659,329 posts

Confirmed. She's cheating

by RedPillQuest | April 11, 2017 | askMRP

33 upvotes

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To update a conversation I started a few days ago, I've downloaded wife's text messages. She's come up with an alternate contact name for him, but the texts bear it out. Talk about tuppy sessions (had to look the word up), how passionate and hot it had been, and going to the next door neighbors lake house where no one would recognize them and where they'd have an actual BED for once (don't ask me where they were going before).

So there it is. Decision made. I'll get a lawyer tomorrow and a PI. I'll set this thing up so tight that she walks away with nothing, and I'll start acting single as soon as the paperwork has ink on it. In the meantime, I'll act normal to avoid sending her to ground. And maybe I'll insist on fucking her in the ass a couple times before handing her the papers.

Thanks for pointing out my tunnel vision. Poor little mammals... But none of her shit is my fault. At least I can look forward to talking this RP off of hard mode soon.


Post Information
Title Confirmed. She's cheating
Author RedPillQuest
Upvotes 33
Comments 91
Date 11 April 2017 05:01 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206299
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/64ov6p/confirmed_shes_cheating/
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Comments

[–]The_LitzRed Beret22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

It sucks but it is done now.

Gents, trust your gut on this.

TIL: Tuppy is another word for pussy

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

oh i thought it was tupperware

[–]Aaren_Augustine7 points8 points  (39 children) | Copy

Reading your history, was the smoking gun worth it?

Peace of mind sounds like bullshit. More like some guys need to be steeped in madness to get off their ass and make a decision.

Too high of a cost and very little peace to be had.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5pzlq8/divorce_wont_fix_your_relationship_you_will/

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 12 points13 points  (34 children) | Copy

Frankly, I worked for three years doing everything I could to save my marriage. She wanted to cheat for the sake of cheating. It excites her. We'll see if it still excites her when it's not hidden anymore.

In large part, while I woke up feeling gut punched this morning, I'm also relieved and calm.... See, I didn't take it lying down. I fought as hard as I could with every weapon I had to save my family for three years. I did see it coming the first time three years ago, and I did everything in my power at that point to intercept and love her. Remember that a LOT of this happened before RP for me. And now, to have the confirmed truth... I feel 100% justified in making sure that she pays every consequence and leaves the relationship with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Was the peace of mind worth it? In my case, yes. Yes it was. I live in a state that does have at fault divorce. Which means that I'll act normal for as long as it takes, I'll hire a PI to get video to prove the adultery, I'll fuck her in the ass a few times, and then hand her the paperwork and the proof. She won't get half of my income and she won't get the kids. The kids will know exactly why mom and dad are getting divorced, and she'll live with that. She'll pay the price with friends and church (she'll likely be excommunicated), and I walk away with a lesson learned, a MAP, and a clear conscience. The proof I now have and everything I did to fight for my marriage puts me in a position that will have me in good stead with her family, my family, all of my friends, and frankly, hers too.

Worth it? To me, so far... Yes, yes it is.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (12 children) | Copy

Hence, it's a womans job to save the relationship, mans job is raise his SMV/RMV. Also, your revenge fantasy is going to bite you in the ass

[–]Aaren_Augustine3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Virtue, point of origin, frame...Apathy would be my choice.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough. I'll let at least some parts of the revenge fantasy go before she gets home tomorrow.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

How so?

[–]Chump_No_More6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wife is being transitioned to 'ex' status. Excepting logistics of making this happen, OP needs to cultivate an attitude of indifference towards stbx. In the long run, it's a whole bunch of wasted energy when he's going to need all he can get for the upcoming battle... and it will be a battle.

Additionally, all this revenge shit screams how thoroughly he's still in the stbx's frame.

