How do you deal with your buddies just pulling more than you ?

norwegiandoggo · 2026-06-27T17:18:56+00:00

It is the right answer to stop going out with that buddy whenever women is around that you want to meet. 100% correct.

If you want to be a bird-on-the-shoulder to see what makes your friend appealing to women, it can be a good way to learn. But when your goal is meeting women yourself, aim to go out with dudes less attractive than yourself.

Obviously you can still hang out with your hot friend when your goal is not to meet women.

OR alternatively: Go out with a friend that has a completely different archetype of look. For example, if you're the tall white long-haired rocker. You can 100% go out with the handsome buff short-haired latino dancer. Why? because you compete for completely different types of women. You are not the same type. The worst thing is going out with a friend that looks kinda like you, but just hotter.

Back2theCouture · 2026-06-27T17:23:30+00:00

First of all you don’t compete with your buddy, you compete against yourself.

Second; “your buddy basically is able to take them from you” but does he actually do it? If he does then he’s not your buddy. If I go out with my friends we all know which one to go to without even telling each other. Once you make a move, he needs to be a wing man. And vice versa.

jackthehat6 · 2026-06-27T17:31:18+00:00

Acceptance! lol

I was thrown in the deep end from a young age as my best friend was an absolute giga chad who could get just about any girl he wanted. He was my main 'wing' for many years. He didn't even even approach. They approached him (!) and flirted with him. I remember feeling SO sad and frustrated when this would happen, but over the years, you just get thick skin and get used too it. Nobody said life was fair lol

ApartmentWorried5692 · 2026-06-27T17:54:48+00:00

I used to have this problem. I hate to admit it: I took the black pill but I used it for good. I maxxed my looks and stayed in shape while my chad buddy let himself go with the partying and staying up til 3 AM multiple nights a week. So I got a haircut and worked on my grooming and physique. While he was drinking beer, I was drinking protein shakes.

Before long, girls liked me way more because I wasn’t slopped out like he was and I ended up being the good looking guy. Most of my chad buddies let themselves go by 23ish because they coasted their whole lives being the handsome guy until they hit their version of “the wall” where the frat parties are over and the nights of staying up doing blow and other drugs are finally over. They never realized that good looks takes effort to have and keep.

You’d be stunned how handsome a lot of those pudgy and awkward looking 30 something year olds looked when they were 21. All that partying and being an idiot leaves them bloated with receding hairlines and bad skin.

The point is: you can have a serious (and I mean SERIOUS) glow up in your mid to late 20s or later if you live a healthy lifestyle and avoid excessive partying and eating slop. I’m 26 and I mog the fuck out of my 23 year old self. A ton of chads fall into the party lifestyle which is a massive trap because they think they’ll be a handsome prince for the rest of their life just like some of those 21 year old girls who think the party never ends. Shit, I see some of those same girls who were smoke-shows 5 years ago and now, I don’t even want them anymore.

Best piece of advice I have is to get into skin care, eat real food like fruits and vegetables, sleep no later than 9pm, avoid booze and smoking, don’t go out every weekend, wear sunscreen, brush your teeth and use teeth whitening strips, don’t over shampoo your hair (a little oil makes hair look good), and work out.

Now if you’re older than 30, even better. Most guys gave up by now. They’re comfy with mediocrity by now. Even giving a shit just a LITTLE bit will put you ahead of the curve by a lot of guys since most of them don’t care anymore.

BurnItDownSR · 2026-06-27T18:04:52+00:00

By using it to motivate me and continuing to work on this.

The real problem is that people barely work on this. Even if someone is regularly going out, that's almost all he's doing.

The practice of flirting is a lot less intentional and much more random nowadays. Just going and talking to girls with whatever you make up in your head instead of learning and practicing specific skills.

And that's not even the worst part.

The worst part is only a minority of people even do that.

Most people procrastinate for weeks at a time and when they do approach, it's only 1 or 2 max then back to weeks of not talking to any girls again.

Or they withdraw from dating completely and tell themselves that working out and developing their career is improving their dating life only to get a harsh reality check years later when they think they're already a catch and make an attempt.

