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Main event coming up? LONG AF post warning.

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May 16, 2018
7 upvotes

Stats: 40, married 18 years, 4 kids. 5’11” 175 lbs, 15% bf still skinny fat abs barely visible. Lifts: sq 235, bench 190, op 110, dl 250, row 140 current sex frequency:none

I’m posting a ton on here lately.

As usual. Long post inbound but needs some details to establish where we are and I’m using this as journaling to organize my thoughts. If it’s too long skip to the TLDR at the end. This is my novel.

Wife and I had a bit of a dustup as I was leaving this morning for work. I think it went pretty well all things considered, but see a few major holes in my game and might be headed for a main event of sorts. Things have been tense lately. Been doing my best to STFU and AM her shit tests about my beard and everyday stuff. Still DEER too much from a lifelong habit of winning (but still losing) arguments.

Been trying to make the beard shit test as silly and sexual as possible. (Leering and telling her I prefer clean shaven too and telling her to go get waxed) Realize I still carry way too much beta anger at her and women in general and I’m rereading the notes on the sidebar now concerning that.

Sex had spiked to 2-4 / week with more enthusiasm thanks to newb gains and owning my shit. Once I stated growing my beard and refusing her hourly demands that I shave, sex went to zero. One starfish quickie in the last 3 weeks. Kino gets rejected “until you shave” slaps on the ass are “disrespectful” now and unwelcome. Forget kissing.

In bed 2 nights back she had acted DTF all day, responded to kino despite the new beard shit tests etc. I reached over and undid the drawstring in her pajamas and she demanded that I ask permission to do that. I laughed, told her no and tried to caveman my way past her resistance. She went stiff, pushed me off, told me to shave and I just rolled over. I know - don’t initiate in bed because there is nowhere to go and you seem butthurt. But schedules really kept anything else impossible that day. A few minutes later she snuggled close and said she just wanted to cuddle. I laughed and told her to ask permission first. She called me a jerk and went to sleep.

Been doing my best to withdraw presence and live in my own frame. 50% success rate. Went out with friends Friday night to a planned activity and got annoying texts from her (see weaponized kids post of mine). Went to a late movie last night with friends, she was pissed that all I did was put it in the calendar a few days back and didn’t ask permission.

She tried to sabotage it by staying out late at her church function past the time when I had to go. No problem. I anticipated this one had the kids ready for bed and had arranged for a sitter. Once wife found out (after she texted and said she couldn’t be back and sorry about your movie night) she was home immediately, canceled and venmoed the sitter $20 for her trouble as I drove down the road. No sex last night when I got back late. She was obviously butthurt.

This morning she reiterated that she was not attracted to me with the beard and I just laughed it off with a “well that’s one opinion”. She is obviously not feeling the dread, sees it as LARPing because then she dropped “well if you want sex my opinion matters, cause it’s the only place you’re getting it”. I chuckled and gave her the raised eyebrow. She flipped.

Yelling about covenenants made (our religious -Mormon situation has a false dread shield of security that she can uses as a stick to beat me over the head with if I let her)

Here is where I fucked up and DEERed way too much. Told her it was a two way street and that she didn’t get to dictate the commitment if she was going to play games when it came to sex. Told her that despite that when I decide to go elsewhere she will be the first to know.

More yelling blah blah blah. Pissed that I am changing everything and being a jerk all the time and don’t respect her anymore.

Inner voice was yelling STFU and go to work, but her hamster has been lost in this maze for a while (my fault) and I figured I would try to lay out a path. DEERing? Absolutely.

Told her that I wasn’t making these changes to save our marriage but to save myself. That I was done living as her oldest child and begging her for sex hoping that some last minute oversight every day wouldn’t keep me from showing mommy all the nice things I had done for her approval. Told her I was tired of doing all the chores at night while she fell asleep with the kids while she had plenty of energy to get up early and run with her friends so she could get all of her emotional connection and satisfaction elsewhere. Tired of being last place. Now in writing it sounds like a victim puke FUCK.

Finished telling her I wasn’t always going to be nice anymore and then blow up with audden anger like I used to. Told her I would be nice when the situation warranted it. Then I left.

Got this text on the way to work.

“I love you. I’m trying. I understand I need to make my own happiness. I understand you need more from me. I know you have changes you are making to save yourself and not our marriage. I feel like our marriage is important (it’s important to me) and I know that it takes work, too. I can’t just work on me and expect our marriage to be good- I have to work at both. I love you and I love our kids. You are the most important thing to me and I want nothing more than to be with all of you forever. I am striving to make our home a happy place for everyone. It’s important to me to have our house be a place the kids feel safe and loved (that might be the only place they feel that at some point in their lives)- not feel constant contention and anxiety over us fighting or whatever it is.”

Didn’t respond. Text is for logistics. Have replied to two logistics texts since but ignored this one.

TLDR: In my eyes appear to be headed for a main event in the next few days and I am busy cramming and rereading everything sidebar I can to get ready for it.

Feel free to call me a faggot.


Post Information
Title Main event coming up? LONG AF post warning.
Author alphasixfour
Upvotes 7
Comments 98
Date 16 May 2018 06:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204485
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8jx3t7/main_event_coming_up_long_af_post_warning/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtDEERbetadread gamedown to fuckframehamsterkinoshit testgameclose
Comments

[–]johneyapocalypse6 points7 points  (19 children) | Copy

Christ you talk too much about your beard. For fuck sake you'd think you're Jesus.

You are challenging the status quo and she's getting salty.

You're too sensitive, too invested, paying too much attention. You should chill out, do something fun, and get your adrenaline flowing.

Then go to the gym and blast your skinny-ass body. Gilligan was not the cool one on the island, faggot.

