[F28] SHY GUYS: How do I tell a potential (but extremely shy) guy that I'm in an open marriage and want to play, without scaring him away?

mydeardroogs · 2018-12-23T05:18:51+00:00

As a former shy guy, I probably wouldn't have gone for it had the invitation been open. Not necessarily for moral reasons, but really because it would have smelled like trouble to me, trouble not worth having. However, you never know, just play it cool, but not cold.

bilabrin · 2018-12-23T13:12:31+00:00

He's going to fall in love with you or already is. Shyguys are not good targets for casual affairs. They are romantics and someone us going to get hurt. Don't lead him on.

OutofH2G2references · 2018-12-23T05:49:16+00:00

You gotta get him alone at home watching a movie or having a beer or wine. And ask him if he’s interested. He may need to sleep on it, so don’t worry if he says no at first. At the end of the day, he should be interested in a FWB, and you’re already friendly it seems.

muchostouche · 2018-12-23T04:03:02+00:00

Fuckin go for it

2018-12-23T05:52:07+00:00

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Meetmeinthe · 2018-12-23T04:57:33+00:00

If he really that shy i think if you mentioned open marriage he might not accept you. Not because he doesnt like you but he propably prefer traditional single women. In either case you have to be honest with him and communicate so that you dont hurt him or you in the long run. If he really likes you, that open marriage wont be an issue. But i think it will from the way you described him. Regardless he probably still enjoy the company of a friend like you.

Source: i was voted as the most bashful through out my schooling.

TheBlackAlistar · 2018-12-23T07:46:53+00:00

Dont dip your pen in company ink

jraph · 2018-12-23T14:36:38+00:00

I'd believe that an indirect approach works better for shy... Like, introduce your relationship through talking about some experience you had or just focusing on that rather than on him.

Let him process that new info for a couple of days. He'll probably fantasise about being the guy... Thats when you open the door.

Opening the door before giving him time to realize the house status is just a receipt for disaster... He will likely freeze or not act on it from sheer shock

2018-12-23T05:44:25+00:00

First: yeah, he's into you. Either he finds you interesting as a person despite you being taken (husband) or he's just plain into you.

Second: don't go straight for it. You have to cajole him into it. If you straight up tell him you want him, I'll bet you 20 $ he'll invent some excuse and shy away. Make something up so it'll be just the two of you. Initiate physical contact. Give him incentive to take that further.

zdecent · 2018-12-23T07:50:51+00:00

As with anything I'd say to just take it slow. Next time you're with him, get onto the conversation of exs/relationships and when it comes to your turn, say that you're in an open marriage and gauge his reaction. He might ask questions or become more physical, he might freeze up, but now it's out there but you've avoided making a move.

Next time you see him you can be a bit flirty, and he knows he can respond to it. If that doesn't work, maybe then try some of the more direct approaches in the comments already.

ImJustSo · 2018-12-23T10:59:28+00:00

Just hangout at his place again, ask if y'all can watch a movie together, then put your head in his lap or something. Just start making physical contact somehow and see what his reactions are. Got any tattoos on hidden places? Talk about them. If he seems interested, ask if he wants to see. Alcohol would help, so maybe bring a bottle of wine and skip the weed.

JaraCimrman · 2018-12-23T12:08:34+00:00

My guess is he likes you, romantically. So having sex with him would only hurt him, i think. But it never hurts to ask. If he is really shy then you will need to lead the way.

2018-12-23T14:33:18+00:00

He probably wants a girlfriend, not a fuck buddy.

2018-12-23T10:04:16+00:00

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uptimex · 2018-12-23T07:54:42+00:00

Shy or not shy, you want or don't want, he wants or doesn't want, anyway at some point you should be honest with him. Because being honest is always the next step in people's interactions.

Probably he would be dissapointed, not because he is shy or something else, but because he already has expectations, it is obvious from what you told.

What do you offer to him? Being used? Emotionally used and thrown away? Because, probably he wants a relationship, not just a game.

So, I think he will run away anyway but on the other hand, at some point, you will have to tell him about everything, even if it will scare him.

2018-12-23T09:03:00+00:00

Well I am glad to see that some girls can still find shy guys attractive.

SWEATL · 2018-12-23T15:13:22+00:00

Just be careful. There is a big likelihood that this guy has a crush on you, so though it fits your lifestyle just to sleep with him, it can confuse him. So if you care about this guys feelings and well being, then you should explain to him what it means to you. But yea, you can be straightforward, especially if you guys are spending a lot of time outside of work. The worst that can happen is he says no (which I don’t think will happen).

wvsfezter · 2018-12-23T15:22:09+00:00

Shy guys often need you to be straight up with them and make a move if you really want anything to happen. We've been rejected enough or been told we're weird to the point that it's not worth the hassle. However you've also got to be away that not everyone is comfortable with what you're looking for. The way I see it you've got two options: ask him plainly and outright so he cant think he's got it confused or wait for an invitation that may never come especially if he know's you're married.

