Is it “bigoted” to be afraid of men? (TW SA)

OutOfOranges · 2024-05-27T05:17:31+00:00

Removed for sexual or suggestive content involving minors

Top_Standard1043 · 2024-05-27T02:23:11+00:00

Speaking as a guy, that's totally reasonable, especially since others have told you that you look even younger than you are.

illusoryfindings · 2024-05-27T02:41:20+00:00

Your experience and intuition has given you the sense to be suspicious of stranger men. This in and of itself isn't necessarily bigoted, if anything it's good because it'll make it easier for you to avoid men who make you feel unsafe.

I do think your concerns are a tad overboard, especially with the feelings of agoraphobia and palming the pepper spray, but with more time and experience I think you'll find yourself reasonably reassured that most dudes you come across aren't going to be dangerous.

Really, the only thing you should watch out for, is if you end up subconsciously projecting your fears onto the men in your life who you already know are safe. If you tar them with that same, fearful brush, it could strain those relationships and make you bitter towards men in the same way a lot of dudes on this sub are bitter towards women. Introspection, empathy, and self-awareness will help you avoid this.

All things considered, it's wise for young women to be at least a little bit cautious with unfamiliar men, so you shouldn't feel bad at all for having at least a little bit of that. It's perfectly normal.

AstronautExisting230 · 2024-05-27T02:37:01+00:00

No? Who cares. No one is going to read your mind. Better to be safe than sorry.

dicklaurent97 · 2024-05-27T04:03:15+00:00

I am a man. One night I was walking with two of my female friends in Miami. A truck drives by and asks me “How much for a half hour?” He thinks I’m a pimp walking with my prostitutes. I never thought women were exaggerating about men but that interaction changed everything for me.

balhaegu · 2024-05-27T03:04:22+00:00

No, it's totally normal to be afraid of men. My gf has been afraid of men her whole life and this is what kept her safe until we met, despite many creepy incidents that could have gone very badly if not for the instinct to run from potential danger. The key distinction between unreasonable paranoia and justified caution is in the gut feeling. Clearly you are not afraid of your own father or other close relative/family member.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-05-27T03:28:40+00:00

If it is, men are bigoted too. Because while they may not be as worried for their own safety most of the time, when it comes down to it they would also feel much safer with a random woman walking behind them at night than a random man, or a random woman vs random man watching their kids.

Now if you believed most men wish to harm you, then that would be bigoted. But being honest that you have had bad experiences and don’t know which men are dangerous, and therefore are wary, is reasonable. A lot of men here want women to “empathize” (agree) with them but have no desire to empathize with women’s concerns, so don’t take it personally.

Wattehfok · 2024-05-27T02:36:45+00:00

You’re not being irrational. Men can be scary.

Most guys are fine. But from a woman’s perspective every single one of us is Schrödinger’s Rapist. You don’t know if a guy means you harm till he’s harming you.

I really wish it were otherwise; but you’ve gotta live in the world.

HomeworkFew2187 · 2024-05-27T03:00:36+00:00

gavkahootsmasher · 2024-05-27T03:05:40+00:00

As a guy, no, you're not bigoted.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-05-27T03:07:57+00:00

I think it's understandable to be wary of strangers, especially if you've already had some bad experiences. I also have pepper spray, it's good to have something just in case. But I do think your wariness is moving into harmful territory - you've said you're borderline agoraphobic, you frequently skip meals because you're too uncomfortable to go to the supermarket. That's not a healthy amount of caution or discomfort, I don't know if it's available to you but if you can, seek out some professional help. Being cautious around men in certain situations is something most people can understand, being deathly afraid of half the population to the point where you can't go to the store in broad daylight is concerning.

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-05-27T02:25:56+00:00

This sub is the worst place to ask this question.

But no, you’re not bigoted. You’re experiencing the same exact thing so so many women and girls do. I wish it wasn’t like this. You are valid.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-05-27T03:15:03+00:00

I agree with other commenters that this isn’t the sub for this. Men will tell you not all men but in reality you’ll never know who will hurt you because everyone is capable. It’s not just “bad boys”. My parents used to tell me that men on the street would hurt me but the only people who did were long term boyfriends. I think you should watch Promising Young Woman.

I don’t think it’s bigoted. I got harassed the most from 10-20. Being older now I find peace and safety in being single.

FreitasAlan · 2024-05-27T03:19:10+00:00

No. It's OK to be afraid of men and people in general. I'm a man and fearful of much bigger men in conditions where I couldn't defend myself, or other people wouldn't be able to help, such as a dark alley. People, in general, shouldn't put themselves in a position where they can't defend themselves or get help. This part is not really about blaming the victim or blaming anyone. It's just about trying not to be a victim because being a victim is not good. Even more, people can hurt you nonphysically, so it's also essential to be afraid of some smaller people depending on what they're offering you. At the same time, that's not a good reason to be scared of all strangers. Being able to deal with strangers, and not only avoiding all of them, is a fundamental part of being successful later in life. Your post makes it seem like you get it, but the title sounds much more controversial so that's why many people are reacting. If the original question were "Is it bigoted to be afraid of some men?" people wouldn't care as much.

