How do you know if a girl is being friendly or if she is attracted to you?

Stringdaddy27 · 2017-12-19T20:25:29+00:00

You're thinking end game when you should be thinking next step. You're constantly thinking about having sex when you should be escalating to the next step in the process.

node202fighter · 2017-12-19T22:01:05+00:00

No other way than to K I N O! Kino test, kino test, kino pull and push, kino test

MrMetalHead1100 · 2017-12-19T23:58:57+00:00

I know exactly how that feels like. My biggest epiphany this year (my first year doing seduction) may help you solve this sticking point.

You should ESCALATE. Have fun conversations, then when she's in a good mood (laughing, having fun with you), try to PHYSICALLY ESCALATE. Study the kino ladder. That's what will help you. Calibrate accordingly.

Also, make sure you include some flirting in your conversations. It doesn't have to be heavy flirting. Little bits of it is good enough. Say stuff like "You would be a bad girlfriend" or something along those lines. You're just planting the seed that there is a possibility that you and the girl can be a couple, and you're not just a dickless friend.

I learned this from reading The 4 Elements of Game. I can share it to you if you want.

MagnumBurrito · 2017-12-19T21:47:01+00:00

Do subtle escalations and see if she reciprocates/passively accepts. An easy one is move into her personal space. If she backs off quickly, and you two are alone, she's probably not into you.

rebstarr · 2017-12-19T20:54:54+00:00

I always try to think of what’s the worst thing that can happen. And in many cases, if he says ‘no’ to sharing phone number, going for drinks, hanging out again, then yes it may feel like social suicide in the moment, but is it really taking that much of a toll on you?

I understand the fear of rejection, but a lot of the times, it’s important to think to yourself, “maybe she’ll say no, but she could also say yes.”

And hey, if you’re cool as fuck, then why would she say no?

ruffyamaharyder · 2017-12-19T22:54:27+00:00

No idea? Escalate n calibrate.

Fist__Bump · 2017-12-20T00:06:05+00:00

Make future plans for an outing together, just with the two of you. Have the balls and say “Do you want to go out on a date?” Mandatory to do this in person, and not via text, email, social media, etc. If she declines or flakes out, move forward with other women and don’t look back. Ask to go out for a drink at the bar or meet at a coffee shop. Have an exit strategy if necessary. On the other hand, have a food or entertainment strategy if things go well. Do not expect sex. Do not be a dick. Expect to pay the bill, and don’t cause a fuss about it. If she offers to pay for her half, let her do so if she is so inclined. If you are not feeling that you do not want to see her again afterwards, just text her and say “I don’t think we are a good match for each other.” Don’t pussy out and leave her hanging by ghosting her. Most importantly.... make plans for the second date, while you are on the first date. Make plans for the third date, while you are on the second date, so on and so forth. Believe in yourself. Self confidence is incredibly attractive. If all else fails, hit the gym to build self confidence. Get a personal trainer and start eating healthier. Let me emphasize: Believe in yourself.

mistahARK · 2017-12-19T22:55:43+00:00

You sound just like me man! Its a constant struggle but you just gotta remind yourself that discomfort if you're wrong about going in for the kiss is better than regret and shame for not going for a woman who clearly wanted you to.

Lambdal7 · 2017-12-20T09:13:13+00:00

No, your concept is false.

You need to escalate until she tells you to stop. Half of the interactions, she let's you escalate while only giving you neutral signs, without giving you any positive signs. Then you kiss her and she kisses back. You miss out on this half of girls.

Often, girls don't know how to behave, they don't know yet if they really like you or they want to see how much "of a man you are" that just goes ahead and doesn't fear rejection.

So, just go ahead when you only get neutral or positive signs. If you get negative signs, stop and try again a bit later, sometimes it's a shit test or they become scared to be close to someone, nothing to do with you. If she gives you negative signs twice or more, you can end the interaction and leave her alone.

2017-12-20T01:15:06+00:00

You have to test the waters yourself. Unless she's just throwing herself at you, you still have to be brave and take a chance. Always. That's a fact of life and if you wish to mate, you have to be a bold specimen.