[–]broneilbro2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Well he is Mormon...

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Did someone say Mormon?

OP - Mormon women love to fuck Chads with beards.

Source: Me

[–]alphasixfour5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I know I know.- you are simultaneously one of my favorite and least favorite motherfuckers on this site. Congrats.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've spent some time in SLC. You should see how they feel about Italian looking guys...

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There is no proof whatsoever that Gilligan is, or ever was, Mormon.

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That was talking about the OP

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Irony is not for some people...

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gilligan was not the cool one on the island, faggot.

The Skipper and Thurston Howell III were old and fat, so I guess that means The Professor was banging Ginger and Mary Ann...

[–]HarbourView1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Except for the episode where surfer dude Chad turned up. The girls were competing for him.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Thanks. Just what I needed. Off to the gym right now actually. Would not give a fuck about my beard if I could just figure out how to pass that shit test well enough to not be reminded of it 10 times a day.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

you're gonna be reminded of it until you truly do not give a fuck. Do no "try" to pass it. If you're any annoying about your fucking beard as you are in your post then I'm already sick of it dude and I want you to shave it already.

A&A and amused mastery work because they come from a place of really do not give a fuck and say something really inane. If you're truly stumped then it's gonna come out that you're trying to pass the test and that in and of itself is failing the test.

Best is to just STFU. Complete non reaction. If she brings it up, just act as if she said something stupid and move on.

Girls' antidote is apathy. Non attention.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Done. Thank you.

[–]mrpthrowa-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

done what? dont shave it if you like it faggot!

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Done = will do better at STFU rather than trying to pass a test. Good advice.

not shaving.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

  • Illimitable Men Maxim #57: Men control an interaction by being non-reactive. Women control an interaction by being hyper-emotional.

  • Illimitable Men Maxim #59: Women thrive on drama, it allows them to weaponize emotion and push an agenda. Starve them of emotion, and they have nothing to fight with. A woman starved of emotion will become desperate to sustain her psychological onslaught. As such, she will attempt to pry it from the dead, exaggerating observations and manufacturing issues in order to sustain the indignance necessary to maintain her psychological assault.

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

good reminder. Thank you.

[–]DeplorableRay0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why don’t you just pretend you didn’t hear her, or immediately change the subject when she brings it up? Just act like it was never a problem or issue. Because it isn’t.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Would not give a fuck about my beard if I could just figure out how to pass that shit test...

When one of her friends blatantly flirts in front of her and tells you 'I like your beard! have you been working out?'

It's called social proof...

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Got many compliments from strangers and lesser acquaintances last time I grew it. She of course had her hypergamous sisterhood close ranks to all give me shit about it. I wasn’t nearly as attractive then and a blue pull beta to boot. Looking forward to this go around. Already getting different IOI or noticing them more at the gym etc.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Overall, the same rules apply with Mormon women because AWALT. However, Mormon girls are indoctrinated with the belief that they are on a pedestal ever since YW's, so there are some things that need to be handled a little bit differently here. Mormon women are of the belief that you will be worthy and 100% faithful for time and all eternity. So to her, this is just a phase and you will eventually get back into your box once she clamps down tightly on the sex you are being drip fed. She flat out told you that she 100% believes that she is your only option for sex. Read that again. She 100% believes that she is your only option. She's calling your bluff and you have instilled zero dread that you first have options and second that you have the balls to exercise that option. Even though she has been indoctrinated that you won't cheat and you will be faithful, Mormon women are also not stupid and if you improve sufficiently and can pull in someone better she will know she needs to step up her game as well. She sees all the numbers that the divorce rate in the Mormon church mirrors the national average.

Here is where I see your issues being. I'm not sure this is so much a shit test, but a straight up power struggle. She is just using sex as leverage here and not to see if you are "alpha" or not so she can fuck you later that night. Holding frame long-term will be akin to driving your spear into the ground and can be viewed as alpha. You pass this test by being strong. She likely views you as a plow horse and a sperm donor for her eternal family. Right now to her, you are acting like a stubborn ass that is complaining about the load on its back and she is putting you back in your place. Because that is what you do with stupid animals that refuse to comply.

Your problem is you are attacking the castle at the front gate where defenses are the strongest. You are engaging with her and battling with everything that you've got. I will give you an A+ for valor, but there is a better way to handle a lot of this. You need to disengage from the frontal attack and stop battling her head on. Fogging comes to mind and many of the other tools in WISNIFG. There is a time and place for confrontation believe me, but I think you are just angry and butt hurt here.

Remember...

Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets? Morpheus: No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to.

IMO dread is far more effective when it is unspoken. You telling her that you will no longer put up with this, that, and whatever is great. Better is you shutting your fucking mouth and just doing it. Acta non verba my brother.

Slow your roll. At 5 months in you should be nowhere near a main event. It's not an exact science, but if you follow BPP's general guidelines you are at least 13 months out from something like this going down.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you for the reminder. Anger is definitely my greatest weakness. Coping mechanism for fear etc. classic NMMNG beta for too long. Catching my breath now.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is an excellent reply OP, take it to heart. Your focus is on the beard because that is what she said, but in reality she is just using it as a tool to get you back in line. I just see a power struggle.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Attacking the castle gate... The Forlorn hope.

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba-2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know, if she's refusing sex to you on a constant basis, SHE is failing to keep her covenants. Point that out. From Paul to Packer, you can find a lot of backup for that point of view. I have explained to my wife that I can sub-contract feeding, cleaning, and child care to other people, but sex only to my wife. And if she doesn't want to be that wife, I can find one that does. Lots of singles out there looking for a decent man.

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. Though never read a single talk that didn't leave it an out for hypergamy on the pedestal, and it almost never gets emphasized.

