I can’t bring myself to do it…

_CaptainCooter_ · 2025-09-22T00:55:30+00:00

You’re not alone. I felt the same way for the last year, stuck in a loveless sexless marriage. Neither one of us wanted to face it because we have two young kids, but I reached my breaking point at the beginning of the year and I told her I’m done. It was hell to go through and ended up deciding to give it one more shot because of the boys. Things were great for about a week. I admit, I dragged my feet and focused on myself waiting for her to come around and eventually she did in July. We passed the initial rough patch and were both amicable now and talkative. I’m about to move into my single Dad apartment five minutes down the road

If we didn’t have kids, we would have ended things a few years ago. It’s not great when divorce keeps coming up. Try a trial separation or a couples therapy if that’s not it then deuces.

probebeta · 2025-09-21T17:41:09+00:00

No kids and bad marriage? My man, there are plenty of other women out there... If you don't feel peace at home it's time to rip the bandaid.

NeighborhoodFox89 · 2025-09-21T10:49:17+00:00

Sending you a (virtual) hug. Hope you get through this.

BatGuano52 · 2025-09-21T06:18:35+00:00

I just turned 51, I served my stbxw two months before my 50th birthday.

I didn't have my first kid until 39, my living son was born when I was 40.

You have plenty of time to meet a new girl, get married, and have a family, if that's what you want.

This is the start of your new life - it's yours to make or fuck up - don't fuck it up.

You're lucky that you don't have kids, because you can lose her and you never have to deal with her again.

You've got yourself and you've got the guys here for the moment.

Go find a church, they have support groups and pretty much any will get you set up with something, you usually don't even have to be religious.

If you can afford a therapist, find one, and start going, like now.

You will be fine, you will get through this.

It sucks now, but the suck will end and life will return to normal.

If you're miserable, I promise you, making the decision to end the marriage, and making it happen, will make you feel better.

Feeling like you're not in control makea everything bad feel worse.

So, take control. That doesn't mean make rash, stupid decisions, that means sit down, figure out what you really want, then make a plan, and then execute the plan.

And, expect that the plan won't go the way you want it to, and you can't plan for every contingency, but, having a plan to dedicate fromakes it easier to deal with the changes.

And, remember, right now, one foot in front of the other, don't be planning for 20 years down the road.

You're going to divorce her, one of you needs to move out, if it's you, you need a place to live. Have that lined up, or at least know what you're going to do before you file.

Then, figure it out from there, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other.

You can do this.

ImpermanentSelf · 2025-09-21T02:53:24+00:00

You got this, message me if you need a friend. Your life isn’t over, a new life is around the corner. I am 41 and while not every day is peachy, I am building a new life entirely of my choosing.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-09-21T01:50:01+00:00

GTFO. Now.

Trust me.

Better on your own than this hell.

Respect yourself.

idkwhyimaloser37 · 2025-09-21T01:07:54+00:00

Hey man. I was like you in july. I filed, then was so scared of what was to come and being lonely. But you know this needs to happen. FILE FIRST!!! Once you've done it, it will feel great and she gets served, best feeling. You deserve self respect, you're afraid to be a lone. But you don't have kids, that's the best part. You can do this.

6StringFiend · 2025-09-20T22:32:28+00:00

Going through it now. 25 years of marriage and she just leaves. I lost my best friend. I feel so alone all the time but trying to work through it any way I can. I have a few friends but my only family is my two adult kids that live out of state. Just had a realtor over and trying to figure out where to live and what to do next has got me in a holding pattern. Sleep is non existent and I take what I can get. I know that eventually things will get easier but rn it seems impossible. Keep you chin up and be strong for yourself. Take care

Inquisitorial_Court · 2025-09-20T16:17:58+00:00

You're not alone, when I went through it a few years ago, my three children were always in my mind. I also didnt have a support system around, and it is absolutely mentally devastating. You're on a support system now, call Reddit what you will, but I have gotten a lot of great advice on these communities from men, and women alike who have been through similar situations, none of which are easy.