[–]Aaren_Augustine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuckin' A. Basic RP praxeology is going out the window. Too many congrats for cucking up.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Op just wasted 3 years. Im a proponent of roosh argyment, women are the gatekeepers of both sex and relationships, it was an old conversation with rollo

[–]Aaren_Augustine0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

it's a womans job to save the relationship, mans job is raise his SMV/RMV

Like trying to find a cell phone you can hear, but can't locate. Bothering the shit out of me. What homework am I missing on this one?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I really wish I could find it. Rollo referenced it as a preface to one of his articles, or a tweet, maybe a podcast.

Eventually leads to a thread in sosuave if I remember correctly.

But de damned if I seen it since

And for the quote, I either came up with it based on that, or stole it from someone else and forgot who

[–]Aaren_Augustine0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, general direction is enough. It irks. Like ex_addict_bro irks. Gut is properly ringing

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I liked that guy, he's settled in nicely to being a normie now, post RP.

He def did irk thoughu

[–]CaptainJackSorrow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, don't be that dick who uses the kids to hurt your wife. You have a lifetime of birthdays, graduations, weddings, and grand kids. Don't ruin all of those.

My first wife cheated on me. We divorced. She got cancer and died pretty quickly. I'm glad that we got over the "fuck you" stage of our divorce pretty fast both for us and our kid. Holding on to all that anger just makes everything worse.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I live in a state that does have at fault divorce.

Checkmate. Well played.

[–]anythingincRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Fighting for custody ends up being who gets more check-marks on this form:

http://family.findlaw.com/child-custody/checklist-who-gets-custody.html

The judge is also going to sniff out that bitterness towards your wife about getting the kids and keeping them away from her and hold it against you. They want custody to be in the best interest of the kids, and it is in their best interest to be with a parent who will ensure that they get to see both of their parents. The best case scenario is for your wife to rage that she will keep them from you...be sure not to give HER that scenario.

I bet after you talk with the lawyer he will say you have enough evidence. Forget the PI, forget steamy window photos, let go of your revenge fantasies, let go of everything, just get it over with. I lived in an at-fault state too. "They talked mean to me" or "They were disrespectful" is all you need. If you love your kids, and want to have a working co-parenting situation, then courtroom knife-point bargaining is probably not how you do it.

  • Letting your wife divorce you, for some bullshit reason, instead of a public-record adultery case, still makes her the bad guy to the kids. She'll probably give you everything you want in exchange for this.

  • You're going to want her cooperation on weekends so you can date and smash, and you're going to want your kids to want to go. You can help them put 2 and 2 together when they are older.

  • Have everything ready to file with the adultery divorce, but give her the option to file herself for some bullshit reason in exchange for everything you want, within reason. Some states take misconduct into account with alimony, some do not and only consider the need for support.

  • Be calm, the ending of a marriage with kids is a somber event. Odds are you can rationally discuss this with your lawyer, together, and get it over easily and quickly for the kids.

I did exactly that, after I discovered my wife. I don't regret it. Nobody cares who divorced who and how or for what, talking about it at all is a DLV, and six-months from now you won't care either. I remember writing down my case ID so I could go back and look at it, for old times sake or some bullshit, fucking LOL.

I knew I was healed when I stopped mentioning my divorce within ten minutes of meeting a girl. The girl I'm with now didn't know until we had been fucking for two weeks. Nobody cares but us.

in good stead with her family, my family, all of my friends, and frankly, hers too.

It's one thing for them to know the truth, but again, letting her divorce you still makes you the good guy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

huh, didn't know everyone else kept legal docs around for nostalgia.

OP, it's a good strategy, focused on what you want, instead of hurting the other party

[–]anythingincRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

kept legal docs around for nostalgia.

The nostalgic part is looking back at that person who thought you would give a shit in the future. You don't. I remember thinking..

Well, maybe my future kids will want to know about my first wife, so I'll keep these pictures and all this stuff

Ha, a year later and I don't even care anymore.

focused on what you want, instead of hurting the other party

Right. I didn't have kids, so I had no reason to ever see the woman again, and I still didn't ambush her and back her into a corner, because I wanted it to be fast, easy, and cheap. Ambushed, cornered, scared, blackmailed animals are violent and unpredictable. There is a movie about Temple Grandin, an autistic woman who can get scared, cornered animals to do what she wants, by making them think it is what they want. Making the outcome we want the easy way out for them. That is letting OP's wife think she is taking the easy way out, winning, and saving face while getting everything OP wants without having to fight for it.