Seeing others won't hurt as much if you're actually doing the work instead of making excuses to do easier things that won't get the job done.

rocksos · 2026-06-27T18:26:08+00:00

same way you deal with having a friend who is 7ft who can dunk better than you at 5ft 3 lol. You just deal with it. It's not as though you can make a girl like you. You can flirt, but if you're not her type the flirting is unwanted and she won't flirt back

tlm000 · 2026-06-27T17:19:39+00:00

Tbh, I’ve just gotten used to it. I’ve still gotten some attention when I go out with my good looking friends or cousins but I’ve realized there’s not much you can do about how other people perceive you. At some point you just learn to accept it, focus on your own game, and make the most of the opportunities that come your way.

random_question4123 · 2026-06-27T20:48:35+00:00

Take a good look at yourself and then a good look at your friend. How much more attractive is he than you? Are you a 5 and he's an 8? Or is much taller than you? You don't normally see this massive discrepancy in friend groups.

Because if you guys are similar in physical aspects (with a standard deviation of like 1), then it'll have more to do with other attributes - is he funnier? Is he more charming? etc.

Assuming it's the latter, i think it helps to observe his behaviour and try to get it to rub off on you.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2026-06-27T23:36:08+00:00

Be self-assured. Pull while alone as well.

Pristineonk · 2026-06-27T17:37:57+00:00

The 'pua' answer would be to have better 'game' than him, so use pushpull and cold reads etc on the girls etc and try to beat his good looks with 'game'/teasing etc. But in reality, that's just nonsense coaches try to sell you. We've all tried that stuff at this point. All the info is so readily available to test nowadays.

So the real answer is that there's just nothing you can do, really. Depending on how much it depresses you, it might be wise to still see him, but just not when you are going to to try to pick up girls. It's just asking for trouble. The girls will want him and not you, despite how much pushpull etc you use

water_reducer · 2026-06-27T18:07:42+00:00

I’ve been on both sides of it, guys get competitive and jealous about these things. Used to have someone who would mog me like this and I eventually ended up getting his girls to scope me out instead. You won’t find out how to do this from some random redditors here, we are all on our own.

Only advice I would give is to figure out what works and doesn’t work for you both physically, mentally and socially. Don’t get super butt hurt over getting mogged lol, this is not an easy game to play, 99% of other guys in your place would get the same result up against the top percent of attractive men. It’s also better to avoid drinking too much, or at all tbh in these situations as it will only make you more emotional over the outcome, why pour depressant fuel on a depressive situation? Also try to avoid over compensating by being too “gamey” in these situations where you go into try hard mode and try to one up your bro in this context in order to status jockey yourself above him, I’ve had guys try to do this with me before and it is really transparent super cringey.

There are always “dirty pool” tactics that you can try if you’re down bad in ways that I never was lol. Like offering to buy your bro a round of shots, in order to get him sloppy and wasted to take him out of the game. Depending on the guy even with a sure thing they can drop the ball if they get too wasted and the girl is too sober and finds it off putting. This is more of a “rope a dope” strategy where you stay sharp and sober and get your opponent obliterated. There are lots of small things that can add up to a takedown but this is not personally the path I went down.

Overall though, you have options but nobody said this game was easy. Most of us are playing a difficult game to master, and for the most part we are all on our own.

stick_it_in_your_bum · 2026-06-27T19:35:33+00:00

Hype him up. Take it as a wing man W, and work the girls that he’s not choosing. He’ll attract a ton of girls, he gets first dibs you work with the other girls.

ReindeerFun3762 · 2026-06-27T22:06:22+00:00

I go out with a friend sometimes and he's like 5 years younger than me. We go out to some lingerie cafes and he's always trying to like get their socials and hook up with them later. I don't know why he's trying to fall in love with them. I just see it as a business transaction I don't try anything with them outside of work. I've seen him get flat out rejected by women though and it's funny

yato08 · 2026-06-28T00:15:17+00:00

That’s not your friend if that’s the case.

