Wife says to me - I think we should split up

binglybinglybeep99 · 2024-08-16T21:12:06+00:00

Update

We are still living together almost as though nothing has changed.

For me though, everything is tainted. Including the home we built together.

I am now looking for properties and found some that actually excite me in the same area.

But I don't even know if I want to stay in this area, so am asking my work if permanent WFH might be a possibility - and so I could move anywhere. I find this quite exciting and not the drudge I initially felt due to memories and possessions.

That's what storage is for!

binglybinglybeep99 · 2024-08-12T20:31:03+00:00

I want to thank you all for the replies - I am still working through them and will reply when I can.

I admit I got blindsided by the now deleted comment and so stepped back from this post.

jkw118 · 2024-08-11T20:49:42+00:00

So one thing.. did you buy the house before you married? And is it in your name only? So reason I ask, is this. You have to split martial assets.. something you bought ie house before you were legally married. Doesn't count (at least in Pa) Just read the her name on there.. The only thing you may be able to show is your assets/money you paid into it from before marriage as that isn't hers.. but increase in value and 1/2 of mortgage payments basically are counted as hers. Don't leave no matter what. Also if she is using the home as her business that's her problem. Not yours. Anything can be done..but half that business is yours too. Maybe you accept the house as a loss..but that means she should be paying maximum value of it and a big percentage of her company to you. Yes you have alot of stuff...everyone does.. Shes decided in her mind she'll kick you out.. take the money and keep her life the same. Reality is it doesn't work like that. Unless you literally want to sign over everything you have.

I would take a full assessment of house and company values..get a lawyer.. and check your bank accounts anything shared split now. 4 years is a small amount.. in the sense that any alimony/spousal support etc is minimal. For.most states. If her company /her isn't making enough to take over mortgage and all the bills.. it's simple math she's moving.. I redid my mortgage last year it basically doubled because of.interest rates..

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-08-08T22:30:36+00:00

yes dont move out . She could change the locks & legnthen the divorce process to squeez out as much possible out of you or worst case sue for domestic violence & have it for years alone.

gringa2024 · 2024-08-08T21:15:01+00:00

Don’t forget to take 1/2 of every penny she earned in the business since date of marriage. She may change her mind. 😁

MightBusiness7231 · 2024-08-08T14:56:07+00:00

Don’t move out. It’s your home. Don’t show any emotions around her. Don’t give her any excuse to claim violence etc. I will differ from the guys here and say don’t go straight to a lawyer.

Calmly ask her what she wants to do. Your marriage is over so there’s no point incinerating money with a lawyer yet. Ask her how she thinks it’s fair to proceed and have an adult conversation. If you can iron something out THEN jointly consult a lawyer to have it written out. That will save you $100k. Good luck.

ashtag916 · 2024-08-08T13:37:43+00:00

She’s being manic or depressed right now? Take her to her medical psychiatrist.

ReasonablyDone · 2024-08-08T13:06:09+00:00

Why do you have to move out? There's no kids she's the main caretaker of.

If she wants to go, let her go.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-08-08T09:26:17+00:00

Here is the clearer text:

We understand your situation. It will be challenging, but if you approach it carefully, you should be able to come through reasonably well. Seek advice from knowledgeable people, and consult with a good lawyer to protect yourself. It's essential to keep as much as you can. In the military, it's crucial to gather information about the battlefield.

It's important not to let her know what you're doing. You should also inform the group about what's happening, as we are here to support each other. There are specific actions you need to take.

I recommend reading the books "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life" and "Doing the 180" to start. You can find them online, but I strongly suggest you get a copy soon.

MattA85 · 2024-08-08T09:23:21+00:00

I'm in a similar situation, in the UK. In the process of divorce, though 2 young kids are involved too. It's been 11 months now and seems to be dragging on. What I can say is that, if you can't do counselling or anything to work out the reasons, you are doing absolutely right by thinking about your own situation and refusing to move out. When my wife and I split up (her choice) I looked for amicable solutions and did the co-operative and gentlemanly thing rather than digging my heels in and saying "you want out, you go then". I'm still regretting it now because she is exploiting that and I've made my own situation worse financially, emotionally, and with the kids because I wanted to be cooperative for the sake of the children and not fight. I look at her now and think "who is this horrible person?". We have a house we own 50/50 but she refuses to do anything with because it has a very cheap mortgage while I am now stuck with a 4 figure rent and trying to build a new place with new furniture and stuff. Being kind and cooperative early on has ended up costing me about £25k so far and I am perfectly aware there is far more to come.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-08-08T04:32:04+00:00

my head is all over the place right now.

brother, we know this feeling all too well!

captainchippsixx · 2024-08-07T23:14:57+00:00

Well man. Call and consult lawyers. You need to be protected and ready. Don’t dick around and be reacting to her. Be a man and lead. Be prepared for dirty tactics against you to get you out.

Also- if she just dropped this on you….. there is another guy(or women) that she is tied to. How far? Usually if she is ready to split she is already cheating physically.

