How did you guys develop any appetite for intimacy after the divorce? I’m afraid that my thoughts of perpetual celibacy may be unhealthy.

Consistent-Cry-9452 · 2025-10-10T07:58:03+00:00

Same but once you find a nice girl, it comes back, it took me a few weeks to be into her sexually but now i am all into her haha. It is normal and yes it require some efforts to see her as something sexy.

Ashamed_Mountain_400 · 2025-10-08T12:11:00+00:00

Yeah I'm with you, no appetite for it and honestly after divorce and betrayal it's a relief just to focus on yourself for awhile. Build yourself up 10X stronger and you'll attract the right people naturally over time.

whistful1 · 2025-10-06T22:40:20+00:00

I’ve been struggling with this as well. I have a desire for intimacy but have a lot of fear due to the level of betrayal and resulting trauma. So I’ll tell you what I try to remind myself.

I will assume there were good times in the relationship otherwise the marriage wouldn’t have happened. Focus on the love you once felt. The joy it gave you. Pain is unfortunately a side effect of love. Whether the relationship is successful or not. People hurt people because we’re all flawed and fucked up in our own way. So when you open yourself up you’re likely to get hurt in some way, just hopefully nothing like you’ve experienced with ur divorce.

Learn from ur mistakes in ur relationship. Your partners too - as a way to see red flags or perhaps patterns that misalign with ur wants, needs, or values. But more so your own mistakes. Learn and grow as much as you can.

Maintain hope, gratitude, and an open heart. Wishing you well.

Fat-free_bacon · 2025-10-06T18:49:23+00:00

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose

Don't force it, listen to yourself and what you want. If don't want to seek intimacy then you're probably just not ready. One of my friends remained celibate and says he has no regrets. Other than him, me and every one of my divorced friends went through the same thing. We swore off relationships, we went to therapy, worked on ourselves, developed friendships. Then one day, out of no where someone walked into our lives and it was like sunshine after a cold cloudy season.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-10-06T16:21:49+00:00

Why don't you see this as a strength vs an obstacle. You are whole and complete yourself, you don't need or want the validation of a woman.

Take this time and DO YOU bro!! Enjoy your life without ANYONE tying you down.

alifeofpeace · 2025-10-06T15:56:39+00:00

I have no need for intimacy 26 months into my separation. I have had many relationships probably 10 plus in my life. I’m tired. It’s always the same story.

Retying3043 · 2025-10-06T14:22:09+00:00

I’m not sure it’s something you “overcome.” You had a traumatic experience, and your mind/body is saying that you need time away from women. There is nothing wrong with that. As time passes, those feelings will subside, and you will be open to intimacy with a woman again.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-10-06T12:33:46+00:00

I went out with the hottest woman I’ve ever seen and forgot all about perpetual celibacy. God bless Latinas 🙏

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2025-10-06T11:32:09+00:00

I hear you and felt the same for a long time.

I have been thru the wringer, my STBXW is a narcissist and is bipolar. Fun times.

We were separated for a year (but lived together) and 2 1/2 years in the divorce process. She won’t agree to anything so we go to trial in April.

I have been going to therapy for 3 years now (not every month, every quarter). PTSD is real when recovering from narcissistic abuse. I finally felt interested in dating a few months ago. I am very picky and swiped right on very few. Did go on one date and it felt great. Ultimately she decided not to go on another date because my divorce wasn’t final and our custody schedules were opposite.

I did something unusual a few days ago. I asked my esthetician out to dinner after my last appointment and she said yes! I would normally never ask out someone like this because I am(was?) her client. But she seemed to be dropping hints she was interested and seemed to be flirting. Two women friends said she was definitely interested based on the things she said to me. I like her as a person, she is really cool and down to earth. She also knows I got wiped out financially because I went self employed right before Covid and my divorce. She is also absolutely gorgeous, a complete smoke show. Otherwise I am not looking at the moment, I want to see how this works out.

So you do need time to heal. See a therapist. I might take 6 months or two years. You will know when you a ready.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-10-06T11:00:56+00:00

Once I processed the pain from separation and betrayal, I was ready for intimacy.

electromattic · 2025-10-06T10:16:59+00:00

I'm (43M) there with you. I briefly dated a few ladies over the summer and learned that having a relationship is not a priority for me as my life is busy enough with dad stuff, hobbies, work and friends.

