Too weak to divorce

KendhammerJ · 2025-08-27T23:29:24+00:00

Hey brotha sorry to hear this. I went through a very similar situation. My wife and I had our ups and downs (married 12 years) and there were a few times I wanted a divorce, but I couldn't make the difficult decision either. It wasn't until she found another option that a hard stop was initiated on the marriage. I had no close friends or family either. This is too familiar. I actually made a video about how divorce saved my life though so perhaps it can give some inspiration. Best of luck brotha. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_Z560cMuuk

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-08-25T19:05:29+00:00

Similar experiences in first few years but not even as bad as you described. It only gets worse and the longer you wait the harder it will be to get over. Many reasons not to put it off (financial, social, etc). And the reason you are delaying is something you need to solve both now and post divorce. Can you imagine waiting another 5 years? Wasted years.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2025-08-25T14:50:25+00:00

The loneliest I’ve ever been was when I was married

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-08-25T11:41:05+00:00

Sit down and talk with her. She might feel the same. You guys might come out stronger after a good talk.

If not and there's no progress. Pull the plug.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-08-25T09:26:49+00:00

Lawyer, therapist, divorce coach (if you've got the resources). But if you even have one friend or family member you can rely upon, that'll be another resource - just don't lean on them too hard.

RespectInevitable479 · 2025-08-25T08:07:33+00:00

You better do It now before you have kids. Longer you wait the worse It will become

probebeta · 2025-08-25T06:14:52+00:00

If you're planning to have kids know that things are a lot more complicated then. I've heard many men stick around because they feel obligated to do this, but this is a pretty bad reason imo.

illlbeback · 2025-08-25T05:01:56+00:00

Amazingly similar situation, I was In your shoes but held on an additional 20 years. I wish I could go back to 4 years and do it then. I don't know your situation, but my wife has all the hallmarks of a narcissist and she'll never change. Going through hell now, but so happy that I finally made the move Mate if you tried the options and it just doesn't feel right, get out now and rebuild. You will come out on top eventually, that's what everyone keeps telling me and I'm clinging to that.

_CaptainCooter_ · 2025-08-25T03:57:39+00:00

We're getting divorced after six years, our boys are five and two. I understand the timeline. We've been on the rocks for the last few years Covid and kids wrecked us. I was blamed for so long for everything and then when I started seeing a psychiatrist and got my meds sorted out, she couldn't stop hating me for all of our previous arguments. I also started to see that she was a huge part of the issue because she had a shitty attitude and gaslight me and blamed me for everything, she could never take accountability for her fuck ups. I still stuck around because of the kids and I didn't know what else to do. Throughout my mental health struggles I deleted all my social media and lost contact with everybody. It's definitely a shitty feeling all things considered. You just have to put 1 foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time.

OkEducation9522 · 2025-08-25T03:43:22+00:00

I held on for years for my kids and fear of the unknown (how will others see me, how will I see myself, will I make it financially, etc). I wish I could tell you how to be strong but I was weak too and my ex ended up being the one to call it. All I can say is I wish often that I would’ve had the strength to divorce her at any of the many points my ex proved she didn’t care about me.

I don’t have a lot of close friends but have a very supportive family. It’s been so lonely sometimes but also undeniably better in many ways. Definitely worth it.

Another consideration is that the length of your marriage often factors into how long you have to pay support payments so don’t wait too long if you know you’re going to do it anyway.

Beautiful-Ice-9172 · 2025-08-25T03:38:56+00:00

You aren't alone bro. Many if not most men put it off. Women file most divorces. We just keep trying and trying. But if I may, you can't fix a relationship on one side. When there is a break down, there is typically plenty of work to go around to fix things. You say you have done things, has she? I have some suggestions.

1.) Stop being the man she wants. You can only be you bro. You can be the man she wants for so long, but eventually you gotta be you. If that ends the marriage, well you never had a marriage. Not really. Figure out what kind of man you want to be. Are you a church guy? A gym guy? A car guy? Be it. Don't apologize for being who you are either. Learn to say, this is who I am. Be the man you would look up to. There is not right answer here. Just an answer you come up with.

2.) don't chase her. Let her miss you. The less of something there is, the more valuable it becomes. Your attention, likely given out too freely. A weekend fishing trip with some friends, a camping trip. Let her miss you. If she complains, kiss her and tell her, you have to be you. Camping, fishing, whatever is who you are. Or maybe hanging out with a friend, see a concert. Whatever. You don't need to do everything together. It actually can help.

