What with the trend of women claiming their partner doesn’t notice other women? #observation

pearlsandstilettos · 2024-10-31T20:27:14+00:00

Hi RPW,

/u/CountTheBees linked this post: "For Women Only - Men are Visual and it is a great recommendation because it's a core piece of RPW reading. I'm adding this to bump it to the top as it is extremely relevant to this discussion. While I recommend everyone reads the post or better yet, the book, here are some key excerpts from the post:

Regardless of whether or not they want it, the wiring of the male brain creates a instinctive pull to visually consume the image of an attractive woman. These images can be live or recollections and are just as alluring either way.

A man’s brain structure and chemical mix wire him to be visually oriented. This makes him more likely to perceive attractive images as sexual. It triggers an initial reaction that is instinctive and automatic. From there he can chose to apply willpower on how he will behave.

98% of men respond that they cannot not notice. While only 4% say that they will openly stare and drool, 76% are drawn to sneak a peak and 18% are acutely aware that the woman is there and struggle not to look. Only 2% of men have no reaction.

There is a shortcut for certain types of memories that bypasses the thinking centers of the brain. It is traced to the amygdala which is the part that acts as a repository for the memories that are tied to gut level responses. The instinctive reaction to a provocatively dressed woman is exactly the sort of gut level memory that is stored away in the amygdala. These visceral images are able to bypass thinking and simply pop back up in his mind.

Do not be alarmed and try to change your man. Do not hound or punish your man for his wiring. Just as we expect our men to not dwell on these thoughts, he should be able to expect us to not dwell on our insecurities. If you feel worry rising up remember that this is one of element of male-ness. You will not find a man who isn’t wired this way.

mishkaforest235 · 2024-10-31T12:22:57+00:00

Before my husband, I had two LTRs with very attractive men (they’d been in magazines etc.), 6ft+, prominent in their field. These men were SURROUNDED by attractive women, so much so it became boring to them. I found that these men were the most loyal in terms of their constant attraction to me, they weren’t very interested in the gorgeous women flirting with them because they were fixated on me.

I hadn’t wanted to date either of them initially, which is what caught their interest, as other women were tripping up over themselves to date these men. I had women openly ask my boyfriend to tongue kiss her, to go off to an other room for a blowjob etc. but the boyfriends didn’t seem interested (they weren’t interested in anything easily obtained generally).

I think the way your relationship starts, the way you capture a man’s attention or not, defines something of how attracted he is. When he chases you, when he has options better than you (in terms of attractiveness) but still chases you, I think it’s a winner.

If you’re partner/husband/boyfriend, doesn’t have many options to begin with, he’ll never know those dream girls are nothing, they’re one a dozen - and he’ll lust after them. So finding a man that’s desirable to others, having him chase you (not in the stupid TIKTOK gold digger make him pay to breathe the same air as you way), then you make yourself eternally interesting. I believe this is the origin of wife goggles!

Edit: I meant to say that those wife goggles or long term partner goggles, go a long way in sort of immunising men from the more severe forms of lusting after other women. I think another commentor said it correctly: it’s about not being naïve enough to imagine your husband doesn’t look at other women and it’s being secure enough in yourself to not get flustered when he does ;)

amityjeanklein · 2024-10-31T16:59:36+00:00

There’s a difference between noticing other attractive people while you’re in a relationship and being attracted to other attractive people while you’re in a relationship, in my opinion. It’s instinctive to us as humans (men or women) to recognize desirable qualities in potential mates.

Not one part of me believes my partner suddenly stopped noticing that other women are desirable just because we are committed to one another. But I wholeheartedly believe he loves/respects me enough to not be rolling his tongue back up off the floor like a cartoon character every time a woman with attractive qualities walks by.

From a Christian perspective, which my partner and I share, part of respecting and honoring your spouse is controlling and resisting lust and temptation. No porn, no IG models/OF girls, no sexy fireman calendars, etc. I’m not offended by the idea that he would notice that other women are attractive (I’d be worried if he didn’t or tried to convince me he didn’t, honestly) but I have never felt like he ogles or seeks out women to lust after and that gives me the security I need.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-10-31T14:48:21+00:00

I personally think it's the bigger brag to say one's husband notices other women and can find them attractive but still vastly prefers his wife and chooses not to pursue or contemplate on the other women.

Lack of ability and lack of restraint are two different things.

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-10-31T13:55:36+00:00

It's a point of pride for us to feel like we are the only one our partner has eyes for. More significantly, if the man knows that women are sensitive to this, if he is able to fool her that he indeed only has eyes for her - then she feels special, and this increases trust and flattery. I am lucky to be with such a guy. He makes me feel like the only girl in the world (thanks Rihanna for setting the standard!).

CountTheBees · 2024-10-31T09:27:26+00:00

Noticing attractive women, being aware of their intentions, being disrespectful to your wife by openly ogling others, and giving other women any serious thought are all four very different things. I think it's fine for women to assume their husband doesn't do the latter three but the first is unbelievable to me having read For Women Only - Men Are Visual (link drop for the newbies).

