Men of Reddit, have you ever been shamed for expressing emotions such as sadness or coming out with your struggles?

Elmoslightpole · 2024-11-05T15:38:38+00:00

I am always scared to open up to people I don’t know because of the amount of times people have called me desperate

SatrapisMaster69 · 2024-11-05T16:12:30+00:00

In my last year of high school I was doing a group project in class. One of my classmates asked "are these cuts on your arm? Are you like depressed?" And I told her "I guess so" to which she replied "You should just kill yourself already and get it over with"

Ash5150 · 2024-11-05T15:28:23+00:00

After getting out of an abusive relationship with my ex-wife, I was told by feminists "I bathe in your male tears!"...when I explained to them that men suffer from Domestic violence too...

reverbiscrap · 2024-11-05T18:14:10+00:00

Yes, by my wife.

Keep it to yourself, gentlemen. If you need to vent, vent to your boys.

AtikGuide · 2024-11-05T15:25:21+00:00

Yes — to the point where a woman near to me said, “I don’t want to hear it . Fuck you !”

NotBaron · 2024-11-05T16:00:27+00:00

Yes, I have, by my ex, and she always comes out with her way on stuff.

She left me for another woman...the fun part is she looked for one of those "I wish I was a man" woman after neglecting me and our son for months this year.

All of a sudden she wants to be a mother and take my son away and when I confronted her and talked about my struggle, the love I gave her, and how I overworked and put effort into her and our family and how she just wants to come and rake everything from me after my sacrifices and effort, all she could do was laugh.

I've gotten nothing but humiliation from this woman, and the worse part is that I still love her, as stupid as that might be.

Former_Range_1730 · 2024-11-05T16:01:51+00:00

Yes, by the demographic of women who don't like men, ie Feminists.

Their point of view is always from the mindset of, I'm a man so I have notihng to complaint about because women have it harder. They always make it about them.

So, I now only focus on women who like men, which are non-Feminist women. They actually listen and care when I express my feelings.

Monkey_Anarchyy · 2024-11-05T20:16:47+00:00

Yes, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cried in front of her. She was a terrible person though, I'm glad she left.

Front-Hovercraft-721 · 2024-11-05T18:28:45+00:00

Oh yes! Eye rolling, “pfffft that’s nothing”, “whatever” and laughing are all responses to my emotions, concerns and worries. The only thing that mattered to her was herself. She was a parasitic disease that ruined me inside and out and it was a huge relief the day she left.

No_Reaction_2168 · 2024-11-05T15:29:05+00:00

Yes, especially when I was too expressive. I am a relatively sensitive man and can get quite emotionally worked up over things. In my youth, I didn't care for social norms much and just showed my emotions openly wherever possible. This continued far into my teenage years up until I could no longer deal with the shame and the embarrassment and just locked everything away inside of me. Now I struggle to express anything at all. I can only get to the point of crying if I'm intoxicated all by myself, even if I would want to cry more.

I was often told that I was too emotional and that what I was feeling didn't make sense. Okay, but I still feel it, despite you thinking it doesn't make sense logically. I never understood that way of thinking. It's as if they expect me to just stop feeling simply because they themselves aren't equipped to handle someone like me, a man, crying over things. As if my genitals made me less caring about others than those who don't have my genitals. It's stupid and downright insulting, but then again, most people are dumb as hell. Don't worry about pleasing them too much because they're nothing more than NPCs on a script.

Azzylives · 2024-11-05T20:17:56+00:00

Showing male emotions around woman is like slitting your wrists in shark infested waters and expecting to come out without atleast teeth marks.

Every man reading this who has done it knows. You don't confide in them, you never ever cry infront of them and you never ever admit jealousy or the knowledge that they hurt you, they will bank that shit and bring it out as and when its most impactful.

As for showing emotion around other men, its also kind of mute, we all suffer the same ways some more than others but we suffer in silence to set that example to each other and our kids and loved ones. Basically we have no choice but to be strong for those around us.

https://youtu.be/TuyisGsNr4g?t=28

Crying is also obviously just straight up off the Agenda - The only exception to this is funerals, the ends of Green Mile and The Pursuit of Happiness and moments of exceptional pride and happiness. Even then.... no sniffly gooby shit. Stand straight and let that tear fight its way out of your eyes and role down your face like a true man.

