Lawyer fees

No-Relationship4376 · 2025-03-19T22:37:48+00:00

Plan ahead financially. Plan for the worst.

I think this is the one single biggest mistake most make in divorce. I def made this mistake. It should be pinned in the sub IMO. It affects everything from car and home buying to renting, all common things that come up in divorce.

Divorce locked up all my assets. So lawyer fees went on cards. My credit score plummeted. FICO really emphasizes increases to percent debt used. Not percent debt used. Increases! I jumped from 0$ revolving to $20,000. My total limit was six figures tho. My score went from 830 to 650. I never missed a payment. Banks are just assholes. Citi, you suck ass. Some banks lowered my existing limit. That spiraled the issue.

I got exceptionally lucky. We were still in the 2% rates. I was able to get a really nice 4.5% signature loan even at 650. I paid off the cards. Then I filled them right back up.

Then I got lucky again. She settled just as I reached truly dead broke. The assets were released. I paid everything off. My credit score bounced back 100 points three months later. It took another year to get it above 800 again.

She was borrowing against her 401k. She broke all the rules, this and many others. It gave her very deep pockets. But the courts never called her on it. I learned she was doing this at the 18 month mark when she finally shared financial statements. The divorce took 24 months.

Definitely do not flinch. They'll go for the jugular.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2025-03-18T22:16:49+00:00

What helped me souch in my two year ongoing court battle was were im at is all zoom still, so only pay for one hour every hearing versus paying for prob like 4 if in person

idkwhyimaloser37 · 2025-03-18T01:31:16+00:00

At this point it's prob cheaper to cheat

ConfidenceNo242 · 2025-03-17T12:19:17+00:00

To help with the fees try to agree on certain things with your ex. Don’t fight over trivial things. It will cost you more in the long run. Watch how much you contact your lawyer. Every email and phone call adds up quick. It’s also in your exes best interests to move it all as quick as possible. Unless they don’t care and have tons of money for a lawyer.

heartbroke8 · 2025-03-16T15:46:47+00:00

My ex spent $2k on lawyer fees. I had 3 free consults just to verify my opinion on my stance on certain things. I spent $400 on the filing fees. I also spent $500 on a prenup. Ultimately I knew the prenup could be challenged but used it as a negotiating base to give up a little bit in exchange for speed and certainty of a negotiated settlement. Ended up with 100% custody no alimony or child support and kept all my retirement and all my assets. I was cordial and fair in my negotiations and my ex was still in affair fog. Got together with my ex and negotiated. I let her know what would likely happen if we didn’t settle and what likely outcomes would be so we both understood that fighting would just lead to wasting money on lawyer fees

yeldellmedia · 2025-03-16T04:25:41+00:00

Keep communication and email to a minimum while actively managing your case

Curious_Helicopter29 · 2025-03-15T14:23:47+00:00

Laywer selection is important. If they have a flashy office and pinky rings you need to consider how they pay for that stuff. How you and the opposing side behave has a huge impact. Divorce is not cheap.

Icerunner45 · 2025-03-15T13:36:39+00:00

I am only through a temporary custody order and I am down about $45k already. No clue

regertsrus · 2025-03-15T12:36:16+00:00

If you understand that your lawyer is not your friend and that his money depends on your desire to escallate, that is already a good start. Remember that youre not a criminal. These agents of state can not arrest you. You are likely the bread winner for your new family and your old.

Grafixx5 · 2025-03-15T11:51:30+00:00

Family law is a like BILLION dollar a year industry and probably one of the easiest areas of law for people to get into, that’s why there are so many. It’s stupid already. They get rid of Title 4d, no fault divorce and watch what happens.

Where I’m at, just a consultation was $200-1000! I’m like, WTFH! Retainers are $4k-10k! Like area you serious! And most don’t do shyte. Have paralegals file the paperwork, you NEVER really speak to or hear from the lawyer directly.

