Is it worth it trying to get a girl to change some of her ways for you?

RobertChardonnay · 2021-12-10T21:17:11+00:00

Would you change your behavior for a woman?

pokemonpokemonmario · 2021-12-10T20:26:42+00:00

This is something she may stop doing on her own once you commit and 90% of girls do it so if you judge it heavily you limit your options.

Therocksays2020 · 2021-12-10T20:33:05+00:00

You can’t change someone especially an attention seeker. I think it could be a compatibility issue.

My question is why does someone who post a lot of selfies bother you. Do you feel insecure. Do you feel like she wouldn’t be loyal to you?

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-12-10T20:38:26+00:00

Lol. My nigga. Have some boundaries and self respect. If you find it annoying that a girl spends 90% of her time on Insta or whatever then this is someone who will be annoying and uninteresting. Why would you want that? Are you that desperate for pussy?

willgo-waggins · 2021-12-10T22:18:07+00:00

Look at it this way.

There’s normal relationship compromises. Like what movie to see. Where to go in vacation. How to put the toilet paper on the roll.

Then there is being with a woman who still needs attention and validation from other men and her own man is not liking that and she refuses to walk away from it and consider him to be enough.

Think it through as what the differences between those scenarios and I think you will have your own answer.

UrFavPlayerIsBack · 2021-12-10T23:42:31+00:00

U gotta verbalize that and vocalize ur boundaries

Keep in mind: never put ultimatum. That’ll go against ya. And never try to have long-ass emotional-tampon talk. Be str8forward and communicate w her

Tell her that she’s smart and you’re glad to have such a girl next to ya. But u don’t take seriously someone who acts such a way. Always let her free to make her own choices.

And if she choses to keep it all- then u just take her as a casual-ship..

If u let her having those boys around, or if u set ur boundaries and not follow them..be ready to be walked all over, disrespected and dumped.

Ps: be careful who u choose as a gf in first place. If she’s “that type”, dont even try to change her behavior. Just keep in mind she’s temporary, its just ur turn.

whiplash81 · 2021-12-11T01:33:00+00:00

This sounds like you have an insecurity problem, which is not an attractive male trait.

Instead of trying to change her, ask yourself why you are pursuing her?

williamwrockwell · 2021-12-11T05:01:53+00:00

First off, there’s a little dopamine rush every time she posts, and another one for every like and nice comment. Then another one for her followers. It’s like drug addiction. Only chance you have is if you’re a better addiction. No, there’s no point asking her to change. People change for themselves if they change at all. Find someone that fits your values more closely, there’s certainly plenty of types out there.

DesdinovaSuperstar · 2021-12-10T21:06:19+00:00

If a woman has a personality trait you don't like, then she should remain in the fuck buddy category. If you're looking for a long term partner, find a woman who's a blank slate because she'll make your life hers. Women who like attention from men will bring that into a relationship regardless of her knowing how much it pisses you off.

draleaf · 2021-12-11T07:49:42+00:00

Never expect someone to change for you..if they are not what you like,keep looking for someone that meets your requirements. No one should have to change who they are for someone else.

kingtechllc · 2021-12-11T00:18:51+00:00

Date a women as they are in that moment. Don’t expect change.

Shadow__Account · 2021-12-11T00:36:27+00:00

No, the only exception for me would be if she herself was aware of her behavior and actively wanted to change it. Otherwise don’t try to change people, accept them for who they are or move on

JoeMcKDaddy · 2021-12-11T01:40:54+00:00

No. Just as it isn’t for her to expect you to make changes. Acceptance or leave.

cormacru999 · 2021-12-11T02:14:26+00:00

There are 2 parts to this. In all of our lives, we have good habits & bad habits, some of us have more of one or the other for a variety of reasons, but often people who have been hurt go on to hurt others. In a great relationship, you feel inspired to be better, to break your bad habits, to aspire to new things. In bad relationships, you do not feel that, which doesn't mean that those relationship don't have good parts, they are just probably not a long lasting relationships.