Imissyourgirlfriend2 · 2024-11-05T19:16:07+00:00

Yup. I laid it all out and her response was, "I have nothing to say to you." She then got up from the table, put her dishes in the sink, and went to watch TV.

Never again.

rabel111 · 2024-11-05T23:13:28+00:00

When my first marriage failed, and my ex stopped my contact with my kids, I sought out counselling to help with my grief. The first cousellor I attended thru the Family Court refused to acknowledge my grief, and made it clear they only counselled men for aggression control. There was no history or accusations of aggression in my marriage.

When I approached Family Court counsellors about my ex's violence with my children, bringing police reports and affidavits from witnesses, I was told that if I continued to complain I would never see my children again. I had only complained the one time. My anguish was ignored and perceived as violence.

When I saw a private counsellor for help with recovery from a work injury, they refused to deal with my emotional experiences until I acknowledged my male privilege. They never explained how that was connected with my recovery.

All of the counsellors involved above, have been women, all were hostile and passive aggressive, all lacked any empathy for experiences. They were all similar to the female teachers I had over many years of school, and made it clear, I was a problem they would deal with, and nothing more.

I no longer seek out help from professionals, particularly women. In general, they are callous, self interested, and only view me as a stereotype.

Alternative-Dream-61 · 2024-11-05T18:03:00+00:00

Yea. By other men and specifically my Dad.

OnlyCommentWhenTipsy · 2024-11-05T18:21:53+00:00

Not directly shamed, but you can literally see their respect for you drain right out of their body. I've regretted it every time.

JDMWeeb · 2024-11-05T18:40:08+00:00

By my family for my whole life and my elementary/middle school teachers for 10 years

C20H25N3O-C21H30O2 · 2024-11-05T22:12:00+00:00

Yes, it gave my ex-wife the "ick" when I cried after receiving a phone call that my father passed away.

Extension-Humor4281 · 2024-11-06T01:25:45+00:00

Bruh, trying complaining on here about literally ANYTHING from the perspective of a man. You'll very quickly have people coming out of the word work to tell you how women have it harder, your struggles are your own faults because men have all the power, you're just a whiny incel, etc.

BigB84 · 2024-11-05T16:29:26+00:00

Maybe not directly for all but you see it and it keeps you from expressing them. Especially if you have little to no support system.

Dependent-Most-6181 · 2024-11-06T02:51:42+00:00

my own mom unfortunately -_-

Unable-Choice3380 · 2024-11-06T07:33:42+00:00

Yes. It makes you a permanent virgin. Of course it’s OK when women do it. They are perfect.

OptimalIngenuity5019 · 2024-11-06T10:40:40+00:00

I cannot open up to my partner because she'll store it up in her amoury and se it against me later

LeaderOfTheBeavers · 2024-11-05T17:50:44+00:00

Several times...

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-11-05T18:17:54+00:00

For some reason I have never experienced that, that I know of. Maybe because the people I know realize I don't really care what they think.

JustNefariousness625 · 2024-11-05T19:05:18+00:00

I’ve seen switch ups from women when i showed my sensitive side. Only my ex fiancé was I able to cry openly.

Threethumber · 2024-11-05T19:18:01+00:00

Yes. So often in fact that I no longer share what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling to anyone. It can be super lonely and depressing. Im a single parent too so if I confess mental strugles I will more than likely lose my kids as well.

Infestedwithnormies · 2024-11-05T19:51:58+00:00

Yes, always.

Royal_IDunno · 2024-11-05T20:12:55+00:00

Many of times, hence I prefer to keep things bottled up and sealed.

DeanMalHanNJackIsms · 2024-11-05T20:32:53+00:00

Yep. Wife called me a little girl.

She has since corrected the attitude and is open to me being vulnerable, but I still feel the emotional betrayal to this day.

Frird2008 · 2024-11-05T21:18:22+00:00

There have only been a minute handful of times where I HAVE NOT been shamed or ridiculed for it. Guess what happened. I hardened up & stopped feeling guilty whenever I became a worse version of myself to achieve my needs.

MannerNo7000 · 2024-11-05T22:30:17+00:00

Yes by conservative men and women.