AwesomeRocky-18- · 2024-05-27T03:26:17+00:00

You’re not a misandrist, I’d say this sentiment is pretty common. It’s hard to trust men when most women and even men have negative experiences with the demographic. In fact, I’d say you’re ahead of the curve for completely ignoring a relationship with them until you’re ready as most women will experience sa, domestic violence, molestation, etc at one point in their life so it’s better to delay it. Even being friends with men is tricky and don’t get me started on being left alone with men with authority or a group of men where women are outnumbered.

Franc3n35d · 2024-05-27T04:23:59+00:00

As long as you're not infringing on anyone else's life, that's perfectly fine. Take whatever precautions you need to make you feel safe. I've had women cross the street on me when walking alone at night. It didn't hurt me physically at all or put my safety into question. Sucks that it's like that, but that's the world we live in.

Nihi1986 · 2024-05-27T04:43:12+00:00

Well if it's instinctual it's not something to call you bigoted...you will get out of that stage once you start meeting more good men and having closer relationships with them (and boyfriends too, I guess, assuming they are good bf).

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-05-27T02:21:17+00:00

don't allow leftist shibboleths to get in the way of you protecting yourself when you sense danger. you only have one life

mrcs84usn · 2024-05-27T02:37:17+00:00

Life is about taking risks, and there are shitty people all over the place, whether they be your teacher, your doctor, your parents, or some rando driving next to you.

You have to figure out how much risk you’re willing to take on to live a fulfilling life.

G4g3_k9 · 2024-05-27T02:30:01+00:00

no, i am fearful of men and women, people can be scared of things and it’s perfectly fine. men are a danger to women, so it’s logical to fear them for some people

pop442 · 2024-05-27T02:40:02+00:00

As long as you don't generalize men as being the same, no.

Contrapuntobrowniano · 2024-05-27T04:01:07+00:00

Don't get too carried away with the other commenters here: it IS bigotry. That you may have reasons, and it is a very common form of bigotry? Yes. It doesn't make it okay. There's nothing wrong with being scared, as it is a primary defense mechanism of the human species, but if fear interferes with logic (which is something you seem to be noticing) then saying that its okay is just awful advice. You can be safe without being fearful...fuck stranger men: change for your own bettering.

AutoModerator · 2024-05-27T02:13:50+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

PinchRunners · 2024-05-27T03:03:31+00:00

I don’t believe all white people are r*cist or anything like that, but if I see a white person I don’t know, I feel a primitive fear that I don’t experience when I see a non white person I don’t know. I haven’t really had any bad experiences with non white strangers; the worst would be a customer being rude about her order.

In contrast, I’ve had quite a few negative experiences with white people; calling me slurs, following me in stores, rude looks, microaggresions, refusing to hire me, trying to fight me. My black friend's black friend was killed near his "white friends" and many black friends I know have negative experiences with white people.

Would I be allowed to be bigoted against white people? Or would I be considered to have a "victim mentality?"

Mr__Citizen · 2024-05-27T02:37:44+00:00

Blunt answer? Yeah. It's easy to see if you switch this to something like "is it bigoted to be scared of black people?"

Frankly, it sounds like you need to see a therapist. Living in fear of half the population is a very unhealthy way to live.

I'm not trying to say it isn't valid to be wary of strangers or disgusted by creepy old men. But from the way you've described your feelings and reactions, you've crossed the line from reasonable doubt into outright paranoia.

Those comments of "men have it worse!!!" and "you'll never understand what it's like for men!!!" are genuinely stupid though. Just because guys have our own problems doesn't mean you don't have yours. It's just that, like I said, you've taken it too far.

Edit: Oh good lord, you're on r/twoxchromosomes and r/askfeminists. No wonder you have a terrible impression of men! Maybe spend a while away from those subreddits. And this one too. And any gendered/gender war subreddits. They'll rot your perspective on both men and women if you spend too much time on them. As cliche as it is to say, talk to people in the real world for a while; it'll help you reset to a healthier mindset.

guppyhunter7777 · 2024-05-27T03:57:22+00:00

Judging a whole group based on the actions of a extremely small minority that can't control and impulse that are punished severely for their crime? YES!!! Women in mass are sexist! And it is the most prolific and most defended prejudice in our society today by far.

SuchCold2281 · 2024-05-27T02:36:25+00:00

somehow we have the intelligence to avoid this when it's black people.

MarzipanEnjoyer · 2024-05-27T04:43:30+00:00

Yes, it is it’s like saying you’re afraid of black people because of bad experiences

Title	Is it “bigoted” to be afraid of men? (TW SA)
Author	Nyanpireeee
Upvotes	17
Comments	111
Date	May 27, 2024 2:13 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d1h42m/is_it_bigoted_to_be_afraid_of_men_tw_sa/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-bigoted-to-be-afraid-of-men-tw-sa.1519654 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519654

Comments