You can manipulate yourself as much as you want, if you as a Man date a single mom (while having no kids yourself) you are humilating yourself, other Men will respect you less, and social media proves that.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-04-30T08:19:30+00:00

If the only reason you don't want to marry a woman you love, and who loves you back, is because you're afraid some stranger on Social Media will make fun of you, you ARE insecure, dude.

Maybe I'll just never understand it because, as a queer man, I had to accept a long time ago that you can EITHER "please everybody" or you can "please yourself", but rarely can you do both.

Some men choose to make decisions based on what will get them most accepted. Some men don't care and just do what they want.

Also, men who seek to "humiliate" men who choose to be step fathers are scum. Luckily, not all men do this - the men who don't shame and bully are generally the ones that make good, supportive friends.

Hatespanch · 2024-04-30T08:05:47+00:00

I wouldnt date a single mom for many reasons but social media clowning and peoples approval are not among them, who gives a shit.

jazzmaster1992 · 2024-04-30T08:04:08+00:00

It's wild to me that you just came out and said that guys should care about the "respect" of random men online over their own feelings towards the other person in their own relationship.

Pacman124 · 2024-04-30T08:37:50+00:00

Would never date a single mother, but the "men" in the comment section are straight up assholes and don't represent the average guy's perspective on dating a single mother.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-04-30T08:40:10+00:00

I used to have a similar view.

There would be no circumstances I would ever date a single for dad with kids, a part-time dad or even a deadbeat dad. A man that’s already has kids is done, he’ll never be a good provider or protector for me and our potential offspring because he’ll always have a duty to his previous kids and their mother even if their not together. A man that isn’t with the mother of his kids has either abandoned them, or failed in his duty to his family. Why would I ever want to be sloppy seconds?

However, Once I grew past adolescence I realised life isn’t prefect, you can not plan every part of your life. The majority of single parents didn’t plan or want to be single parents but things happened they couldn’t control. Does this mean their never allowed to date again? I’d always argue men that abandon their kids are far worse then the single mums that at least taking responsibility.

LumpyReplacement1436 · 2024-04-30T08:29:04+00:00

This Women has a Kid off another dude, and now she got married by another dude with no kids, the comments are absolutely brutal, like the dude gets dunked on brutally.

Oh no, mean instagram comments.

Why would you ever date a Single mom? Why would you ever do that?

Presumably they like them and they make each other happy.

i aint destroying the legacy off my last name with such a play.

What legacy? Who will remember you in 100 years? What have you done? That's regarded, lifes way to short to care about that shit, just be happy now and who cares what idiots on instagram meme about.

Legitimate_Reply_537 · 2024-04-30T08:25:50+00:00

inb4 source is tik tok

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-04-30T08:46:36+00:00

Good thing I don't need respect from social media?

Sir_Spectacular · 2024-04-30T08:52:04+00:00

I believe it's possible to date a single mother and not receive any social backlash for it. I've met couples who have done so, and it's worked out for them. With the way you worded your post, that alone is enough to disprove your argument. You need to be careful of making blanket generalizations like that.

There's definitely a risk of what you're saying happening, though. Dating a woman with kids comes with serious drawbacks, and it's definitely more complicated than one without. Even setting aside the social stigma and cuckolding implications, you'll be treated as a lower priority than the lady's children (rightly so, because kids need the attention to develop properly) and there's often a co-parenting thing going on with the ex which can get messy. It all prevents a clean separation and fresh start with someone new. It's not for everyone, and I know I would struggle with it, emotionally.

That said, don't disqualify single mothers out of hand. If you're dating in your thirties, a decent single mom with a good head on her shoulders might be a better partner for you than the sort of toxic bitch whose glaring red flags managed to scare away every man she came across before meeting you. You have to fairly weigh the pros and cons, and see whether the added complication of kids is offset by her other redeeming qualities. What is mandatory for a partner, and what are you willing to compromise on?

MongoBobalossus · 2024-04-30T09:23:59+00:00

I mean, if y’all both like each other, who gives a shit what other people think?

ezbyte · 2024-04-30T08:23:36+00:00

This is low self esteem babble reinforced by the commodification of women’s wombs and virginity. The first man to have a baby with her is not the “best” man just by factor of getting to do it first. Stop treating women like new or used cars you pull off the lot. We are complex people who often have to go thru trials and tribulations in order to mature and make better decisions. If the single mom is compatible with you, not struggling financially to raise her children, willing to extend her family with you(if that’s what you want) and no longer romantically involved with the father of her child, there is no valid reason to demonize her.

Boring_Tie_3262 · 2024-04-30T08:09:30+00:00

I wonder if this is a recent thing ? If a soldier returns home and marries a dead soldiers widow to look after them , is he still seen as a beta cuck?

WeUsedToBe · 2024-04-30T08:22:26+00:00

Going by this logic, you can never guarantee any marriage you enter into will never end in divorce or with yourself being widowed, hence the best bet for a woman looking for a life partner is to never have children with anyone.

OkishPizza · 2024-04-30T08:19:04+00:00

I like much rather date a single mom with let’s say teen kids vs forming my own family. I just have no desire and I don’t mind fixing others fuck ups. Though I would rather just have no kids ever.

This being said it really does boil down to insecurities who cares what others or society says?? Everyone else is a fool anyways, you will rarely find someone with more confidence.

ResidentEnergy5263 · 2024-04-30T09:42:17+00:00

Someone I know married a widow with 2 kids. He got the family he never had. (It was his second marriage.) So that worked out. Also, she wasn't happy with her late husband anyway even before his death. Another widow I know also planned to divorce her husband, but he passed first. So, OP, being married and even having kids with a guy doesn't mean the woman prefers him over a future man. It can be the opposite sometimes.