Snoo_78037 · 2024-11-05T23:22:03+00:00

Yes, I was shamed for crying and punishment for crying excessively by my family during my childhood.

RegularConcern · 2024-11-06T05:57:21+00:00

Not shamed. Shunned. Recoil. Being ignored.

YoungQuixote · 2024-11-06T08:09:47+00:00

In the backward household I grew up in. Yes.

If I'm having a bad day or upset.

It HAD to change. Immediately.

It was always "move on" or " ya know this is a good thing". Blah blah blah.

End of the day the only people who were allowed to be emotional in any way other than happy were my sister and mum.

Yeah....not happening again.

izzzy12k · 2024-11-06T09:45:57+00:00

Yes, when I confronted my ex-wife over her affair..

She was quick to blame the insecurity with my weight loss struggles, which I had expressed to her, as a lack of confidence. She claimed that was one of the reasons she found her guy friend attractive and desirable, unlike me.. Cause he was very confident with himself.

It was a theme and form of emotional weight that I ended up struggling with for a long time after.

Lexers624 · 2024-11-06T21:03:48+00:00

(I'm mid 40's) Every. Single. Time. Since early teenage. And I was S.A.'ed at 13 by female classmates.

We always get shammed/ridiculed by women for doing that. Both in real life and online. And we don't "feel" we're being shamed and ridiculed, we objectively are.

knightcrusader · 2024-11-08T05:09:39+00:00

Oh yeah. The first time I broke down to my wife that I was unhappy with our marriage, she just sat there blankly and then said I was over-reacting and saying there was no problem.

That should have been my first instance that she didn't give a shit about me. I hope she doesn't wonder why I left her ass after the last time I did it and confronted her on her behavior and her cheating on me.

Oh well, single now, and happy. Also turns out eating was my coping mechanism cause now I've lost 80 lbs and feel so much better about life.

Number-Thirteen · 2024-11-06T05:27:07+00:00

Yes. I don't share anything anymore because it's never accepted.

chenzo17 · 2024-11-06T07:09:16+00:00

Not shamed but the others simply didn’t know how to react and told me not to cry.

l3landgaunt · 2024-11-06T12:23:09+00:00

Yes. My stbx decided I had a mental disorder whenever she treated me like crap, and I expressed my feelings

ultragigawhale · 2024-11-06T12:53:17+00:00

Yes and now I feel nothing at all, I'm like a robot that is begging to feel emotions again.

AbysmalDescent · 2024-11-06T15:10:21+00:00

Yes. Not just sadness though, any emotion. Sadness, anxiety, fear or anger all get seen as a signs of weakness, childishness or femininity, which women will generally feel repulsed by, even as they show those emotions daily without reproach. Women were also often quick to present those emotions as emotional instability, which will also be treated differently because I am a man. I've been shamed for expressing love, or being in love, with someone who did not feel the same way, and then labelled a simp, a false friend, a manipulator, or assumed to be a threat/stalker just because I am a man, despite being none of those things. I've been shamed for showing any kind of passion, happiness or joy about hobbies that women found nerdy or unmasculine.

Feminists are often quick to talk about invisible labor that women have to do but it is clear that men are held to very different standards when it comes to their emotions. There is a great deal of invisible emotional labor that men are expected to do, to mitigate or manage their emotions as to not be a burden to women or provide a stable environment for women to be emotionally unstable.

antifeminist3 · 2024-11-06T22:34:00+00:00

Dr. Brene Brown was a feminist sociologist who studied shame--the negative feeling you get when someone criticizes you--"you should be ashamed". Women get shamed from a variety of sources. For years she never studied men. When she did, she found men rarely shame other men. Men's shame comes almost exclusively from women and almost exclusively from women's perceptions of men being weak.

'Toxic masculinity' includes 'not showing weakness'. I think 'toxic masculinity' is better framed as women shaming men and women having toxic femininity.