But great points on the kids etc. then again... acta, non verba.

[–]ellifino7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem, as you know, is not the beard. She'd fuck a bearded Chad. She's not fucking you because you won't fall into line. You could shave your beard and she'd fuck you until she decided she didn't like your friends, your gym, your clothes etc. You're on the right path. I liked your "I don't negotiate with terrorists" from the other day.

I could be wrong, but based on the text, I don't think she's checked out yet. Watch what she does, and not what she says though, obviously. You have, for the moment, a rebelling First Officer. As Captain, you could crush this mutiny with harsh words and an iron fist. I think your FO will fall in line though. Stay the course, and give encouragement when you see positive activity from her.

She's looking for your frame to crack. Don't let it, but be patient with her while the 1000 foot rope tightens.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

"I understand you have a problem with the beard. I really like it and believe my happiness is just as important as yours. But, of course, I love you and I am willing to make some sacrifices for the greater good of this marriage. From now on, l'll bang you from behind or blind fold you so you don't have to look at it." (kiss forehead and walk away).

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

TL;DR

I dont need to look at you to fuck you.

[–]wadearave2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’re looking for validation from her and she knows it.

“I know you need more from me.”

You’re still pissed. I wonder if that’s from you lack of leading. If you are going to lead the ship then you really need to lead it. And that means everything. You didn’t communicate about the movie. There was no expectation set there. The fact that she got back at you by staying late at a church functions means that she doesn’t trust you or your ability to take care of things.

I get that you need to take care of yourself but you also have take care of your wife and your family. When you strike a balance that works your wife will recognize it as leadership and will start to bend to your will.

Your beard is seen as teenage rebellion (especially within the Mormon culture). If you lack the frame and leadership to support it your beard is likely coming off as juvenile.

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good points all. Will re-examine holes in my leadership. No doubt there are many.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Started reading... started reading... OMG HE DIDN'T STFU IN THE MIDDLE.

Dude. Really. Don't victim puke to her, and don't respond to her victim pukes over text. You can't 'talk' her into being attracted to you.

You can say that if a girl is going to divorce you over your beard... then really there wasn't that much firm ground to stand on in the first place. However, as you know and as I posted last time, it's not about the beard. It's about control and power dynamics.

I have to ask you this. Are you having fun in your life? Are you having fun in your life WITH your wife, aka gaming her? You can schedule all your gym and boys night out times, but you do realize that you have to do some fun things with your wife. Granted, if she's playing her 'mean' card, slowly withdraw attention. She knows if she's not playing by the rules of accepted behavior.

Remember, this is ALL power dynamics. And once you get to a certain point, this post will help you - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3fc5xq/theory_how_to_build_your_road_to_safety/

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have to ask you this. Are you having fun in your life?

Hey OP, SSS hit me up with something about fun a few weeks ago. I did it. I figured out a few things

1). I can be a real dry shit with my wife. Sometimes I don't even know why.

2). It's so easy to have fun with a woman because they aren't good at creating it.

3). She is thirsty for it.

Thanks SSS, OP give it a shot.

And loosen the fuck up about the beard.

You do realise whatever you do, your capacity to grow a beard will last for the rest of your life.

I know you might be shocked but I saw it on the Discovery Channel. I'm pretty sure it's science.

[–]alphasixfour2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Definitely lacking in fun the last 2 weeks, I won't make excuses. Just lacking. I need to stop being a pissed off autistic beta and plan some shit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here’s a gem: you don’t need to bother planning much. Just do something that’s fun and invite her along.

Key: Dgaf, about her reaction/receptivity.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

"It's a nice day, I'm headed to the arboretum for a walk, want to come?"

See what I did there? You have the ownership on frame and fun, the physical activity (remember back when you were dating, physical activity is one of the best dates), and the double entendre at the end. And it doesn't matter what her answer is either.

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Took this to heart right away. Have a ping pong tournament date scheduled for our basement Saturday night. Trash talk has been light but full of double entendre

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How did i miss that post? Brilliant.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got to leave a out when you change the power dynamics.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy

We need a picture of this beard.

It took me 3 weeks to get my beard grown in. Then another two months of playing around with it, and with the help of a barber to get it all lined up.

It was a 90 day commitment and learning on oils, etc.

How far are you in the process? Is it filling it, or is it a Joe Dirt type of beard that belongs in a mobile home park.

She seems very heels in the concrete on this.

[–]alphasixfour2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

https://imgur.com/Sl1ovze

 

https://imgur.com/BIJlCPz

 

https://imgur.com/0gNd6pf

 

Obviously thin one is current. Taken just now. Almost 3 weeks in. Two thicker pictures are last year taken at about 3 months growth. Takes a little but I think it turns out pretty good.

I prefer the way other people react to me, men and women (aside from the wife) and I like the look of it and the feel. Insecure? probably. remember last time I grew it I was full swing beta puke. Experience may be different this time. Seems to be growing faster this go around, probably because I am lifting and have actual testosterone in my body.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

The only beard I can get behind is the one where you have on the Oakleys and the hat. And even then, it is not "clean" at all. It looks like oil has never been applied and scruffy AF.

All that said, now that I have seen it (big kudos for manning up and delivering BTW) I think what you wife is really saying is "LEARN HOW TO MANAGE A BEARD"

You can clearly grow one - congrats. Go to a barber and have them educate you on proper care, grooming and upkeep. I did this, and it made a huge difference. Ignorance is not an excuse.

Invest in some nice Wahl trimmers. I trim mine every 4 days, with a 1 guard. Keep it nice and clean and short. My barber makes sure I dont fuck up the top or bottom lines.

