25 and I have no idea what to do

099uyx · 2021-06-26T07:39:44+00:00

Start by saying hi to people. Then progress to ask people how they are. Then progress to asking people what they’re doing. Take a genuine interest in others and good things will come.

Dyvanna · 2021-06-26T07:14:52+00:00

Not a problem and thank you for sharing. This sub is quite good in that it's non judgemental. Most of the advice is geared towards how do you improve yourself and how to make yourself the sort of person a woman would want to date.

Can I ask what your hobbies are, where do you meet people? Do you have a social circle?

2021-06-26T07:50:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jmh90027 · 2021-06-26T12:25:11+00:00

Firstly, there's a lot of guys here who know what they're talking about - but do keep in mind that most men here are in a similar boat to you and try to pretend they're not by ranking women by number and getting fairly angry when a guy gives a women a compliment because they're not playing 'the game' properly and are 'giving' women something without 'getting' something back.

Dont listen to those guys. Trust me when I say that for those people, even in the extremely unlikely event they're actually meeting real women, they'll still have confidence and trust issues that they'll only be able to temporarily ease by 'getting' more women with all the creepy PUA stuff that 99% of women genuinely hate.

Anyway, you seem like a decent young man who is just looking to just find his piece of the puzzle - so I already have confidence you'll be totally fine. I've been in two very long term relationships and while i have my own issues with self-confidence and fidelity, meeting new women has never been an issue for me.

I'd recommend first working on your own confidence; keep yourself clean, have nice, simple clothes that fit well but aren't flashy, get a classic haircut from the best barber you can afford. You don't have to create something totally new and give yourself a total overhaul. But knowing you're showing off the best version of yourself is a massive confidence boost.

Once you're feeling good in yourself I'd try to pick up three social hobbies that you begin ALONE. Don't rope friends in as a crutch to lean on. One hobby should keep you fit (I started tennis), one should be creative (I took up photography), and one should make you a little bit of money (i don't mean a full time job - I started a small weekend food business). Join meetup groups around these hobbies, join group classes - anything that gets you out there talking to new people. Do not feel embarrassed at being a beginner and take the hobbies seriously enough to be able to use them as an initial base for a relationship with new people you meet.

Through your new hobbies you will immediately come into contact with hundreds of women you hadn't met before, and you'll already have something in common to talk about and enjoy.

You'll be feeling good in yourself already, so push yourself to speak first in any situation. This was a big thing for me. I used to be the guy who in class or a group setting would speak last hoping I wouldn't be asked. Now I'm always the first to volunteer in every situation, however much I don't feel like it. Firstly it breaks the ice quickly and gets any awkwardness out the way early and secondly it's admirable to do things first and people notice your boldness. Take the lead and politely break any silence with a question about the thing you have in common. Always try to do the hard work by taking the conversational lead but make THEM and their interests the subject, not you. Be light and jovial. Make them laugh whenever you can. That's all charm really is, after all.

When you're inevitably in a situation in which you can feel the person is interested, take the next step by suggesting you get a coffee or something. This is a bold move and the place you're most likely get a push back. But if it happens, that's totally OK. You'll have lost nothing and can continue your friendly hobby-based conversations with that person regardless. Don't get hung on on any one person at this stage. Dont try to talk them into a coffee when they've clearly said no. And certainly don't feel any animosity towards that person. There's a million reasons why now might not be the right time or you might not be the right person. Who knows what other people are quietly going through at any given moment that impacts their choices?

But chances are, if you were having a relaxed and fun conversation, they'll say yeah great let's grab a coffee. Suggest a time and location yourself but keep it causal. Don't suddenly make it a tense, formal thing - remember you met them in a non-intimate setting and the last thing they'll want is an ambush or to feel bounced into a sexual encounter they're not interested in. It's always horrible, in every situation and for everybody, to learn that someone being nice to you, actually had an ulterior motive and were trying to dupe you into something you weren't expecting.

But removed from the context in which you originally met, the conversation should naturally flow into new areas beyond just the hobby you have in common. Again, keep it light and jovial and make them laugh whenever you can. Don't seem too serious but if they say something serious, be engaged and sensitive to to that.