For those women that genuinely think their husband doesn't "see" other women by the first definition, well maybe that's for the best and maybe they need to think that to be happy. But male sexuality is very different from female sexuality, so if they understood it I think they wouldn't mind so much.

stripykitty · 2024-10-31T09:34:53+00:00

The edit makes things clearer. Without it, not going to lie, you were coming across as jealous. “My man is attracted to other women, so all heterosexual men must be the same way” was how I was interpreting it. I think it’s a wonderful thing for a woman to be proud of her husband and how loyal he is. I think you are taking those social media posts a bit too literally. I just view it as nonsensical comedy

RedPillDad · 2024-10-31T15:16:06+00:00

Scarcity versus abundance.

A man in sexual scarcity keeps his sexual radar on for any rare opportunity. He considers every women a potential hookup.

A man in sexual abundance has more opportunity but he can turn his sexual radar off to the point he can seem asexual when approached by women. Exceptional looks, wealth, status will flip the script and the man becomes the prize which women eagerly pursue.

A sexually starved man finds it inconceivable that Chad would reject the women that he would eagerly simp for.

Edit: A disciplined man also knows how to turn his sexuality off. He doesn't walk around all day in a big dick state of arousal.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-10-31T15:55:09+00:00

It's a flex. It is supposed to show "partner investment." As in "My man is sooooo into me that he doesn't even NOTICE other girls." Um yeah, he does, but he's good at doing it on the sly.

Ex. 2 of my girls are models. If another model-type girl saunters by, I notice. I just don't get caught noticing. I'm also not drooling or thinking about chatting her up, I just think, "Oh, she's quite pretty" and then go back about my business.

Interestingly enough, this is the same idea behind expensive baubles like Birkin bags. They are for the "gals and the gays." (Hat Tip: Louise Perry). Most straight guys have zero idea what a Birkin bag is or what the big deal is. I only do because I read "Primates of Park Avenue." Fascinating book actually, about the oddness off wealthy people.

Equivalent-Ad5449 · 2024-10-31T20:06:56+00:00

I can say I’ve never noticed mine looking at other woman, though I consider that more he’s polite and respectful to not be obvious/do in front of me. I’m sure he does notice as he’s a man and pretty natural. Can’t say I’m bothered about it. I can see why a guy who’s intensely staring at every girl that walks past is just rude and gross to be blatant about it

StylishAsparagus · 2024-10-31T08:56:04+00:00

Just because your husband is like that doesn’t mean all men are. You’re projecting your own insecurities. Some men, especially if they’re neurodivergent, do not notice women flirting with them.

Sure, a lot of men absolutely do notice attractive women, but can we stop acting like men are dogs? If a man thinks you’re the hottest chick in the world, he’s unlikely to pay attention to other women.

The reels referring to men not cheating because they’re into gaming are jokes, piggybacking off of the stereotype that men who are into gaming are living in their mom’s basement and don’t get girls.

Deliaallmylife · 2024-10-31T12:10:39+00:00

There are probably two parts to this (IMO)

Some women truly are unaware or willfully ignorant of men's visual nature. This is the case even in the comments here...HERE where nearly once a year we post the FWO chapter on "Men Are Visual". And that author is a good Christian woman married to a good Christian man who doesn't want to notice other women but admits that he still does.

We have demonized male sexuality enough that it can be difficult to think "male gaze = bad, but my man is not bad". Instead of going back to the original principle, they assume their man must be different or have more control over what he sees. Smart men don't comment or notice too hard so women can happily go along thinking that their man is somehow different from every other man on the planet.

I also agree with the person who said that it's copium and bragging. I think there are some women who make a thing out of it because they want to believe that they have a man who is better than every other man on the planet and they want you to know that their man is better than your man.

No sweetie, he isn't.

My husband adores me, it has been noted by others (see I can brag too) but that doesn't mean he doesn't notice other women. I'm not naive enough to think that and I'm not insecure enough to be jealous over it. Denying it exists doesn't change it but it might help preserve your confidence if you are generally insecure.

FatalPrognosis · 2024-10-31T15:47:35+00:00

You’re correct and anyone who believes otherwise needs to go for the askmenadvice subreddit and look for the post where a woman complains about her man’s wandering eye and read the comments from men.

cathatesrudy · 2024-10-31T09:31:08+00:00

Personally it sounds like copium to me, I’m not aware of the trend, but women in competition with other women seem to need to tell people that they’ve got things better than others do, how valid it is could be debated for days I’m sure, but given how visual men are it sounds deluded.

The flirting part? Maybe. Plenty of single men are oblivious to it too and it can somewhat be assumed to be because of the way feminist society/me too has trained them to ignore advances lest they get accused of something. It’s remarkable how quickly societal norms/conditioning can change.

I dunno, maybe I’m more aware of it because my husband and I still share in appreciation of hot women but with the exception of men who are piously intentionally looking up or down to avoid seeing random women showing all the skin because the only woman they want to have eyes for is their wife, men are going to see and absorb images of other women, unless we all went back to dressing modestly it just can’t be helped it’s the way their brains work. Women can go on and on about how they aren’t dressing for the male gaze, but the male gaze is what they’re getting all the same, which is a shame for men who’d rather not have their mental camera roll be full of strangers, but in modern western society it’s just a losing battle. Women who think their men never look sound a bit delusional, and to me it smacks of “I’m better than you! (But I don’t know how men work.)”

tornteddie · 2024-10-31T10:58:22+00:00

I dont make a point about it but if someone asks I will tell them and if someones trying to justify their partners actions that are clearly hurting them, i say it just to show that there are good men out there.