My beard is very soft now, and no problems when I snuggle up against any woman. My wife or my Mormon plates :)

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Yes. those were both pre-professional trim. let me see if I can find a cleaner picture.

and yes, right now, mid growth it is even harder to manage.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

There is no need. The point has been made I think. You know what to do now.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

thanks

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Keep in mind. I speak from experience. I tried to grow a beard, and failed. My wife was a royal cunt about it as well. Then last summer her and the kids were gone for like 3 solid weeks and I decided I was going to try it again. (500mg of test a week grows beards like crazy i found out)

I had a three week jump on it, so all the nagging was a non-issue. I let the motherfucker grow and grow, then at the one month mark had my barber clean it up.

For 90 days she exclusively cut it and managed it for me. Every Friday at 5pm I was in her chair.

I finally got learned, invested in oils, etc. and now a year later, no problems.

She hated to kiss me. She hated for me to go down on her. Until the "baby" hairs or whatever had grown out and the beard was soft.

I still fucked her mind, you and she would get very red. I actually felt bad for her. But it is all good now.

Bottom line, is you need to just deal with it for 90 days if it is what you want.

And you look good in a beard, so I say roll with it. No homo.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah I need to get back on the Test wagon. Had low T a decade ago at 30 when I was a depressed skinnyfat beta fuck.

Had doctor after doctor who didn't get it, was terrified to prescribe it to me and treated me like a criminal. Chased it with lots of time, emotion and dollars trying to get help.

The more research I did the more I was treated like a drug seeker. Despite the fact that I was and am a skinny bastard by nature, I was accused of being a roid head.

Estradiol skyrocketed, grew fat and tits, almost lost my marriage and life with crazy mood swings... but 1 mention of arimidex and got kicked out of a doctors office. Treatment refused -cut off.

It was hell. So I dumped it and got my Test back up by eating better and exercising, treating my depression and sleeping more.

I never got it tested again, and am almost certainly sub-optimal, though the eating right, keto and heavy lifting has made it loads better. With the AMA lowering the acceptable ranges recently (fuckers) I probably would test low normal and have a doc kick me out again. I just need to find a doc and process that will treat it correctly without costing me $$$$.

Many times been tempted to say fuck it, treat me like a criminal and I'll just go on gear. but I wouldn't even know where to start to try to find clean steroids that wouldn't get me dead or arrested. From everything I've read on that one you really need a good mentor who knows what the fuck they are doing.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You just need to go to an “anti-aging” clinic and be prepared to pay cash or

https://www.defymedical.com/

That being said - test just throws another huge variable into things and it means you are on it for life. Go ahead and start learning but I’d set it aside as a project for 2019/2020 after a few cut/bulks done right.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Same. I've been a 5/10 beard guy at best, though I can handlebar a moustache like Dali...

It was always the same thing

  1. hate it
  2. hate it
  3. ignore it
  4. like it
  5. why did you cut it? I liked it?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

We need a picture of this beard.

This.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I agree, OP, we need a picture of this beard.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP delivered.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kudos. Fine beard man. Nothing wrong with that. The grooming is critical. You got solid advice here. I noticed a change in interactions with people when I rocked a face wig.

But that was nothing to the change in demeanours since implementing MRP and I’m doing that bare face.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think the problem is YOU don't see that she IS feeling dread.

First she takes away sex thinking you'll fall in line. Then she acts like she's DTF only to pull it away last minute. (It's great that you could joke that she has to ask for cuddles...but if you gave them to her anyway...be careful...you are enabling.)

Then she is OVERT in her communication that you only get sex from her. Then going main event when you ace that test and share a vision. Then becoming submissive after you leave.

 

Do you need it spelled out for you? This us SUPPOSED to happen when you get through to her that you're changing and she no longer has your balls in her purse. Her text is basically saying "I understand you have your balls back and are going to take what you believe you want out of this relationship....I really want to be a part of it (and pay attenation to that last sentence) but still get the most I can from it."

To emphasize...this:

not feel constant contention and anxiety over us fighting or whatever it is

Is trying to manipulate you back into her power after being all submissive. She's not come around yet, but is certainly feeling the tug. Expect more resistance. Don't take your foot off the gas.

[–]alphasixfour2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, to clarify, did NOT give her cuddles anyway. I kept my back turned and went to sleep. Was exhausted. She returned to her side of the bed.

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I did need it spelled out. Had trouble overlaying the theory and principles onto my own experience. Too close to it and still give too many fucks.

Appreciate it.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have not seen anyone comment on the STFU hamster dread rant where you lay it out what and why you are changing.

You basically told her it was for her / more sex. That was a bad move. But I think you know that so I'll spare the insults.

I have taught myself to pull the rip cord on conversations like that, EJECT GOOSE EJECT.! even if you just literally just stop talking in an awkward way....just sigh, change topic or walk away.

There is a great post about play the game, not the player, with NBA references that would be good for you to read.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

great article. Read it way too early in my journey to internalize it. Makes much more sense now.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It took me ages to get out the habit of spouting the rules. For me it was more about being the fucking master of dissecting the technical construct of the argument and 'trapping' her in her own bullshit. It never helped, and it was also the reason STFU came hard to me. Apparently arguing is not like a game of chess.

At some point each couple has to have a difficult conversation (argument) and STFU is simply not the best option. If the ship is in rough seas and the FO has problems, there are times the captain can shout "i've got this" and there is times the Captain has to take onboard the feedback of the FO. There is also the time the Captain has to yell orders with no recoil from FO. (there are also times when the FO just needs a good spanking....)

My point? STFUing in every argument is not likely to be a good long term solution, but you have to pick it and that is hard. Similarily the captain is allowed to command orders, and likewise you can't expect that to work everytime either.