It's totally ok to be single and prioritize yourself. You've just been through the wringer and need time to heal.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-10-06T09:09:59+00:00

Just by seeing women. You may notice they look pretty and smell nice. Semi-dead bedroom last 5 years didn't help either. Double the trauma, double the tattoos and nose piercings, double the daddy issues, double all the red flags - I am ready!

I just have no appetite for relationships, though. It's too nice to get home and have 0 obligations to anyone, peace and quiet and complete freedom.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2025-10-06T04:48:45+00:00

You were fighting for your freedom for the last 2 years. You need time to heal. What you experience is very normal, for many men desire for intimacy may come years later or not come at all.

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-10-06T03:21:07+00:00

I’m with you and for the moment totally ok with it.

Thinking of possibly going to another country if I can get through this divorce and health stuff.

Mostly seeking to enjoy what’s left of this short ride anyways. No need to try and drink the entire ocean to know it’s salty. I think going through this has brought me full circle to the realization that none of it matters. Be happy with your life to the best of your ability and enjoy the things you can. I miss all the things about being intimate, loving and caring. If it happens again, great. If not, great. I’m not trying to work for it or “chase” it.

I don’t think you need to overcome this. I think you just need to ask yourself if this makes you happy. If so, keep at it. If not, then don’t and get back after it.

It’s too soon for me, so it’s not even on my radar. I’m not trusting of most at the moment. That includes my family, friends and others. I socialize and have friends, but now I’m “seeing” behavior that makes me a bit on edge and causing some ptsd.

It’s all in our minds, but being betrayed is tough. Not sure why I went on that rant. But, I hope you find some happiness in your decisions.

lurkermurphy · 2025-10-06T03:08:49+00:00

Four years after and I'm still comfortably celibate! I had kids late and it feels like the last two times i got my dick wet, kids popped out and now they're my total focus so there is no need to ever get my dick wet again and risk more headaches. But seriously when you get older you do not have the same pull-out precision, I was such a champ at it for 20 years, that was good enough.

falcon0221 · 2025-10-06T03:02:30+00:00

I’d rather not go through that again, probably celibacy for me too

omegared138 · 2025-10-06T03:00:13+00:00

I'm not really seeing it as an obstacle, to be honest. I have plenty of things to occupy my time, and a relationship isn't something I want to add to the mix. I'd rather focus on my hobbies and self improvement.

liquid-icee · 2025-10-06T14:51:35+00:00

I slept with the first chick who was into me a few months after my ex took off with her AP. I had my fun, realized that I could get women relatively easily if i put a little effort in, and that my ex honestly wasn’t shit. After that little ego boost I couldn’t care less about getting laid. When I find an actual good woman I’m attracted to that’s when it’ll happen again. I’m in no rush.

Tasty_Dinner6530 · 2025-10-06T02:58:15+00:00

I can share my thought and experience so far. I am separated about a year and because of maybe main emotional issues I am celibate now. This make me horny and angry but I used porn as coping mechanism and whenever I do talk to strangers and other human I feel good, internally.

All this is to say that what you are going through is very normal. However, at some point you have to under stand that needing intimacy is a human need and wanting sex as well. For me I am in my own way, because of cultural / religious baggage and also the emotional issue I have avoided being on apps or being social. BUT i think the healthy approach which I am adopting is to just go meet people without expecting anything and for the experience of it. Built confidence and enjoy just talking and things hopefully in time will fall in place. Maybe you will meet sometime to be intimate with (to what ever degree) or maybe you will feel ready to let go your own walls and want to fuck! It’s going to take time but you need to get out of your own way :)

jarnock · 2025-10-06T02:56:51+00:00

It’s weird and different at first, but as you get over your divorce it’s a lot of fun! You’ll get there just takes time.

Bluey-Dad1987 · 2025-10-06T11:56:39+00:00

I've accepted celibacy and being alone for some time. I mean I have no idea how people date after a divorce unless a Werewolf or Vampire. Like my only free time is three to four days a week from 10 pm to Midnight LoL 😅.

Title	How did you guys develop any appetite for intimacy after the divorce? I’m afraid that my thoughts of perpetual celibacy may be unhealthy.
Author	hhh888hhhh
Upvotes	20
Comments	26
Date	October 6, 2025 2:48 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nz7onz/how_did_you_guys_develop_any_appetite_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-did-you-guys-develop-any-appetite-for-intimacy.1563521 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563521

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