“You don’t want to one of those Creepy men”

Hoopaboi · 2024-11-20T00:59:50+00:00

The view of "old = creepy" for men is just vilifying less attractive men for being sexual in any capacity (obviously both sexes lose attractiveness as they age).

It's no different than the "old women = crone/witch/hag" stereotype. Except only one is being challenged because of the women are wonderful effect.

EnvironmentalBuy244 · 2024-11-20T04:04:10+00:00

For every 'creepy' older guy that is with a younger woman, there is a younger woman using her youth and looks to land a man with far better financial resources than what she would be able to get any other way.

I have some timeshares now in an expensive location. Everyone staying there is at the top edge of middle class, if not better. The about half are families that are men in the 45-65 y/o range and women in the 30-40 y/o range with little kids. Many of those men devoted their entire existence to bettering their business and are reaping the rewards today.

Lovebomber777 · 2024-11-20T02:59:31+00:00

You need a change of therapist.

thrownawayagain1980 · 2024-11-20T00:42:31+00:00

My mom was 12 years older than my stepdad. Tbh if someone is over 21 the world should shut the fuck up.

TheNattyJew · 2024-11-20T02:46:57+00:00

I'm offended by her comment. She's implying that any man of your age who wants to get with a woman of child bearing age (younger than you) is a creep for wanting such a thing. It's a kneejerk response that women have whenever an older man dates a younger woman. But even a professional who you have a good relationship with can't help herself. She has to side with the hypothetical woman who she doesn't even know, over the man in front of her who she does know and is being paid to help. It is quite judgmental

avi_dani · 2024-11-20T00:46:58+00:00

It seems like some women want to promote "equal standards" between men and women when it comes to relationships. However, there's a biological difference that can't be ignored. It's rare for a 20-year-old man to marry a 40-year-old woman because, biologically and socially, many women in their 40s might not be as appealing to younger men. On the other hand, it's relatively common for a man in his 40s to date or marry a woman in her 20s.

A 40-year-old man who’s above average in appearance might be appealing to younger women because he likely has financial stability, life experience, and the ability to raise kids. Some women don't like this dynamic, so they try to push for standards that counter these natural tendencies, labeling these relationships as "inappropriate" or "creepy." Since they can't make it illegal, they aim to shame it instead.

LokisDawn · 2024-11-20T03:07:32+00:00

I finally found a good therapist. She explained that the judgement I was experiencing from other therapists is not recommended. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to find somebody who doesn’t seem to be guessing at their job. Know what I mean?

FacePucker · 2024-11-20T02:31:39+00:00

i think she just did a shitty job of trying to empathize with your concerns. the older i’ve gotten the more i’ve realized women really suck at their beloved ‘empathy’ characteristic traits

Mycroft033 · 2024-11-20T06:47:21+00:00

Therapy is designed for and beneficial to women. Not men. I would try to find a mentor in a guy you really respect.

send_bombs · 2024-11-20T04:13:24+00:00

Polling shows that men on average are attracted to women younger than them, and women on average are attracted to men older than them. There is a strong evolutionary implication here, but that’s not the point.

Your therapist making this comment is highly unprofessional and unethical. It sounds like she has some biases against men she hasn’t dealt with. Since 99% of therapists got their degrees in social work, it means they are steeped in radical feminism(my wife was too). There is also the archetype of older women, especially single older women, that resent the decline in male attention, and their most effective tactic is shame.

soroboru0 · 2024-11-20T16:55:28+00:00

20 years is a huge age gap and should not be taken lightly when thinking about partners you want to have a family with. You should think more about the type of person you want as a life partner and less about her hypothetical ability to bear you children.

Aggravating_Tie5562 · 2024-11-20T07:21:23+00:00

Correct. There’s a huge insecurity among women about aging. They know almost all men are attracted to younger women. Older women will often cope by subtly shaming men for it.

Since this is probably an unconscious behaviour driven by their projections of their own limited fertility (or sense of ‘time running out’) you’d be better off ignoring it than trying to argue with her/women on this point.

If you meet and fall in love with someone younger, you shouldn’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks.

windofscotts · 2024-11-20T15:59:21+00:00

Yeah I was called a groomer by some girls when I was with my ex. She was 20 and I 25. Don’t really see the issue. My ex also started using the age gap as an excuse when she fucked up. “I’m just a girl” “I’m a teenager still and you’re an adult”. They are the ones who make the ordeal worse imo.

subone · 2024-11-20T02:04:01+00:00

I can only hope that you're leaving out some crucial detail that makes her less of an asshole here, but I can't think of a context where this would be appropriate from your therapist. Did you tell her that you didn't appreciate the comment? If you do and she doesn't immediately apologize, then I'd ditch her, personally. IDK if you had already talked about it or were not specific, but she could have suggested surrogate or adoption or big brother, or anything except a derisive comment that can only cause more trauma.

