Why is sex so important to men in the early stages of dating?

Wattehfok · 2024-05-28T01:49:11+00:00

Sex can be great, and we want to have it with women we’re attracted to.
Sex is a pretty reliable indicator that the gal is attracted to us.

But your dude whining for sex? GTFO. I swear some guys go out of their way to avoid getting laid.

wtknight · 2024-05-28T00:41:37+00:00

My guess is that, even if a man cares about a woman and he's not just using her for sex, which is why many women want quick sex, having sex with a woman is both a way to truly test sexual compatibility and to feel emotionally "closer" to her simultaneously. I don't really like having sex quickly since it feels strange to me being that intimate with someone whom I still consider a stranger, so I'm not sure I speak for all men. But I do know that, after I had sex with a woman, I felt much closer to her than I did before we had that sex.

Waiting for sex means both that that man is unsure of sexual compatibility, and he isn't feeling as close to her as he might otherwise feel.

The_Forgotten001 · 2024-05-28T11:42:12+00:00

For men Sex is an indicator that you actually like them, He probably doesn't understand why you want to wait. Anything besides sex is just a tease really, and making a guy wait for sex is akin to making him feel like he has to jump through hoops.

A man will do it, but don't be surprised when you get ghosted or the relationship breaks down soon after.

Unless the person is really worth it, he's just building resentment until the deed is done because now he's upset that he has to pay for 6 months of dates, give gifts during the 6 months, do social things he'd rather not do...all for a Hand job.
She's not paying for dates, She's not acting like a therapist for him hearing him talk about his problems and real issues (not that she needs to, but this is the role women tend to put men in), Women rarely gift men their dating anything and she's most likely not planning any of the dates or activities.

If she is a rare type that does indeed pay for dates, does like listening to him talk, does buy gifts and provides other means to benefit the relationship, then it's not so bad and could be worth the wait.

Unless he's religious, then he would have no problem waiting.

However, if he is dating you then that means he's attractive enough to get women interested in him... so if he likes you and is smart he'd probably date other women to hook up with until you're ready, if he doesn't already have a FWB.

You may not like what I have to say, but it's rooted in logic and observable truth.

Stergeary · 2024-05-28T05:05:07+00:00

Because a sexual relationship is the only socially acceptable context in which to get your sexual needs met. It's like going to work for no pay and when you bring it up, your boss is asking you why is your salary so important to you. Like, how would you like going to a workplace that tells you it's an unpaid internship for the first 3 weeks? Being paid shows that the workplace actually values you as a salaried employee who they want to retain.

Similarly, enthusiastic sex is the only truly honest signal that a woman is actually physically attracted to him. Knowing she is physically attracted gives him reassurance to go further with the relationship without wasting his time on someone who is just attracted to what he brings her as an upgrade to her current lifestyle.

Crimson-Pilled · 2024-05-28T00:41:53+00:00

Chasing vasopressin hits.

kongeriket · 2024-05-28T01:56:05+00:00

Men, why is vaginal sex so important to you, even if a girl is willing to get you off in other ways?

Biology. It's also different. Masturbation, hand job, head, PIV, 69... they're not one better than the other - they're different. And we men love difference. Sex positive men even more so.

Also, as a sex positive guy I want to make her cum and climb up the walls too. Because the afterglow is amazing.

Here, I made a map for another post here. You are basically proposing to stop very much to the left of the green line. THAT is a huge turn off for a lot of guys (Idk nor care if a majority, but certainly significant minority). You're also denying yourself a good round of pleasure.

If you actually intend to have a long term relationship with the girl, why does it matter that you have sex sex with her within 2-3 weeks if you know that you could potentially have many many many rounds of sex with her in the future?

Because life is short. And I don't want to waste her time anymore than I'd like her to waste mine. And sex is between 30 to 50% of the relationship. If that doesn't work, then nothing will work. It really is that simple.