Touch her. High five her, tap her elbow, etc. And gauge her reaction carefully. If her body language continues to be inviting, continue to escalate. If she becomes a bit distant, cut it out.

understandingreal · 2017-12-20T07:49:53+00:00

I used to have trouble closing as well

I think the move is to, rather than throw a hail-mary all the way, just do some baby steps. If there's a girl who enjoys hanging out with you but you don't know how to close or aren't sure or just generally afraid, take her to a bar or a club where you find yourself more comfortable.

Clearly she already enjoys your presence, so just ask her to hang out in a casual, non date way, maybe a bunch of you are goin to get drinks together, or you could just text her on a friday night like "hey, is anything going on tonight?" and then try and bring her to a more relaxed setting.

Being in college, there are girls I meet in class and stuff, and if I'm interested, my move is to either invite them to a party or ask them if anythings goin on on a friday night. Then once we're at given loud party or bar with booze flowing for a good amount of time, my move is to take baby steps to see if she's interested without coming across as creepy. My first step is to ask, "hey do you wanna talk somewhere else? It's too loud here?" If she agrees, then my second step is to lead her by the hand, (fingers interlaced) to another spot. If she's cool with it, then I make my move

2017-12-19T22:32:15+00:00

Touch is a big one. If they're receptive to your touch, and you can hug them and they give something back or they initiate touch that's a good sign.

bugxter · 2017-12-20T01:16:42+00:00

Kino, escalate and calibrate.

simpleafk · 2017-12-20T06:04:43+00:00

The best way to gauge the situation is through kino. I went through the same problem years ago and I found the best way is to follow a script in the beginning. Eventually, you'll get better at it and improvise according to the situation. I would ask the girl to compare her hands to mine and I tease her about how tiny her hands are. I don't actually ask but just randomly extend my hand out and say "lemme see your hands". She will place her hand in yours. The idea here is to find any sort of excuse to bridge the physical gap. Depending on her reaction you have many other options. A safe bet from there is to frame shift the situation that rsd teaches. A frame shift is to change the environment the girl is in. Like saying "let's go over here because ____" or simply "come with me". Bring the girl over to a quieter environment or a different environment. If she is giving off heavy IOI, do a little more kino you can say "close your eyes, I promise I won't kiss you". She knows you're lying and full of shit but she'll still close her eyes. If she's not receptive to the frame shift and such then she probably isn't interest in you. This has been tried and tested and worked so many times it's almost foolproof.

NilacTheGrim · 2017-12-20T16:29:55+00:00

But instead of assuming she also likes me in a sexual way I think it's her being friendly and not "I want you to fuck me right now."

Well it isn't just those two extremes. You have set up two basic extremes of "just friends" and "I want to fuck you NOW!!". That's very black/white and misses the nuance.

There's a gray area in between. That's what escalation is for. Testing the gray area.

You escalate as a friendly way to test stuff out. Both for her and for you. If it works out -- it happens naturally that you go further. If it doesn't.. well.. it wasn't a fit (either for you or for her).

Think of escalation like a negotiation. Not a black and white win or lose game. I think if you reframe it in your mind, you will find it more interesting and worth exploring. And not this all-or-nothing "I suck" versus "I win" kind of thing. We're all grown ups now. Time to leave the playground thinking at the playground, don't you think? ;)

I think that's one of the things that makes it hard for you. You either see it as all-or-nothing. Black vs white. When in actuality .. it's gray.

You can build up excitement and physical interest slowly or quickly but it isn't all black and white. Escalation is an exploratory process and a negotiation between you and her.

So see escalation not as the embodiment of some divine proof that she likes you 100%. See it as just another gray area to explore.

I think if you think of it in those terms, you can begin to play with the nuances of escalation, and explore that territory.

I hope this helps.

QuellonGreyjoy · 2017-12-19T23:10:37+00:00

This article actually makes some good points.

I have a similar issue, your brain keeps showing you awful scenarios where everyone is labels you as a creep, or being super thirsty.

A lot of this is mentioned in the article, but my philosophy is maintain plausible deniability at all times. This should help get your mind off what others think and let you work your magic. You have a make a move without wasting too much time but toning down your flirting can work. My advice is don't outright ask for a number, instead use an event you've planned together to get their number. Also avoid blatant flirting in front of other people. You can do this and still keep things moving forward. Just gauge their reactions and push and pull, use kino to escalate.

