For those of you who had to go through “war” in your divorce I want to hear your story and how you made it out.

biscuts99 · 2025-02-04T03:21:03+00:00

Shut up. Be cordial. Don't act out.

Let her look fucking insane when you go to court.

Blackend-1989 · 2025-02-02T20:32:56+00:00

I feel like mine is gearing up … just a gut feeling and the coldness of responses about kid duties. Ask me a year from now or after I start moving some real shit out of the house.

ObjectiveGuess8069 · 2025-02-01T18:52:21+00:00

Damn. I thought I had it bad, sorry to everyone who had or is having a hard time.

My story started out with me filing electronically in NY. Tried to avoid getting lawyers. I told her that all I wanted was a 100k after we sold our house. She didn’t accept it. So we both had to hire lawyers($15k in fees on my side). I told her you should have taken the deal. Fast forward to the house closing. About a week before she agreed to let each of us take 5k at the closing. The night before her attorney emailed. The money was not going to be released. So all of the money went into escrow, gaining no interest.

Three months later at the second hearing the judge said why is the money just sitting there? She ordered a 100k be given to both of us. Final court date is in March unless she gets adjournment after adjournment like she did before.

shrimp_42 · 2025-02-01T06:31:54+00:00

I’m 18 months separated, 12 months living apart, 6 months divorced. Share custody 50/50 for our 3yo child.

I offered her nothing. She asked for 30% of my salary. We eventually settled on 15%. We did it mostly ourselves as lawyers were costing $625 USD per hour.

I could’ve negotiated lower, but I wanted to get it across the line quickly as I knew I was due for a salary raise and didn’t want her getting any more than she wanted. Plus by doing it ourselves it puts a huge mental strain on you as you have to be meticulous with drafting separation agreement yourself. Lots of angry emails back and forth each night, mediator(mutual friend) quit because she refused to compromise.

All the while you have to work, be present for your kid, and be civil to each other in front of them. I stupidly started dating before we started negotiating divorce and that relationship failed solely because of how stressful my life became when negotiations started. You just don’t have time/capacity to do anything other than work, parent, and negotiate with ex.

There were days where all I could do was just lie on the couch, eat junk and stare at the ceiling. But I needed to hit rock bottom for me to recover.

Once she got the magic figure she was looking for, it all went smoothly after that. Funny that eh??

The best thing for mental health was moving out. Then once terms agreed, it was an even bigger relief. Mine only lasted about 3 months of shit but as soon as it was all signed my process was this:

Hired a personal trainer Signed up for healthy meal plan Took a vacation with my child and immediate family Started seeing a therapist.

The results were incredible. 3 months later I was a different man. Divorce was rear view mirror. Everything in writing so no more arguments. I was able to start dating with real intention and with a clear picture of my finances and nothing to distract me. Have been with an amazing woman now for 4 months and everything is looking fantastic.

Oh and my salary increase came through the month after divorce and wouldn’t you know….the increase is exactly how much my child support payments are lol

God smiles on the righteous! Good luck

stunt4949 · 2025-01-31T23:55:51+00:00

Divorced years ago! However, she's taking me back to court because she wants more money before our kid ages out. So... I can't really tell you my story right now. 😞

binglybinglybeep99 · 2025-01-31T21:16:37+00:00

Why? Are you writing a column?

Electric_Donut_Mouth · 2025-01-31T20:13:09+00:00

I hit arrested at the kids birthday, then didn’t have any where to take the kids because I forced to continue paying all the bills in the house I didn’t live in while she would load the kids in the car with neck pillows to door dash and save her non custody nights to go out.

Finally got a place after temporary orders but still had to pay her rent with the judge saying I’d get the money back.

But didn’t have anything because i couldn’t go back in the house.

Ended up with a tent and an air mattress for the kids.

Charges dropped and not mentioned during final orders but the new female judges decided she’d include it and gave her tie breaking authority.

Also she decided since I hadn’t defaulted on any of my bills in 4 months (I was two months late on every single one) that I could afford to pay her rent for those four months and couldn’t get any money back.

She also didn’t issue a parenting plan and left two people who obviously couldn’t agree to just agree to stuff. The only mandated thing was 5-2-2-5 which I find to be horrible if one parent works and the other doesn’t because the non working parent doesn’t need child care and most child care won’t do that schedule and I would have to pay for every day of the week.

Ex decided to try and go after my ability to work and make every thing difficult towards my job. I stupidly thought I needed to be cooperative and work with her. So job is affected and had to trade my dream job for a desk.

Spend a year writing an in-depth parenting plan that is as fair as I can make it. Self file, judge rejects it.

Higher lawyer and we start doing all the steps first he talks to her. She answers and says she will meet then dodged the receptionist. Finally meets and her boyfriend and her just complain and make threats but she agrees to mediation. Avoids the scheduling again.