The less fucks you give the less any of this carriers any relevance. I am pretty sure the number of fucks given is inversely proportional to your SMV (in comparison to your wife). If your way higher in SMV, likely you give no fucks. Way lower, lots of fucks given. Its just math

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great points. I realize I have been a validation seeking punk more concerned with being right and knowing the trivia answers than doing the hard work. That has to change.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She tried to sabotage it by staying out late at her church function past the time when I had to go. No problem. I anticipated this one had the kids ready for bed and had arranged for a sitter. Once wife found out (after she texted and said she couldn’t be back and sorry about your movie night) she was home immediately, canceled and venmoed the sitter $20 for her trouble as I drove down the road. No sex last night when I got back late. She was obviously butthurt.

Handled spectacularly, you've been studying, good job.

Told her that despite that when I decide to go elsewhere she will be the first to know.

Again, handled well to that point, just don't talk to much. It isn't an argument, you DNGAF about her opinion on the matter, it is simply you stating a fact. The discussion ends with you saying "Life is too short to spend it not having high quality and frequent sex." Then ass slap, wink, and leave the room to go do something interesting as if you don't expect to hear or care what her opinion on the matter is.

Pissed that I am changing everything and being a jerk all the time and don’t respect her anymore.

Perfect, this is expected. Eventually what is new becomes old. This is her trying to maintain status quo, trying to keep you in the box she made for you. Eventually she will see that box is broken and will build a new one based on the new you. Two steps forward, one step back, rinse and repeat. You will look back and cringe at the shit you've said/done and be amazed how far you've come.

Told her that I wasn’t making these changes to save our marriage but to save myself....

This is where you fucked up big time. Don't talk about changes, don't talk about motivations, just STFU. Act as if you have always been this way, she is just noticing it now. Fog, etc. Women want the "natural" and will take any organized efforts as you "cheating" or "faking it". I know it's fucked up, but that's the way it is.

....The rest of your post....

Too much talking and too far in her frame. You don't get upset about things anymore, especially from her. She is funny, how cute, look, the little girl is throwing a tantrum. Women are all about the covert communication. Remember the "box" she has you in? Well, imagine she shoots you down for sex three times in a row, what does she expect from you? She expects you to be butthurt, moping around, irritable, arguing, DEERing, etc. What would it communicate if you instead are a happy fun-loving guy who doesn't appear to really care he was rejected, almost as if he wanted to be rejected, almost like he was just doing it to keep up appearances. When you come home from work/gym humming to yourself, joking with the family, being awesome, what do you suppose that communicates?

You are too early for main event, and you talk way too much. Don't build up this main-event in your head like some monster battle you have to prepare for, where you are going to finally use your man logic to explain to her why she is going to fuck you. Maybe main event should more be thought of as an inflection point. It MIGHT involve "fuck me or fuck you", but it also might not.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow tons of good in this post. Thanks for helping me see what I did right, and thanks for giving me perspective on what I did wrong. I definitely talk too much.

Most of all thanks for helping me start to kill the boogeyman of the main event. I’ve looked at it as some apocalyptic thing that I had to be armed for. Now I see that is not the case. If I’ve become enough of my alpha self to get to the main event I should be able to handle the main event. So concentrate on sidebar, lift, stfu and becoming myself rather than being an autistic zombie prepper.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think all of this was brilliantly handled. The aspect some may not get is the religious framework OP is working within. Since Red Pill is amoral there shouldn't be judgment on how he exactly implements dread...if it all.

here's the rub though, and OP pay attention. Despite your religious upbringing and leanings divorce and leaving are always an option. I will always disagree that Dread is a firm and solid step process. Example:

I am at DL4 but moved to 5 last night, but you know she was acting nice so I decided to pull back to 3.

This isn''t world of warcraft and you aren't some 20th Level Red Pill Paladin. This is life. Sometimes you are just going to flip a switch and unleash. When it happens organically like that is when you know red pill has taken effect, when you feel it in your gut and cut through all the rationalizing bullshit. Sometimes that means going Rambo, sometimes it means just STFU and giving her a hug. I don't think OP even went close to a main event, nor the FMOFY speech. His wife is clearly fighting for control again. She views the beard as that battleground. She chose it. OP is ignoring it.

Except when he DEER'd. he admits it and sees it. No reason to get into it. It will happen.

No. You aren't close to a main event yet but take a deep look at what she wrote. Right now we are suspended "actions not words" because your shrew is in line with her actions and words. Figure out right now that you are irrelevant to her. To her literally any man can fulfill your role and job to her. She is quite possibly the definition of someone who desires you but doesn't value you. It's her way or nothing.

Her statement is somewhat disjointed. It could be considered a comfort test but I don't think so. Read on.

Her text Doesn't make sense and isn't coherent, but the message is there. Her improvement, and hte marriage are the only things important to her. Not you.

You are the most important thing to me and I want nothing more than to be with all of you forever.

This is the only mention of you in the whole text, and it's made meaningless because the text goes on and one how she is trying to make everything else work EXCEPT to keep and be attractive to you. She would do these things even if you weren't there.

The harshest criticism for OP I have is that he needs to realize that this is a utterly ridiculous argument to have. He isn't treating it as childish antics. Over a beard? Really? She may be rationalizing it as something larger, her text makes that clear. A beard is A personal preference for both parties, yet imagine if she had cut her hair to pixie cut or done something else? You may not like it but you can get by it. The only exception I would make is if a beard actually irritates your woman's skin. I have dated a couple like that in my time. That and I have tried and hate beards myself. I digress, OP you are making progress you have done well so far, made some missteps but you see them. My only advice is starting laughing this shit off. It's stupid. Her attitude is ridiculous.

All this over a beard.

Or is it?