Like texting, full escalation isn't possible in a work setting so aim 1 is to get into a situation where it is. You can wait for one: after work drinks, happy hour, school or work party you know they'll be at. Or use your flirting to suggest a reason to hang out: visit somewhere on the weekend, eat lunch together, etc.

Helmet_Icicle · 2017-12-20T07:29:00+00:00

Here's how I interpret it: I assume if a girl is smiling and laughing at my jokes it's because I'm a funny and charming guy. The way I see it, of course she will like me, I'm cool as fuck. But instead of assuming she also likes me in a sexual way I think it's her being friendly and not "I want you to fuck me right now."

This is a terrible mindset to have and it's hard to just "assume attraction."

For clarification, it's easy to do this at a bar or club because getting rejected is not as big a deal. But in my classes or at work, showing my intent and it not going well feels like I'll be committing 'social suicide'. I don't want to make things awkward with the girl / have her feel uncomfortable.

That's why you need to work at it. Always Assume Attraction, not just when it's easy.

Women are adults and adults are obliged to express themselves and communicate their feelings. The only person's interest you should be immediately concerned with is your own, and that you are demonstrating it through action.

Your insecurity is stemming from an absence of trust and a lack of self-confidence. You need to trust that if they're not interested they'll let you know and have the confidence to know they're being honest when they are.

Frya · 2017-12-20T08:07:31+00:00

If you only communicate fun and friendly energy, and she responds well... It still doesn't mean shit.

If you make clear sexual moves and she gives green light... Now you know.

If you have troubles judgeing it, you probably are not direct and sexual enough.

Girls from class/work... Increase their emotions with fun and friendliness in order to invite them to party/bar/club where you can game her in private with sexy vibes.

atibarri · 2017-12-20T01:25:58+00:00

This video should help you!

2017-12-20T10:56:09+00:00

A lot of the times, she doesn't know yet if she is attracted to you! Your best bet is to err on the side of too much boldness. If you hesitate in escalating, she will lose any attraction she had up to that point. Keep in mind that attraction either goes up or down, it rarely stays at the same level.

vivalarevoluciones · 2017-12-20T15:03:23+00:00

Learn how to be social funny confident smart . Then when youre persona has picked up these skills talk to a girl. The hardest thing is to learn all this from ldating or wanting to fuck a girl first. Just understand people in general better then hit on girls. Put a pause on getting laid and fucking and girls in general. And start on understanding how to see through people how to socialize all that good stuff first. If you understand the male and female worlds -both you will have a dam good game .

Not_My_Real_Acct_ · 2017-12-29T05:02:06+00:00

I did the online dating thing for over a decade. I think the most powerful thing that I learned was how to detect if someone is interested in a matter of seconds.

It's seriously the greatest thing ever, because it keeps you from investing time in pursuing women who aren't interested.

In person, I think it's largely about body language. You can see this with couples; their body language is different than people who aren't paired up.

sawkid · 2017-12-20T05:07:21+00:00

Asking the same question myself. Just hungout with this girl awhile ago till like 3 am. Kino'd so much, and even held hands. She even said she had fun, yet the next day she told me she doesn't remember that night well or even holding hands. Shit hurt.

Eric-Foreplay · 2017-12-20T13:37:40+00:00

Actually don’t know man I just shoot my shot until I get a girl.

2017-12-20T01:23:50+00:00

WHEN SHE PUT YOU IN WEDDING SACK

luaudesign · 2017-12-19T23:10:03+00:00

Try and find out.

ImJustSo · 2017-12-19T21:16:42+00:00

I put my face next to hers and see if she makes kiss-me-eyes.

Rational_N · 2017-12-20T09:43:04+00:00

slap her ass, If she smile then it's on.

Title	How do you know if a girl is being friendly or if she is attracted to you?
Author	gamedude101
Upvotes	234
Comments	80
Date	December 19, 2017 8:02 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7kvtng/how_do_you_know_if_a_girl_is_being_friendly_or_if/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-is-being-friendly-or-if.1438721 https://theredarchive.com/post/1438721

Comments