And in this specific thing, it really doesn't matter if we're talking about men or women. A person either is inspired to change, sometimes with nudging or they are not & if they are not open to changing for THEMSELVES, you won't be able to convince them to change. If you do, & we see this often in men, they change a bit or for a while to make the relationship less stressful & of course women can do that too, but eventually they begin to resent the person that wanted them to change because they never really wanted to change themselves.

So if you feel like you need to convince your partner to change, there are 2 possibilities. Either they could really need some change & if they aren't willing, then you can't make them OR you have issues with their behavior & choices & YOU want them to change to make YOU feel better (like, for instance dating a woman with more male friends than female friends & this is threatening to you & you wish she would stop those friendships to make you feel more secure), & in that case, you shouldn't be asking at all, that's just not the right person for you.

PimpinAndreTheGod · 2021-12-11T15:26:52+00:00

The answer is NO. With billions of women in this world, why the fuck would you want to dedicate all this time and effort to change some chick who may be a 304. You can use that time and energy for self improvement and get over this "oneitis" mentality- If this chick is more worried about her selfies and BS like that than you, she aint nothing good.

Asclepius555 · 2021-12-10T23:25:57+00:00

That type of woman is getting friendzoned by me, at best.

Madd_Warlock83 · 2021-12-10T21:53:49+00:00

jam-unam · 2021-12-11T02:53:05+00:00

Don’t change accept, sounds like she’s not your kinda girl. Don’t control people, control your self.

Beezus333 · 2021-12-11T04:03:05+00:00

Hell no, never settle and watch some FreshnFit on Yt thank you

Impressive-Essay4625 · 2021-12-11T04:04:08+00:00

Let's back up for a second. When you meet a girl, what makes you think you want to "change" her? Just like the other comments stated, she is her own person with her own personality. Try not to have a mind set of "oh, I don't like this, I want xyz to change." To any woman, or any person, that's a HUGE turn off. If you reread your question as if your gf said this about you, how would you feel? Although it is a red flag in many situations, if you still want to do something- Simply state your problem. "Hey babe, I don't feel comfortable about you doing xyz. Can we talk about it?" If she questions why, then be direct and calm.
"I don't like it when you talk to guys" isn't going to be enough of an explanation. WHY does it bother you? Also take into consideration of why she does it too. Maybe it's a coping mechanism for her from past relationships? Does it make it right? No. But it helps both of you understand and identify the problem. Solving the problem would entirely be up to you, is she's not willing to negotiate, and neither are you, then maybe it's best to split off into different directions.

ExquisiteGrowth · 2021-12-11T12:34:58+00:00

I would say to her that that shit needs to stop if we were going to move forward with a relationship. But you CANT force her to change. If she willingly changes then it’s good, if you force her, she’ll just do it behind your back.

Loud_Fly_1142 · 2021-12-11T15:24:13+00:00

Changing people to get what you want is a fool’s errand and a bit selfish. The only reason a person will change is if something better comes along or they have a life changing event. And this might sound mean but you aren’t either of those things. Most of us aren’t. She’s getting attention from lots of people and that’s intoxicating and probably validates her in some way. She’s going to give that up for you? Look at it another way if she does give all of that up for you how much pressure are you going to be under to keep her knowing she could go right back if you aren’t satisfying her whims?.

Voltz_got_a_potato · 2021-12-11T01:13:59+00:00

Women aren't foolish but they aren't jerk either. With my experience of hanging around with women, they are very social and outgoing. They are always up for making friendships, if that bothers you then the problem is in you and not her. You may know why a dude is becoming friends with her but that doesn't change her perspective on it that she just wants them to be friends and nothing more. If she had to cheat then you can't stop it, it's gonna happen someday. If she is genuinely being friends and close with people then that's as far as she is gonna go and more importantly you would HAVE to trust her on that.

lilabelle12 · 2021-12-10T23:30:19+00:00

First, if she is trying to get attention elsewhere, that’s a big red flag. Second, why are you trying to change someone? Either you like them or you don’t like them. If you are trying to change them, then you don’t actually like them the way they are. Good luck!