And the ultimate tip; create a conspiracy together. I don't mean become anti-vaxxers or flat-earthers, I mean find some way to have a secret between you that you two only know. I usually say something like "you can't tell anyone this but...." and then admit something a little goofy about our hobby that'll make them laugh without you seeming like a dick. "... I hadn't realised how competitive I secretly was until I started playing tennis" is one I sometimes use. Say it with a grin, in a lower voice and you've already got a secret that you're sharing and you've essentially let them know you consider them worthy of trust.

From there it's in your hands to read the situation, and work out whether you'll want to arrange another similar date, call the whole thing off if there's no chemistry, or maybe even make a move there and then if things are roaring ahead.

But remember if you're confident, funny (the two most important traits bar none - way more important than appearance every time) and have a hobby in common you can fall back on if the conversation dries up, you'll be totally fine whether it leads to romance or not.

Good luck.

OvercomeSupreme · 2021-06-26T08:58:43+00:00

Dude I am also 25, try becoming more socially active. Try a hobby that can get you to meet new people, and actually focus on improving the social part of your self in these situations. Also dont be afraid to just go talk to girls, even if it seems dull to talk to someone right out of nowhere. That's my advice

ecologamer · 2021-06-26T09:12:15+00:00

I feel you (27m) here with the same feeling.

AnonymousEngineer21 · 2021-06-26T13:53:42+00:00

I feel this way and I'm 22. I've recently decided to quit my porn addiction and hopefully that will help me be more confident around women

yuckyuck13 · 2021-06-26T17:26:07+00:00

Dating is unnecessarily difficult and there's no better feeling then the look from someone who loves you. Good luck!

Professional-Ship-22 · 2021-06-26T20:41:13+00:00

Bro, that sucks. I'm really sorry. All human beings are wired to want love, connection and intimacy. And when you go through life without receiving any of that, it's really rough

There's a lot of good advice about working on yourself on this thread, and I don't think I could offer better tips (especially because I'm a virgin in my 20s also). But I want you to know that you're not the only one on this rocky boat, that it's okay to feel sad about that situation, and that it doesn't make you "super whiny" (as stated on the post). I also want to tell you that you're loveable, and worthy of love, as every single person on this earth is (regardeless of their number of sexual partners, social status, or looks)

So, my advice to you is the following:

1) Get a pet, if you don't have one. If you do, spend more time with it. Pets are pure, and able to love unconditionally. They'll show you that you're already good enough, just for being you, and that won't change, regardless of wether people see this or not. Plus, having a pic with a dog on your Tinder profile will get you more matches lol

2) It seems like you have a lot of female friends, which is great. Personally, I'd ask them what makes them sexually attracted to a guy. That talk could be a tad awkward, but you could learn something useful (or even just vent. That's good too, unless your friends are emotionally unintelligent a-holes). There's also a chance that they have single, attractive female friends, and if you let them know that you're looking for a relationship, they could introduce you to someone cute!

3) If you do try new hobbies, I'd first check how many women partake in it. I mean, motorcycling, boxing and the like are great, but if your goal is meeting women you won't have a lot of luck lol. My personal suggestions are salsa/dance lessons, bookstores/book clubs, and yoga classes (lots of MILFs in this one. I like MILFs)

That's what I have for you, bro. Loneliness is a terrible feeling, and it's perfectly okay to feel sad about it (you're a human, not some emotionless machine who doesn't care about feeling unloved). Judging from this post, I get the impression that there's nothing really wrong with you, and you just haven't found a girl you have chemistry with. You sound like a man who is driven and emotionally intelligent, and those are traits many high-quality women are looking for. When you put yourself out there, just remember that change takes time, and that some bumps on the road are inevitable - but if you can accept that, push through the frustration and see the silver linings in yourself and in your life (there are many, many great points about being single), then I'm sure you'll eventually meet someone who loves you

You got this, man. Good luck out there

loofyd · 2021-06-26T10:57:43+00:00

I just have ONE advice for you that can potentially change your entire situation

Read Models - by Mark Manson

I'm no seduction master (yet haha) but i have faced this absolutely shit statement of "any girl would be lucky to have you"

Its bullshit and you don't know anything unless you've put yourself out there and be vulnerable - be honestly vulnerable ( people who have read the book will understand, you can come back to this comment after you've read the book )

But enough talking

You have to take action

I wish you well

Lospsy7 · 2021-06-26T07:31:28+00:00

Hey man I am at exact place as you l was extremely shy as a child/teen that I didn't had the guts even when a girl was straightforward asking me out what it resulted is that at our age we are to far behind but I don't want to zero your hopes(mine is already lost).

