Living in a gay neighborhood has taught me some things.

2015-01-02T13:57:34+00:00

This is a quality post. A good way to understand how to improve your interactions with women is to understand your thoughts, emotions and behavior when you speak with people you are comfortable with(family and friends) and afterwards try to apply the knowledge you gained with your interaction with women. Cultivate these skills by getting comfortable talking to EVERYBODY as it will improve your life drastically.

dacostack · 2015-01-02T18:20:24+00:00

Quoted from Models:

"The true power of vulnerability is that it resolves the investment paradox. The investment paradox, as mentioned in the previous chapter, is the conflict between the two aspects of female attraction. Women are attracted to men who are of higher status than themselves (or in our terms, less needy). They are also aroused by men who desire them. The paradox is that typically, if a man shows desire towards a woman, then he’s also showing some degree of neediness or that he’s lower status.

The common term for this is “putting her on a pedestal.”

The Pick Up Artist community side-stepped the paradox by coming up with tricks and tactics which are able to show women desire while simultaneously giving the appearance of not showing desire or being needy. This works, but only in the short-term.

Vulnerability short-circuits the paradox. A man comfortable being vulnerable will not behave in a needy way. And when desire is shown without neediness, it is attractive. When desire is shown with neediness, it is unattractive."

TLDR: Showing desire with neediness is creepy, desire without neediness isn't

SwoleLottaLove · 2015-01-02T18:14:00+00:00

Great post. I hang out with gay guys too and can absolutely vouch for this info.

Also, gay guys who party a lot tend to know hot chicks. And if they like you, they want you to fuck those chicks.

fuzzyshorts · 2015-01-02T16:29:00+00:00

So true. "The soft hand doesn't kill the bird." In other words, hold softly and don't "lock in." But I try so hard to look disinterested, I walk off, buy a beer, smoke a cigarette and when I come back, she's being chatted up by someone else (this happens more times than i care to mention.) What's the right balance between emotionless and focused?

Krackor · 2015-01-02T15:58:47+00:00

Another way of saying: Having options is attractive; desperate oneitis is not.

NotRAClST · 2015-01-02T17:09:04+00:00

http://imgur.com/yAdRs2C

CaIIous · 2015-01-02T19:06:49+00:00

I think this is spot on. Socially active women eventually learn to see when a guy has "sex in their eyes". It's a weird look where they're focused on you but at the same time seem distracted, like all they're thinking about is taking your clothes off.

I went on two dates with a dude who gave me this vibe before I ended it. He balked and didn't seem to care that we had nothing in common, saying that we could fuck to pass the time. Prior to this, we hadn't talked about anything sexual and he didn't even flirt with me, so this comment pretty much validated my suspicions.

TexasGal126 · 2015-01-02T16:43:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing :) glad your experience in the Gay-borhood has been enlightening.

denmaur · 2015-01-02T16:13:58+00:00

"If you focus all your emotions on the girl you put her on the spot and you make her feel like you are obsessed with her and will stop at nothing to have her. It feels rapey and weird and you act weird." This one really resonated with me. I sort of understood the reason for push pull before, but this explains clearly why it's necessary.

kingcal · 2015-01-02T16:00:24+00:00

So, would you say that you live in a gay-borhood?

2015-01-03T01:17:43+00:00

DUDE. THIS.

I remember the first time I experienced being relentlessly hit on by a guy. It was so uncomfortable. He effectively destroyed any normal social convention I could employ with him, so much so that I practically felt violated. The shitty part was I had to work with the guy. I don't mind dudes complimenting or flirting with me, I do the same with women, but this guy was so... creepy. I dreaded having to interact with him, telling him to fuck off, and going through the same song and dance a few days later. That shit sucks, don't do that to people.

One thing I did gain from it, like OP, was an empathy for women having to deal with being hit on all the time from creepy dudes. A lot of guys will say about women who complain about cat calling and guys approaching them all the time "I'd love it if girls hollered at me and tried to ask me out everywhere I went". Sure you would, would you love it if everywhere you went there were dudes conveying to you they wanted to fuck you? Many of whom could physically dominate you without issue? Prolly not, bro. That's what girls are describing when they talk about having to deal with creepy guys.

Sorry for the rant. Its just this has actually helped me understand the opposite sex a little better. And knowing is half the battle.

KingArthur85 · 2015-01-02T15:43:45+00:00

Remember: It's only creepy if they don't like you. Otherwise it's considered flirting or charming. (I'm kinda joking, kinda not).

moyno85 · 2015-01-02T13:55:21+00:00

I'm good looking
I'm a big guy
I can fight
I'm a comedian

...did you just write this to reinforce your own ego?

PuempelsPurpose · 2015-01-02T18:31:14+00:00

I've stopped reading this sub for the most part because I found it lacking new insights, and while this isn't exactly a new insight it's a very clear and digestible way of looking at it. Quality post. I might send you a message to discuss a few ideas at some point.

The_2nd_Coming · 2015-01-02T18:16:01+00:00

I think the reason a lot of guys act creepy isn't because they are overwhelmed by emotions, but also because they need to communicate they are interested.

This is golden. A lot of the 'behaviours' of abundance are being less affected emotionally by girls (and events in life in general). Confidence also helps people better express themselves and their feelings.

I browse seddit occasionally and there's a lot of noise/bad advice but this whole post is great.

punisher1005 · 2015-01-02T19:26:57+00:00

He just put it out there (I want to fuck you) and that's it. Take it or leave it.

