I see this idea online all the time. "Man lack emotional competence because anger is the only acceptable emotion they are allowed to have". And "men being angry are much more accepted than women being angry."

This doesn't match what I have experienced in real life at all. In any case, displays of male anger in public are highly discouraged, doubly so if it is irrational, over the top anger. Men who openly display their anger in public are routinely ridiculed and shamed. Boys who throw tantrums are singled out, punished with timeouts and told to keep it down in the future. Men who throw tantrums are considered dangerous psychos and encouraged to seek anger management classes.

To pick one example, in my country there is a YouTuber called Drachenlord. At first he didn't garner much interest aside from a few trolls because he was just a dumb guy saying stupid things on camera, HOWEVER interest in him skyrocketed when he started posting videos of his angry freakouts. After that trolls made it a point to try and provoke him into having more public rage freakouts. Because men raging and displaying anger is ridiculous and a source of comedy in western society where being calm and collected is valued above all else.

Also, the few times Drachenlord was able to garner some sympathy is when he showed a more calm, sensible side of himself on video. Either in his own videos or when interviewed. Of course, he wasted that sympathy soon enough because the man is a lazy lying dumbass. Still the biggest source of entertainment he provided to trolls are the public freakouts. And this extends to many other targets of public ridicule, such as Angry German Kid, Psycho Andreas etc...

Yes, SOMETIMES anger is tolerated. RIGHTEOUS, justified anger. Not feeling anger at any random thing. That is obviously discouraged. And women are allowed righteous anger, too. Think of Marianne Bachmeier, the mom who shot the murderer of her child. Most people will say she did nothing wrong and her actions are understandable. Even trad people love the idea of righteous angry valkyrie, amazon, angry Greek Godess, or mama bear defending her cub.

If male anger was tolerated, then forms of media expressing that anger would be mainstream, but that is not the case. From what I know revenge movies like Death Wish are no longer popular in the west unless they are made in South Korea. In music, grindcore, extreme metal etc are underground, instead forms of music that usually express narcissism (hip hop), "who cares as long as I get to be drunk and party" (most rock and pop music), smug irony etc are popular. If anything, that constant layer of don't-care, irony, smugness and numbness is probably more toxic than just feeling angry. I don't hear any "I'm angry" songs on the radio.

I can't think of any male character in classical literature whose anger is depicted as a positive. Instead, in the Epic of Gilgamesh, the oldest story humankind knows, the point is that Gilgamesh is a dick and the gods fix it by sending him a best friend. In Moby Dick, a book so manly it doesn't have any significant female characters in it, the main character and his new best friend share a bed early declaring to be married. Angry Ahab is depicted as a vengeful maniac whose obsession ends up dooming all the men, his opponent is Starbuck who is calm, mild and rational and also not afraid to cry in front of other men. He even considers killing Ahab which would have saved the crew but doesn't do it.

So all things considered, men are definitely not allowed to feel anger freely. If at all, anger is too demonized in modern western society. Anger is an emotion like any other and it is not created in a vaccuum, people usually have reasons to be angry and it is inconsiderate to meet anger with general dismissal or ridicule. If anything, the constant pressure on men to not care, act numb, inaffected or overly sad is much more toxic.