What I suggest you do if you aren't that picky try your first moves on younger girls 20,21 years old etc chances are that they won't have that much experience and will only move by physical attraction at the start even if you mess up the conversation part,I don't think that's any magic way or advice that would help you succeed and we can't change ourselves so easily so your best bet is trial and error.

Western-Bite1759 · 2021-06-26T16:50:21+00:00

Talk to people. Learn to talk to strangers. Just go for it. Eventually you will be able to approach girls in a good way and you will find a girl that is interested. Be confident, interesting and playful in every interactions. It comes with practice. I don't know if my comment is relevant, but most of the time people who are in your situation simply don't talk to enough girls.

iblikechill · 2021-06-26T19:42:14+00:00

If u get compliments about being a great person but have a hard time finding dates it usually means u r nice but lack sexual energy. I’d say practice having more confidence, swagger, and practice having a flirtatious voice (deeper and slower)

Edit: MOST women aren’t attracted to nice personalities, that’s just a cool extra trait to have. Women are attracted to assertive, confident, independence even at the cost of being an asshole sometimes. U see what I’m getting at?

shaggy2gay · 2021-06-26T19:45:17+00:00

My quick two cents - people love to pat themselves on the back for disregarding PUA. If you want to take the much longer, much harder road to getting what you want, listen to all the softball advice about reading Models and asking people the time. If you're serious, watch videos from either Todd V or James Marshall, pick the one you resonate with more, and do what they recommend.

burncushlikewood · 2021-06-26T09:36:21+00:00

Dude get on the manosphere and hit the gym. Work hard in school study and get out there, as long as your not like hideously deformed you can always get better, looks aren't entirely genetic. There is always someone out there for you that will fulfill your life and make you happy. Learn to code, or study math so you have the financial backing to achieve your goals, attend university and read some game books. Read the game by Neil Strauss and check out some manosphere websites. Good luck dude!

FewLeave4177 · 2021-06-26T07:34:10+00:00

To be honest I was looking for someone like you some I can connect with mentally spiritually be each other confute help each other hill I'm 32 no kids trying to start a family

Good-Tap-9604 · 2021-06-26T11:17:05+00:00

Getting girls is easy. But getting the 8s 9s and 10s without problems is the tough part.

Hit the gym
Dress decent. (Literally just copy someone that you think is nice )
Focus on your hobbies/grind

These 3 steps will put you in a much better position where girls will more likely date you . Now learn to communicate with girls . Girls are emotional creatures, it's all about how you make them feel. Smile , touch them by hugging or shaking their hand etc. Also be prepared to move on from the girl if she's not giving you what you want

posiden499 · 2021-06-26T10:01:09+00:00

The best advice I got is to read the book “how to make friends and influence people” by dale something. Super famous book bc of ppl get results with it.

jontybuk · 2021-06-26T10:45:30+00:00

You'll get there eventually, like a lot of others have said, get some hobbies, talk to people, travel, spend time outdoors, try just saying hello to people when your out and about, it'll get you used to breaking the ice without the pressure of feeling you need to be trying to find a relationship.

There are some good reddits for online dating and for dating advice have a read through them too - try r/datingadvice and have a look through r/tinder users in there often give constructive feedback on dating profiles you can get some good tips when you feel ready to date

quangshine · 2021-06-26T13:25:12+00:00

I'm three years younger but I'm feeling the exact same thing sometimes... If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone out there. I don't know what advice to give you. I'm going through the same thing myself. Just hang in there, alright?