Sirhugh66 · 2024-11-20T06:51:48+00:00

1.Stop seeing this therapist. She doens't have your best interests at heart. 2. Make a complaint to the relevant body who oversees the licensing of therapists. This is not appropriate. 3. Find a new therapist (preferably a male) who is obviously on your side.

SnooGiraffes449 · 2024-11-20T08:13:38+00:00

I think you she relay this to your therapist. She can then understand her own thought processes better. Afterwards you can charge her a fee. The patient has become the practitioner.

arturo1972 · 2024-11-20T09:25:39+00:00

You're young, not old. Sheesh ...

Ellestyx · 2024-11-20T23:13:36+00:00

Tbh—I’m looking to date men outside of my generation. Due to several factors I think I’d just have more luck finding a successful and happy relationship with a millennial or older.

…It also might be the daddy issues, but there is an allure to older men. Plenty of women my age (22) find older men attractive. It might be the overall looks, the stability, the maturity, etc.

You’re only a creepy old guy if you’re a creep who happens to be old. Wanting a family or dating a younger woman doesn’t make you a creep.

Illustrious-Aside-46 · 2024-11-20T06:27:46+00:00

This therapist wants your money, but she does not want what is best for you. Change therapist!

JACSliver · 2024-11-20T07:08:02+00:00

Three years and she turned out to be a therapist version or Nick Riviera? Yikes.

TypicalNPC · 2024-11-21T03:55:15+00:00

"My female therapist"

Problem is pretty obvious.

Anyway, most western women have this problem because they understand they are competing with other women. They subconsciously understand that most men are attracted to young women, and so they attempt to use shaming language to increase their value and decrease men's options. A lot of weak willed men have fallen into this trap and subverted themselves into thinking its "problematic". "Creepy" is an emotional response to them losing their value.

None of it matters. As long as you aren't attempting to date or sleep with anyone who can get you in trouble with the law, it's down to personal opinion, and the opinions of other people, especially those who don't have your best interest don't matter.

g1455ofwater · 2024-11-20T06:01:36+00:00

I have never heard anyone that calls men creepy have a good explanation for it unless they are talking about men that have committed serious crimes. Creepy men means either men with low status, men with disabilities, men I don't like or some combination of those.

__gracieeee__ · 2024-11-20T08:09:40+00:00

Don’t listen to that. I’m in an age gap relationship. I’m 19f and my bf is 37. I love him so much.

kuzism · 2024-11-20T09:15:35+00:00

18 and older, that's the law. If a hot, young 18 yo wants to marry a wealthy 40 yo it's her body and her choice.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2024-11-20T10:51:44+00:00

Older western women only shame men as a way to protect themselves. There is NOTHING wrong with consenting adults dating who they please . My grandad was 11 years older than my granny and I have never seen them in a fight EVER .

Upper-Ad9228 · 2024-11-20T09:23:21+00:00

your not wrong, everyone would think i was a monster for being and supporting my gf.

Late-Let-4221 · 2024-11-20T13:14:53+00:00

As asian I can say this is one of those freedoms westeners often deprive themselves off. In SEA once you are adult, it's really up to you and your potential partner and you are looking for soulmate and age doesn't matter as much. Of course it would be ideal from reproduction point of view if everyone would get married at 21 and start having kids immediately. Africa does that to a degree.

hidratedhomie · 2024-11-20T15:06:48+00:00

A 5-10 years gap is reasonably.

funnybillypro · 2024-11-20T02:06:24+00:00

I'm sorry your therapist said that to you. Shouldn't have said that.

Beligerent · 2024-11-21T01:01:18+00:00

I’m 52 and single. Always wanted a family and found a lot of this same energy right around the same time as you. I have nothing to add except to say I hope you’re doing ok and you find what you’re looking for.

mrmensplights · 2024-11-21T05:29:29+00:00

I think there is a few things at play.

First, you are 100% correct. Women focus in on this one specific behavior so hard because they lose value in the sexual marketplace as they get older. They demonize it because they feel it disadvantages them.

Second, due to hypergamy, women have a massive bias where they are hyper focused on rich men, powerful men, etc. The same men that are more likely than the average man to date younger and more attractive women as they age. So the threat they feel becomes magnified.

Lastly, women generally just demonize anything they don't feel personally "right" about (doesn't confirm their personal biases, their sexual strategy, their evolutionary psychology). Because female mating strategy is so different from the male one, dating a younger women is alien to them. Women mate for security, money, labor, investment (treat men as tools or utilities), while men are mostly focused on fertility. And what they can't understand they demonize.

Ilabaca1 · 2024-11-22T07:57:33+00:00

Bro no.1 piece of advice. NEVER see a female therapist.