Bermnerfs · 2024-08-07T22:40:57+00:00

How do you feel about your wife? It sounds like you're more upset about the thought of losing your house more than your wife. If that's the case it sounds like divorce probably makes sense.

You might be able to keep the house, but you'll likely need to buy her half out.

samk002001 · 2024-08-07T21:54:41+00:00

So sorry to hear that, bro! The pain is real but you need to start thinking for yourself. Start working on the divorce plan. Start calculating out all your equity that you put in to this house and start splitting up assets in dollar value. You are not young anymore and you need the money for yourself! I’m not gonna save all the “what’s up with her” for now. So sorry mate

Particular_Car7127 · 2024-08-07T21:40:13+00:00

The day you get served divorce papers could be the worst day of your life. If your head is spinning now, it will be 10x worse on that day. Women, who by a large percentage file for divorce, prepare well in advance before they serve you. Your STBX just did you a favor by letting her intentions be known.

Now, get set up for therapy to start working on getting to grip your relationship is ending. Go see a lawyer immediately to help calm you down and get the facts of what you will be going through. Having a lawyer on your side will make the day you are served so much easier, trust me.

Do not be a Simp and try to save the relationship, accept it, and use your logical masculine energy to work on being stoic and most importantly, in control.

2024-08-07T21:33:13+00:00

Buddy it's not over, if she wants to leave you who are you to stop it. Start working on yourself. It just takes one step. And then the other foot follows. And keep going buddy. And just see what's up. It's not the end man. It's hard to see because you're at the beginning. But when a year down the road or two. Things will look better.

qmoorman · 2024-08-07T21:22:05+00:00

No children?! You're a winner! Give her what she wants, let her go! No point in being with a woman that doesn't want to be with you.

binglybinglybeep99 · 2024-08-07T21:16:58+00:00

I appreciate that in some areas, what I am describing can be seen as some sort of conflict - aside from me not knowing what I have done wrong (my wife is a manic depressive), please understand this is not an acrimonious situation - heh YET I suppose.

I really do appreciate the replies though as I have no one to talk to about this

AirSailer · 2024-08-07T21:07:10+00:00

If she's telling you now then she's been thinking about it for a while and is probably already talking to a lawyer. If it's out of the blue then she also probably a couple orbiters lined up and is keeping her options open. If she's lost respect for you then your marriage is unsalvageable.

I told my wife I cannot move out, financially, emotionally nor physically (I have a LOT of stuff) and have built this place to be the place I live until I die.

You didn't post anything about your finances, but I will say that... Yes, you can move out, you just would prefer not to because the level of effort seems overwhelming. Your options for keeping the house rely on your financial ability to pay her half of the equity in the house. If you can't pay her out you're moving, it's as simple as that.

It's time to get your head on straight, push that emotional shit deep down and start looking at the end of your marriage as a series of business transactions and negotiations. Sure, it's sucks, but if you don't pull yourself together emotionally and start doing what you need to protect yourself then you'll only make your situation worse.

techrmd3 · 2024-08-07T20:38:41+00:00

First off HIRE a Lawyer. NOW, get a petition for divorce ready because you will likely need it

Second, wives normally do not randomly start saying Split up or Divorce unless they are actively thinking about it... which means you may be getting served soon. Get Legally and Mentally Prepared now. Do It. As in take off work TOMORROW to get a Lawyer on Retainer get consults with 3 attorneys pay the 5k retainer to one. don't have money? use a credit card or borrow it.

Third, you need to get some stuff together a good sense of what clothes, items, stuff you need for leaving your house - electronics, car you will use get all of that ready. (WHY? because many women desiring divorce will call the police (their lawyer may even recommend it) and have you escorted out of your house), also get together some cash and credit cards that you are on ALONE, also consider withdrawing some funds from an joint checking account, initial divorce hearings can lock you out of those. Start considering where you will live during the divorce process.

Fourth, Get mentally prepared that you will not be dying in that house if you don't have the ready 2x cash (remember one half of all cash is wifeys just like 1/2 house) to pay for her half of the equity. You may have to sell. since you financed in most states BOTH are on title and mortgage. You will likely have to sell have a complete deed change to get an exwife off (people will argue on this forum about that because they don't understand real estate and mortgages... but it IS true)

fyi on the house thing does not matter if you owned house before marriage, if you own a house during marriage and both of you are on deed and mortgage... it's shared (community in some states) property --- yes you basically are giving her half a house.

Deezio1982 · 2024-08-07T20:38:22+00:00

You don’t have kids so that helps, depends on what state you’re in, and as long as there’s not been any DV. you should be able to keep the house, but you’re gonna have to pay her out

Title	Wife says to me - I think we should split up
Author	binglybinglybeep99
Upvotes	37
Comments	52
Date	August 7, 2024 8:01 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1emlsby/wife_says_to_me_i_think_we_should_split_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-says-to-me-i-think-we-should-split-up.1526631 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526631

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