3.) Men make connections doing things together. Get a hobby. Make friends or stronger connections. Fishing, hunting, gym, welding, whatever. It's not going to work if you wife is your only relationship. Mutual friends are ok. But make friends that are yours.

4.). Be honest with yourself, then her. What do you want? What are you willing to do? What do YOU think you need to work on? You can't change her, only yourself. You can fix your end of things. You can also say, I am not doing that. Figure out boundaries you need in place. Does she talk to you with respect, is sex an issue, are you guys working together when it comes to money. You need to figure this out.

5.) if you have kids, are you on the same page with how to raise them?

Ok some controversial things, this is my old ass opinion.

Attention is to women what sex is to men. They crave it. They can get overly demanding of your time to get it. If you give too much, they can lose respect for you. Hence let her miss you.

Women need drama. Each woman varys how much. But if like is mellow, they WILL create drama. You can create it yourself say weekly over something you don't care about, or she can make you feel like shit. Maybe drama is a bad term here. Excitement.

She needs to talk and needs you listen. I suck at this. I really suck at this. Women love to Yammer on about problems and don't want solutions. They will bitch for hours and feel better. Men, we need to solve it. For them, talking is solving it. It's all emotion. I don't get it, I probably never will. It frustrates me to no end. But I do know it's needed. I have learned to look like I am listening. I throw in wows, huh, what did you do. In my head, I am going over a code issue at work or sports stats. Every now and then I get excited about something just to make it so she thinks I am really listening. Omg that girl is a bitch. She should have done that.

Women want you to jump when they say, but if you do they lose all respect for you. To keep a woman's respect you need to piss her off sometimes. If what she wants is ridiculous, refuse. Hard no. She will be pissed at you. But she will know your a man. They do shit tests all the time. Little tests to see if you are manly. Always testing you. Not a conscious thing. The more you fail, the more tests you get. You fail when you get emotional. If she can affect your mood you are less manly in her eyes. The way to win these is typically with humor. Some examples... Does this make me look fat? Yeah, but I love this fat ass babe. Gentle smack on her ass.

Do you think she's pretty? She is pretty, that's why you're asking. Don't worry, I am all yours sexy. (This is a shit test and honesty test, the answer is honest, disarming because it is why she's asking, but also validation is given because she is insecure.)

Am I your maid? Oh, no your my wife. I got it babe. Then when she asks you to do some man thing. Give her the wink snap point, you aren't my maid, and I am not your mechanic, handy man, trash man, delivery driver etc. I have faith you got this. Laugh and still help her. But she can see the maid shit test failed. If done right that should kill that one.

They do these commitment tests. Some bit of drama to see if you're committed. They want to see you care. Shit tests and commitment tests are similar but different. Commitment test happen when she is insecure in the relationship.

In conversations.. stay outside of them. Let her talk. Blah blah blah. Then say something short. Wow, hey, know what, let's go mini golf, want a piggy back ride, I love you, something short and fun. Let her vent. Don't get in the conversation.

Try these and see if it helps. Women are just different bro.

waittimes_fyi · 2025-08-25T02:39:58+00:00

If you have kids, don’t beat yourself for being weak. You may be not pulling the plug for the kids.

If you have a bully STBX, dont beat yourself. She may have manipulated, abused, controlled, and instilled fear in you. Thats why you might not be acting.

Go to therapy, find the reason, why you are weak. IMO, being weak is legit for (1) but certainly not for (2)

PurrpleCarrot42 · 2025-08-25T02:32:28+00:00

I avoided a divorce for last 8 yrs (out of 30) of our marriage, in large part due to this reason. In the end still getting divorced.

Not going to sugar coat, it won’t be easy. Most of the friends will fall in her camp. If you don’t have any family nearby or can’t rely on them, it will be hard.

But if this is the only reason you are staying, things are unlikely to improve, and it will likely end in a divorce eventually, now or 15 years from now. Take your pick.

Make a couple of good in person friends - maybe from work, or gym, or a local meetup or a men’s support group, or church. It will help, regardless of whether or not you decide to proceed with the divorce.

Title	Too weak to divorce
Author	WreckedMind99
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	August 25, 2025 1:28 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mzdiqo/too_weak_to_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/too-weak-to-divorce.1560414 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560414

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