Struggling

Murky_Ranger23 · 2024-02-19T07:28:42+00:00

Mate mine said all of these same things, she is lying and is done - shit to hear and harder to accept.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-02-18T23:52:01+00:00

She wanted a divorce. I would love it if some of us could save our marriages and go on to have great relationships. The reality is if you were anxious about keeping her before, this has done you absolutely zero favors. Let’s just say you “save” your marriage. Imagine how you will feel going forward, imagine how lopsided the power dynamic will be in your relationship. She is able to leave at the drop of a hat now and you know it. You will do anything to save it. Eventually you will simply lose any identity and self respect you may have. Relationships should be equal. She initiated, she has to be the one to come to you and ask for you back. She needs to be all in on the marriage commitment, anything less and you will just suffer for far longer. I really wish that she would, but she probably 99% won’t.

I honestly get sick of some of the sites that tell men how to “win her back”. I get the awful feelings, been there, tried everything, and divorced her when I realized the truth. If she had a legitimate issue in the relationship she wanted fixed she would have said “ I’m 100% committed to our marriage and you, but I’m really struggling with____, and I need some time and help from you to fix it. Here is how you can help _____. “ When one person isn’t committed the only thing the other person can do is move on completely, that is the only power you can retain in that situation. Staying with someone who isn’t sure they want you, or openly says they don’t will only damage your mental health and self respect.

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2024-02-18T22:14:55+00:00

By the time a woman let's you know you are in trouble she's done with you. Most won't take the risk of telling you while they are going to the process because they are afraid you will leave them first and/or they will change their mind.

I am on my second divorce after 34 years and it is just as true as it was on my first divorce when the marriage didn't even make it to two years.

captainchippsixx · 2024-02-18T18:18:27+00:00

Stop simping about it. Stop trying to convince her. Be the best dad. Kick ass at work. Kick ass on your health, gym.

Be a man. Take charge of your life and be the leader for your kids. Let your wife be a spectator. Believe it or not, soon as you flip the switch from simp to leader. Women’s perspectives change. They always come back, but once you clear your head and get mentally right you may not want her back.

arsonal · 2024-02-18T17:46:52+00:00

Bro are you me? I’m going through the exact same thing at the moment. Wife doesn’t love me anymore. She wants to but doesn’t know how. I fucked up in the past and feel like I’ve ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. Her cold nature of not loving me is slowly killing me.

MidniteOG · 2024-02-18T16:48:16+00:00

You need to prove it to her and not us. Keep that mindset at the forefront when interacting with her, even when it gets difficult

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-02-18T16:38:39+00:00

Check out Geoffrey Setiawan pretty decent advice on for the stage your at.

Mymindisgone217 · 2024-02-18T16:16:33+00:00

You can always talk with her about the steps that you have taken and the continued work that you are working on, to better the situation and hopefully make you all happy together. Just don't push for her to drop the divorce. That is going to have to be something that she decides (this is assuming that she is the one who was asking for it). You can let her know that it is not something that you want and you are trying to show that by working on things. Talk about the changes being something that can take time and there may be slips here and there, but that you are working to minimize them and hopefully get to a point where the new behavior is second nature to you and you won't have to work to think about it and will just do it.

One of the biggest hurdles in changing negative things about ourselves is that other people tend not to see the internal struggle to do so. They want to just have it changed overnight, and get disappointed in any slip ups. The person trying to change can try to remind them that they are trying to change behaviors that most likely have been going on throughout their life in some shape or form, and so isn't something they can just switch off at will. They have to work hard at breaking the habit

Canadian_builder1081 · 2024-02-18T16:01:27+00:00

Check out the Husband Help Haven podcast. Continue doing the work. You cant convince her to come back she has to want to come back. And she needs to see that you can lead

Sinuks · 2024-02-18T15:53:49+00:00

I'm in the same boat, alot of what you'll find in this sub (watch the downvotes on my comment) will talk about how awful women are, how you need to be a man and let her go, etc. While it's okay to have these feelings, and some of it may be true, there will eventually be a light at the end of the tunnel, whether that is reconciling, finding peace in being alone, or pursuing someone else once you've done the work is somewhat up to you.

Remember that it takes two for a marriage, and you can only control how much you invest in to it. If the other party isn't interested, there isn't much you can do to change their decision.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-02-18T15:50:36+00:00

Need to have a conversation not about the past. You do need apologize for who you where. Work on your relationship, if you still think there's time. It takes time

Title	Struggling
Author	Comfortable-Long-419
Upvotes	14
Comments	39
Date	February 18, 2024 3:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1atwv9x/struggling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/struggling.1245769 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245769

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