Actually, getting into a relationship DOES fix many problems for you

harmonica2 · 2024-04-15T19:15:39+00:00

I concur that getting into a relationship has made my life a lot better.

Chaos-Knight · 2024-04-15T19:56:58+00:00

There is scientific evidence that having had your first long term relationship will significantly lower your neuroticism. (One of the big-five personality traits).

There were several studies so not sure how they define long-term but speaking for myself it was definitely true for me. I became a lot more socially aware and less anxious around people after my first LTR.

Just to make sure it came across: On average it permanently improves a shitty personality trait and the benefits persist even if the relationship fails after a certain (long-ish) amount of time. (Unless it's an abusive or otherwise very damaging relationship I would wager).

SpareSpecialist5124 · 2024-04-15T20:51:13+00:00

Can confirm, it does help in many regards, from confidence, to self-esteem, to many other associated aspects that used to cripple me.

But, relationships aren't exactly stress free and women aren't easy to please, and you're trading some problems for other problems, for some people they could be worse, but for many are obviously fine. Also, bad relationships can basically ruin you.

rma5690 · 2024-04-15T20:53:54+00:00

It's the job/work experience conundrum.

You need to have your shit together mentally for a relationship. Not being in a relationship for years while wanting one will fuck your shit up mentally, so good luck getting into one now. Definitely not getting one now with that attitude, so good luck mentally coping with the abyss. Oof, looks like you're having a hard time there champ...Definitely not ready for a relationship. Take these SSRIs and fuck off to your corner.

"For those that have nothing, everything will be taken".

TopEntertainment4781 · 2024-04-15T20:03:45+00:00

A supportive relationship will help you fix yourself. It will not fix you. That is still on you. But the hill you need to climb gets easier when someone is walking it with you. We have studies that prove that.

You still have to climb that hill.

SignifyingNothing5 · 2024-04-15T21:51:51+00:00

Women are understandably reluctant to be seen as men's saviors in these scenarios, even when the woman wants that relationship but may not be aware she's saving anyone. That's a lot to ask. And there's a long history generally which runs right up to this minute in some circles wherein women are perceived as characters in men's lives. Again, who wants that? I don't want that as a man so why would a woman?

But that leads to some over reach in response. Relationships can indeed be healthy and probably more so for some men who are fundamentally OK but lonely. That relationship may not be good for a woman who enters it unless she knows what she's getting into, and even then I'm not sure. And I get not wanting that, but that doesn't mean it can't work out in some cases. Plenty of people feel a sense of relief and revitalization in a relationship that's hard to find otherwise, especially for men who don't currently have the kind of friendships that could partially meet their need for intimacy.

Sometimes people save each other.

RIchardjCranium · 2024-04-15T21:23:09+00:00

The happiest I ever was in my life was a year I was in a relationship with a wonderful person. And after it ended I was even worse than I was before because I saw what a normal life could actually be.

GridReXX · 2024-04-15T22:56:12+00:00

A “good relationship” is accomplished when both people are attracted to each other, regard each other, and treat each other with “goodness.”

I think it’s harder to do that if either one is coming in a mental hot mess.

CHIN000K · 2024-04-15T19:30:10+00:00

The people who say "it won't fix you" are always the people (women) who never had to experience lifelong lack of intimacy and its mental and physical effects. I got a gf and experienced intimacy for the first time at 25 and it literally DOES "fix" you on a biochemical level. It's like finally correcting a severe nutritional deficiency you didn't know you were living with your whole life.

raldabos · 2024-04-15T19:55:05+00:00

The biggest issue that I see in most issues talked here is that people believe in "just-world-fallacies" aswell as "women are wonderful/men are shit" falacies.

Saying things like "you need to be mentally well/complete/happy to be in a relationship" is a defense mechanism a lot of women have to deter what they think are shitty men.

In reality, shitty men have absolutely no issues finding women to date, specially if they are good looking.

FunkGetsStrongerPt1 · 2024-04-15T21:18:16+00:00

When literally the only issue in your life is not being in a relationship (as it is in my case) of course getting into a good relationship fixes it. Pretending otherwise is delusional.

Issue is that desperation becomes a turnoff because indifference is like crack to women. It’s something I’m working on myself. Ironically as a bloke indifference is a huge turn off. Nothing worse than having to battle your own girlfriend to give you affection.

