51, 5'10", 175, 32" waist. DL 265, SQ 270, BP 205 (tho deloaded for shoulder at present). Pilldate Oct '17. Reading: sidebar complete, some 2x. Currently listening to The Way of Men. Dread level 4-5. Sorry about the length, trying to keep it short.
Quick Summary of MRP Progress. Made it over the initial hump, feeling so much more free and "back to myself." Chronic marital arguments now almost completely gone, due to use of AA, fogging, broken record and her learning I remove myself when she isn't nice. Sex 1000% better than pre-MRP, crazy enthusiastic during ovulation, hit and miss rest of month. Still dealing with long-term power struggles over complete control of finances (I have most control) and over small day-to-day stuff. She follows my lead on the big stuff.
The 2016-2017 "Incident." I had this strong instinct that she was cheating during 2016-2017 for about six months. I won't bore you with all the usual details but she turned off location tracking on all her devices and acted weird and a laundry list of other little signs, out of town business trips, late work dinners etc. I never got any direct evidence. She's in tech and is a natural detective so her opsec would be strong. It ended with her coming home from one of the work dinners--where I expected her to stay out till midnight as usual (cue various routine excuses and explanations)--she was home early and she was very very angry, and stayed angry for several days. She wouldn't admit to being upset when asked. I suspect the reason may be her affair partner broke it off and she was pissed (broken branch, oops). Again, not enough evidence to take action. All the "signs" and my instincts quiet after this incident.
The Alpha Boss. She's worked for this guy for 15 years as he built his company from $2M sales to $95M annual through two rounds of VC. He made millions along the way. He is a martial arts hobbyist, an nth degree blackbelt, and travels constantly for national and international competitions. Obviously in shape. About 7 years younger than me (my wife's age). He just started being a sought-after "thought leader" speaker in his industry. My wife has worked for him longer than any of the rest of his management team. She's his "right hand gal" or as close to it as it gets. He's extremely likable and I like him a lot. We've known each other for as long as my wife has worked for him and even hung out a couple times (work schedules interfere). She works on special projects all the time for him in evenings and on weekends (at home).
The Praise Incident. So last night at dinner we were talking about somebody challenging her boss in a business scenario and she started explaining why she thought this challenger didn't have a chance. By way of explaining, she said her boss is the smartest guy she ever met, he has a photographic memory, he thinks really well and fast on his feet, blah blah blah blah blah and he's funny and everyone likes him. As she was talking a cold hand gripped my intestines and squeezed and I heard a voice in my head saying "hey idiot, are you listening to this hypergamous confession?" I can't believe I missed it. It was right in front of me the whole time.
Where to next? I'm at the point in my MRPer journey where I usually try to figure out my own problems and the roadblocks for myself without posting, and so far I have. This one has me stumped. Short of giving her an ultimatum to quit her job, which seems really reckless for a variety of reasons, I don't see what I can do to improve my marriage while this boss is spending more time with my wife than I am, with all his good attributes and none of his bad ones (that his own wife probably sees clearly but my wife doesn't because they're always in his element). I'm doing great and never felt better but I am always going to be chasing this guy who gets more of my wife's attention than I do. Anybody successfully dealt with a situation like this before? Thanks, sorry about the length.
tl;dr. My wife works for a solid alpha boss whom she admires, probably hypergamously, and loves her job etc, and he seems like a huge impediment to me building the marriage I want.