2018-12-23T05:05:32+00:00

I’m a shy guy. And I would wish girls were straight up with me. Ask him if he is comfortable about it and tell him. Start small with flirting, kisses, sex with him then your dream threesome

ff1ann · 2018-12-23T11:00:02+00:00

One of my friends had an open relationship with her partner. She would just tell them straight away. Some men would be put off by it yes, but most would be ok after hearing it was open and her partner was doing the same thing Honestly though, you aren't going to know unless you open up the convo. Maybe explain yourself over a coffee/dinner (just my opinion; i honestly am going off what ive been told, no first hand experience)

purplestuff11 · 2018-12-23T11:19:36+00:00

Be completely straight with him but make absolutely sure there is no room for misinterpretation. That being said if it was me personally, I wouldn't do it unless I was in the sweet spot where I know someone enough to trust them but not well enough to care if I ruin the relationship with them by permanently associating them with that event.

steveblahhh · 2018-12-23T11:45:16+00:00

There's so much risk involved hooking up with a Co-worker (especially as a professional), not to mention that it could be an affair for all he knows.

What if he freaks out runs to HR after you make the pitch?

weallwantsomethink · 2018-12-23T11:56:38+00:00

Well just go for it.

It is the same as a lot of questions on dating in several subs.

You can have an educated guess on how somebody will react. But you never know how somebody will react.

My educated guess:

A shy guy will have very little options. Since most women don't like shy guys. So he will be desperate and will put up with a lot.

Also shy guys are most of the time low in confidence. One of the main requirements imo for an open relationship/FWB.

And being desperate having little option and low confidence he will probably be a traditional romantic and will fall in love by the drop of a hat.

He will probably be interested. But than soon will have serious doubt about being a FWB. If he puts up with it it won't be easy riding because he is low confidence and has little option he will be insecure in the relationship. Also a big chance that he won't be interested in an FWB because he is traditional romantic.

But all this doesn't matter: because YOU DON'T KNOW

So just do it. Crash and burn or improve your life. Life is short, take chances.

lordofunivers · 2018-12-23T14:47:04+00:00

I could see a win-win situation here. If the guy is shy, this possible relationship with you might boost his confidence and also you could have fun.

Look like most of the hard work is done because you did hang out to his place isolating him to the public eyes. One day, if you plan to hang another time to his place, you could say during the day that you have something to tell him. This might spark some interest to know what you have to see. Seduction is also needed to spark sexual tension.

You don't have to tell him all the details about your husband. If he ask for it, just say enough that it look honest.

Finally, I agree with other redditor. At this point, a leap of faith is necessary.

blackice0823 · 2018-12-23T17:08:39+00:00

I would just say get him alone somewhere where the 2 of you can talk uninterrupted and just explain the situation out it all on the table. Let him have some time to ask questions and take all the pressure off him if he doesn’t make the move or respond instantly as you are explaining it throw in take a few days to decide and think of any questions and I’ll happily answer them all. That way he understands what it is and it’s not like anything is being hidden. Odds are he has a crush on you but since it’s shy even if you are thinking you are throwing yourself at him he won’t respond until you make the move.

NeuroMnemonic7 · 2018-12-23T06:11:44+00:00

Unless he's extremely uptight or extremely "moral" there's no way he wouldn't see this is a fucking gift.

wickedsweeett · 2018-12-23T07:07:30+00:00

Just be the aggressor - drop to your knees and blow him. I don’t know a single guy that would turn that down, even with minimal previous interactions

CleanWholesomePhun · 2018-12-23T11:55:19+00:00

This sub needs a bot that answers every "How do I tell..." post with "Just tell them" and then locks the thread.

adamcognac · 2018-12-23T05:10:49+00:00

I'm quite shy, and I would never knowingly contribute to the potential misery of a fellow man, just to get my rocks off.

2018-12-23T07:35:56+00:00

Girl, you're a girl. Women are like the masters of dropping bombs and men are perfectly happy to ignore them because they aren't straight forward enough =].

You have such good chemistry with this dude from what you're saying like he's a cuck himself or your gay best friend or something xD lmao.

Joking aside and to your question bring up a general convo about sex. "How come you don't have a girlfriend, you're so cute". "So this is going to sound weird but my husband asked me about threesomes, what do you think it means would you ever let your girl be with another guy?" There's so many ways you can bait him into a conversation and get clues. Of course you can probably think of better things for your specific needs. Hope that helps and congratulations on not being stuck with one penis for life ^_^. You're like automatically faithful, teach these girls to date cucks, there's a lot of lonely men out there who want to be tied down.