V4refugee · 2021-06-26T15:45:32+00:00

That was around the age I started to really break out of my shell after feeling just like you. Then I spent like two year going on dates almost every weekend and having all the casual sex I could ever want. I don’t regret that I didn’t start sooner and that I was mature and stable enough to live that lifestyle. It’s not too late to learn and put yourself out there. I just started dating a lot and even going on dates with girls that I didn’t intend to have sex with. That is what built up my confidence to pursue more attractive girls and know what to say and what to expect. The fact that I finally had a stable job after graduating college, I learned to dress, and I worked out is what helped me the most.

myqwel · 2021-06-26T16:06:54+00:00

Aye dawg just be receptive to information/advice from other’s that are 1. on this sub 2. wiser (more than likely older, too) than you 3. people you trust. Don’t denigrate their advice because you want to wallow in self-pity. Listen to others if they’re trying to help. You’re young dude, you will overcome this.

Fun2badult · 2021-06-26T16:10:09+00:00

I feel the same. You are not alone

Zestyclose_Boot3614 · 2021-06-26T16:21:00+00:00

Keep your self for that good woman you will find het.. Do not let yourself get on porn or sexting sites. It kills good relatioonships... I know....

plaze6288 · 2021-06-27T01:06:25+00:00

Just wait until your 30!

musty42069 · 2021-06-27T01:20:33+00:00

as a woman i feel like the main thing girls care about is that the guy isn’t a douche. it’s rlly rare for men to be genuinely nice and not misogynistic (at least in my experience) so maybe try to work on coming across as a gentleman and stuff. that’s my only criteria for a guy lol.

2021-06-26T14:04:40+00:00

He just wants to get laid and everyone here is giving him personality improve classes lol... By the looks of it.. He's needy, not confident enough to make a move, socially awkward, doesn't understand women/game,... I bet he still can get some action if he ain't as needy and understands his cards before playing em right

glitzyfinance · 2021-06-26T08:19:41+00:00

It's okay to talk about it

Are you happy with yourself? If not, then try to be! Love yourself, do what you love, try to be happy and enjoy your life! Be thankful for it..

Then you could move on to having a relationship, maybe ask friends to set up dates for you or create online profiles for dating. Try to find a friend first and love eventually happens.. see that the person you like, likes you back and would be your best friend.

Best wishes!

cOvi3l · 2021-06-26T17:10:27+00:00

I will bring something to the conversation, that you are 25 years old and have all your thoughts clear and what you really want leaves a lot to think of how mature you have. You should not be aware that the indicated one will arrive at the right time.

Ilovethaiicedtea · 2021-06-26T10:48:20+00:00

Understand that young attractive women want to be asked out on a date. It's flattering, they also want to be loved and touched, and statistically its impossible for all of them to be in committed relationships.
Ask them if they wanna go to a place that sells craft beverages with you.

mikasabestgirl1 · 2021-06-26T11:25:37+00:00

Have you tried putting yourself out there? Talking to people you're interested in? That's the first step.

Actually the real first step is being the best version of you. Do you love yourself right now? Do you have any problem areas that you think needs improvement?

MarooshQ · 2021-06-26T14:16:39+00:00

I’m 26. Big deal. I understand your feelings. I felt the same way 2-3 years back but honestly the things meant for you will always find you

Th3M0D3RaT0R · 2021-06-26T12:13:46+00:00

My grandmas and mom would say stuff like that to me. That a girl would be so lucky to have me. And I do think that’s true. Unfortunately they don’t flock to me because I’m 5’7.5 and more introverted so they never find out if they would be lucky or not.

As guys we have to chase and go get them. We are not valued for existing like women are (except from our families if we have good ones, including your grandmas and mom) so we have to literally increase our worth to be attractive to females unless we are physically gifted in the attraction area, not to bring up chads. The women in your family who say these things to you don’t truly grasp this because they quite literally think the universe is going to deliver you that golden girl you are looking for. That is how it is for them in the opposite way. They don’t mean to give you bad advice but it took a while to know that it is bad advice. Not that you aren’t valuable for existing (cause you are) but society doesn’t see you that way until you make something profitable and useful of yourself. I think a lot of guys that smoke weed all day and don’t do anything useful at all didn’t have dads to tell them to get their shit together or a dad that just rarely talked to them. I think this also explains why many men become “nice guys” or simp over onlyfans women. None of this is attractive to women. Perhaps many of these guys were raised by single moms or the dad didn’t really give much advice or was too busy or lazy too.