For the record, I had sex with my now wife after the third date - so within a week. Within a month we moved together. That was almost 16 years ago. Obviously, I can't speak for all men (nobody can) but I will say that I knew exactly what I wanted and good sex or at the very least potential for good sex (i.e. she's willing to learn and train to discover both herself and me) is very high up on the list.

It is the same concept of when people side eyenewly weds that only dated for 6 months; if you guys are signing up for forever, what is another 6 months.. in the face of forever? Same thing here

This is a fairy tale. This was never the norm.

Heck, in Central Asia they do arranged marriages as a matter of routine (about 30% of marriages are arranged) and even the most conservative communities allow for trial - a lot of them including sex [trial marriage is a thing in most Islamic schools of thought] - and the whole trial lasts for 3 months, not 6. Why? Because life is short. And wasting the other person's time is haram.

You can have your preferences, sure. And you may even find guys willing to do that kind of waiting. I know 3 such guys who used to be like that and were joking at my expense for being too decisive or too cynical. All three got severely wounded a few times and eventually realized that their sex positive friend has a point.

But you also have to own up that your preferences are more conservative than Hanafi Islam. Nothing wrong with that, but such preferences are way outside the norm. You have a right to your preferences, but everyone else doesn't have an obligation to cater to them. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, but men are the gatekeepers of relationships. I didn't make the rules, I just got here.

So these are your options:

change preferences (the easiest and the most fun option)
cling to them (and be content that keeping love your way may take a loooong time)
learn to negotiate (you'd be surprised how open men are to negotiations - as long as it's in good faith). It doesn't mean you'll get what you want. A lot of men will still find the proposal unacceptable, but it will speed up the process and won't waste your time.

Feel free to shoot the messenger. I'm used to it.

ilikecats18851 · 2024-05-28T23:46:36+00:00

if you dont fuck soon, theres a good chance you dont like him. there used to be a system where people would wait and the importance of being chaste in women was impressed upon them so that when they told men to wait, men could TRUST they hadn't previously fucked 10 guys on a whim. but women didn't like that system so here we are. its your fault :)

Squibbles01 · 2024-05-29T04:16:33+00:00

I'm sure you didn't hold back with the guys you hooked up with.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-05-28T12:02:02+00:00

If you're a virgin, waiting means serious.

If you're not a virgin, having sex soon means serious.

You're conflating the two. What man wants to wait for something you already did? Like what's the point?

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balhaegu · 2024-05-28T13:44:49+00:00

If it's a turnoff, it's a turnoff. He's not entitled to sex.

The reason why he wants it may be:

Wants to confirm you actually are attracted to him sexually
Wants to make sure you are sexually compatible and will not end in a dead bedroom in a LTR
Is just horny AF

Men have a tendency to oversimplify things. Sex is like the endgame of a long period of courting a woman. The quicker you get to the finish line the better you feel about yourself.

A more well adjusted man will be more mature about it. He could have just said "I know we only dated for 3 weeks and sex is special to you, but for me, it's something I would like to share with a woman I love." and then slowly made the moves that lead to sex, and if you refused, then leave you be.

If he is not the right one for you then it's not a problem to leave him. But he also has a right to leave you if you're not right for him. You may find men who are more respectful of your wishes, but you may not find them as attractive or to have good chemistry as him. It's a trade off.

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-05-28T11:32:08+00:00

Your guy’s eccentricities aside (whining - wtf?), sex - let alone sex with a woman towards whom we are attracted - is scarce. So blowing (figuratively) a promising first date by asking for it doesn’t feel like much of a risk, since a getting rejected would still feel like a typical weekend night.

Title	Why is sex so important to men in the early stages of dating?
Author	Significant_You82
Upvotes	6
Comments	36
Date	May 27, 2024 12:53 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d1fp6o/why_is_sex_so_important_to_men_in_the_early/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-sex-so-important-to-men-in-the-early-stages.1519754 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519754

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