Also were Christian so heres a big one: “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart”

Idk if you think there’s just no man out there that genuinely has no interest in other women when hes committed to one but that would be mine. Because personality is also important and hes not all cave man hugga bugga big boobies!!!! Because hes a civilized grown human being with standards and morals. Im not arguing that attractive women dont exist. But hes afraid of women literally lol

Also our relationship is very secure and i have no fears aside from him dying. So even if he was around attractive girls at work or the gym i really wouldnt be bothered because at the end of the day weve promised to spend our lives with one another and theres no one either of us would rather be with

free_breakfast_ · 2024-10-31T13:32:14+00:00

Men are visual: all men are like that.

It is evolutionary biology.

An ERP Study on Decisions between Attractive Females and Money

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3471902/

Researchers studied how guys’ brains react when they have to choose between seeing a clear picture of an attractive woman and getting some money. They had 18 men decide between looking at “beautiful” or “sexy” women or taking cash.

Here’s what they found:

Quick Brain Reactions (P2): When choosing between money and a “beautiful” woman, guys’ brains reacted more positively in the first 290-340 milliseconds. This might mean they’re comparing what they see to what they expect.
Conflict in Decisions (N2): When choosing between money and a “sexy” woman, there was more brain activity related to conflict (at 340-390 ms), possibly because “sexy” women triggered impulsive thoughts.
Value of Sexy Images: Between 550-1000 ms, brain activity showed that “sexy” images were seen as more valuable than “beautiful” ones.
Attractive Women vs. Money: When choosing to see a woman over money, the brain reacted more strongly, which might be because guys are naturally more drawn to attractive women than money—an evolutionary thing.

In short, sexy pictures seem to trigger more intense and conflicting responses in the brain than beautiful pictures or money.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-10-31T19:34:08+00:00

I agree with the ECs about the whys. I''m curious, though, if you think that this type of bragging is harmful to relationships. What damage does it do?

throwawaytalks25 · 2024-10-31T12:36:44+00:00

There is a huge difference in noticing an attractive person and objectifying them.

AutoModerator · 2024-10-31T08:42:32+00:00

Title: What with the trend of women claiming their partner doesn’t notice other women? #observation

Author aussiedollface2

Full text: I’ve noticed a trend of women proudly claiming “oh XYZ doesn’t even NOTICE other women ahahahaha”. Like “they flirt with him and he doesn’t even realise!”. Also reels about how you know your man would never cheat on you cos he’s into gaming or something.

Reality check. Heterosexual red blooded men absolutely do notice attractive women. Maybe they don’t do it when you’re around or maybe they just hide it well. Pretending he’s an asexual Buddhist monk ain’t gunna change that lol.

Is it to reduce fears? Feel in control? Be less insecure?

It’s not a topic I discuss with my husband and he’s given me no cause to think he’s got a wandering eye but I’m by no means deluding myself that he doesn’t notice attractive women in his daily life.

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jazmine_likea_flower · 2024-11-01T17:23:41+00:00

I think most like than not they lie to themselves for self soothing reasons and also ignorance is bliss. Do I think NO man can be like that no but it’s a way smaller percentage. I get that women like to tell themselves that especially when you’ve dealt with men with a wandering eye or have one. I have and the insecurities I’ve developed since then are pretty scarring im not gonna lie. I also haven’t been with a man since bc I don’t really know if I could have much peace having to constantly fight comparing to the women my man is looking at/ staring at tbh. I think you’re best bet as a women is to find a man polite enough to be respectful towards you and when together not look as much

Far_Willingness_7809 · 2024-11-02T18:15:40+00:00

there's a substancial difference between noticing an attractive woman - which anybody owning eyes do inevitably, unless theyre walking while looking at their phone - and actively looking at attractive women.

i obviously notice attractive men, but i do not care that they're attractive, because i'm content in my relationship. they're not the man i chose, full stop. and i know my man feels in a similar way; sometimes we may even comment women together and he does recognize when one is hot, but it's like saying a painting is beautiful, it has no sexuality attached to it.

he's obsessed with me and my ways, and he does not feel any need to go search for other stimuli elsewhere, he knows his priorities and he's disciplined. he also knows and values what he has and the way i make him feel.

i would not be dating a man drooling over just any woman, that's disrespectful and embarassing.

BackgroundAd8719 · 2024-11-01T22:53:44+00:00

To be fair, a lot of men are really bad at knowing when they're being flirted with.

Title	What with the trend of women claiming their partner doesn’t notice other women? #observation
Author	aussiedollface2
Upvotes	57
Comments	103
Date	October 31, 2024 8:42 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1gg9uo1/what_with_the_trend_of_women_claiming_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-with-the-trend-of-women-claiming-their.1534146 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534146

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