I do this all the time and I have some smoking hot girl friends that are not off-put by it. I just put it out there and that's that.

racheal1991 · 2015-01-02T20:22:02+00:00

i didn't know gayborhoods existed... I'm picturing some sort of 'stepford wives' -esk place

Shazambom · 2015-01-02T20:32:43+00:00

Underrated post. Props OP

Throwaway64000 · 2015-01-02T21:21:54+00:00

Sounds like you just got a lot of material for stand-up.

sto- · 2015-01-02T21:26:56+00:00

Can some one explain to me how the push pull method works never really understood it?

guice666 · 2015-01-02T23:01:49+00:00

Of course I'm not going to do it

Never say never. Open our horizons. You may find yourself pretty surprised. ;)

2015-01-03T02:01:51+00:00

Do you think you could link us to any of your stand up acts?

2015-01-03T02:52:58+00:00

Great observation. I was hoping my shyness isn't creepy. But when I'm hanging out with a lady, I do still convetsate with other people, I respect her personal space unless its obvious that she wants to be close to me, if we disagree on something I let vocslise it. The part that was intersting is that creepy guys will still suck up to girls even if they insult him. Are some guys really that bad at taking a hint?

eric22vhs · 2015-01-03T03:46:26+00:00

What I grew to perceive as the general perception of creepy (in a social aspect) is sensing that a person is putting up a front or has an ulterior motive.

Basically someone can sense that they're trying to project false intentions. Eg. a guy seeming like he's trying to appear friendly with no motive, while hitting on a girl comes across as much creepier than a guy who's not really hiding that he's hitting on her.

If you really think about how we use the word creep, even though this may not match the dictionary, it's usually to describe someone who we sense is threatening, but has a connotation of being unpredictable. Basically when somebody calls someone a creep, it's because they're making them uncomfortable because they seem like they have a specific motive, but you can't tell what it is.

obscure123456789 · 2015-01-03T03:57:00+00:00

If she says something stupid or weird, you need to call her out on it,

Okay, could you tell us how to do that because apparently i don't hate the right things and calling people out on their needlessly hateful bs doesn't win me any popularity contests.

tanny_ · 2015-01-03T06:22:21+00:00

Thanks for the information, time to go find gay friends who will boost my ego.

BitingInsects · 2015-01-03T08:08:27+00:00

Spot on. I've experienced this but it's not something I can share with a lot of people without coming off as a damselized bitch. I live in a highly gay populated area and I know why cat calling is annoying and infuriating at times. It's an invasion of personal boundary and respect. Also touching is a big thing, and it's really easy to tell the difference when someone is patting you on the back genuinely as opposed to patting you just to initiate contact or feel you up.

It happens.

f0k4ppl3 · 2015-01-03T11:35:08+00:00

TIL "gay neighborhood" is a thing.

totes_meta_bot · 2015-01-03T16:44:19+00:00

This thread has been linked to from elsewhere on reddit.

[/r/bestof] /r/seduction explains "What makes a creepy guy, creepy?"

^If ^you ^follow ^any ^of ^the ^above ^links, ^respect ^the ^rules ^of ^reddit ^and ^don't ^vote ^or ^comment. ^Questions? ^Abuse? ^Message ^me ^here.

SmellyJelly22 · 2015-01-05T14:56:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

acheNightlife · 2015-01-10T22:32:18+00:00

Another way of saying - having options is attractive; desperate oneitis is not

aellgutta · 2015-01-02T16:57:07+00:00

What is a "gay neighborhood"?

2015-01-02T16:46:01+00:00

Awesome post. Also, you should give comedian guy a chance.

guilty_bystander · 2015-01-02T22:03:33+00:00

First let me tell you how not gay I am. Lol... thou doth protest too much.

choomguy · 2015-01-02T15:21:15+00:00

This is interesting. It may or may not apply to m/f relationships. I would not necessarily internalize this anecdote even though there would appear to be a grain of truth here.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in my limited experience, gay/hetero seduction rules are not interchangeable. Wouldn't that imply that one type of gay man behaves like a man, another type behaves like a woman?

Along with that, your choice to live in a "gay" community and the reasons why, are interesting. Gay guys are silly? Talk about a stereotype, maybe that applies to a gay neighborhood more than society at large. It almost sounds like you have found a community that you can be alpha in. Or at the very least, one where you get a lot of validation, which you seem to enjoy.

kjoeleskapet · 2015-01-02T21:17:09+00:00

I think they are silly and funny and they don't do this "alpha" bullshit straight guys do.

Wow. As a gay man, fuck you. Glad you think we're all silly and there are no gay men who think they're better than other people or compete with other men.

Men are men. Gay men are gay. We're not women.

2015-01-02T22:15:08+00:00

I clicked thinking OP was going to call himself a faggot

gregsapopin · 2015-01-02T18:08:05+00:00

I really like this post, I'm bi and it is a hell of a lot easer to hook up with other guys (obviously). People say i'm really creepy and I do all these "pull" things.

PhilosophizingCowboy · 2015-01-02T17:44:24+00:00

TIL there are 'gay' neighborhoods.

*peers out house window... zombie neighborhood? *

Title	Living in a gay neighborhood has taught me some things.
Author	SmellyJelly22
Upvotes	793
Comments	143
Date	January 2, 2015 11:55 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2r3ele/living_in_a_gay_neighborhood_has_taught_me_some/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/living-in-a-gay-neighborhood-has-taught-me-some.1381720 https://theredarchive.com/post/1381720

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