Betrayed But Missing the Old

King_of_Corinth_ · 2023-12-07T06:16:03+00:00

Go back and read what you wrote brother. You miss the old her. Haven't been happy in years. We're going to go the distance for the kids. You love the idea what you were but you haven't had that in a really long time. The kids by your own admission aren't happy with the way things are. You know what make your kids happ? You being happy. I know it doesn't seem like it it'll take about 3 or 4 months after the divorce before you start to feel human but you got to end this and move on. Be nice and polite to your wife ask for a simple divorce because she was the one cheating this isn't happening to you it's not happening to your wife it's happening to your children try to make her understand that.

playerknowmore · 2023-12-04T23:19:17+00:00

My wife never cheated on me. I remember her telling me she could do better. I laughed at her and said, "Show me the fool who wants the twenty years older and forty pound version of who I married, and I'm selling him a bridge." I married the prestine version of my wife, but if we were both single today, I doubt I'd be looking for a fifty years old, overweight mother of three.

If she did cheat her pussy would be tainted by a Simp. Because only a fool would want my leftover. The asshole in me would never let myself feel jealous of a fool who would take over my responsibilities for a twilight ride. I'd probably send him her pictures of when I got her saying, "Enjoy the twilight. Thanks for letting me get her best years. I think I'm going younger this time. "

YellowLT · 2023-12-04T18:27:53+00:00

Go get a therapist, and a gym membership. Get swole and your head right, and find a hotter model.

Gattsama · 2023-12-04T18:24:25+00:00

Your feelings are 100% normal and common. Unfortunately, so is your story. As you said she jumped ship, after 20 years and 2 kids. Everything in your world just took a shotgun blast to the chest. Your old life was fatally injured, she killed it, and with cold, pre-calculated malice. The person you thought you could depend on just decided to end what was suppose to be the rock and base of your life until (one of you) died.

You are grieving the end of that relationship. Just like if a family member died. Of course you want them back, of course you didn't want this to happen. Of course you are suffering. BUT just like if your brother passed, there is no coming back. And the healing and grieving process for the death of your relationship is going to take time and go through several stages.

You are not the first guy to have this happen, and you won't be the last. There are millions of men that have come before you. You will be ok, in fact you will be great (if you choose). Look to the men that have come before you, you may not know it be there are literally millions of men that are pulling for you, praying for you, wishing you the best, and happy to support you.

The 'what happened, what did I do wrong;' is just another stage in the healing cycle. In the end, the divorce wasn't your choice, so you are going to ask these what if questions. Here's a short cut, you are going to eventually move to it doesn't matter what I did or didn't do, she is responsible for her own actions. And she choose to: cheat, lie, abandon the family, etc. Yes I have issues I need to work on, and I will, but I am ONLY responsible for me and my actions; not hers. NOTHING I did or didn't do, controls her or her choices.

Things are going to get better. In fact things will be great (if you choose). But first comes a lot of suffering and a lot of work. But trust us, on the other side is a much much better life. Because you don't want someone that doesn't want you. You just need to grieve, work on yourself, and give it time.

Be safe out there...

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-12-04T17:43:54+00:00

Same, but 27 years. You loved her and took your vows seriously. She’s something else now. Get some therapy and heal yourself. It will take time, lots of time.

dazzday · 2023-12-04T16:26:55+00:00

100% with you man.

I'm nearly 6 months out and even though I know I don't want that life, I miss what it should have been. What we could and should have been. It is so much harder with kids.

Met her at the weekend and she was already wearing a promise ring from the AP....that hit hard and has set me back abit. Finally hitting home that I don't have a choice in any of this.

dadplup · 2023-12-04T15:38:36+00:00

I was in pain, angry too I missed her,I was miserable, then 2 weeks after we separated I realized that it was over, not with a bang but a whimper, it was truly over, we had been married for almost 19 years, she got caught cheating twice that I knew of even with that I was still sad when I made her leave.

What you're experiencing is normal it will get better you have to experience this your grief like you would the passing of a family member you loved, because it is and go thru the stages of grief, until you hit acceptance, it's not an easy or fast thing to do but it helps. Good luck to you

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-12-04T15:22:42+00:00

Lol they all have the same playbook. I need space, i want to be alone out of nowhere = i want to try out new cock

WakeUpAndGoooo · 2023-12-04T14:58:44+00:00

I could have written this myself and agree with all the above advice. I tried to stick it out and worked really hard to get past it. In the end it was the end of us. I'm still sad to my core, still have love for what I thought I had. It's like she died, but we have kids so I see her all the time and it's haunting.

Doubledolla · 2023-12-04T14:11:02+00:00

We feel for you. Imense emotion and pain. Nothing you could have done my man. She chose this. You just get to finish it on your terms. File. Don't wait for the future, you have to accept it and move forward. She'll try to blame you..... Don't be coy when someone asks "Why are you breaking up"...... shes a cheater, simple answer. It's better on the otherside. Don't wait it will only tear at you and prolong the inevitable. Give her what she wants and Grey rock her. She obviously can't be trusted. Once that line is crossed there's no going back. It's a great thing to take control of YOUR LIFE. No better day than today.

Sad-Service-9682 · 2023-12-04T12:21:31+00:00

This really struck a chord with me. I was exactly where you are 8 months ago. It gets much, much easier, day by day. Enjoy your new freedom, enjoy the time you have with your kids. By kind to yourself and don't rush to get over anything. You'll heal from this in time and get stronger, work out what it is you really want in life, and if you want it, find someone much, much better. Everything will be OK.

capnjackstation · 2023-12-04T11:59:35+00:00

Because there is only one parachute in every relationship. She took it and jumped. You’re dealing with the aftermath of that betrayal.

Repeatedly I see men willing to go the distance because they made a commitment and have integrity. We’re taught to keep our word. Women are a different animal altogether, it’s called Hypergamy. I suggest reading leave a cheater gain a life, no more mr nice guy and definitely the rational male.

I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Hell, I’m sorry we all are.

Title	Betrayed But Missing the Old
Author	SummerRound
Upvotes	35
Comments	24
Date	December 4, 2023 11:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18ai0yn/betrayed_but_missing_the_old/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/betrayed-but-missing-the-old.1239992 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239992

Comments