Its about control. Pure and simple. OP no longer towing the line. Ridiculous right? Start treating it as such. Start seeing through her overt language. She sucks at it but she excels at covert. I wager that if you really stepped up. Not just in OYS but telling her what's up? She would respond. Truly submissive women rarely act like that until an alpha takes over. They also only shit test Alphas. They disdain betas.

Think bout it.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So much good advice in this post. I really appreciate it. Have to re read it all a few times and boil it down.

I appreciate the support I don’t think I did everything wrong for MY SITUATION and appreciate you understanding the the perspective and nuanced context. I will post a follow up FR in OP.

That said I did go Rambo and fuck up a number of things here and will own them. I’m here to learn and swap notes.

Thanks for your perspective. My religious beliefs don’t belong to her and while my personal morality precludes cheating on her, One- she doesn’t have to know that 100% and two - divorce and leaving are always on the table.

Thanks for pointing out that she doesn’t really care about me yet. Cuts deep. Entirely my fault, but I can totally see it.

And I know the beard is 99% about control and MAYBE 1% her personal preference. Doesnt matter. I’m growing it for me and until I get sick of it.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Even though mormon though you would be better served at /r/RPChristians at least they can give you advice within teh confines of your religious outlook. Just a suggestion.

she doesn’t really care about me yet at all

FIFY My gut tells me there is more to this, but there is little reason for her to take this to this level over a beard, despite the underlying issuing being her control over you. It is to the level of ridiculous. At some point you are going to realize that giving her a relationship isn't worth it. She isn't doing anything to maintain it and everything to cause strife in it.

Let's take a look at this text. Sure it's words but as I said we can see her actions and words are closely linked. One could argue that she is done with covert language and has resorted to overt as well. Prove me wrong by all means but we can see it here.

I love you.

ILY are words her actions betray her here. Any one can write ILY and not mean it.

I’m trying. trying at what? Trying to love you? I understand I need to make my own happiness. I understand you need more from me.

She is basically saying I understand but I am not willing to provide what you want

I know you have changes you are making to save yourself and not our marriage. I feel like our marriage is important (it’s important to me) and I know that it takes work, too.

your changes and trying to be the best you can be isn't important. I want you to do what I think you need to for my marriage, since it's important to me.

I can’t just work on me and expect our marriage to be good- I have to work at both. I love you and I love our kids.

I need you to work with me for my ideal of a good marriage and oh by the way I love you

You are the most important thing to me and I want nothing more than to be with all of you forever.

this is the only place she mentions you but she also makes it clear what her priorities are.....remember the hierarchy of love

I am striving to make our home a happy place for everyone. It’s important to me to have our house be a place the kids feel safe and loved (that might be the only place they feel that at some point in their lives)- not feel constant contention and anxiety over us fighting or whatever it is.

stop this beard nonsense and get with the program

In short understanding your religious underpinnings you should come to terms right now that your wife is the example of Briffaults Law, Hierarchy of Love, hypergamy and solipsism. Like textbook. AWALT is a range of female behavior. They have a default setting but can be pushed to one area or the other. IMO your wife is way to the right. I can't say for her religious feelings, some women hold them sacrosanct and will adhere to them as their own version of hypergamy/solipsism BUT this woman will branch swing on you in a heart beat. Yet you could keep her around if you stand up. But you can't ever forget where she places you. She will be looking for you to slip up at every turn and won't hesitate to take advantage of it.

That's my take. You are the sperm donor to her kids. Does she love you? Sure probably as much as she loves the dog. But you were sent a message here. The medium is the message.

Hypergamy is selfishness. The only effective response is tough love.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks again for your honest kick in the ass. I’ll check out https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians again but think I might prefer to sit at the adult’s table here and gain the most I can. I am grown up enough to apply my own morality without moralizing and getting offended.

I don’t think I can go wrong by assuming you are completely right about her. It’s the safest route. If she isn’t as bad as all that (not saying she isn’t.) I still win.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't have a problem stating your case and your expectations, once. That has been done, and it sounds like she heard you. Now you really need to STFU and work on yourself.

It’s important to me to have our house be a place the kids feel safe and loved (that might be the only place they feel that at some point in their lives)- not feel constant contention and anxiety over us fighting or whatever it is.”

Be careful of this, she's trying to guilt you with the children. Note that as one strategy of hers fails, others will take its place.

In my eyes appear to be headed for a main event in the next few days and I am busy cramming and rereading everything sidebar I can to get ready for it.

If you expect it to happen, it will. It's time for you to play your nice card once again and find your peace.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold OP. Try it.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yes thank you

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

A&A the beard shit test, physically. Give yourself a 1900's handlebar mustache, or the Hulk Hogan.

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I LOL. I have absolutely no doubt that if I were to go home and shave tonight we would be fucking in 15 minutes, kids plopped in front of a movie, dinner burning, bedroom door locked.

But it would be reward sex for falling back into her frame. Then back to slow trickle beta.

I much prefer this push/pull idea. might just try it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha, love the absurdity of this. It would probably work. It's kind Push/Pull with facial hair as an accessory. She'll be relieved by the time Op tracks back to his preferred grooming.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, you got some more time to STFU and act like a man.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Now in writing it sounds like a victim puke FUCK.

Yeah you could have done better. But it could be worse. Instead of whining and expecting something. You whined and told her you expect nothing. That you are changing things with you. And she'd better stand by.

Victim puke delivery which sucks. But not the worst one you could have said. Everything in it is stuff you want her to figure out anyway.

Never do it again. For better or for worse you've told her. Now that you've told her, you don't need to repeat yourself so never tell her again. Just do what you just said. Every second of every day.

Told her it was a two way street and that she didn’t get to dictate the commitment if she was going to play games when it came to sex.

