Being (upper) middle class doesnt mean your relationship/family dynamics are different from the poor.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-09-14T14:06:00+00:00

well, i mean i t does. UMC+ men behave completely different from lower class men and the women have completely different expectations and things they put up with/find attractive

a baby mama is an unwanted oops baby a man didnt want that he spawned on some "girlfriend", an ex wife has a legitimate wanted child from an official marriage that broke down. there are so many small psychological and cultural differences there i cant even list them. UMC+ peopel are wildly less erratic and violent and criminal, are normally able to abide by their court orders and dont end up wanted for ducking child support orders etc

Few_School2680 · 2025-09-14T14:19:47+00:00

The divorce rate for college educated couples is far lower than that of less educated peers. It’s why people always whining about the divorce rate being at 50% without controlling for education is just stupid. The demographic matters

It’s doesn’t take a genius to observe the parenting style, nutrition, time for extracurriculars, etc is different between UMC and kids from the ghetto/trailer park.

Being raised by a single mother with a GED vs a divorced family practitioner will certainly lead to different family dynamics and outcomes in life despite both being single mothers.

middleoftheroad133 · 2025-09-14T14:32:54+00:00

Respectfully this is cope from the lower classes, the differences are extreme/ I grew up affluent and thought I knew asshole behavior but the behavior I've seen from men in the lower classes through distance relatives is extreme. Violence, failure to acknowledge children, pay for whatever the children need, overall respect for women etc. I've dated assholes but even the bad ones in my social class know they can't hit women or refuse to take care of their children. Men in my social class also hold each other accountable. You will be a pariah to other men If you outwardly abuse women, are violent, don't provide for children.

Most of the rants from the men on this page are from lower class men because their problems and their perspectives are very different from their wealthier counterparts.

The women are different too, out of the few thousand people I've met, I have met under 5 women who had children out of wedlock. It isn't done.

The blaming of fatherless kids for crimes and other bad statistics, as if well off families dont also neglect their kids and let them grow up to be little monsters. Bad parenting exists in all income brackets. Just because a father is physically there doesnt mean he’s doing anything (good).

Again this is cope, a spoiled brat is vastly different than a freaking criminal. More affluent homes are more likely to have involved and good fathers in part because a lot of poverty is caused by fatherlessness

Bikerbats · 2025-09-14T18:53:37+00:00

Take it from someone who has a foot in both worlds. It's not even remotely comparable Lillith. I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, and it is a completely different ballgame. Criminality was everyone's avocation, if not their actual profession. The rarest thing in the neighborhood was someone who wasn't willing to roll someone from the wrong neighborhood for cash and prizes. Not that there isn't a reason for this, there is: Hard work isn't valued from our hardest menial workers, and their lives are a constant financial struggle. Those who feel exploited will turn to other means, this is the way.

Then I married out of my league and found myself in a different world, where parents didn't throw their offspring paper parties (A paper party is a celebration of your first arrest, and the documentation and courts summons are your papers, I had mine at 14) but would often turn their own children in for transgressions, to teach them a lesson. Fathers didn't abandon their children. Even in cases of divorce, dad kept his regular visitation and stayed close to his children, and that was typical for those in his circle.

SandBrilliant2675 · 2025-09-14T15:28:43+00:00

Being upper middle class comes with its own problems: absent parental role models, attachment to substitute care givers and subsequent attachment issues, emotional deregulation from being expected to self sooth, etc. to name a few.

But this isn’t the same as having a potential suffering from economic, food, housing, and health instability which is more common when growing up in lower SE families.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-09-14T14:08:34+00:00

As someone who grew up lower class, and ended up with someone from the middle class, there’s LOTS of differences.

I cooked are home more because I couldn’t afford to eat out. My partner prefers to eat out. They have to pay for me if they want to eat out.

I like to go for walks and visit parks for recreation, they like to get tickets to concerts and fairs.