If women suppress men talking about issues, then the only issues that will be discussed are women's issues. This is the matriarchy asserting itself.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/frj4np/how_brene_brown_discovered_that_male_shame_was/

“Here’s the painful pattern that emerged from my research with men: We ask them to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In those moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust. And men are very smart. They know the risks, and they see the look in our eyes when we’re thinking, C’mon! Pull it together. Man up. As Joe Reynolds, one of my mentors and the dean at our church, once told me during a conversation about men, shame, and vulnerability, “Men know what women really want. They want us to pretend to be vulnerable. We get really good at pretending.” -- Brené Brown

https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/messages-of-shame-are-organized-around-gender/275322/

ASpiralKnight · 2024-11-07T06:40:55+00:00

Yes, by men specifically MRAs. There are many posts right now in this sub mocking men for sadness over election results.

Agreeable_Practice11 · 2024-11-07T13:16:52+00:00

I have not. I am very selective with who has shared things with.

If you’re going through anything right now, I hope it gets better for you. Just take each day at a time.

mariasamhoun · 2024-11-07T14:18:40+00:00

Thanks for the stories, guys. Appreciate it and hope you’re doing better now.

Ok_Set_3619 · 2024-11-07T15:08:57+00:00

I Have no good friends, addicted to drugs. Thinking of going to rehab.

Capital-Signature146 · 2024-11-07T16:59:42+00:00

I had a feminist roommate (which I was not aware of her leanings at the time). We had started to become friends and she started probing into my life (which I interpreted as friendliness). So I started being vulnerable and sharing bits and pieces about my life.

Some months later she then used all of that information to blackmail me into giving her rights over our agreement. Every time I justified why I didn't want to proceed in the way she had proposed, she twisted things I had said in the past, to have some other meaning, to position me in a disingenuous light.

It taught me a hard lesson about being vulnerable with people (do that, but be sure you can trust them). In this case, I got burned.

But outside of this, being vulnerable with women has always brought them closer to me, we have become more connected. So I certainly advocate for that.

lifelonglearner22698 · 2024-11-08T06:19:26+00:00

I have repeatedly been burned by my own father about being too sensitive. Growing up, it went from disappointing him by being too emotional to - surprisingly - an even worse situation.

The man started doubting my feelings. He started making unbelievable claims about “faking” emotional hurt or playing the victim for God knows what reasons. And then…I guess the split between he and I was when this “faking” thing spread from emotional pain to mental and physical pain. I have struggled with depression and suicide since I was a teenager. He never believed that, and as a result less and less of my family members accepted or supported me, either. Physically, I have had issues with asthma and fainting (which now that I think of it, might be related if my brain gets too little oxygen at times). I was shamed into keeping those things to myself because more than half the time I was accused of faking. There was even a time when the whole family had this intervention about my problem with compulsive lying, as I always had to fake a feeling or problem or something at least once a day.

So yes, OP, I have been shamed out of expressing emotions comfortably or sharing the issues I’m dealing with. Simply crying is near the bottom of the list, unfortunately…

tilldeathdoiparty · 2024-11-05T20:03:47+00:00

Everyone should feel free to express their emotions, but also process them and grow. Far too many times we just have men expressing their emotions but not looking for anything but to have their feelings validated, which is a good thing but depending on strangers on the internet isn’t helping you develop the mechanisms to cope with these emotions.

Far too often this sub just wants to have the ‘woman bad, they need to change’ conversation, instead of us figuring out a way around their behaviours and conquering the extremists (because it’s not all women, just a few sick ones) so we can go back to loving a normal life.

If you are really struggling and want to make changes, I suggest finding a compatible therapist that will help you create the life you want. There a few to no trained mental health experts on this sub and there are men that need proper help.

I’m sure I’ll get downvoted but as much as we do have emotions and struggles, masculine men find positive ways to get around the emotionally triggering landscape we are in and using social media to gauge the temperatures all women is as bad as them saying we are all a part of the patriarchy.

It’s time to step up and find a way to be in touch with your emotions but not let them control you.

Heytaxitaxii · 2024-11-06T09:48:59+00:00

I find this interesting on this page because the amount of men on here I’ve seen shaming women for showing emotions and saying men aren’t emotional etc etc. and now you complain about being shamed for them? How about as men you stop using emotions as an insult to women and accept that everyone has feelings. Including men. It’s not wrong to have emotions, regardless of who’s feeling them.

coming2grips · 2024-11-05T18:58:15+00:00

Trollololol

The OP over here living on second hand tears

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