Divorcing due to attraction

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-09-09T23:20:48+00:00

It’s not attraction, you have misaligned values. You value health and fitness and taking care of yourself, she doesn’t. You value positive communication, she doesn’t. You have misaligned values.

drase · 2025-09-09T16:43:48+00:00

Attraction was the main reason I’m divorcing. For the past 5 years, I would explain what I needed…and nothing, fell on deaf ears. She would be naked in front of me and I felt nothing. There was more, but this was the main issue. You will turn into roommates with animosity. I recommend to lay it out for her crystal clear so she knows exactly what you need. If no change, bounce.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-09-09T09:44:35+00:00

You are in a Divorce forum so biased, but mot of us would tell you to stay anyway especially if you have kids.
She is a good wife as you said. It is not over.

"She has no intention of strenuous exercise "
Do you expect a fitness wife type? Or is she just too fat for your? Be blunt, Dont be shy.

Anyway if you plan to divorce, you better put her back to work bc it seems she is a housewife & during divorce, she can get marital support & alimony. ANY attorney during the divorce will tell her to NOT work during that pahse & if she is working, to go part time or just get fired lol typical strategy

I hope you understand the financial implication of a divorce. You btter not pronounce the D word without checking what would be the exact consequences & her rights.

Moms_Sketti88 · 2025-09-09T08:36:50+00:00

Attraction is definitely important. Although not the main reason for my divorce happening it was one of many. Mine had a high temper, just vile and mean. I think it came from multiple things, but I sadly also think because she could never be happiness with herself. She ended up becoming unattractive to me psychologically and physically. She gained a ton of weight after we married. Could never get her to workout or go for walks. Couch and potato chips was her idea of a good night. Anytime I tried to motivate her to do things outside or just anything that didn’t require food or lounging she would get extremely angry. I wish mine would help with chores like yours. Mine was very messy to the point it was disgusting.

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-09-08T17:46:28+00:00

I suspect when you land that hot chick that blows your hapless wife out of the water, in a few months, you're going to miss the other 99% of what makes a good relationship that your wife provided.

secondhandnews_ · 2025-09-08T01:28:52+00:00

Absolutely. Sex and attraction is a huge part of a relationship. Also, it’s hard to care for someone who doesn’t care about themselves. People change it’s just a fact. I think you just have to be true to yourself. Attraction can be lost due to many reasons. Some people let themselves go, some people are okay with just existing and not really living life, some people get older and become insensitive or overbearing, etc. You are allowed to say, “this no longer suit me.”

TheNattyJew · 2025-09-07T23:25:38+00:00

Your wife letting herself go is a major problem. She has use the bait and switch technique. You owe her an explanation of how you are feeling and that this is a serious issue for you. Stand up for your interests. You deserve to be happy as anyone else does. There is no reason for you to be ashamed of what you want

Jwoot1111 · 2025-09-07T04:50:04+00:00

This reads like those YouTube videos where men make fun of women for divorcing or stupid reasons.

oanthonyknightx2 · 2025-09-07T00:55:07+00:00

Nobody stays attractive. If you want someone to stay with you when you’re an old sack of skin and bones, you better work on loving the person and not the body.

DueNefariousness2769 · 2025-09-07T00:10:36+00:00

This is a no go for me. My wife and I got married 3 months into knowing each other. And it has had some major downs, many ups, and lots of in betweens. We are 5 and a half years in. We both in the past 5 years gained a LOT of weight. Now we both look amazing and are fit due to lifestyle changes. I mean yes, I was less attracted to her, and I know it was the same toward me but to divorce over that seems super shallow. We stuck it out through some major issues, which is what marriage is. I can't fathom that being the end-all-be-all. Maybe lead by example, get fit, and show her that life gets better that way. Thats what i did. Your wife won't always be youthful/attractive in the conventional sense, it goes deeper than surface level. I wish you well and I hope you see value in what I've said. I'm 30 and have 3 kids, and my marriage is being built every day to be better. Reach out if you feel you need an ear🫶🔥

Middle_Reception286 · 2025-09-06T23:23:55+00:00

A LOT of women (not all) and some men (not most) would say attraction and sex has a HUGE amount to do with a good marriage. I agree, it does. If you enjoy sex and you and your partner enjoy it together (and hopefully dont lie/etc to appease one or the other).. then its a big deal. I dont know actual stats around the world, but I would bet most happy couples in to their 60s and even 70s (though slows down as you get older) have sex weekly or multiple times a week. Obviously some have it a few times a day, others a few times a month.

For some reason, this offends a LOT of women.. "You just want me for sex" "I am just a hole outlet for your dick", etc etc. It's like.. uhm.. no.. that's NOT all but it IS an important thing in our marriage/relationship.. it feels great, its fun, and it relieves stress. It's a strong connection that nothing else achieves. "What about love.. love is all you need" Sure.. with sex.. because sex is love for a lot of people.

Women in particular but even some guys.. will wonder why their spouse cheats or fantasizes about other people.. it's usually (not always) due to lack of sex and that is often lack of communication.