He’ll, I know one friend who has given his lawyer like 100+ pages of documentation against his stbxw, audio/video of her cheating in the past, missing money, and a whole lot of other stuff and he said the lawyer was just like, “Thanks,” tossed it to the side and said to him,” That’s in the past and won’t really matter now. The court is just going to look at current debt, money and that’s it. So let’s talk about what’s in you bank account, 401k and things like that.”

I was just like, “Bro, that’s fugged up!”

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-15T11:36:54+00:00

I paid a $300 consultation fee and a $2,500 retainer. Wife signed the separation agreement and as long as she doesn't lose her mind between now and December, the divorce will be finalized.

I had some really smart friends and guys who'd gone through the divorce advise me.

My recommendation is to come to your lawyer with all the information needed to formulate a plan of action. All financial assets, debts, kid info.

Both sides are going to give something up so try not to be too emotional. Is an extra $200 a month in child support with 12 months of lawyer fees?

Slowloris81 · 2025-03-15T10:09:50+00:00

Yes. It’s a systemic problem. Try to make reasonable compromises to resolve things consensually and failing that, enter mediation with a trusted mediator to secure a holistic resolution as soon as possible.

I tried to keep legal fees to the absolute minimum by doing the heavy lifting myself and keeping conversations to an absolute minimum but even so with her lawyer dragging things out and raising asinine issues was out over $100K.

Gattsama · 2025-03-15T07:29:54+00:00

One big tip is to NOT respond to everything she sends. The attorneys are feeding off each other. The more paper work one side sends, the more they respond back with, etc etc. I said we would not respond and will ignore anything that is not a court order, a mediation date, a response to our offers, or about a specific event we are trying to resolve.

The eX would send these ridiculous long complaints about how I did or didn't do X, have a prone addiction, might have had an affair, etc. I ignored all that because it doesn't matter.

I also only corresponded to the attorney as needed and kept everything brief. I would send bullet points with specific questions. Re-read the email a few times to remove unnecessary info/waste as they are charging for by the word or shit in those emails.

The eX ran up a huge bill on her side. I suspect using her attorney as a therapist and person to vent to. They are happy to keep the clock running (and multitasking to bill someone else) while you talk.

In the end, to save money, get a final agreement hammered out as quickly as possible. Even give up a little to get it done. I was paying for everything during the separation, so when she finally agreed to mediation (after canceling twice) we had a court date 2 months later. I was willing to give up $25k to get the deal done because I was going to lose more than that waiting for trial.

Pretend_Line6688 · 2025-03-15T05:48:01+00:00

After doing consultations for months I realized I wasn't even gonna be able to handle possible lawyer fees & just did everything myself

pikohina · 2025-03-15T04:49:10+00:00

I hire my lawyer at an hourly-rate on a need-only basis. I used her for a couple of consults, review discovery before submission, representation during APL hearing. She guides me, I do the heavy lifting. This might not be the case if I had young kids, though.

TXJohn83 · 2025-03-15T04:28:31+00:00

Well work shit out with the stbx or just burn all the money both me and my ex spent over 250k each...

After the shots have been fired it really does not chill down, try to get them to be reasonable and talk through things with you before doing crazy shit.

lurkermurphy · 2025-03-15T04:28:05+00:00

Her lawyer's primary skill was getting constant continuances, thus racking up the fees for both of us constantly while nothing ever moved, so I eventually dumped my lawyer and self-represented for another two years once I realized the routine, to let her lawyer keep sticking it to only her, and then she eventually just gave me all my demands talking to me behind her lawyer's back because her lawyer was still never budging on anything just getting continuances and forcing me to refile after every hearing lol. i swear divorce lawyers are the worst people on the planet and have no incentive to make any of your problems go away

edit: but if you are new OMG do not self-represent, hire big and go big and end it. the lawyers want to drag it out until your kids are 18 and my ex was stupid enough to keep paying that entire time

Title	Lawyer fees
Author	Enough_Youth_4564
Upvotes	12
Comments	33
Date	March 15, 2025 4:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jbn2t0/lawyer_fees/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lawyer-fees.1546585 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546585

Comments