Why is it so difficult

acg34 · 2023-12-05T17:27:51+00:00

My ex told me that all the things I did for her didn’t mean a thing to her. I’m so glad she’s an ex!

WakeUpAndGoooo · 2023-12-05T16:26:00+00:00

It's the old Damned if you do damned if you don't bullshit.

SpiritualRoll3598 · 2023-12-05T16:28:21+00:00

Imagine you have been given everything all your life. You're constantly told that you are a perfect angel and anyone who disagrees with you is viciously attacked by all those around unless you deign to grant them clemency.

Some dirty serf appears and dares make a demand of you. Don't they know who you are? How dare they shirk their duties to you while they stand there, looking you in the eye and make even more demands. GET BACK IN YOUR PLACE, SLAVE.

This is what it is to be a woman in a western society.

krazykanuck · 2023-12-05T18:49:27+00:00

Well, I'll tell you one of the things my therapist told me. You probably didn't/don't set proper boundaries from the beginning. This behaviour didn't just START, it's always been there. Learn to recognize it early and walk away from it when it's there. Something like "When you get upset when I ask something simple of you, I feel anxious/stressed about asking you for anything. I need you to stop doing that". If it continues, you've set your boundary, so your action is to move on. Set you boundary, stick to it. Side note: obviously there is room for compromise, but that requires both parties to be reasonable.

HODLMEPLS · 2023-12-05T17:37:10+00:00

Google narcissistic personality disorder and regret it all

Dakeddit · 2023-12-05T19:03:44+00:00

All I want is to do is work with my ex wife on matters of our son and communication - yet no matter the topic she is quick to anger. This was a big problem during the marriage which led to the eventual divorce.

But why she continues to be angry, continues to make mountains out of mole hills, is beyond me. The amount of effort to start in a perpetual state of rage baffles me. All I can hope is that eventually our son notices and starts questioning her.

Isthisthereddits · 2023-12-07T21:32:46+00:00

Hell I upturned my life multiple times for my stbx. I gave up a promising career with a company I enjoyed for bosses who were basically friends of mine by the end. I gave it all up to move 17 hours away from that , my family, my friends, everything. Just to buy a house, start at a new job, and support my stbx who was going for her PhD. I figured it was a sacrifice, but also an investment in our future. It would help her obtain her dream job. I would get knocked back for a couple years career wise, but I could regain those steps and together we would be making more and she would be happier.

We move in and everything I do is wrong, every disagreement that could have been an adult discussion is devolved into her screaming at me and me trying to reason, trying to walk away from the abuse, trying to remain an adult. She began telling me buying a house was dumb and that she never wanted to buy and thought I was stupid for it.

Now we are separated and working through the process of divorce. She wants to buy the house from me and I supposedly tried to sabotage her plans of getting her PhD. Six months ago I turned down a promotion to move back home. It was with my old company. We talked it out and decided the sacrifice for her education and dream job outweighed anything at the current moment. All while she was planning her out. Just a couple months ago she came home from work. Just after we had a weekend of celebrating her success in school and told me she was done. Three weeks later she tells me she had slept with someone else. I know tinder is a quick game, but something tells me she wanted out, because she had this guy on the side beforehand.

Again, this is all my fault for sabotaging her PhD plans. Now that we are separated its apparently my fault she is broke and living in shared living space college apartments at 30 years old. Yeah they are difficult. Not all women, but I am starting to see most of them are children with a very limited idea of what being and adult is and as men we have to just endure their temper tantrums to keep the peace. Some of them are seriously just children you have to take care of, because they were never raised right.

On the bright side my old bosses texted me out of the blue and they had a new offer for me. God their timing couldn't have been better.

techrmd3 · 2023-12-05T17:13:17+00:00

Why make it difficult if you asked?

to stop you asking of course. Think of a modern woman as a bratty teenager who has been pampered and not forced to work for her whole life. Then the behavior becomes more clear.

captainchippsixx · 2023-12-05T17:51:44+00:00

If your playing child support tell her fat ass she is supposed cover it.

When she needs a favor Just say no to her. Or don’t open the message. Or don’t answer the phone. And then say had to work or some shit.

Stitching · 2023-12-05T20:16:29+00:00

My ex was never able to hear any of the issues I had with her behavior. If I called them out then I was the asshole. If I was upset about something she did then I was causing an argument and had anger issues. She wanted everything to be her way and for me to never challenge anything and just go along with it. And even then I doubt she’d be happy because I wouldn’t be taking enough initiative. She was also a horrible communicator but expected me to know everything she was thinking. There was no way for me to win in a relationship like that. And one of the hardest things about divorce has been going through lots of personal growth but seeing her be the exact, unchanging, un-self-aware person she’s always been. She doesn’t take any responsibility for the issues in our relationship. She just lives in this oblivious world where she was wronged by me and she’s perfect.

UseResponsible4368 · 2023-12-05T21:23:54+00:00

Many women use their child when they mean things for themselves or for others to do the things for the child so they don't have to.

Also, once a woman has decided YOU are the problem, nothing you do matters - even if you are giving 220%. Briffault's Law.

PSwayz_On_A_Horse · 2023-12-06T05:51:51+00:00

Me: "Honey, I know I've let you down (I don't actually know how, but I'm just validating your feelings). I'm sorry. I want to do better. I want to be better. I want to be the husband you need, and the husband you want".

My wife: "I don't need you. I don't want you, and I have nothing to give you".

(well, shit)

Title	Why is it so difficult
Author	softinvest
Upvotes	27
Comments	56
Date	December 5, 2023 4:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18bfg13/why_is_it_so_difficult/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-is-it-so-difficult.1240103 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240103

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