Altruistic_Field2134 · 2021-12-11T06:13:31+00:00

So you CANNNNN change people but it requires the person to make that decision on their own from themselves, not from your influence. Otherwise it will not stick.

TheB0llerz · 2021-12-11T08:50:16+00:00

“Don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved”

cormacru999 · 2021-12-11T02:16:25+00:00

And it should be noted here, that is seems like you are threatened by the fact that she's attractive & you want her to diminish herself so that you don't feel so threatened, rather than understanding that women shouldn't need to be nuns because you should just trust that they can manage the male attention that all women get. You'd do more good focusing on getting other men to be more secure & less sexist than demanding that she stop sharing selfies because you can't deal with it.

GreatScotRace · 2021-12-10T22:39:11+00:00

If a girl has a personality trait you don’t like then you leave them alone and don’t try to change them.

If you get into a relationship with a woman and start dictating what they post on social media, that’s a form of abuse and toxicity. It starts with dictating what they post on social media and next you’ll be controlling what they wear out because you don’t want men to look at them.

2021-12-11T01:20:30+00:00

Um.. no. You met her like that, you don’t get to come in and decide what she has to change. Move along sir.

WoolfMoonRoom · 2021-12-11T07:19:26+00:00

If you require this of her, you'd better be ready to unfollow all the sexy lady accounts that you follow. Men that follow IG/OF models/women they know that post sexy selfies are not relationship material imo. I mean, it's straight out of the horse's mouth here in this post. Men don't want their gf's posting stuff like this cuz these men know they do the same thing, i.e., dm'ing other women with sexy selfies etc.

UrFavPlayerIsBack · 2021-12-10T23:27:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

WeebTrash75 · 2021-12-11T04:46:02+00:00

How is it her fault that men are giving her attention just for posting selfies? The main foundation for a relationship is trust. If you’re so insecure/jealous that you can’t handle that maybe what you need is a therapist and not a girlfriend. Now if they’re borderline inappropriate pictures I could see how it’d be a problem, but regular selfies? Come on man.

DeadDreadLock · 2021-12-11T11:11:30+00:00

No. Do not waist your time not energy.

Cerebral--Paul · 2021-12-11T00:20:02+00:00

TacoRockapella · 2021-12-11T02:28:29+00:00

The answer is always no

politits · 2021-12-11T02:58:41+00:00

Not at all ever.

Synthwave_Vibes · 2021-12-11T03:08:10+00:00

Nope. No. Hell no.

TheRealMe54321 · 2021-12-11T03:28:44+00:00

TheGnosionaut · 2021-12-11T14:15:47+00:00

Red flag? Bro, you have this whole game so wrong

recyclablebanthas · 2021-12-11T17:11:51+00:00

1

Is it worth it trying to get a girl to change some of her ways for you?

Not a matter of "worth it" or not. It's a matter of "not possible to change someone."

She can change if she wants to. You can't do that for her.

2

What I mean is, let’s say for example this girl that you possibly might want to be in a relationship with uses social media a lot, and she constantly posts selfies and gets DMs/attention from other men.

So she seeks attention from social media. Possibly insecure. If so, you can't fix that in her.

3

Would you tell her and try to explain to her that if you want to be in a relationship, she needs not do that etc.

If she's chosen to be in a relationship with you, then guys sending her DMs isn't a threat.

Her reliability or lack thereof is the question. If you can trust her, it's not an issue.

4

Or would you just not see her as a potential gf bc of that and move onto the next one that doesn’t have red flags ?

Are you dating her already or not?

Title	Is it worth it trying to get a girl to change some of her ways for you?
Author	eckzotic
Upvotes	70
Comments	89
Date	December 10, 2021 8:18 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rdhko3/is_it_worth_it_trying_to_get_a_girl_to_change/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-worth-it-trying-to-get-a-girl-to-change-some.1270988 https://theredarchive.com/post/1270988

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