TheCounsellingGamer · 2024-04-15T22:24:38+00:00

As a therapist who practises using predominantly humanistic and systemic approaches, I could probably write you a whole damn essay on this. To keep it brief though, you a right that a lack of human connection can cause feelings of deep unhappiness. You're also right that no amount of therapy will ever remove that desire for connection, because it's hard wired into us.

However, that doesn't mean that you should assume getting into a relationship will magically solve the majority of your problems. If you struggle with your self-worth then unfortunately that doesn't always disappear when you get in a relationship. Sometimes it does, but sometimes it actually gets worse. When it gets worse that can then cause anxiety that your partner doesn't really love you. That can then turn into paranoia. Left unchecked that can manifest itself as controlling behaviour.

I was on the receiving end of it with my ex. He had some significant self-worth issues. Things were alright to begin, he seemed very happy and secure. Then he started to question how I could possibly love him. No matter how much I reassured him, he still didn't really believe it. Eventually he became anxious that I would cheat on him, or leave him. Towards the end of our relationship he was hesitant to leave my side. The final straw was when he said he would never be on board with me going back to university because I would be around too many other men. I broke things off not long after. I don't think my ex was a bad guy. I think he was a guy with no self-worth and when he had something to lose, it terrified him.

Having poor self-worth, anxiety, depression, etc doesn't mean that you can't have a healthy relationship. You should just be aware that said relationship probably isn't going to make those things vanish overnight. You still need to engage in personal growth as an individual.

Something-bothersome · 2024-04-15T23:49:55+00:00

But actually, a good relationship is really good for you.

Absolutely. Being in a “good relationship” with shared goals, values, and the mutual desire to share the burdens and maximise opportunities is a wonderful thing.

A “good relationship” is not something that someone can gift to you though unfortunately. You need to be able to build one with someone, which means you need to provide your end of the bargain.

Fortunately you don’t need to be perfect and neither do they, thank god.

Genuine good will go a long way, and coupled with the desire to make your partner’s life a pleasant and fulfilling experience will help tremendously.

analt223 · 2024-04-16T20:31:12+00:00

everyone who says the "find yourself" "you arent ready", etc is gatekeeping relationships. That is the case almost all the time.

Nobody is 100% ready for anything, it doesnt mean you don't do it. I know plenty of people in very reasonably healthy bf/gf relationships and they are far from "100% ready".

envious1998 · 2024-04-17T11:04:11+00:00

I saw how the relationships my friends got into in college made them happier and helped them grow into better people. The women who tell men that relationships won’t fix them are the ones who want to wait at the finish line. They’re like a half step above gold diggers.

CancelNot · 2024-04-15T19:32:35+00:00

Women can not admit this

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-04-15T20:28:04+00:00

It totally depends on the relationship and both people’s willingness to work on their issues. Nobody is free of “issues,” if you’re waiting for your life and mental health to be perfect before getting into a relationship, you will be single forever. But if you have two unhealthy people trying to “fix” each other without fixing themselves, it can make things far worse for both. A bad relationship can literally destroy your mental health and self-esteem.

A supportive partner can certainly help your mental health, but they are not a therapist. They are not trained and have too much personal investment in your life to be objective, and there is a reason the therapist gets paid. One is not better or worse than the other, they just play different roles.

So bottom line is no, I don’t think people should wait until they are “fixed” to try to date. But you can and should be working on yourself before and during the relationship. It’s never a one and done thing, humans are messy creatures, some things will get better and some new issues will arise over the course of any relationship.

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TheAvocadoSlayer · 2024-04-16T00:07:11+00:00

Humans have many different kinds of problems that cannot all be solved via romantic relationships ships. While relationships will help with certain aspects, they will also bring up an entirely new set of problems into your life.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-04-16T12:41:22+00:00

If your problem js loneliness it definitely fix it. It's totaly normal human need, there is nothing wrong or weird to be missing romantic relationship. A good relationship should also give you support and motivation to solve other issues and take better care of yourself.

dirty_cheeser · 2024-04-15T21:43:38+00:00

It does, but if this is how you fix your problems, it makes you dependent on your partner. Maybe getting a relationship will fix your emotional and mental problems fast but the risks should be discussed as well so the advice is valid to some extent.

Disastrous-Top2795 · 2024-04-16T04:06:03+00:00

It sounds like an unhealthy codependency you are trying to place on a relationship. That puts the burden on her to fix you, then blame her when she doesn’t fix you, because the only person responsible for your emotional state is you.

