Is marriage worth it?

barkmagician · 2024-01-01T22:46:25+00:00

I have a happy marriage and got extremely lucky with a woman who loves to cook, doesnt upload selfies (unless its a very special occasion like Christmas reunion with her family) and she lost her v-card to me when she was 18(i was 19 at that time). And she doesnt entertain anyone who tries to ask her out.

But even I would not recommend marriage. I'm not oblivious of the fact that my situation does not represent the majority.

Key-Pomegranate-3507 · 2024-01-01T22:06:27+00:00

Like most things, it depends. I’ve been married for 5 years and my wife is my best friend. She’s very supportive of my goals and I love spending time with her. I trust she won’t leave me, but if she did I would be in big financial trouble. If you’re thinking about marriage make sure you really know the person you’ll be signing that contract with.

AlexD232322 · 2024-01-01T23:04:03+00:00

I’ve never seen more broken men’s then my friends who got married, literally bent into shape by women who realized the power they had over them after a marriage and 2 kids.

echinoderm0 · 2024-01-01T22:14:38+00:00

I do not. Manipulation tends to come from power imbalance. In EVERY generation of marriage, there has been a power imbalance. Now, the laws designed to protect women's vulnerability in marriage is being used to attack men. I believe that if two people want to intertwine their lives, they will. And I believe it is very powerful to say to a partner "I do not want to be with you out of fear of divorce. I want to wake up every day knowing we are together because we both still want to be." But I understand that marriage is a milestone in life. It's an adventure like no other. I understand WHY people may want to try it, but I can't say I think it's good for people.

throwRA65345 · 2024-01-02T03:19:49+00:00

It's absolutely not worth it. Cost me a whole lot of money, and now I'm going bankrupt.

Hubris1998 · 2024-01-01T21:59:35+00:00

it's foolish, gives the woman too much power, and only goes to show how arrogant people are to think they're better than all the other couples getting divorced

mcc9999 · 2024-01-01T22:23:09+00:00

Not worth the risk, period.

Skrulltop · 2024-01-02T02:59:06+00:00

There's a lot of "My wife was perfect and then she got all crazy! I couldn't have seen it coming.". And I just don't believe them.
The more reasonable answer is: The red flags were there and you either chose to ignore them or your missed them completely. Some red flags to consider:
- Calls herself a feminist.
- Wants a traditional man but refuses to be a traditional woman.
- "His money is ours, but my money is mine." mentality.
- Does OnlyFans.
- Is ok with women doing OnlyFans.
- Does not think OnlyFans women are prostitutes.
- Thinks the 20s years are for "exploring yourself".
- Thinks body count doesn't matter.
- Does not value raising children and having a family.
- Thinks she must pursue a college degree despite wanting children.
- Thinks women get paid less than men for the same job.
- Wants to go clubbing.

Session-Special · 2024-01-01T22:12:54+00:00

this depends on you the person. Some are not agents of marriage, and some are. The point is do you have a million dollars? a house, or some other point of major issue. . . then yes prenup to protect your assets.

If you are joe from the block and you are barely making ends meet. . . well thats a personal commitment you need to come to yourself.

I would lean into no marriage in todays standards. Because the family court systems are not equal and they will screw the guy over with alimony and division of assets. Until the family courts change to be more equal - then maybe...maybe a marriage.

BelCantoTenor · 2024-01-02T03:52:42+00:00

Nope. Not without a prenup. Equality is equality. What’s mine is mine. And what’s your is yours.

Kids, that’s a different story.

Kingbookser · 2024-01-02T12:15:58+00:00

In Germany it is, if you do it right! You can marry in Germany in 4 different ways:

The gainful community
The separation of goods
The community of property
The electoral gain community

The important part is the 2nd way: Literally nothing will change to your assets, even after divorce. Your and your partner's assets will be treated as their own and won't get stuffed into a pod to share it 50/50 in the divorce. At least for a childless marriage it's safe for you assets. With children, you're stuck in child support again

Though like other people said here. It depends mostly on the person you're marrying. Are you 100% sure she's the right woman to marry?

Huntress_Nyx · 2024-01-01T22:31:06+00:00

It depends on a lot of factors.

For some they are better off not married, others are just fine with being married, others benefit from being married.

For some people it work for others, it just isn't their thing.

Marriage in many cases has dangers (like any other thing on this planet).

Like infidelity, fraud, abuse etc. That's why if/when you want to get married you live together for a bit, (engagement) to see if you can make it work out.

Before marriage, you discuss about goals, boundaries, roles in the household etc to set up a plan to know at which direction you're headed and what to expect from your partner.