I mean this is (according to religious tradition true) and it may (depending on the situation) be prudent to remind her, but you used way too many words and the wrong frame here. Your frame is not that of abundance rather of implying personal obligation. Her religion may in fact obligate her to have sex with you. If so it's probably a good idea she's aware, just so, as the dread game escalates she understands you won't respond to a religious argument while she's ignoring her responsibility.

'God says you can't cheat! Well God says you have to have sex with me so there!' yeah that's basically it and it does sound horrid. I think I would have gone with amused mastery on this one rather than simpering victim whine to communicate the facts of life.

In my eyes appear to be headed for a main event in the next few days and I am busy cramming and rereading everything sidebar I can to get ready for it.

Maybe you should ignore that, understand it's a life long process, it's not about her, or the marriage, or a big event, it's about you, and just keep on keepin on.

  1. STFU you do better the less you say.
  2. If you must talk don't break frame and devolve into an angry beta bitch.

DON'T BREAK FRAME

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

obligation aside. The Mormon church does a great job of promoting the commitment, and very little to no promotion of wife's duties when it comes to sex. Regardless of the truth there.

I know I can't rely on the God argument even though its true. Logic isn't going to work in my favor, AWALT.

Time to stop responding to the religious argument altogether. I can live my personal religion without her defining it for me.

Thank you. I'll get this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I know I can't rely on the God argument even though its true. Logic isn't going to work in my favor, AWALT.

No, no you can't. She has to want to have sex with you.

1 Corinthians 7 and Ephesians 5:22 are out there however.

And if she responds to dread with religious based shit tests, they are good fodder for amused mastery. Something like she bitches about religious covenants, "Well while were on it why don't you Ephesians 5:22 my dick then?"

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

You could’ve easily pressure flipped this. Ask her how she’d feel if you stopped fulfilling your duties as a husband simply because she changed her hair.

[–]Slipstream17X0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I might be the only one not on the beard bandwagon, but if my wife cut her hair short I’d lose all desire to have sex with her instantly. Short haired girls are a complete boner killer for me.

It’s unlikely, but maybe OP’s wife feels the same about the beard.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I get that, hence my previous post about "be attractive don't be unattractive" vs. growing the beard I want.

How much to tailor my attractiveness to her preferences etc. Still unsure on the answer hence the continued inability to pass shit tests apparently.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The answer is: do what you want. Fuck her preferences. They come second to yours. If her preferences don’t impact your happiness at all, then by all means oblige her. But it sounds like you really want a beard.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Oh I agree. OP might be objectively ugly as fuck with a beard whether his wife likes it or not. But you gotta draw the line somewhere and if this is the hill that he wants to die on, so be it.

Here’s a smaller, but similar case study:

I was tired of wearing boxer briefs all the time. Wearing slim fit slacks can get all bunched up, ya dig? Especially in the summer that shit is annoying. So I bought some good old fashioned briefs (think: speedo cut) but good quality brand. Black. Not the shitty Hanes whitey tighty kind. Anyway, wife didn’t like them. Laughed at me when she saw me wearing them. Said they turned her off, but I didn’t give a fuck bc they felt good and I thought looked good on me (esp as my legs filled out doing squats).

Anytime she’d see me in them and try to say something I’d do a silly dance, hip thrust at her and joke around “you can never get this” Borat style. It made her laugh. One day out of the blue she said “ya know, I’ve come around and actually think you look good in them.” She went out and bought me even more.

Now granted she didn’t dig her heels in like Ops wife; it was a minor thing for her. But i didn’t budge and didn’t care what she thought so she had two choices: ignore it or embrace it. Be a man she wants to embrace and she’ll come around.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should try hipsters - they're basically a shorter version of boxers with a skin tight fit like briefs, so they don't bunch up your leg or make you look like Borat.

I started wearing them about 10 years ago and have never looked back.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The "Fuck me or fuck you" speech is reserved for Dread Level 10... you're not at Level 10 by any stretch of the imagination.

When we talk about 'Red Pill Rambo', this is exactly it. Acting from emotion, without knowledge, without understanding, without critical thinking, and (above all else) without having earned the privileged.

You have not yet earned the FMFY speech.

And no, you're not close to the Main Event. You have to be a high SMV man to get to the Main Event... and that's high SMV in her eyes, not yours.

Your immediate goal is to STFU. Less 'talk', more 'do'.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

fuck you're right of course. Didn't even realize I gave a version of fuck me or fuck you.

I have been way too Rambo.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Boy Mormon faggot talks too much

Boy reads, but does not properly apply Dread sending a depth charge of level 10 before even applying pressure under level 4 in the while in the same house. WTF ?

Quit talking. Start doing.

Being the big dick in the house is not the key. Being the leader in your home is the key.

You must and I mean must acknowledge this is your life and you must make the most of it at all times. No holes barred.

When you decide to stop giving ten fucks about her fucking you and you being fuckable on the open market, things will change.

Let me tell you, I fucking hate beards. But, they look great on an attractive fellow, and that attractive fellow does not defend his beard to the world

When your head is ready to come out of thy ass, you will clearly see, the man makes the beard and his life. Not the other way around.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can’t disagree with any of this. Thanks.

[–]TheIronHeel0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I lurk all around this sub cause it's awesome and I don't know shit about shit yet enough to advise. I read your posts and to me it seems like this last one is progress. MAP talks about positive energy. I'd vote you keep the beard, keep the rudder steady and don't nuke the situation with a main event. Just keep sailing man.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

👍🏼

[–]dark_and_bearded0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wow. So ignore her beard comments. I would actually go on amazon and get specific beard grooming products and put it on your side of the bathroom counter. Commit to that shit and make sure your beard care game is spot on, don’t be having a ratchet ass beard...