Glass_Bucket · 2024-04-15T20:56:14+00:00

Human beings exist as a species because of relationships and sex. When you’re deprived of these things, to act like that shouldn’t affect you is just ridiculous

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-04-15T21:44:09+00:00

A supportive relationship can help you find motivation and a positive mindset to work on your problems, for sure. But it won't fix those problems for you. I've got a wonderful partner but he didn't make my anxiety, depression, and deeply ingrained feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy go away, that shit needed professional help to sort through.

And an unhealthy relationship with someone who turns out to be a shitty partner can also make your issues way worse. So while I do acknowledge the benefits a relationship can bring, depending on the relationship, you might get fucked further. Then there's also the issue of treating your partner like the solution to all of your problems, and when they don't go away, you might feel resentment towards your partner for not doing enough for you, even if they were being an otherwise decent person.

EulenWatcher · 2024-04-15T19:28:17+00:00

50/50

Good relationships improve one's life and it's easier to cope with problems, when you have a person to rely on. We're social creatures and we need social contact and physical contact to be content and happy.

From the other hand, in relationships your problems affect your partner as well. Not all relationships are healthy and not all people are ready, capable or willing to deal with certain problems that might stop you from getting in relationships in the first place. If you don't learn to cope on your own and you solely rely on your partner, they might feel burdened and in the long run you aren't getting better - if they leave you, you return to your previous state with no new skills or coping mechanisms.

Mental/health issues don't magically disappear, because you got a partner either. You can be in relationships and still suffer from depression, insecurity etc. Your partner can help you to a degree, but you still have to be responsible for your problems and seek help.

pandasloth69 · 2024-04-15T23:44:28+00:00

optimuscrymez · 2024-04-16T05:22:54+00:00

People enjoy patting themselves on the ass for false reasons such as imagining they must be better than you to have landed a relationship.

However you're wrong.

A gf even a loving one won't change who you are or how the world treats you which is the source of most problems

KayRay1994 · 2024-04-16T05:50:11+00:00

No one saying a good relationship isn’t good for you, in fact, it can be downright amazing and can fix a lot - however, when people say “a relationship won’t fix you”, especially to the guys on this sub, it’s because the issues these men face run much deeper than other people, they’re internal and within the self.

Frankly, lots of the issues I see here mentioned by men are best handled with strong support groups and a mental health professional, not a partner. I’m willing to bet that 90% of single miserable men (key term is ‘miserable’ - so not single men as a whole) here will continue to be miserable after the honeymoon period is done and will likely externalize their issues to their partner. I even see them potentially becoming emotionally abusive without realizing it because these issues are so deep rooted and personal.

RespectHefty5063 · 2024-04-16T08:28:43+00:00

Partnering up is a survival strategy. If your relationship makes your life harder it’s not the right relationship.

mudbro76 · 2024-04-16T11:15:33+00:00

Got in a relationship… my financial health too a Hit💥🤡🧐📉 these women are broke and see men as ATM MACHINES….

ThickyJames · 2024-04-17T04:17:59+00:00

🙌🙌🙌A-👏FUCK👏ING👏MEN,👏REV👏ER👏END🙌🙌🙌

Hosj_Karp · 2024-04-17T06:53:33+00:00

Agree on this front. "You have to be perfect and have fixed every problem in your life before you date" is stupid advice

Away_Entrance1185 · 2024-04-17T08:31:16+00:00

Yeah, I've been in a dead bedroom for almost half a decade, got a new girlfriend recently and it's just amazing having someone to hug you. Note that I'm still married to my wife, I just have a girlfriend on the side and she's amazing.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-04-15T19:24:06+00:00

The problem is, many people in relationships are miserable - take a look at mumsnet.com to see how much they despise their ‘DH’.

I used to work in a female dominated office, and a regular topic of conversation was how stupid/incompetent/useless their husbands/partners were, and how men in general were overgrown children, incapable of performing the most basic of take unsupervised. They were obviously unhappy, but stuck together for financial necessity.

So a relationship is not a guaranteed fix.

MikeArrow · 2024-04-15T20:19:08+00:00

For me, this was 1000% accurate. Wanting but not having a girlfriend was such a burden on me, psychologically. Finally getting one just improved, well, everything. It was a great time.

After a while the cracks started to show, I got complacent, took her for granted. But at least in the early going it was all upside.

untamed-italian · 2024-04-15T21:25:36+00:00

I absolutely would have blown my brains out if I someone had told me that shit when I was at my worst.