Dramatic-Western-609 · 2026-06-28T06:08:11+00:00

No, you SHOULD go out without him. By yourself. Guys go out by themselves all the time and pull.

IamWisdom · 2026-06-28T06:30:21+00:00

I found that my positive attitude beat my buddies who had previously been more attractive. Multiple examples of it.

Mysterious_Cat_4366 · 2026-06-28T08:30:06+00:00

I have a buddy like that. He's a good guy, but there was this one time. We were having a beer, and we saw two girls outside, smoking with us. He said he liked one, I liked the other, so it was really natural. I came to those women, chatted them up, invited them over to our table. Smooth.

When we were at the table, I was talking to "my girl" he was talking to his. I was hitting it up with the girl I like, but his convo somewhere got wrong and there was an awkward silence. That guy started to talk louder, brought attention to him and I lost momentum with that girl. Fuck I was pissed.

I've heard somewhere that if a woman is really into you, she can't be distracted. That's not true tho. We are a social beings and if someone tries to draw attention, you get distracted. If he's not an asshole, you listen. It's on that friend to not be a dick and If he is not doing well, not try to drag you down with him.

Well this friend is getting action more than me, he can make women laugh, tells a jokes, which are a bit crude in my opinion, but like I see that they have an effect, so guess they are working. At least that's what I thought and that was what made me pissed off. But several weeks later our mutual women friend described him as a clown. Like yeah he may get to quickly touch a boob, or give a massage to a woman, but if he ever tried anything more, they would rip him a new one. Also I started to notice all the women he hooks up with and they are a trainwrecks, me being mild...

Now I know he is just desperate and can't help himself, but to compete with you. In his mind he probably justifies it with "Why would my friend be mad, I am just talking and having a good time", and If the girl catches on, he can just tell that this girl was into him and throws it in your face if you get frustrated with him. I think those men don't have ill intentions, they are just so desperate for affection they don't see you at all in the moment. Why would they be desperate? It always checks out, that if someone is really focused on improving their phisique, they don't have very much in terms of personality and vice versa.

CrazyOne-617 · 2026-06-28T15:07:46+00:00

Never had to compete with real buddies… unless it was a bet… and with my best friend the other joins in whenever possible 😉🤙🍆🍆

OpinionThink481 · 2026-06-27T17:30:01+00:00

By being mature and recognizing that you are not in a competition, that you don’t have to compete and that you don’t have to compare yourself to others. If you however do any of that, it’s because you want to, not because you have to.

You accept the reality, you accept that other people have their results and you have your results, and just focus on enjoying what the results that you can get and thats it. Suffering for not doing as good as them is a waste of time.

You already do this on other areas, you probably are aware that other people make more money in a day that you ever will make in your entire life and yet you don’t think about it because it doesn’t matter. Same goes with dating

Pedro_Moona · 2026-06-27T20:16:26+00:00

"Hey bro, if I talked to a girl first she's mine. So just tell her you have a girl friend and try to talk me up a but and show lots of respect toward me, thx for being a good wingman, I'll do the same for you"

Kgb725 · 2026-06-28T07:36:05+00:00

Use him to get girls when you hang out. Assuming one or both of you can hold a conversation you can easily pull just by being with him. When you meet random girls typically everyone exchanges numbers and if he invites a girl who brings a girl over for you even easier for you to score. Draymond doesnt score as much as Steph Curry but he still scores just worry about being the best you

Funky_hobbo · 2026-06-27T17:33:35+00:00

Is that an issue?

I don't think there's nothing to deal with in that situation.

plz_callme_swarley · 2026-06-27T23:38:11+00:00

I'm that dude so don't have this problem. well in my earlier years my buddies pulled more but it was cuz I was very selective

Title	How do you deal with your buddies just pulling more than you ?
Author	Tight-Maybe-7408
Upvotes	91
Comments	45
Date	June 27, 2026 5:14 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1uh8993/how_do_you_deal_with_your_buddies_just_pulling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-deal-with-your-buddies-just-pulling.1583737 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583737

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