The tone your wife has with you gives me an indication that she runs your household, neither here nor there — just what it looks like to me.

Honestly, I would hit the gym hard and what ever you do I would not shave ya beard bro! My girl use to give me shit on my beard for a good 6 months when I was first growing it out, telling me it looks ugly, I don’t look professional, blah blah blah blah... which was true because my junk came in all patchy and uneven as fuck and it grew SLOW. Now a a year in my chick digs my beard and all the BS she talked about earlier never comes up. My beard tickles her pussy now lol.

Don’t want to comment on the other stuff because never been in that situation.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Got the beard balm and argan oil already on my sink -had it from last time it grew. Already using it though it makes little difference when it is so short and thin.

Honestly those pics I used weren’t the best just what I had in my phone. The one with the hat was during a day at the amusement/water park and the other was right before my first trim.

It looks ragged now because it takes time especially for my cheeks to fill in. But when it is in and well trimmed and oiled it actually looks really clean and good in my opinion.

She has had to run the house for too long. My fault. I took control of the finances despite heavy resistance in December and have been steadily owning more of my shit and trying to lead. Still a long way to go.

Thanks for the encouragement.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Faggot

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I think that you're being a dick about the beard. You think that her not liking it is a shit test. I think that she doesn't like it, and may even find it repulsive. IMHO, you are trying to be too much of a RP cowboy. You are trying to be a Pharoah rather than Captain to your First Mate.

Just because some RP women love beards and contoured pant legs on men doesn't mean that all of them do.

Sex has gone down because of your beard; is there anything that you can think of that could increase the sex?? Other than giving more orders, that is.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Well, you're a little late to this party, and maybe you didn't see the subsequent FR either.

Did I say she loves it? Nope - she doesn't, and she's made that abundantly clear. The question is, should I give a shit or continue to operate in my own frame?

Once I STFU and stopped DEERing or even acknowledging the shit test, sex has gone back up in frequency and quality. Still haven't shaved and things are filling in nicely.

Sure I could shave again and sex would go up tonight, and maybe for a couple of days. But it would be reward sex for sliding back into her frame. I know because I have been there multiple times over the years.
Once the fun of getting laid a few extra times fades I always regret shaving. Then we slide back down into shit tests and low sex and it takes me weeks/months to get my beard back to where I want it.

Rinse repeat.

Beta me used to grow it for a few days and then shave it off just to get laid. Passive aggressive covert contract.

Does the first mate get to tell the captain how to wear his uniform?

Am I better off seeking approval from mommy and becoming one of her kids again? Or would I do better to stay the course, focus on my mission and keep my SMV and dread working for me so she can appreciate and fuck me out of genuine desire to do so and not as a way to keep me in her frame?

Readings and advice here all tell me a different story than you do.

If you are going to buck my personal frame, the sidebar, and the consensus here you better have a damn fine argument. Not seeing it yet.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you are going to buck my personal frame, the sidebar, and the consensus here you better have a damn fine argument. Not seeing it yet.

Your frame is irrelevant, I'm not bucking the sidebar, and consensus is equally as irrelevant. The facts are what I consider.

You are also misinterpreting what I'm saying, or else, I'm not being clear. I'm not saying to enter HER frame-I'm just saying that she may be one of those that actually have a strong aversion to beards. Such a thing is possible, without them trying to subjugate you into being their bitch. What if your woman decided not to shave her legs? If you remonstrated, would this be a sign that you are an unreasonable Patriarchal tyrant, trying to control her, and being passive aggressive in trying to force her to do what she didn't want to do what comes natural? Or, would it be because her not shaving her legs was barf worthy?

It's also possible that she's fucking you IN SPITE of your beard, rather than because of your massive frame.

THAT's my message, not an assault on TRP, you or the TRP community.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are also misinterpreting what I'm saying, or else, I'm not being clear.

That's what I'm trying to convey to you. Just not seeing it yet. I didn't say it was an assault, just that it was contrary to popular thought and thus needed a well founded argument to back it up. Something that I don't see yet.

I will concede the point that it's possible that she just doesn't like beards. Hence my post previous to this one that asked about being attractive to her vs. being attractive in general.

Pay attention to what women DO not what they SAY.

She SAYS she doesn't like beards. But her ACTIONS in response to my holding frame and being myself (once I finally got my shit together and stopped DEERing) reveal an increase and not a decrease in attraction.

Would she be more attracted without the beard? Possibly, but I can't be sure that it would actually be more attraction or just an attempt to reinforce my behavior that would quickly result in a LOSS of attraction as I slide back into her frame.

By doing what she wants contrary to what I want - am I entering into a covert contract expecting her to act a certain way in return? How does shaving impact my mission? Make me happy?

So let's say I shave it for me (no reason really for me to want that) and don't enter into her frame.

Would she see it as such, or breathe a sigh of relief because she has her perceived control back now? (thus losing tingles)

For better or worse she chose to make this a symbol of her control of the relationship with demands, withdrawing sex and affection etc. The beard is a symptom of the frame issue where a drunk captain beta started steering his own ship and the first officer is pissed.

Now I am overthinking it far more than I had. I have actually moved past this little battle (hint: it wasn't about the beard, it was about the frame) and the real battle was her not getting to use the "I'm your only option" stick on me anymore.

https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8k4vl1/fr_update_one_day_later_to_my_long_af_post/

She actually has tried that "What if I stop shaving my legs?" bit. I just laughed and told her I have always wanted to fuck a granola chick cause I hear they are crazy in bed.

This has actually been a great opportunity for me to internalize some redpill truths and draw that 1000' rope.

And I like the fucking beard.

Thanks for making me break my self imposed moratorium on mentioning it... LOL



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