This is the part way too many women refuse to accept: contempt has lethal consequences.

Zombombaby · 2024-04-15T21:32:55+00:00

My husband went into our relationship thinking it would fix him. All it did was break me. He's happy. I'm not. Yes, your life might improve but you've just created a burden on someone else as a result. Which, fundamentally, makes you a horrible partner. The real question is that the kind of partner you want to be?

Sxnflower15 · 2024-04-15T21:19:53+00:00

Being in a relationship has saved me money and when I need to do laundry, I just take it to my bf’s house to have him wash it for me. Life is fantastic.

Edit: though you shouldn’t totally rely on your partner to fix your issues, of course.

kayne2000 · 2024-04-15T22:48:06+00:00

OP is spot on and it's what I always want to say to these kinds of responses of just fix yourself bro

Yes fix yourself, improve always, however you're absolutely right it's soul crushing not to have a significant other over the long term and no amount of fix yourself advice can undo the damage to someone that hasn't been hugged in years as an example.

It's why I think any man stuck in a cycle of no dating absolutely must fake it to make it to some extent or they'll never get past the initial "hello" without getting shot down because women have to approached like they're stray cats, the slightest wrong movement and she's gone, until she likes you.

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-04-15T19:31:18+00:00

Youre allowed to want to find a relationship and to be in a relationship. But you cant expect your partner to be your therapist.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-04-15T22:06:13+00:00

Getting into a good relationship can be beneficial in multiple ways. Getting into any relationship, which is what many men here claim to be desperate for, is less so.

Far more so than having a therapist, in my opinion, as the therapist only pretends to care about you because he gets paid to do so

That's not what a therapist is for.

Telling someone who's sad over losing their partner to just 'learn to be happy alone' would be tremendously insensitive.

Because they're missing the companionship they had with that specific person. Telling them, "just go find any other partner" would be equally insensitive, yet that is exactly what claimed men are seeking here.

H20man1 · 2024-04-15T22:37:03+00:00

Having a loving partner boosts your self esteem, motivation, mental health etc tremendously.

Can confirm. That's why I hardly come here anymore. A good relationship > single any day of the week. When I was single I was paying my home, holding my job, and indulging in my hobbies and I can def do that but being in a good relationship is way better. It's not mental illness, spiritual void, or whatever other shit people try to peddle to want companionship. That gaslighting needs to stop.

SatisfactionFar7422 · 2024-04-16T07:27:22+00:00

Can confirm.I had many problems, and my wife gave me the motivation to solve them.

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-04-16T07:56:07+00:00

More importantly, you can still be a good partner while going through some shit.

HatedByaNation · 2024-04-16T13:15:33+00:00

I’d actually argue that you have to be at least somewhat broken to be considered attractive. Some of the most well put together guys I know are single. They don’t bring the drama that comes with a fixer upper

bielsasballholder · 2024-04-16T21:19:40+00:00

Imagine men telling women that abortions won't fix them. Or houses.

hearyoume14 · 2024-04-15T21:50:23+00:00

Some people are in no place to be in a relationship of most kinds. Many do need to work on their attachment issues. The number of preoccupied men here makes things tricky relationship-wise. First, you must admit that there is an issue in the first place. If every one of your relationships has been terrible, either your picker is off, or you’re the problem.

Your partner can not be your everything. That Isn't healthy and will cause issues. Being around each other 24/7 is a great way to ruin a relationship. Reparenting can happen in a healthy relationship but takes time and effort.

UpstairsAd1235 · 2024-04-16T07:44:09+00:00

If someone is very much down and out, struggling for years and losing hope, hearing another confirmation that they are unlovable and that they can't even look forward to finding a loving partner (something that easily happens for horrible but wildly confident men).

^ SPEAK LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!!!!!!!!

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-04-15T20:32:10+00:00

I think you shouldn’t rely so heavily on your partner to fix your issues. That causes an unhealthy dependency, because if the relationship ends then that person is extremely vulnerable and their issues rise again. The relationship was just a band aid over the bigger issue.

Also it can be a burden as well.

I absolutely believe that a healthy relationship is very beneficial to one’s life but let’s be honest it’s extremely hard to find one nowadays.