krispykreme01 · 2021-06-26T13:41:51+00:00

Just get a prostitute buddy

NiceWetTissue · 2021-06-26T08:36:18+00:00

Im also 25 and you sound exactly like me.. idk what to do. Ill probably kill meself and die alone

Necessary-Hyena-5816 · 2021-06-26T13:30:40+00:00

Hey man! maybe your are looking in the wrong place. Try to develop yourself, become a winner just because it's going to make you feel great, and the girls will come as a consequence of you being in a peaceful and successful state of mind. I'd recommend "Models" book also. Good luck

2021-06-26T15:25:25+00:00

You needed to vent? That sound kinda sus *looks at emergency meeting button

SeanyyyyBoy · 2021-06-26T15:30:51+00:00

Learn to ride a motorcycle and then buy a sports bike. If you can't pull with a sports bike then you have bigger issues to deal with bud. Good luck.

Edit: Don't be a squid. If you follow this advice then learn how to ride a motorcycle before buying a sports bike.

Serious-Difference69 · 2021-06-27T13:52:10+00:00

Bro, your focusing on the wrong things in life. Be attractive and focus on goals. Go to dentist to get teeth whitened. Go to barber and get hair cut. And go to gym to get in shape. And go to dermatologist to get your skin clear. And dress well. When you feel good about your self, your actions will show. Then when you are focusing on goals girls will be attracted because first your making money and second because they aren’t the center of your life. Ask girls to hang out with you. Go to for a walk in the park, or drinks at your place, Netflix and chill, bowling. But the main reason why you aren’t losing your virginity is because u don’t have confidence in yourself and high self esteem. You probably don’t have male friends and u don’t have hobbies. Get your life in order man and stop bitching on Reddit.

2021-06-26T14:05:23+00:00

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pisspapa42 · 2021-06-26T15:04:42+00:00

I totally get you, I'm 22, this year I finally lost my virginity. I used to feel same as you, my friends would say the same things to me, tried to patronize me. Anyway, things that worked for me may or may not work for you, but they'll definitely make a positive change.

The first thing I did was to take charge of my life, I started addressing and acknowledging my insecurities (physical, emotional or otherwise) and started working to get rid of them.

Learning from others, we all have friends that're cool and popular, so I learned a few things from them that made them popular to hang out with. Don't aim to be an exact copy of them, learn things and make it your own. Don't weird out others whenever you're with them, you want to be a chill person to be around.

Just because you're past a certain age and you're still a virgin, and your friends are getting laid, don't let these things affect your self-esteem. If you don't socialize, start doing it. Go to parties, and don't be afraid to make your move. You don't have to drop a joke to impress someone, but try to do things so that you don't get unnoticed. Be an active participant of the conversation. Try to be confident, funny but respectful towards others.

OrR10n · 2021-06-26T15:15:47+00:00

Read the book: Atomic Attraction by Christopher Canwell.

Epub, Pdf or preferably the audiobook

Plus check out Purefxrm on IG 👌

Hefty_Ant1025 · 2021-06-26T15:19:28+00:00

Lift and stack money. You will be good to go after that. Good luck!

hydrolith · 2021-06-26T15:44:29+00:00

Iike that you said it's not even about sex but being touched and loved, same

Alarming_Ad8005 · 2021-06-26T16:45:43+00:00

I understand my dude. I'm in a similar boat, being told constantly that I'm such a great guy and would definitely make a great husband for some lucky girl. Difference however, steams from the lives we've lived. Pretty much from what I have gathered it's really not you, it's them. Too many girls have been promised more than they deserve( don't misconstrued what I'm saying here men have also been promised too much as well) so they often times ignore quite viable partners in hopes that the pretty rich boy that receives thousands of will respond to them. It'll eventually happen, just don't let whoever make you feel like you have to settle for them because she's settling for you.

