Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

Pink_acetaminophen · 2015-03-24T04:54:55+00:00

I would never for a single split second consider giving up my man for any other much less for an ex. Every day i feel lucky to be with him and if you were just dating i would say let your guy go to find someone who actually has that desire for him. You need to realize that you're going to lose if you let yourself wallow in pointless What if questions because you're going to make yourself miserable, ruin your relationship and to me that's actually a betrayal to this man who loves you and is committed to you. You need to be more thankful for the guy you have and fall more in love with him by doing more for him and being more submissive.

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-03-24T09:29:33+00:00

You're more in love with the idea of being married than you are with your husband and now you're wondering if I could have married better because appearance is very important to you

Lots of women do it, young girls seem to be easily seduced by " the biggest day of their lives" and the fairytale nature of the whole thing but the reality is its the first day of the rest of your life that will no longer have the luxury of being selfish.

Next time you have these thoughts remind yourself that this man stuck with you when you let yourself go. I wonder how you would feel if you'd found out he was posting online that his wife who was an 8 when he met her has slipped to a 6 and he's fantasising about hot 9's?

meri-dian · 2015-03-24T06:38:37+00:00

I'm new to RPW, so keep that in mind, and I'm sure someone will correct me if I am giving advice that isn't in line with RPW....

Thoughts are just that - thoughts. We can't control our thoughts. It's what we DO with those thoughts that matters.

If you are truly committed to someone, these thoughts shouldn't lead to anything except the next thought "That's not appropriate or respectful to my SO.". Dismiss the thought and move on. If you require action in order to let go off that thought, take an action towards pleasing your SO. Do something nice for him; text him a love note, plan and prepare a nice dinner, etc.

To be honest, if you're still evaluating your SO's SMV, I really don't see that as being truly committed to him, nor would I see it as respectful.

alexinikita · 2015-03-24T11:19:53+00:00

I'm a man. women like you are hilarious. Alpha fucks beta bux. He's great except in the bedroom. Which you sound too selfish to try to fix. I hope he had a prenup you have no intention of leaving because he's your purse. Ideally, if some guy had money and could satisfy you better you would branch swing. I can't even tell you to do him the favor of leaving because why would you hurt your life like that. You made my morning

2015-03-24T15:42:14+00:00

Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him

Aerobus · 2015-03-24T02:36:07+00:00

I don't know how you can stop having these thoughts, but you can stop being disingenuous with your boyfriend by respectfully breaking up with him because it sounds to me like you are not fully committed to him.

I'm not a woman, but (and an RPW can correct me if I'm wrong) I'm pretty sure the way women's sexuality works is such that if she truly loves her BF/husband she's not going to have thoughts of possibly having a relationship or a "casual fling" with another man.

scallopkid · 2015-03-24T13:11:42+00:00

The first thing you need to do is fix your sex life. You say he has vague "bedroom issues," like that is some minor thing you can gloss over, instead of a core pillar of a relationship.

closetrpw · 2015-03-24T14:05:25+00:00

If you want to make it work with this guy, you need to 100% devote yourself to him. Cut contact with your ex-flings and tell your friends you don't want to hear about them. Do more nice things for your SO. Everytime you get these urges, distract yourself by doing something for your current SO. I like making artsy crafts but it could be something like a mix CD or you could buy him something nice.

You're right in that you are pining for higher SMV guys, but frankly, it sounds like you were never able to get them to commit, so I'm not sure YOU have the SMV to get these other guys you think about. You need to humble yourself and devote yourself to your current SO.

If you still find yourself thinking about other men even after trying to devote yourself, then it would be best for your SO if you left him so he could find someone who truly wants to be with him and so that you can have some alone time to reset/reevaluate yourself and figure out where you stand out in the wild. If you find someone as great as your current SO, you will know FOR SURE what you have is the best you can have and will not have this problem again.

eatplaycrush · 2015-03-24T14:13:57+00:00

When I started the relationship, I was probably an 8 or 9, fell back down into 6 category for awhile, but am proud to say I've recovered my 8-ish status

I call bullshit. You don't go from an 8/9 to a 6 then bounce back up to an 8 so easily and besides your personal character sounds pretty horrible so please don't think you're even an 8.