Women usually get the short end of the stick in relationships so from our perspective it’s a huge gamble and to some women it’s not worth it to gamble. Men typically get more out of relationships than women do.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-04-15T20:22:09+00:00

You are misunderstanding the problem. The problem is that guys who believe a woman and a warm pussy will solve all of their problems, will be extremely unlikely to ever find a relationship because they are coming at it from a place of neediness and desperation. Furthermore, for them a relationship isn't something that grows organically because you like the person and have chemistry with them. It's rather viewed as some trophy or prize that you have to work hard to earn.

All of these elements make it extremely unlikely for a guy to find what he is looking for, because women are not attracted to needy, desperate men who cannot handle their own emotional needs. If you feel that you need a woman to be complete, you will almost never find a woman because women want to attach themselves to men who are complete.

Here is another analogy if you want to look at it this way. No employer wants to hire a person who is desperate for a job and who tells them "as long as you hire me, I promise I will learn how to do the job well". Why would they hire someone who doesn't bring any value and only wants to take value? They would rather spend the extra money and headhunt a person from a competitor who is already proven.

So what happens if you are an inexperienced guy? Well, learn to be happy with yourself and by yourself, and that will make you a valuable partner to someone, instead of being a needy guy who is only looking to extract value from others and make them responsible for his emotional needs.

Square_Height_5133 · 2024-04-15T19:33:43+00:00

This is true to an extent, although I’d argue they can then open up new issues you never even knew about.

You can easily go through life with shit communication skills etc and not be particularly aware of them until you’re in a relationship. Then you’re gonna be called out on them and have to find ways to deal with it or address it which can cause further problems

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-04-15T20:34:20+00:00

I would say “improves” but not “fixes”. Starting a relationship from a position of need or pain is most likely a recipe for disaster. One has to fix their own issues to an acceptable extent first, then, from a position of self-sufficiency they will be able to enjoy a relationship at best. This doesn’t mean one isn’t allowed to have and display their own vulnerabilities and get support from a caring partner in a moment of difficulty, the problem occurs when one expects their partner to become their therapist.

Ludwig_B0ltzmann · 2024-04-15T21:49:04+00:00

Normalising doing stuff alone is good and I encourage it because we shouldn’t be dependent on people to do things/go to places that interest us.

With that said sometimes it’s just nicer to share that experience with someone who loves and cares about you. It becomes less about the thing or destination you’re seeing/doing and more about bonding over shared experiences and making memories.

People who are single like me are often fine on their own going to places and events without a partner but sometimes you can’t help but want/need that type of companionship.

I feel that if I had just one small taste of companionship I’d be a better man.

KikiYuyu · 2024-04-16T02:58:03+00:00

Receiving love, hugs, affection and sex is really good for your health.

Yes, and if you have massive hang-ups and personality flaws, you won't get to keep having those things. So no, getting into a relationship will not fix you, because you also have to be capable of maintaining said relationship.

Diamond-Breath · 2024-04-15T21:14:04+00:00

That's what my ex thought and he ended up killing himself. Relationships solve nothing if you don't work on yourself first.

operation-spot · 2024-04-15T19:21:24+00:00

A relationship can help you cope with the issues in your life but it won’t solve them and more likely than not, everything will fall back apart if you break up. You’ll still have the same issues such as being insecure, but now it affects another person and may get brought up even more.

It sounds like depression and a lack of motivation are the real issues so get some medicine especially since it’s not easy to enter a relationship that can fulfill the needs you’ve laid out.

AdEffective7894s · 2024-04-15T20:45:14+00:00

We know that people hate losers andthat blue pill is bulshit ( just as much as redpill anyway) lie. What else is new

campskills21 · 2024-04-15T22:21:14+00:00

I went through some actual ptsd with my last girlfriend of years, trying to break up with her and she wouldn’t accept it. She wouldn’t stop trying to monkey branch, but she needed me too. I said that’s enough, but she wouldn’t accept it.

I tried to date after and I was not having fun, luckily a girl that I dated before said she wanted to be my girlfriend. It’s been a lot better I feel a lot better now, lot of it is thanks to my new girlfriend.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2024-04-15T23:58:30+00:00

It can be an issue if you end up being codependent on your partner and they happens to be your only friend.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2024-04-15T19:36:06+00:00

A good relationship is very dependent on both people being able to work together. It doesn't matter how great one of them is, if the other isn't also capable. If you don't have your shit together enough, you'll never be in a good relationship.

shmupsy · 2024-04-16T01:26:59+00:00

what does telling someone that 'they have no business looking for a relationship' or 'a relationship shouldn't be of concern to you' accomplish?