When you get married you set a prenup.

Also you have three accounts as a couple. One yours and just yours, one your partner's and just theirs, and one joint account that is used for the shared stuff (house, groceries, bills, vocations etc).

That way you protect yourself financially.

SgtSplacker · 2024-01-01T22:45:00+00:00

Marriage and divorce are huge revenue streams for people that know you really do not have a choice in the matter. A man trying to raise a family is all but obligated to marry. Divorce is not optional either once it is deemed necessary. There is a giant industry out there waiting to take advantage of you. Openly charging more for marriage related items and services over identical things not for marriage. From the wedding planners all the way to divorce court. Everyone is getting a cut, charging premium prices and trying to take the most advantage of you they can. Courts make money assigning alimony so do the the lawyers involved. Marriage in itself is a one way deal where a man rarely benefits and usually loses out big.

TeddyMGTOW · 2024-01-02T01:00:19+00:00

You can have a religious ceremony. BUt filing papers with the government makes no sense.

earthsowncaligrown · 2024-01-02T02:13:55+00:00

It is with the right person. With the wrong person and it's the worst!

BurnAfterEating420 · 2024-01-02T03:28:47+00:00

Not saying being in love and family is worthless I think that’s important if that’s what you

Neither of those require marriage, nor does marriage guarantee them

DMFan79 · 2024-01-02T01:56:39+00:00

Prenups aren't valid everywhere in the world and I've heard some of your courts take them in consideration very loosely.

In any case, you should start asking yourself what you want. Do you feel the need to marry? Are you being pushed into it? Is marriage something that carries any kind of meaning to you?

I've read some good advice here, but never ever base your decision on the belief that the other person will remain the same forever.

I've heard so many times men saying: "She loves me, she'll never cheat, she'll never leave me...". You can't know what future is going to bring, life might change the way you or the other person feel about your relationship. Always consider the possibility of things going to s..t

Even the most wonderful person can disappoint you. There are no perfect marriages, you only get marriages that last or marriages that end up in divorce.

If you plan of having children you need to be ready to put your life as you know it on the line. Not because of your new role as a father, but because she'll have your soul (and your balls) in her drawer for as long as your children will need support.

Last, but not least, don't give too much importance to the advice of a divorced man such as I.

Eterna_Caelestia · 2024-01-02T02:04:33+00:00

prenups don't work tho

Angryasfk · 2024-01-02T09:43:13+00:00

In principle, yes.

The problem is this: ridiculous expectations and entitlement has been created (do I really need to spell this out). The reality is that you have to live with people, and accept them for who they are, and tolerate the aspects of them that bug you. Far too many are unwilling to do this.

And then it comes down to the following. We live in an era of easy divorce. Where it’s actually normal. So rather than work on a relationship or fix issues, the response is to go for a divorce, and there should be “no stigma”. Which is why we have no fault divorce.

BUT

For all the above assertions they STILL treat marriage as a life long commitment. We have these expensive court cases and as much bickering and lies as existed prior to “no fault divorce” which “no fault divorce” was supposedly going to solve (read the press releases when this stuff was passed).

Marriage (civil marriage anyway) is not a “lifelong commitment” but an indefinite one. And it should be treated as such, but it isn’t. I’ve seen outrageous demands made, and lies asserted in divorce cases 40 years after “no fault divorce” was passed. I see it as being like all the “no traditional roles” garbage: feminists oppose them, but then demand it from men.

And now the powers that be are “shocked” that marriage rates are down. Well you reap what you sow. And doubtless the rest of their chickens will soon come home to roost: inflation from printing money is just one of them.

63daddy · 2024-01-02T00:38:30+00:00

I’ve personally never come across a situation where the potential benefits outweighed the likely biases against men, but I think that’s very individualistic. I think how strongly one wants to have kids is a big factor.

For me, dating but not marrying has worked very well especially as I’ve seen previously happily married men suffer years of unhappy marriage followed by expensive divorce.

kesymaru · 2024-01-02T02:48:09+00:00

NOPE for men

Socially NOPE Economically NOPE Legally NOPE

Next question!

Reasonable-Watch857 · 2024-01-02T03:48:24+00:00

Hookers are cheaper and are honest about the relationship being transactional compared to the vast majority of at least Western women.

himariiii · 2024-01-01T22:14:50+00:00

For me, the question is like a game of Russian Roulette.

Sure, the odds of cheating, divorce, loveless marriage, etc. are arguably low.

But if the 1/6 chance of it being the bullet is so devastating, should you really risk it?

Not to mention, this game isn't free to play either. There is a significant buy-in cost from the man's side.