You couldn't get with the men who have severely high SMV which is why you settled for a beta and have these thoughts. How do you stop having those thoughts? Let that poor man free to find someone who views him as more then "pretty great."

lisfb · 2015-03-24T13:12:42+00:00

However you’re learning about what’s going on with these other guys – scale back greatly or completely cut those lines of contact until you get a handle on things. Casual updates about the relationship status of men you were never even in a relationship with should not have you seriously reconsidering your marriage. Unfriend profiles, deactivate accounts, ask people point blank to change the topic if you feel conversation will veer off towards a place you rather not go.

And how long have you known each other; how long did you date? I scrolled your posting history and it looks like you’ve been married for less than two months? You say breaking up isn’t an option, but….if you're having so many second thoughts and you honestly don’t see things improving, separating now while you both have time to find a better match may be better and less painful than divorcing later after x-years and y-kids.

freebumblebee · 2015-03-24T17:09:50+00:00

I don't think you can ever necessarily stop thoughts. Part of me wishes I'd never dated anyone else before my man because I hate it when something he does or I do or something I see reminds me of an ex. Then I start mentally going over my past relationship, wondering what it'd be like if we'd gotten back together, etc.

What helps me is cutting them out of everything, if possible. Also, I start mentally compiling lists (or physically writing down) all the things I love about my man and all the ways that my ex was really the worst. I tend to snowball in my thoughts a lot, so this helps me re-center.

You're not a bad person for having thoughts--people can't control their own thoughts. Just limit things that make you think of exes, like social media. You don't and wouldn't act on your thoughts, and that's important.

JackGoldsteinWrites · 2015-03-24T20:27:01+00:00

AWALT, right here.

Then I start to wonder, did I choose wrong? Am I settling? Should I have waited for something better? For reference, the guy I'm with is a solid 7 or 8, depending on who you ask, while these other guys probably fit into the 8 or 9 category

The instinct to branch-swing is undeniable, isn't it?

No answer for you, just so funny to see this in RPW.

If he doesn't raise his SMV, you guys will be in trouble down the road. I know my girlfriend gets the fear of God in her eyes every time another girl approaches me (though she dare not make a fuss!). And she avoids other men like the plague, to avoid making me feel like I have competition. She told me I crushed all the other guys she dated, and she can measure her life by "Before you, after you".

I am not seeing that this is the case for you.

TheCrimsonMonk · 2015-03-25T06:20:26+00:00

Thank you, OP, for the daily reminder of why being a MGTOW is the best course of action.

Master1176 · 2015-03-25T23:46:43+00:00

Look at his porn - does he have a fetish he is afraid to tell you about?

Sawagurumi · 2015-03-27T19:36:34+00:00

This ties in with the other post above about partner counts, doesn't it? I mean, it isn't that a woman is evil to have many partners, it is just that it makes it more difficult to then maintain a LTR. Isn't that what the statistics in that other post are saying? Not that the women in those relationships were 'bad' or anything, or that they were insincere when they entered marriage, but that they have psychologically made things more difficult for themselves. Not insurmountably so, but there it is. And here the OP is showing us what that looks like from the inside, so to speak.

needmorefat · 2015-03-24T18:06:21+00:00

You're not in love with your husband yet.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it happens. Don't panic.

You rushed into the marriage, like they did in the olden days. In the olden days they didn't care about being in love so much and if sparks started flying the couple was lucky. In the wilderness as in modern life, humans went after who they were passionate about and then grew to love them, but under the olden traditional methods they skipped the animal attraction part and people were assigned husbands and wives who they grew to love. The end result is the same, you grow to love each other.

What comes next is up to you. A husband is part of your family. Deeper love grows with time, so you can stay with him until your feelings gradually grow until you care for him as much as you love any other family member, the way like they did in the olden days when this sort of thing happened. Or you can leave him and try to find someone you're more passionate about.

If you choose the former, you should remember your marriage vows and follow them religiously, define your vows your husband and your marriage as part of who you are as a person. Take care of him. If you choose the latter, have a divorce and find someone that you can be "in love" with. The former path is not better than the latter path, or vice versa. Good luck!

Title	Ghosts of Boyfriends Past
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	89
Date	March 24, 2015 2:27 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/30374r/ghosts_of_boyfriends_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/ghosts-of-boyfriends-past.166145 https://theredarchive.com/post/166145

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