It's absolutely a benefit to women to goad less confident men out of the dating pool.

To them, it's one less guy they might date and find out he needs work and help. There's a cold logic there.

Plus-Sprinkles7852 · 2024-04-16T11:14:53+00:00

maybe if your only issues are loneliness based and its mild depression or anxiety but ime there are 3 options: -you feel better and make the other person feel worse cause your issues bring them down or -they make your issues worse cause a relationship adds new anxieties and they could be toxic in their own ways or -you get extremely lucky in finding someone highly compatible in good and bad ways and you bring out the best in eachother

the 3rd option seems very rare

im a girl w the sort of mental issues that i constantly see ppl saying that dating is basically inappropriate or unacceptable (mostly aimed at males w similar attitudes as my inner thoughts) and ive been single and celibate way too long cause of it but i do see it and kind of agree so ive just been doing treatment and dying of impatience waiting to get better enough to justify the risk

a lot of the ppl i see being told that stuff def do need to readjust their mentality before dating as it would negatively impact their treatment or trust and opinion of a partner but it always seems more mild than my own version and i think its basically undersocialization and could/would be improved by socialization and intimacy just the obstacle of somehow ensuring it wasnt at their partners expense makes it complicated

marmotjacket · 2024-04-16T13:06:25+00:00

Yep a good relationship is great

But a bad one is more bad than a good one is good, for me

AshleyOriginal · 2024-04-16T15:50:46+00:00

It's good in many ways for both people in the relationship if it's healthy. But being healthy vs codependent sure can be a problem for a lot of people. I tend to lose myself in my relationships until I can't recognize myself anymore but that's me being a people pleaser and I guess kinda desperate because I like their company. I'd say relationships bring new problems and fix some old ones or at least temporarily help with problems unless you marry or something. I think overall relationships are a positive through, normally everyone gets some benefits to it or else they would not stay. Not being in a relationship or not being in a relationship for long does make you feel unlovable but even in some relationships you can feel unlovable - but at least you can say you were in a relationship which is often some positive for guys, not so much for women. Either way, no matter the relationship you will learn and grow if you reflect on it in a positive way (unless it really traumatized you which I think is generally not common but even trauma can give you a new way to connect with others if you work through it).

MyUpSeemsDown · 2024-04-16T17:18:01+00:00

Yea for sure, just not all. Something like perspective and traits they learned along the way probably sticks for while. Which is why something like RP is a problem, because maintaining a relationship is whole different set of challenges than just finding one.

lordmoldybutt42 · 2024-04-16T17:59:00+00:00

I get what you’re saying, but there are very few right people to get into relationships with. Nowadays everyone wants to get drunk, drugged, fucked and party. You gotta find yourself someone who is not promiscuous, doesn’t so drugs, doesn’t drink to get fucked up. Doesn’t party (that’s where people go to get fucked but others), unless they take you to those parties. Someone that wants to build with you instead of wait at the finish line. Someone who doesn’t let there daddy/mommy issues affect them negatively… etc…

Sure getting into a relationship can fix stuff, but today no one is willing to put in the work. The moment they don’t like something about you they’ll dump you and go looking for someone else. They don’t realize no one is perfect and that everyone has faults.

Nonexistentperson7 · 2024-04-17T03:07:09+00:00

Basically being introverted as the end of any chance of me finding a significant other. I like my own company in solitude and don't want to put up with somebody else's barking, mouth. And even if I want to try going on dating apps in the stiff competition of a 100 to 500 men. For every one woman, what is the chance of me ever finding a significant other when it's almost pointless and near impossible to find somebody, especially when these other guys are way better. Look in the main toll or the main, but yet if they can't get responses on dating apps. What hope is there for me being a short average bald man.Almost 30-year-old man with no kind of money. Or hope of any future, what do I have to offer? And even if I did have money and I was over 6 foot tall. I know people that get matches on dating apps and they don't even get a response back and they get a lot more matches of me. At so what's the point of me trying? There is no point it's a waste of time, but yet I get to see young kids getting in relationships holding hands and seeing that and how painful and how that hurts like driving on arrow 3 or heart. How are they getting in relationships? I know how they have friends, social life. Social circles, which I lack and I can't have because I don't trust people. So yes, it's on the end for me and the wine. No happiness ever again. Keep living and repeating the same abysmal, boring. That end day every day with no hope of any kind of companionship or ever touching a woman again. Is anybody else feel this way? Any other man out there?