xavierthepotato · 2021-06-26T17:14:22+00:00

Work on building a masculine frame and don't turn into a "nice guy". Also look into hormones and seek to lower your cortisol while simultaneously upping your testosterone. Sounds silly but these things in collection completely changed me for the better

klavope · 2021-06-26T17:29:41+00:00

Workout improve your confidence and find hobbies you like. Stop thinking about sex but if you want to go to an Amsterdam near you. Before you find a partner read no more mr nice guy pdf is free. Some guys get walked all over once they find a partner.

ariscaintv · 2021-06-26T19:20:39+00:00

The number one skill you need to have in order to Have a relationship is know how to effectively communicate your needs. But first you must know your needs. You must know yourself. You must meet your own needs. Do you love yourself? If you want to be more comfortable talking to girls without feeling anxious I suggest going to a strip club and getting used to talking to beautiful women. Don’t forget to tip.

IamWisdom · 2021-06-26T20:48:40+00:00

Go to the gym and build muscle and you'll get girls throwing themselves at you. Trust me, I've done it. You'll be so spoiled for choice it won't even be funny.

wolfbee16 · 2021-06-27T00:45:51+00:00

Tell me more about you, I’m someone who went through the same thing and turned into a chick magnet. (Look at my post history to see my step by step to getting any girl)

JustAwesome360 · 2021-06-27T03:43:03+00:00

You could get a cat or a dog if you need someone to love you. I'm not very good with socializing either but my cat and dog make me feel far less lonely. And you feel the same things you feel with a human companion.

axe122 · 2021-06-27T15:34:59+00:00

Your problem is that your not turning the women on in any way shape or form and put off a plutonic vibe. You might as well be a desk in the room.
I would say couch but they at least get sit on.

If your actually talking to the women and they aren’t responding to you then your still a desk but at least your trying.

It’s like the women in your family telling you that your a great catch and handsome means nothing because the women who are peers and actual options aren’t showing sharing the same opinion. You really won’t get confidence in other women unless women want you and you start getting women.

You really didn’t give any information that could actually receive direct help or advice. I can tell you in today’s dating world sex comes before relationships. Even if the girls you like say it don’t they are lying or just don’t know. They are saying the thing that makes them sound more sweet and wholesome. I have never known anyone over the age of 23 who wasn’t super religious that got into a relationship with a girl they hadn’t slept with. You really want to find a good balance between the two of you want a relationship. Basically if you get a girl interested or on a date don’t act like you have zero interest in sex to show her your such a great guy and you want her for more than sex because it will backfire.

Women will sleep with a guy they don’t want a relationship with but will not have a relationship with a guy they don’t want to sleep with.

You have to learn how to flirt with girls a bit in a masculine way and not be afraid to go for what you want. You’ll have to risk facing rejection which you will face.

Also I wouldn’t tell women your a virgin man. Girls will tell you it’s a good thing but I bet it’s always a good thing for some other girl.

Efficient_Style1 · 2021-06-28T22:49:30+00:00

Bro I'm 28 and I have never ever got kissed before

recyclablebanthas · 2021-07-20T00:56:06+00:00

1

I don't even know if this is the right place to put this.

This did have to be taken down because it was the wrong place for it.

That said, I'll still respond to it.

2

I'm a 25 year old virgin and I'm not angry or anything just sad. Everyone always tells how great I am or how lucky a girl would be to have me but no one actually seems to feel that way.

Many of us have been there. This subreddit is full of late bloomers, man.

And what you're seeing there is that people can relate to you as a human and see your good qualities but still know on some level that your inner game is off and that makes them unattracted.

But if they're saying how great you are and all that, you're honestly not too far from where you need to be.

3

I just want to feel loved, feel intimacy. It's not even really about sex, I just want to be touched by someone who loves me.

This is a common feeling for us humans. (Though some people do prefer casual, not serious, which is fine also.)

4

I needed to vent and just didnt know where else I could go.

We could get into what to do but in order to do that, you'd have to describe where you actually are, so to speak.

How far are you getting in dating at the moment?
Where in the process are things stalling out?
What does your social life look like now, besides dating?

Title	25 and I have no idea what to do
Author	witcher417
Upvotes	618
Comments	109
Date	June 26, 2021 7:05 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/o85ur6/25_and_i_have_no_idea_what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/25-and-i-have-no-idea-what-to-do.1281781 https://theredarchive.com/post/1281781

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