So, taking all this into consideration, would you play?

stompin77 · 2024-01-01T23:11:13+00:00

Only if it's the right person. Flip a coin.

FearCactus · 2024-01-02T01:36:56+00:00

Not if you marry the wrong person, no. Otherwise, yeah its fine.

AK47WithScope · 2024-01-02T03:19:01+00:00

Depends with who, where and when.

TheMassiveMexipino02 · 2024-01-03T01:25:42+00:00

It’s definitely worth it in this modern time. If you consider finding someone, don’t even bother getting that marriage license. Leaving the govt out of your relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself

Kind_Station_7025 · 2024-01-01T22:24:11+00:00

Depends on you. It’s like chess. I hope you get my point.

randomthoughts1050 · 2024-01-02T06:15:23+00:00

Short answer, no.

Long answer, depends.

1) taxes. if you and your partner earn substantially different amounts. (If they are similar, you pay more, called the marriage penalty.)
2) visa reasons. 3) medical reasons. otherwise your partner needs to carry the power of attorney with them

The risk is having to split your assets if you divorce. This varies greatly by the individual.

Altruistic-Cold-7074 · 2024-01-02T03:57:46+00:00

Under the system of Unilateral divorce. It's a very bad decision. Ir's not the women it's the government.

silverwakeskater · 2024-01-02T17:53:17+00:00

Only if you find a viegin

soontobesolo · 2024-01-02T19:04:09+00:00

Fuck no. It's an antiquated institution and set of laws that, by and large, is hugely detrimental for men. It just has so much tradition and social expectation still stuck to it that people still get married. They shouldn't, men especially.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-02T20:37:50+00:00

Do you want kids? If not, I wouldn’t bother

brianddk · 2024-01-01T23:58:46+00:00

If you plan on being a DINK, then no, just date till you die. If your going to have kids, yes, get married. Its not worth it for the father, but it is very much worth it for the kids. As a parent, most of my life is spent in consideration of the welfare of my family. But once you get the dream of wife and kids, losing them is a horrific fall.

Anti-Scam-Activist · 2024-01-01T23:31:47+00:00

I am not legal marriage, but I did have a wedding without a marriage certificate. She is far more appreciative and supportive that there is no legal obligation for me to stick around, but I do as long as she doesn't break any boundaries in our vows, like not spending time away at night.

Also she pays me rent every month for her share of expenses, but we have seperate finances and assets.

Lastly we have a child together that I am the primary guardian and sole custody of as the Surrogate Father. As we had a conceptual surrogacy parenting agreement signed with witnesses and 2 separate lawyers draft up and certified legal to give the father all the parenting rights and obligations.

Edmond-the-Great · 2024-01-02T06:06:42+00:00

No, shack up for life in a state without common law marriage but never sign that contract. Everyone that signs that contract loses. It's a shame that women think they're going to get something out of the divorce but in the end it's only profitable to the attorneys and the court system. If it wasn't so profitable to them then divorce would almost be unheard of.

xxyyzz987 · 2024-01-02T10:20:36+00:00

Marriage can be great. The problem is the way it usually ends. Unfortunately, this is very often a disaster. The risk is simply far too great.
In a legislature that makes separations humane, marriage would be a nicer thing. In a legislature that allows crazy raids, it can destroy lives.

hendrixski · 2024-01-02T13:24:23+00:00

Nope

But surrogacy for gay and single men is either illegal or unrecognized in most of the world so if a man wants kids then marriage has a monopoly.

NoSpinach4025 · 2024-01-02T17:30:28+00:00

MrAnonPoster · 2024-01-02T20:13:31+00:00

Illustrious_Bus9486 · 2024-01-02T21:06:52+00:00

MononMysticBuddha · 2024-01-02T22:57:27+00:00

Just say "No". Just as relevant now as it was in the 80's.

rainbowkombat · 2024-01-01T22:28:23+00:00

no it is not worth as a men we are pretty sure to get scamed what i sugest you is to date a waifu or a female robot.

Ok_Particular7193 · 2024-01-01T23:24:03+00:00

Seeing as you cannot even spell pre nup I doubt you have any money worth protecting… Don’t worry about marriage, it may not be in the cards for you. Focus on recovering from your trauma

Bascome · 2024-01-02T00:10:52+00:00

Financially rarely.

Emotionally depends on you and your wife. We can’t answer that for you.

