Here's my very last FR: In 2015, I met a girl on the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel. On our first date, I took her to a concert. It was awkward, and she wasn't very nice to me at first, but after hanging out and talking for a while we started to have fun. We danced, and when the stage lights started to move across the crowd, I kissed her for the first time. I tried to have sex with her on the first night, but she said no. She did want to see me again the next day though, and the day after that. On the third night, I took her to my apartment and we had sex. We continued dating after that, I deleted all of my dating apps, and after a few months I realized that I was in love. I asked her to be my committed girlfirend and she said yes. A few years after that, we got married.

I was driving to work today and suddenly remembered this subreddit. I used to lurk here a lot. I decided to write what I learned for those of you that were like me: lonely and with very weak game. I hope this helps some of you.

First, to the incels:

Many of you guys are incels. I was one myself, before that term even existed. With the majority of Americans losing their virginities in their teen years, I felt cast aside by society. I felt ugly, useless, and alone. I was depressed for a long time. If you are an incel now, I'm sure you have felt the same. I had one thing going for me though: I knew that I had worth. I am smart, make a lot of money, and am not fat. I met many guys in real life who had a lot less "worth" than me but were still getting laid. So I knew that the problem was with myself. That's why I came to /r/seduction in the first place. If any of you guys are incels, and you are here to improve yourself to be able to hook up with girls, I think that's a good thing. Just remember that you have a lot of self-improvement to do, and don't let your anger and hate consume you. If you are a nice person, hold on to that. Being a nice person has always been very important to me. Every single girl that I ever dated, I made sure to leave them better off than when they met me. Someone once posted that line in this subreddit a long time ago, and it's something that I've always remembered and agreed with. Some guys like to "be an asshole" on purpose to pick up girls (and it's a valid strategy), but that has never worked with my personality.

My biggest mistake: putting girls on "the pedestal"

The habit of putting girls "on the pedestal" was the first thing that I learned about myself. I had always thought girls were logical, and that they would want to have sex with "ideal men". Men that were good looking and accomplished. I knew that I wasn't very good looking, so I assumed that my accomplishments might be enough to attract girls. It turns out that although being good looking and accomplished helps, it's not what gets most girls interested (if anything, it's what gets them to stay). Actually, girls are just as shallow as men. One of the biggest things that I learned is that girls are much more emotional; their priorities in life are to feel happy and have fun. If you can make a girl feel happy and have fun, you have done most of the work. If you are super good looking, then congrats, your mere physical presence makes girls feel happy. However, if you aren't (like me and most men), then you'll need to prioritize other actions that will make girls enjoy your presence. They won't care how smart or accomplished you are if you can't make them laugh. Don't put them on a pedestal. They are human beings like you, who just want to have fun.

My second biggest mistake: assuming that things would just work out

Many guys make it seem so easy to pick up girls, like it's almost effortless. Movies portray dating and sex in a similar fashion. However, that's just not how real life works for most guys. If you want to get laid, you have to work. You have to prove your worth. I would say that my second biggest misake in life was just assuming that "things would just work out," that I would meet a nice girl who just so happened to be attracted to me, and that would be it. Of course, this way of thinking led to me being a virgin until post-college. Yes, some guys don't have to self-improve. But many, like myself, do. If you know that you are unattractive in some way, then it is your responsibility to improve yourself in that way. If you're fat, exercise. If you're uneducated, educate yourself. If you're poor, work harder to get money. If you suck at talking to girls, improve your social skills (/r/seduction). Ignoring your weaknesses will not making the problem go away. Yes, it can be super difficult to improve yourself. That's part of life. There are simply no excuses in life. Just do the best you can, for as long as you can. You have to remember that you are being judged by girls. If you don't pass the test, then you can't reap the reward. Make sure you are prepared.

Conclusion

I learned about those two big mistakes while doing a lot of dating. I spent countless hours messaging hundreds of girls, walking up to girls in real life, and trying to improve my own social game. I made many, many mistakes. A lot of girls made me feel like shit. But I learned from my mistakes. And every now and then, I met a girl who would have sex with me. Until one day I met a girl who I would make my wife. To those of you that are in a hard place: just keep on self-improving, keep on trying. You'll get there.