect elders. So when a creepo man decides to do creep things, some girls would stick to what they were taught instead of saying “Your creeping me out. Leave me alone”. This puts them more at risk for SA. At least that’s a point of view from a woman who felt like she had to be nice as a little girl even when she felt uncomfortable.

Blauwpetje · 2023-11-30T16:52:07+00:00

Being nice doesn’t make anybody unsafe. That’s feminist nonsense. Sometimes you have to clear up other people’s wrong expectations, but that’s not because of your wrong priorities, that’s life.

randonumero · 2023-11-30T16:53:28+00:00

Yes, boys and girls should be taught some form of this. The huge problem is the historical notions of what makes a "nice girl". One huge reason that women often don't report SA is the fear of being slutshamed or blamed. Nice girls don't wear certain outfits. A nice girl wouldn't have messaged her high school crush on facebook and then went on a date with him. A nice girl wouldn't have said something to make her boyfriend/husband feel embarrassed. A nice girl won't just ignore a guy trying to talk to her, even if she's alone and it's at night. A nice girl won't take a man's kids away.

Honestly I don't like slogans like this because they don't do much to help people define their boundaries nor do they acknowledge the social contract of not being an ahole. I'm all about men and women being assertive if they find themselves in unsafe or untoward situation's but you can largely navigate life and feel safe without turning into the raging ahole that some women who embrace this philosophy have become

Zestyclose-Ad-3168 · 2023-11-30T15:43:15+00:00

I don’t understand how teaching girls to prioritize safety over being nice is a bad thing? That’s how Ted Bundy killed so many women. It’s often how serial killers have the body count they do. While boys and girls are taught to be nice there is an expectation placed on women to smile, be friendly, be easy going, etc. that is not nearly as heavily placed on boys. When men speak up, keep to themselves, and set boundaries it’s seen for what it is, having self respect or being a quiet person. When women (especially WOC) do it, we are stuck up, bitchy, rude, the list goes on. Not many men statistically have been lured in by a serial killer or rapist because they were trying to be nice. When we say this we mean that a young to middle aged man shouldn’t need your help getting stuff in his vehicle, don’t stop on the side of the road for their broken down car, etc. Just because the post doesn’t say “teach everyone to prioritize being safe over being nice” doesn’t mean it is purposely rejecting the idea that everyone should. There’s a time and place for everything and not everyone needs to be the center of every discussion. If I say, “It’s sad that Emily’s child died”, wouldn’t it be silly if someone said “well it’s sad that mine died too!” Like… yeah it is, but this particular convo isn’t about you and I’m not rejecting that fact.

Edit: for grammar :)

Early_Inspector988 · 2023-11-30T08:47:56+00:00

It's talking about women not feeling like they can say no. It's actually helpful in the long run for everyone, if women can say "no I'm not interested" without fear of reprisal. A lot of women have too much experience of men not accepting the no without violence. If we can teach women to actually say what they mean to men then the whole "excuse" culture of women giving every reason under the sun apart from "no" can disappear, leaving everyone knowing where they stand and it can help resentment from both parties get back under control. Unfortunately, it does mean that the (vocal and not as small as you'd think) minority of men who do make women feel unsafe to speak freely have to be clamped down on. Because when women aren't free to say when they mean, they don't. And the men who aren't doing that shit pay for it too.

aigars2 · 2023-11-30T06:43:18+00:00

You're right.

Imaghostbutthatsfine · 2023-11-30T08:50:56+00:00

You guys have absolutely no understanding of feminism lol. Also all this says is that a girl shouldn't put up with abusive behaviour for the sake of being friendly which is what is still taught in many households. Of course this applies to guys as well but it's a narrative placed way more onto the shoulders of young girls whereas boys get to hear that everything is their responsibility (in the good and the bad ways) and thus they are already taught to act as they think and don't put up with crap. Girls are often taught to prioritize being nice over everything, even their own safety, and to always be polite and submissive no matter the crap that is happening to them. Of course nobody wants and should put up with that. It's way more common in girls is what I'm saying.

Imaghostbutthatsfine · 2023-11-30T09:03:55+00:00

Y'all are so mad for women wanting safety like you wanted to take that away lol

How about everyone wants safety and we should try to be kind to everyone no matter their gebder or race or whatnot

Safety is a very reasonable need

This is not about "only" women needing to hear that, it's that men aren't told to prioritize being nice over being safe. This problem didn't exist for you guys in the first place so stop bashing women who speak out against womens problems. Of course men need to feel safe too but men are mostly told that they have agency, which is mostly good, whilst women are denied their agency for their sex-appeal and thus obviously feel less confident and trusting in their surroundings

DinoMartino73 · 2023-11-30T04:42:17+00:00

This might be unintended self own, or maybe irony. I'm not sure.

It could mean that girls should be taught to speak up and, if necessary, be 'rude' to get men to back off from them. Rather than to always be nice and risk feeling unsafe or uncomfortable.

Not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself IMHO.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-11-30T03:06:49+00:00

It means instead of being overly polite when being harassed, be clear and firm. Women are taught to be polite and not hurt feelings, so when women politely reject some men, those men don’t take the rejection. Because she was nice, they persist. This is telling women not to be afraid of being rude to those type of men if they feel unsafe.

sumfacilispuella · 2023-11-30T23:38:30+00:00

i think the issue is that women dont understand that men often feel unsafe as well. because nearly everytime a woman feels unsafe, it is some guy who is scaring her, and hes bigger and stronger and maybe a creepy rapist. and because most of their experiences of being so scared seem very gendered, they dont get how men can be scared as well for different reasons, like being mugged or just randomly beat up (yeah i know dudes get raped too but really how often are you having to think oh no this guy behind me might rape me). also i do think that being expected to "be nice" and "smile" and placate strangers by putting up with them when you could simply not is much more pushed onto girls and women.

2023-12-01T05:28:57+00:00

The only way anyone is going to "feel safe" is to either arm themselves and / or learn self defense. An individual must take their own safety upon themselves. The goal anyone should be aiming for is to be as nice, caring and loving as possible but be very very dangerous if fucked with. "Talk softly but carry a big stick".

gigachud1337 · 2023-12-01T23:20:11+00:00

Ironic cuz being bitchy would make ppl more angry so it would be less safe

karn39393939 · 2023-12-02T03:28:46+00:00

If proper manners were taught to girls nowadays there'd be less issues of safety. Boys are being told to express their emotions now and that makes them dangerous because they don't know how to control their emotions. With proper manners, kids are less likely to get angry and cause harm.

Unique_Elderberry_81 · 2023-12-05T00:54:59+00:00

First of all I haven't seen the post (obviously). Second u are right boys should be save and it's important that they learn about dangerous situations as well. But the point that I read out of the post is that we (as society) teach our girls that they have to be nice and not to loud the whole time. That's why its important to counter act this. Plus woman in general are more likely to taped for example.

Title	"Teach girls to prioritize feeling safe over being nice."
Author	Skeleton_Warrior
Upvotes	179
Comments	102
Date	November 30, 2023 12:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1874ern/teach_girls_to_prioritize_feeling_safe_over_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/teach-girls-to-prioritize-feeling-safe-over-being.1239676 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239676

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