I prefer small places that are easy to clean, they tend to prefer bigger places and just hire a cleaner.

These sorts of things mean we don’t inherently have similar standards, because we have different backgrounds and come from different socioeconomic niches.

I buy used clothes from thrift stores, they shop at REI.

It’s not impossible for folks like us to get together, but it does require us to talk clearly about why we want or don’t want something, because we don’t always inherently understand each other’s reservations.

Most couples date within the same socioeconomic niche because it’s just easier sharing a life with someone who wants a life similar to the one your used to.

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2025-09-14T14:06:45+00:00

There is actually a massive difference as far as the kid is concerned.

Middle-upper class: ex-husband is paying alimony so the kid is provided for.

"On the block" / ghetto: the kid's dad could very well be in jail.

attendquoi · 2025-09-14T14:03:00+00:00

I think you're really underestimating the stigma of being a bastard that still exists.

John_Oakman · 2025-09-14T16:24:48+00:00

Much of the appearance of that [the seemingly lack of difference between the classes] lies in the dilution of the definition of the "middle class" from mainly based on economic metrics to social political metrics (how it got there is another topic for another day).

But the main difference between the various [economic] classes lies in the factors of long term planning and impulse control: those two factors influence nearly everything about them (especially across generations). In short they ensures that on average over generations the middle class (and above) are more stable than their lower* class counterparts. What you might call the facade and self lying are in fact mechanisms to promote stability and cross generational self perpetuation, which the effects will become apparent over generations.

But as said before, with increasing numbers of temporarily embarrassed middle class (i.e. the average guest on Caleb Hammer's Financial Audit) what it means to be the middle class as rapidly expanded and diluted, thus a lot of the trappings of the lower class has been imported into the middle class. Furthermore, there's the additional issue of the socially middle class is further split between those who are socially middle class due to their social-political behavior and those who are in the socially middle class through self declaration, the latter of which has little to no traits of the actual middle class.

*the working class is a mixed bag, where the more stable ones occasionally rises up to the lower middle class while the less stable ones sink into the various lower/welfare classes.

bluestjuice · 2025-09-14T19:03:10+00:00

You’re not totally wrong, and I take your point, but I think it’s somewhat overstated. I think there are meaningful sociological distinctions between different socioeconomic groups. That said, I agree with you that there are also more commonalities than some people would like to believe.

majesticSkyZombie · 2025-09-18T01:33:33+00:00

I think a few relationship types can be exclusive or nearly exclusive to someone of a given monetary status, such as being treated badly by someone who was genuinely trying their best but had to make hard choices because of finances or being with someone who tries to buy your affection and has no real love for you. But you shouldn’t assume the person’s family dynamics based on their income - situations can mirror those in other income brackets, the details just may be a little different.

cutegolpnik · 2025-09-18T21:53:42+00:00

i mean i constantly observe that i have different social norms as someone who grew up UMC from specifically blue collar people.

i was raised not to raise my voice or fight or be aggressive, its considered the height of tacky. blue collar people think this means you are submissive and weak.

it is a big culture difference and it matters in dating because of your interpersonal dynamic, what you can be attracted to and what kind of guy is gonna embarrass you socially.

> I made this post because I find it insane people think theyre better just because they LOOK better than ghetto/trailer people without actually being better.

.... thats an entirely different topic.

thats the question of whether money makes you better. which duh, it doesn't.

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Mysterious_Ad8665 · 2025-09-16T00:03:17+00:00

Technically this is true. The question then becomes about probability, which it is more probable that there are better outcomes with more money; because more money grants access to higher levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

But given most people maybe can't be UMC, the question changes again to become, how do we get healthy family dynamics in the lower classes?

Title	Being (upper) middle class doesnt mean your relationship/family dynamics are different from the poor.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	7
Comments	79
Date	September 14, 2025 1:51 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ngruoy/being_upper_middle_class_doesnt_mean_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/being-upper-middle-class-doesnt-mean-your.1561957 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561957

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