Take one thing at a time, if you two have exhausted all avenues to get healthy, then consider your assets, and talk to a lawyer and start the process there. Consider your own mental health, your happiness, your well being, are those being met? If not, take the required action within yourself and get yourself there, regardless who gets removed from your life.

The first step is your own mental health, if youre stopping yourself from action, then ask yourself why, and answer yourself truthfully because if you lie to yourself, youll never be happy.

KevinBaconn_1337 · 2025-09-20T07:51:54+00:00

Have you been to individual and couples therapy?

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-09-20T06:49:10+00:00

We men are always alone. Everyone relies - on us. Best sentence I ever heard is "There is no calvary coming, you have yourself and that is enough."

Piping_penguin · 2025-09-20T06:41:59+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way OP, but you do have it easier without kids involved. You will find someone else and it’s easier for you because lots of ladies in their late 30’s looking to settle down, and easier with no kids involved picture. Don’t despair!! I’m kinda in the same situation as you, I have kids, but if I divorce I won’t see them half the time and I’ll be alone too, don’t have family or close friends in area. My wife is pretty much my best friend. She still wants to live together but act like a single lady and I don’t want to break up family but knowing she has no feelings for me anymore and could be banging some other dude on her time off is tough on my mind. But yea, you’re still young, don’t give up.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-09-20T05:53:33+00:00

I know the feeling my guy. I literally could not hire an attorney for a while as it just broke me up to have to hire someone to end my marriage.. still kills me what’s happened…. Unless you were left, especially blindsided, it’s a pain like no other. The person I was is dead, she killed him. But now I’m in another reality and have no choice but to find the best of it. I don’t think I’ll ever get over what happened, my life will never be what I planned it, and there’s not much I could have done differently, it was not my fault…. Life sucks but it’s different, suck is sort of the normal now, especially when it comes to a social life. You will spend lots and lots of time alone, and you better get used to it. I will never seek out anyone to date again, it’s not worth the risk. I’ve never met an honest woman though, they’ve had very little redeeming qualities. It’s just reality.

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-09-20T05:19:47+00:00

All I can say is, I felt such a huge weight lift off my shoulders when I actually filed for the divorce. Years later I am so happy that I did it and upset with myself for not doing it sooner. Noe regrets.

bankofgreed · 2025-09-20T03:54:50+00:00

I was in your shoes a few months ago. I realized it was better to be honest and divorce now that spend the next 20-30 years living a life that had no purpose and going through the motions.

You’re actually in a great place without kids. You can file for divorce and you or your STBXW can move right out. I would do it before kids cause that’s when it gets very complicated as in learning.

You gotta be true to yourself. Forget anyone else. If that little voice is talking to you, you can only ignore it for so long before the regret eats you alive.

TimelyResearch1702 · 2025-09-20T03:30:09+00:00

Sorry you are in this dark place. 35 is extremely young and you have life ahead of you.

You didn't share much, so I may be making wild assumptions - but I feel I was were you are very long time ago. I was 35, in misserable marriage, so lonely. She systematically dismantled my social circle and isolated me from everyone. I'm still in that misserable marriage which I can't escape, but I rebuilt the support system, have a therapist, and pulling through alright.

Here's what you need to do:

- Get a therapist. It's hard for some dudes to get over this, but do it. It's not a mumbo-jumbo. They are trained professionals who will help you understand your thought patterns and teach you to fix them. They will also teach you various techniques to deal with overhelming emotions/stress.

- Find somebody to open up to. First one is hardest, but chances are you'll be surprised how well it will go. Think through people you know - family, coworkers, neighbors, gym buddy, whomever - say you need to talk, and they'll listen. You'll see how much relief that will give.

- If it comes to that, DM people here who's comments seeem in line with your thining. You'd be surprised how many are more than willing to listen and support anonymously 1:1 here

- Talk to a few lawyers no matter what. Many will give first free consultation. Undersand how the divorce would work if you have to do it so that you are prepared.

Stay strong, and best luck!

Title	I can’t bring myself to do it…
Author	WreckedMind99
Upvotes	9
Comments	25
Date	September 20, 2025 3:16 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nlnfmf/i_cant_bring_myself_to_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-cant-bring-myself-to-do-it.1562390 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562390

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