IcyMycologist4837 · 2025-09-06T23:16:09+00:00

Sooner the better and I bet attraction is one of many issues. You growing apart.

iqeq_noqueue · 2025-09-06T22:16:18+00:00

I say go for it. Some people need to play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Your lesson will come later when you look back on this and realize that not only do looks not matter, to the extent that they do, they fade. If your marriage was about attraction it was going to fail anyway so maybe you’re smart to be getting out early. Stick with prostitutes if you only want women in their prime.

heshman · 2025-09-06T21:48:32+00:00

It sounds like you are in the middle of it. Only you know what you want. Not me or any of these other reddit nerds. Be true to yourself. You cant find the right person while you are trapped with the wrong.

Have you two talked about divorce?

Hereforthatandthis · 2025-09-06T21:46:55+00:00

You sound like a real jerk. In sickness and health right? Unless they get fat. Gotcha.

Sad_Beautiful9183 · 2025-09-06T21:08:51+00:00

My opinion, be authentic whatever route you choose.

You mentioned being Catholic and staying due to religious dogma, guilt, and/or shame. That's up to you, but making her pay the price would be a waste of both of your days.

Individual counseling can help you determine where you stand, genuinely. Then own that. Blaming her is immature and easier than owning your own roll.

I say all this lovingly. I was in a similar situation. I left. I owned it. We leave people we love. That's a raw truth many refuse to acknowledge.

(Important to note: I broke away from the religious obligations of marriage. Many have not. I know that's a sticking point for most.)

gratefulstudent76 · 2025-09-06T20:06:58+00:00

There is no legitimate reason or illegitimate reason. You deserve to be attracted to your partner and she deserves to have her partner be attracted to her.
There are a lot of aspects to marriage. Make sure you know what you are giving up as well.

Khancap123 · 2025-09-06T19:23:12+00:00

I think the more important question is do you love her as a person. We all get older, decide if you love her or not. If you dont, and frankly just want someone you find hot (which im not making a judgement call on, we all want different things), then you shouldnt be married, and shouldnt remarry. Just date or whatever, otherwise its too great a risk to assets: we all get old and we dint look as good in most cases as we used to.

Date for sex, marry for love.

Edit: also asking those woulda, coulda shoulda questions about your life is normal in a relationship, especially at your age. Our lizard brains are partially wired imho to question comfort. There is a part of us that forces crisis upon ourselves

curtdogg47 · 2025-09-06T18:46:34+00:00

It can be legitimate.
I think it’s worth it for you to communicate what you want and desire in a partner and for a marriage. If she rejects it all, then moving forward to divorce might be the best path forward.
Just remember Divorce is costly in so many ways! I definitely fought so hard for my marriage before it finally ended in Divorce. Wasn’t my choice to end it. But I definitely gave it my all to change that course. It was worth it for me because when it did end, I left it know I did everything I could.

Jerkstore3 · 2025-09-06T18:38:27+00:00

Women divorce for far less. This is a legitimate reason.

DriftwoodGrove · 2025-09-06T18:22:58+00:00

Did you get married in church, OP? It’s your obligation to work it out with your wife for God. Work on yourselves as best as you can. You’ve only been married a few years.

RiseNo3399 · 2025-09-06T18:20:46+00:00

She’s lazy. She worked out when she had to and now she doesn’t care to try. Get out while you can.

ExactAd2099 · 2025-09-06T18:20:05+00:00

Woman here, why not tell her how you like her to look? Say gentle stuff like I love it when you wear your hair down, you look amazing when you wear your makeup, I love it when you wear sundresses. Things like that.

Women look their best before marriage or going through a divorce so if you choose to divorce her, she's going to ramp up her appearance fyi

savedavenger · 2025-09-06T18:19:15+00:00

Divorce is expensive. Go to couples Therapy first and see what happens

probebeta · 2025-09-06T18:05:59+00:00

Yes. It's a legitimate reason.

Or you can wait it out until she snaps out of it and starts improving herself. With some support from her divorced friends she might then divorce you 😅

Really though, you have to understand that you'll constantly be looking at other women and that will bring more conflict. If you don't have kids don't do it until you know what you're going to do. Ask me how I know.

tyyyy110 · 2025-09-06T17:54:24+00:00

Yup.

I mean the longer you stay in this relationship where you feel no attraction to your wife, you'll probably end up cheating eventually and yes (it happens we are human) or asking for an open marriage of some sort.

Ssla1 · 2025-09-06T17:52:54+00:00

Try to help her lose weight because she’ll likely do it after you get divorced. Wish I would’ve done that. Try tirzepatide.

Commercial_Music_931 · 2025-09-06T17:43:23+00:00

Very legitimate. I cant imagine a good way to communicate this to her though without likely telling you to go fk yourself. Happens all the time man, post divorce she'll start putting in the effort to be healthier and attractive but right now she doesnt feel the need since your the safe bet right now.

I do hope yall can fine a way to figure this out between you without divorce

Title	Divorcing due to attraction
Author	WreckedMind99
Upvotes	15
Comments	91
Date	September 6, 2025 5:37 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1na5mkq/divorcing_due_to_attraction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorcing-due-to-attraction.1561431 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561431

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