Creation_Soul · 2024-04-30T08:33:37+00:00

while I agree that dating a single mother as a man is not an ideal or preferred situation, part of being an adult is having a thick skin.

If you like that single mom and the only reason you don't want to be in a relationship with her is due to social pressure/stigma, then you don't really have that thick of a skin.

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RAZBUNARE761 · 2024-04-30T09:11:29+00:00

But if you are older than 30/40 its difficult to find prople that dont already have children or have other issues. The big downside is that at the end of the day its not your kind. You can get attached to it but if the rekationship is over so is your bond.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2024-04-30T09:49:09+00:00

“it’s the view of the general public!”

cites internet comment sections actually just kill me man lol how bout f all those teens and emotionally stunted adults in that comment section hating on him, instead of validating and normalizing their hate?

you want a world where men like that get universally shamed and where single moms are just stuck being single forever if they get unlucky and lose their partner in a car wreck, and where their kids are stuck in a one parent situation for life. instead of working alongside those who’d rather everyone just be not-hateful and indifferent to guys who date single moms. lolk.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-04-30T09:59:20+00:00

i don't care what other people think about me but i care about my own opinion of myself and that's enough when it comes to not dating single moms, not even considering the obvious practical downsides.

that being said obviously some men will look down on the guy playing step daddy, thinking he has no standards. it is what it is, men with an abundance of options don't choose this path.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2024-04-30T10:06:51+00:00

@OP was gonna reply this to a comment that got deleted:

“men operate on respect” is projection fam. just cuz you think every man in your life and in the world does that, and i’m not denying that many maybe even most do, doesn’t mean all men view the world and themselves this way, and it doesn’t mean that’s anything but cultural. the happiest guys i know are the ones who stopped valuing the opinions of people who don’t matter to them, so, instagram commenters for example.

penny for your thoughts, but fr how much would you say your personal sense of self-respect and self-love is conditioned on the respect and love of others? i feel like you’re suffering from a poor relationship with yourself if you’re filtering so many of your decisions through the lens of “what would others think of me?” it’s good to care about what others think but only to a degree that varies by your perception of a given person, and it should almost always come second to your own internal voice and sense of self. this post and these comments just do not read like you’re there

spaffjizz · 2024-04-30T14:41:54+00:00

Only a complete loser let's other people's opinions decide who they can and cannot marry.

What happened to rugged individualism and independent thought?

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-04-30T08:11:57+00:00

You shouldn't base major life decisions on what other people think about you. I agree that you are being cucked by dating a single parent but you're also being cucked by dating non-virgins in general. So people should do whatever makes them happy. Many of the people dating single parents already have children themselves anyway.

Necessary-Ask-3619 · 2024-04-30T08:05:21+00:00

Single Moms are a big No. You will be the butt of jokes for most men (& women but they won't say it to your face). You will always come second to their real father while doing all the work of the step father. Even for the mom, the bio father will probably be as much if not more important than you are. She can & will throw "the kids aren't yours" any moment you try to discipline her kids because you are not their biological father.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2024-04-30T08:21:02+00:00

I heavily disagree. It’s totally fine if the woman has learned from kid 1. If she has 2 run tho. RUN. And make sure from the moment your getting serious you are NOT tolerating that second citizen “my child” shit where you are spit on for being step

tadL · 2024-04-30T09:54:33+00:00

Honestly I only care about the child's health. He did nothing wrong. And he has to deal with that. Let's hope all works out.

Well first that example shows you should never ever post yourself to the whole world at all. Just stay away from Instagram and everything that is like that.

To the guy. Let's hope it works out for him. Worst case it will not. He does not get to adopt the child. Bounds with the child and she leaves him. He looses her plus the kid. And he has no right to see it ever again.

And he has to deal with the biological father of that child. If he is not adopting it because he is not allowed. Well fucked. He will show up every time and change things the way you handle it. Because he has the right over that kid. He not.

It's overall not the ideal way to have it. But hey he wanted here she seems to be the best he can get. So who am I to judge him?

But I saw from work countless second marriages with kids already there. And the kid loves the new father and wants that new men to be his legal father. In Germany they have a saying in that. In general it's the soccer coach of the kid.

And when we check if the couple is allowed to marry we can check the kid too. If the kid hates the guy the marriage won't last. And that's what we see all the time.

For her, well I hope she decided this time well. Because he was not the first choice of her. And her track record till now is shit. So let's hope she got a good one this time. Is it likely? Well...

At least the father of the kid should be out of paying child support. At least in Germany he is. So I hope that is in the USA the same.

So good for the biological father. He can't be abused for money. And actually build something and spend good time with his child. And if the step father fucks up he can get his child back to him. And now they have to pay child support to him. Another risk for sure.

Another risk for the child. If he likes the new dad. His mother is gone. Who says he will keep that child with him. He just accepts the child because he has too.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-04-30T07:58:04+00:00

I know this post is bait, but I love bait.

I would never consider a single mom. I have seen too many men get fucked and betrayed by them, for a very simple reason: they were never going to be first place. Not even share first place.

Legitimate_Reply_537 · 2024-04-30T08:28:18+00:00

On a serious yes it's true

Just another one of those red pills'

CraftyCooler · 2024-04-30T08:16:00+00:00

I disagree. You can totally date single mom for fun - just do not marry her nor take any financial responsibility for her children and you will be fine. There is nothing wrong in having nice companion - it doesn't make you a cuck.

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