Homolander · 2024-01-03T04:20:57+00:00

Only if you're gay

lovelybugs101 · 2024-01-04T07:49:05+00:00

It really comes down to circumstances. If you plan on having a stay at home wife/mom you would be a really crummy person to ask for a prenup, and I doubt anyone would agree to that. But other than that I don’t get the hate on prenups it protects everyone. The popular thing to do is set an expectation date. So after a certain amount of years the prenup no longer applies.

CucumberEfficient403 · 2024-01-04T16:16:17+00:00

I see a lot of men complaining about females taking advantage of some power dynamic. That has certainly not been what I have experienced or witnessed. I was married for 5 years. I did the majority of the cooking, cleaning, yard work and child rearing and I brought in most of the income. Before anyone comes in to say my ex was probably "low T" or whatever, he was a football player, hockey player, dirt bike rider and roofer. He quit jobs on a whim though. Most of the time the excuse was that he wasn't "respected enough". All well and good when you don't have anyone depending on you but when you do, suck it up buttercup. As a parent, I have worked some really shitty jobs. Low wage, retail, fast food. There was one job where the manager, another female, was so abusive to me that coworkers asked me if I was on drugs because they couldn't see how I could deal with her abuse otherwise. I had nightmares about being back there for about 6 months after I had been hired somewhere else. I dealt with her crap for a year to pad my resume. It was certainly something my ex wouldn't have dealt with and he absolutely wouldn't have found a new job before he left. Occasionally my ex would do a load of laundry, wash the dishes or mow the lawn (on a ride on mower) and he would get upset if I didn't throw a ticker tape parade when he did. Buddy, do you think a magic cleaning fairy comes to do that shit when you don't? 🤨 He would visit friends and not bother to say when he would be home or even tell me he was going anywhere. When I went into labor, he was out with friends playing poker more than an hour away. I was 3 days away from my due date and we only had one car. I also had a 5 year old from a previous relationship. I started calling him around 9pm because I wasn't feeling well and thought I had a stomach bug. I called every few hours feeling worse and worse asking for him to come home. Around 3, I realized that this was labor. He came home at 7. By then contractions were less than 5 minutes apart but he insisted on showering before he would bring me to meet with my parents who would watch my 5 year old. I had to take the dog out as my contractions grew stronger and more painful. We met my parents at Dunkin Donuts 15 minutes away. He insisted on getting coffee while I was doubled over in pain. When we finally made it to the hospital which was 40 minutes away, the only reason I hadn't given birth in the car was because my water hadn't broken yet. After 15 minutes, our daughter was here, 5 minutes later, my ex was sound asleep on the chair. A few years later my older daughter was getting ready for back to school. She had grown a few inches over the summer and needed new clothes. He had been working for a few months and we had finally caught up on bills. He quit his job with only a few days before the first day of school. I had it. I decided that if I was going to be responsible for everything anyway, I was going to do it with one less mouth to feed. By that point, I wasn't even upset about getting divorced. I was happy to not need to deal with the extra responsibility of cleaning up after him and not paying for 4 coffees a day that would occasionally cause overdrafts costing a hundred dollars or more. I was happy that I wouldn't need to nag a grown ass man to do the bare minimum.

Is marriage worth it? It wasn't for me but I can imagine that if you are a responsible adult capable of caring for yourself and your home and you find another responsible adult who is also responsible for caring for their home, it might work out but it has to be an equal partnership. That doesn't mean it's equal ALL of the time. Sometimes you will have more to give than your partner and sometimes your partner will have more to give than you do. If you go into your marriage believing that nothing will change or nothing should change, it will probably fail. If you are the type to believe that a man's only role in a marriage is to bring money to the table and maybe fix things, it will probably fail.

As a mother, I have done my best to make sure that my daughters won't ever feel dependent on a partner. I watched as my mother was stuck in her relationship with my father while he abused us all. Unfortunately, there are still far too many "men" who feel that might makes right but there are also far more women who are able to walk away because they can support themselves and their children on their own. That has angered many men and there are tv and internet personalities who glorify times when women (and children) were far less safe. Some have called for women to be subjugated back to the kitchens and out of the workforce. They want laws that protect women and children get rolled back so they can beat everyone into submission with impunity. These are people who view women and children as possessions, not people. They aren't capable of real love and sadly, their emptiness will never be filled. I feel for men who have been raised to believe that a man's value in his family is only as a breadwinner. That isn't partnership and one or both will end up resentful of the other. A man should be more than a paycheck in his family.

Practical_Example_73 · 2024-01-05T13:51:45+00:00

Not for Men

Title	Is marriage worth it?
Author	martialardis
Upvotes	67
Comments	80
Date	January 1, 2024 9:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/18w7r9d/is_marriage_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/is-marriage-worth-it.1242045 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242045

Comments

Nope