SigmundFreud4200 · 2024-11-20T05:36:40+00:00

Women age like milk while guys age like a fine wine. As long as they're of legal age forget the nonsense in anyone else's head after all noone but you can live your life so forget the bitter old woman's opinion.

MembershipWooden6160 · 2024-11-20T11:10:17+00:00

Two adult, consenting people should be able to know what they want. In fact, each of them should focus on what they want when looking for someone to date, not what other side or society wants.

What about height difference? I remember going out with some women who were significantly shorter and smaller than me, I'm talking about a foot or larger height difference. While it was somewhat off-putting in general, on one occasion I felt very uncomfortable knowing that my 10 y/o cousin was the same height and build as one of my dates so I decided not to proceed.

Yet I don't hear any discussion about this, there's nothing creepy with women wanting and dating a man who is 10+ inches taller than they are, but it's creepy when men want or date women 10+ years younger. I'm talking about two consenting adults. It's obviously the logic of women who want to pursue what they want while shaming men from looking for what men want, in order to try and ensure better outcome for women in this manner.

RealStarkey · 2024-11-20T12:04:47+00:00

Please start sponsoring a woman before society shuns you. For the love of God start now.

r0nson · 2024-11-20T04:53:30+00:00

i like the half your age plus seven rule

AdorableAd8529 · 2024-11-21T02:21:56+00:00

I don't really care about age that much personally. I'm 36 and have been with men that are 24 and men that are 60. It matters more about who they are as a person to me. I slept with my dad's good friend for years and we are still friends to this day

SadSorrySackOShip · 2024-11-21T02:42:32+00:00

Young or old if you want women to settle down and have a family you're going to need to participate in revolutionizing our society to be friendly to families. That means labor organizing for better pay and safer work conditions and paternal and maternal leave, and upending the military/prison industrial complex. Without better conditions in which women can feel safe with their children, women don't want to breed. Your therapist probably isn't considering things this deeply because in our bourgeois liberal society such consciousness and outspokeness on these issues is aggressively suppressed and punished. It's easier to just chalk things up to individual failure or a war between the sexes than to admit the real problem.

J2501 · 2024-11-21T05:12:47+00:00

I've started telling women I want a woman who is age appropriate and a similar level of sexual experience with an equal or fewer number of partners, as well as comparable height to weight ratio, similar interests, etc.

Just to confound them. Because a female version of me probably isn't very easy to find, due to the general differences in the way our genders are treated. I want them to acknowledge the fact that, by way of a massive social privilege gap between us, very few among them possess the traits, history, or ability to give me a fair relationship worthy of exclusive commitment, and since so much of that relies upon self-reporting, I really can't trust anything they want me to think about them.

Mister_Funktastic · 2024-11-21T05:13:26+00:00

The main issue with dating too much younger than you is the difference in life experience and brain development. The human brain doesn't finish developing until around twenty five. If you're wanting to have kids with someone, you're going to want a relationship with someone you have things in common with, much more difficult fine with an age gap. Different generations have different values and what they want out of life, socialogically speaking.

Lonewolf_087 · 2024-11-21T22:57:24+00:00

For mental health with men who have had a bad time with dating being an old man who is single is actually very acceptable. If I was in that line of work I would seriously tell my patients that relationships are really optional things and to not try so hard to find one especially if doing so erodes other parts of your life then you lose more than you gain. Yes I think people can feel better if they can get into one but if you keep running into a wall trying and making your self esteem approach zero that’s not something you want to sustain I’d say.

But the comment specifically if you want kids and you are getting older I mean what choice do you have? A 45 year old woman is not going to have kids. Nothing is creepy if two people love each other and take care of each other.

thisisallanqallan · 2024-11-20T15:56:26+00:00

Listen mate it's hard to find a good therapist much less make a rapport with them I for one would consider the following before leaving.

On its own this sentence may be considered harmless especially when you keep in context the relationship of years. She may just have said it thoughtlessly, we r all humans capable of making mistakes I sure have and I know it.

On the other hand if the pattern continues then she may be radicalizing in which case save yourself.

Jake0024 · 2024-11-20T05:16:19+00:00

I feel that western women have this “creepy” notion of this type of an age gap as a way to cling onto their value well after their prime

You're the one talking about having kids way past your prime here. How does society viewing large age gaps as potentially creepy have anything to do with women "clinging onto their value"? Old men chasing young girls being called creepy doesn't have any relevance to women's value.

Capable-Mushroom99 · 2024-11-20T02:53:53+00:00

Anything beyond 10 years is going to seem creepy. Shouldn’t be a problem at your age.

Title	“You don’t want to one of those Creepy men”
Author	ThrowItAwayAlready89
Upvotes	477
Comments	122
Date	November 20, 2024 12:34 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1gvcqpc/you_dont_want_to_one_of_those_creepy_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/you-dont-want-to-one-of-those-creepy-men.1536300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536300

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