P.S. To anyone reading this who isn't a cuck. You better fucking stop watching porn and start approaching, seducing and bedding.

raucous_mute · 2018-12-23T07:58:28+00:00

Yeah. Not saying I agree with what's going on... Not my place to agree or disagree... But if you want him, just straight up go for it and let him decide whether he's down. You seem to be at a point where you've got nothing to lose.

Will he be discreet?

Jacob_961 · 2018-12-23T12:30:17+00:00

Please update the story when you give it a shot. It's not really worth the hassle because this guy has to be convinced that nothing bad will happen out of it and that you really want him to get with you also and that the relationship will not change 100%.

2018-12-23T12:43:53+00:00

What is an open marriage?

Gozh · 2018-12-23T13:34:20+00:00

Does he know that you're married?

davidcumming · 2018-12-23T06:52:13+00:00

Shy guys are shy until you ask to f*** them and then they are no longer shy

TooBigToFitItIn · 2018-12-23T07:51:33+00:00

This is inappropriate work behaviour so you should definitely not do it. If I found out about something such as this happening at my work place I would immediately take up a formal complaint with HR for it to be dealt with and out of my sight.

One_Insanity · 2018-12-23T10:53:42+00:00

Hold on let me throw up.

Ok done.

If he's shy you make it obvious.

I may not be shy but I'll answer the question regardless. I'd run. I'd run towards your house and I'd castrate your cuck ass sack of shit husband. Whatta pathetic excuse for a "man".

Genocidethecucks

Stupyyy · 2018-12-23T14:42:03+00:00

I feel sorry for your husband.

GraveyardZombie · 2018-12-23T10:10:10+00:00

Pointing at your pussy and saying come get it should be easy enough

Aeon199 · 2018-12-23T06:59:49+00:00

I am extremely shy and would not be interested, but this guy sounds like he is. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

2018-12-23T07:18:38+00:00

Call him out, drink together, and then seduce him. Just read the mood. No need to be direct. Discuss some sex related things, make him cozy and then go for it.

Principatus · 2018-12-23T07:58:37+00:00

You need the husband to be present, in my opinion. Just so, when you say it, he really knows for sure that he's cool with it.

MrMellow87 · 2018-12-23T08:31:26+00:00

Start a small talk conversation with him through text, and start it sometime after your work shift. Texting is always a mystery, and will leave him thinking about you at night. Make sure to add some emojis, it will intrigue him.

After a few days of texting with him you should be able to gauge his responses enough to know if you're ready to start a deep conversation. All the small chat does is help break the ice a little bit more. It's always flattering to be thought of, so if you get weekends off or any days off text him on your Friday after work, something flirtatious, maybe you had a dream about him? Even if you didn't really have the dream, it will still flatter him, and he will almost instantly think of you sexually. He might ask what the dream was about, and play a flirtatious guessing game with it. The dream can be xxx or whatever you feel comfortable telling him.

If you feel by this time you're both a little closer surprise him with a nude, but play it off say "I'm sorry I didn't mean to send that! but you don't have to delete it 😘. Instant erection! Take all the baby steps you need to observe how he will react. I know personally it would work on me from a similar experience. I banged my old roommates wife one night after back and forth texting for a couple weeks. My roomate allowed it so I took advantage.

dabears041 · 2018-12-23T09:06:56+00:00

Easiest thing I’ve ever heard. Sounds like you’re pretty confident, so just look him dead in the eyes and tell him you crave his cock.

bostezo22 · 2018-12-23T15:28:29+00:00

Give him a surprise blowjob. You Will see the reaction.

kellykebab · 2018-12-23T06:26:15+00:00

Just divorce your worthless husband already. Or have every kind of specific relationship you want with every single man you meet. What the fuck is this world...

dontstopmenow1966 · 2018-12-23T11:08:23+00:00

Attention seeking female on reddit.

tekneqz · 2018-12-23T13:11:06+00:00

Why are you even married to this guy? Wtf

2018-12-23T12:22:09+00:00

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2018-12-23T12:54:36+00:00

First: easy, get his number and escalate or do it face to face in a company's party (it's Christmas ffs). Second: this post is fucking bs and its unbelievable that its the top post. This is not seduction, this is ridicolous. Third: I don't know if I am more sorry for you or your husband. Whatever makes your boat float, I guess

2018-12-23T07:23:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	[F28] SHY GUYS: How do I tell a potential (but extremely shy) guy that I'm in an open marriage and want to play, without scaring him away?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	116
Comments	117
Date	December 23, 2018 3:01 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a8r99p/f28_shy_guys_how_do_i_tell_a_potential_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/f28-shy-guys-how-do-i-tell-a-potential-but.1459169 https://theredarchive.com/post/1459169

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