Handz_in_the_Dark · 2024-04-17T03:24:57+00:00

It’s nobody’s job to do that though.
This seems to be the trap that too many fall into.
I’d hold the door open and help someone run away from someone with an argument like this one.
Red flags galore. (that hopefully would be recognized with good therapy)

AnonTheGreat01 · 2024-04-21T08:36:03+00:00

The main problem with this thesis is that it assumes that your partner will be a high quality partner.

The reality is that people who have issues/defects themselves will very likely mate with other people that have similar or other defects. Because most 'high quality' people who have everything going for themselves in life, no psychologicla issues etc. are not going to date people who are not on or close to that 'level'. So when you are riddled with issues yourself, you get co-dependent/toxic/abusive/manipulative relationships etc.

So I would disgaree with you.

If you said a relationship with a high quality partner who adores you can fix you, you would've been correct, but that's not likely to happen unless you're a high quality partner yourself...

apresonly · 2024-04-15T20:32:18+00:00

But actually, a good relationship is really good for you.

yes but most relationships aren't "good relationships"

or at least, we can all agree not all relationships are good relationships. So you have to specify that its just "good" relationships that are good for you, or your argument doesn't work.

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DapperDan1929 · 2024-04-15T19:51:31+00:00

Relationships seem so risky. Anyone can end it.

Safinated · 2024-04-15T20:12:15+00:00

No one’s denying that

We’re denying it’s the only way

This is similar to the incorrect and self-pitying way whiners talk about looks (Only looks matter! Why was I lied to about it?!?)

silverhippo15 · 2024-04-15T20:38:24+00:00

Whenever a woman enters the equation, it always creates more problems than it fixes. One thing getting into a relationship does fix is the annoying "What are we?" and the perpetual need for labels.

downvotrax · 2024-04-15T20:35:35+00:00

There is no advice better than TRP for a single guy.

socooltoexist · 2024-04-15T21:51:23+00:00

I think having company, socializing and having a support system will always help you improve your mental health and will motivate you to do things. That's why we all need to have friends and family we can rely on. I don't think it's exclusive of romantic partners.

I think the problem comes when we expect only our romantic partners to be there for us and support us. I don't think that's fair. What happens when that relationship ends? Where are we going to fall into? Who else is going to support us? That mentally (expecting only your romantic partner to support you) only makes emotional codependency easier, and may lead to unhealthy relationships.

Also, we cannot see romantic relationships as a cure because that will also make the relationship unhealthy. In a healthy relationship, your partner will help you and support you in your journey to a better mental health, but they cannot be responsible for your actual improvement. You are the one that has to put in the effort to get better, they will just help you however they can.

I can tell you from experience. I dated a guy who lived his worst mental health during the pandemic. I think we all suffered but some took it better than others. The thing is, even if I was doing well during that time, I didn't know how to help him deal with the situation better. We tried to see each other as often as we could, we would do homework "together" to motivate us, and it didn't help him at all. Being with me made him happy for a bit, but it didn't actually make his overall mental health better. You can try and blame me for it, but that's not what you should do in a healthy relationship: you don't blame another person for not being able to cure you.

It wasn't his fault either. And I don't think people who are having mental health issues shouldn't date. I just think that you cannot expect your partner to be the cure of your mental health. Also, while it's very shitty, I understand people who don't wanna date other people with mental health issues. I've seen a lot of men talking shit about girls and women with daddy issues, and while I think they are cruel, I also think people shouldn't date other people with issues they don't know how to deal with. We aren't experts on mental health so it is very unlikely that you will have a healthy relationship with someone that doesn't understand your mental issues or isn't able to empathize with them. I think specially because a lot of mental health issues may have "symptoms" that essentially make you an unbearable piece of sh!t (like being narcissistic, not a lot of people can deal with that).

And yes, you can say all you want about women being cruel or unfair. I don't think that it's always the woman who will take care of the man (I do think it happens more often this way, but I don't think it's the only way, obviously), but, as a person that felt responsible for another person's mental health, I can tell you that it also worsens your own mental health and creates a very shitty relationship dynamic.

Title	Actually, getting into a relationship DOES fix many problems for you
Author	nonplussedminus
Upvotes	292
Comments	389
Date	April 15, 2024 7:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1c4upmn/actually_getting_into_a_relationship_does_fix/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/actually-getting-into-a-relationship-does-fix-many.1515224 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515224

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