We file a parenting plan to get week on/off. A holiday schedule and a summer schedule. She hires a lawyer responds with I’m abusive and harass her and so she should be in control and I should give her money.

Judge orders mediation, she refuses to even discuss with her lawyer any reasonable negotiation. Mediation on Monday at 400/hr.

This with her not paying for anything including new clothes for the kids. Refusing to take them to appointments and trying to argue that she doesn’t have to pick them up from school if they are sick.

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-01-31T19:16:12+00:00

I'm currently in the heat of it. Here's the short version of my story:

Filed in August 2023.
The first mediation failed due to false abuse allegations made against me.
An amicus was appointed, and they found no grounds for the accusations.
The second mediation also failed.
My ex requested a psych evaluation. Mine came back clean, but hers showed some issues, though they didn’t affect her parenting.
We went to court, and the judge issued Temporary Orders a few months ago, which mirrored the custody offer I made during the first mediation. We had cohabitated for over a year before that.
Now, I’m just waiting for the final mediation in a couple of months.

Personally, moving out has done wonders for my mental and physical health. I’m in a much better place now. I expect phase 2 of this war will likely be more of the same challenges getting to temporary orders, so I’m focusing on staying strong, gathering ammunition, and preparing for what’s ahead.

Cool-Old-Dad · 2025-01-31T13:15:07+00:00

Well, I've been told that fighting back and saying how I feel is now considered verbal and emotional abuse. Lost her to Instagram(OnlyFansLight). She is Taking half of everything, $1900 in child support and $2500 in spousal support. Kids are 14 and 11 and I'll have spousal support obligations for the next 8 yrs.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-01-31T04:14:13+00:00

Made it thru like you make it thru a bear attack. Roll up in a ball, quit fighting, and eventually they either get bored or there’s nothing left to chew on.

regertsrus · 2025-01-31T03:36:17+00:00

My X is a pathological liar and cheater. Her umpteenth boyfriend lives in what is still my house. They both tried alienating me so hard that it backfired and now my kids want me to take custody. I have multiple unfounded cps reports. Multiple false police reports. Multiple order of protection and subsequent violations based on complete lies. I have to share my kids with HER family (well i want to) because she alienated them also with her lies? How do i sleep at night while paying child support to a liar that works half my hours, gets to keep my kids half the time and uses my money to subsidize yet another lowlife boyfriend? Simple. I realized that this crooked system cant actually take my kids. A stranger in a robe cant do anything to me now. My kids love me and they are too old to make decisions for. So when i show up to this court clerk circle jerk, i look at this farce of a system and i laugh deep inside. At this point i tell all the lawyer including the child lawyer that i know its a farce and i can prove it easily with her own words and their inaction. The truth lets me sleep like a baby and smile ear to ear. Once you know the truth, there is nothing that these liar enablers in authority can do to you.

omegared138 · 2025-01-31T03:25:30+00:00

Listening and taking notes.

Junior_Alarm6234 · 2025-01-31T03:16:15+00:00

The domestic violence accusations? The trying to lock you up in psychiatric? Making false CPS reports? Fake rape accusations? The smearing? The restraining orders!

Status-Buyer-7371 · 2025-01-31T02:27:53+00:00

I had to go through batterers intervention program to avoid prosecution from the da. That was like a year of 2 hours long weekly struggle sessions having the bullshit deluth model shoved down our throats, paying $100 for each class for the whole year, paying for constant drug and alcohol tests, not seeing my young kids for several months, going through a cps investigation, not being allowed to go home at all to collect any of my lifelong personal property which she threw away. All based on fabricated allegations which were my word against her word. Oh, and that is the golden deal I got after paying $10k for the best battery lawyer in town. I never battered anybody, in fact I never treated anybody better in my life than her. That was after she flipped out and called the cops when I caught her cheating. This whole system is bullshit and a joke. While there were a couple legit batteries we talked about, one guy in the batterers intervention program had to go through it for sarcastically poking his gfs forehead when they were fighting and she said don't touch me. It was similar for most guys, and there was a bunch of them. Its a business and they're deliberately ruining families

bluevelvet92 · 2025-01-31T00:52:57+00:00

Go on

Fishhuntshroomyogi · 2025-01-31T00:41:16+00:00

Which part? The cops coming? The restraining order? The court battles? The legal fees? The hidden security cameras? The beach girlfriend? The musician boyfriend? The toxic friends?

Title	For those of you who had to go through “war” in your divorce I want to hear your story and how you made it out.
Author	rationalvet
Upvotes	21
Comments	27
Date	January 31, 2025 12:36 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ie2a1a/for_those_of_you_who_had_to_go_through_war_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/for-those-of-you-who-had-to-go-through-war-in-your.1542597 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542597

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