As much as I like Cold Approach especially during the day (because really, what other option is there) I started to feel the juice is not worth the squeeze here. A bit about me: 27 y/o brown male living in a decent sized city with enough numbers. Good job, decent personality. With looks I’m about a 5 face & a 7 body – not too much to show. Decent social skills, kind of a semi-natural if you will.

I spent a good part of last year approaching women and developing my ‘game’ Like really going out, hustling, evaluating my approaches, going out again, doing the same thing. I got some decent results out of it. I soon realized I was unknowingly sacrificing other aspects of my life for what was essentially, getting laid. I was giving approaching women a lot of time, effort & attention and barely getting what I expected out of it just looking at the time I was spending behind this bullshit. It really kind of hit me hard every time when I drove back home. I felt like a loser. The sheer number of hours I put in cold approach meant I had to take time out of all the other good things I had going on in my life not including work. After all you only got so many hours in a day. Even with the decent results it was not satisfying. And honestly speaking getting results isn’t a big deal. You just need to be at the right place & right time and think a bit critically to evaluate your approach every time you get rejected which makes it a numbers game more than anything. Some of the sex was great, some of the women were cool but I wasn’t happy. Towards the end of the year I kind of figured out what was wrong and that is what I want to share with you guys:

Your Happiness comes first. ALWAYS. Your peace of mind comes first. ALWAYS. If anything that you do or want costs you your peace of mind , its too expensive. LET IT GO. And this can be your ‘want’ for sex, this can be your ‘want’ for love, this can be your ‘want’ for women in general. What you resist, persists. I am not selling you any spiritual woo-woo stuff. Just bear with me a little bit. The key is in truly understanding yourself. What makes you happy. What makes you satisfied. Because its only when you are truly happy, truly satisfied and look at your life as complete in and off itself, you will have amazing success with women. Mainstream pickup will indirectly tell you otherwise. It will tell you the answer is to hustle and mass approach and take massive action. It may be true but its only half the truth. Bear in mind if youre in your mid-twenties or older these things come at a price ~ your happiness. Not only do you take time out of stuff other than work that in a way is important for your happiness, every time you go out to meet women, you tell your subconscious brain I am not going out because I want to I am going out to get something without which I am not happy. You can try & tell yourself you enjoy approaching as much as you can but everytime you go out this is really what your brain is registering. Compare this to when you go to say a house party or something , you have a bunch of your old buddies or people you have a blast with and you’re laughing hard and having fun even though its all guys and no girls. Out of nowhere you see a group of women present in a corner giving you all the IOIs while you didn’t even try. That is where you really want to come from everytime you go out. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the exact situation obviously but you get the vibe, don’t you. Most of cold approaching we do no matter with the intention of getting laid or getting numbers gives kind an exact opposite vibe. Now it would still work, you will still get laid now & then but because of that vibe it will be very sporadic. A lot of effort with too little reward. And more importantly it wont make you happy. Its more like a buyer seller dynamic and you as a man are constantly carrying the burden of everything in the conversation. So you’re always the one who is selling.

At the start of this year I stopped going out to game or cold approach. Stopped fucking the FWBs I had made over the previous 12 months. I started the year afresh to concentrate on what I really like and find happiness in. For 8 months now I haven’t been out with the intention to meet women at all. Instead I have just concentrated on finding time to investigate stuff that I like to do. Some of those things are playing Soccer every Tuesday after work, going to the beach and surfing once every weekend, joining a Stand up comedy group every Wednesday. And lifting weights thrice a week no less. All of these activities involve interaction with practically not one woman but I am thrilled & excited and look forward to it each week. And you know what this has done? I feel SOLID. I feel accomplished. And I feel like a man who has a set of values he lives by. You may think I am exaggerating, but I am really not. Its like my brain sees me as a high value guy who holds himself in high regard & wouldn’t be swayed by the prospect of having sex with a woman. I value my attention a lot. And here’s the magic: Everything that good seduction/pickup teaches you now comes naturally to me without me even trying. Stuff like laser eye-contact, masculine tonality, swagger etc. all of these things that I used to concentrate on improving now are through the roof in all my interactions. Dont worry about not being able to meet women if you stop cold approaching. You will still interact with women, the only difference being now you will do it while you are doing something else and those interactions are solid. Such interactions are when you will truly feel like its fifty-fifty instead of you trying to sell something to her. I have met a ton of high quality women this year when I least expected it. Once you start living your life for yourself and not for someone else you radiate an aura of confidence, class, & humility which will attract women of high quality.

That’s all I wanted to say. Just do stuff that you like & enjoy irrespective of what pickup artists say (let them sell their products to someone else) or what women say (let them extract their validation from someone else; you’re a man of substance) and do stuff from that place.