That is best case scenario.

OP filing an adultery case and giving his wife every reason to fight to win, be a bitch, bleed him dry, hate him forever, and be a shitty co-parent is a pyrrhic victory. Hopefully you don't have the adultery papers, and she goes and gets her own lawyer, and next thing you know you are talking through lawyers for the next six months.

I also think he over estimates everyone siding with him for divorcing his wife for adultery; some are going to want him to work it out for the kids and still blame him. Good-guy OP divorces for adultery, BEST-guy OP gets divorced by his wife and lets her take all the flack...flack she will hopefully endure so her adultery isn't paraded around too much. Both get some credit for making it fast and easy "for the kids."

There is too much bitter revenge fantasy in the hearts and minds of some men. Instead calmly, stoically, matter-of-factly ensure the best outcome and the win, realizing that the "win" isn't the filing for divorce, and the boner as you hand her papers, it is the rest of your life after those 30 days with the mother of your children.

A good lawyer knows that too and has OP and his kid's best interest at heart. A bad lawyer wants a long expensive fight. We will see which kind OP has this evening I guess.

Again, best case, OP can get his wife to go to his lawyer with him, agree to some reasonable terms within an hour or two, and file divorce against him for "being mean" or the classic "irreconcilably differences." Easy, cheap, fast, uncontested. It is not a conflict of interest because OP isn't going to contest it, they agreed to the terms already. That doesn't make a good story and get any dicks hard though.

The awesome life I've lived since then is a good consolation prize for not being able to jack off with anyone's tears.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A good lawyer knows that too and has OP and his kid's best interest at heart. A bad lawyer wants a long expensive fight. We will see which kind OP has this evening I guess.

this right here op. watch your lawyer's language. is he calm and stoic about the law or joining you in jihad?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This reads like poetry, wish op had rrad 48 laws of power, because there's a handful of them in practice right here

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree. What I want is to provide for my boys without providing for her. I'd also like the story set straight in the minds of my boys so that they never think that this was their fault, my fault, or that what their Mom did is ok. I also want to be the primary caregiver for both of my sons. Wife should have plenty of time with them, but young as they are, they have their own feelings and thoughts and shouldn't be forced to spend time with her if they don't want to.

[–]anythingincRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd also like the story set straight in the minds of my boys so that they never think that this was their fault, my fault, or that what their Mom did is ok.

Mean mommy leaving daddy uncontested for "irresponsible differences" is better for you than you leaving mommy for any reason I would think. Don't let your ego prevent you from getting what you want. Reasons are not going to matter to children. Don't put this shit on them.

Mommy and daddy can't live together anymore, but we both still love you and are going to take care of you.

Tried and true for a reason.

A few months from now you are going to rather just say "I'm divorced" and leave it at that than go into your "I divorced my ex-wife for cheating" story. It goes better with the ladies too.

He got divorced, bitches be crazy, it's my turn now.

Oh, you mean he got cheated on (after taking her back once already?) and is proud of it because it meant he got to divorce her? Sounds like he had a boner the whole time...let me think about this...

Ask me how I know.

they have their own feelings and thoughts and shouldn't be forced to spend time with her if they don't want to.

A judge will sure as shit hold "parental alienation" against you.

What I want is to provide for my boys without providing for her.

Until you file the adultery case you have the option of her giving you that uncontested, after you file you are going to have to take it with litigation, and your state might not even consider cause, only "need." In that case the only way for you to not owe alimony would be for her to not need it or to agree to your terms, which she now has no reason to do. Fault-based states allow litigation, that means you file adultery, she claims "irreconcilable differences" or even worse "abuse/abandonment/alienation" and you spend the next couple months fighting in court over who is the shittier parent. Your lawyer should help you with a plan.

This shit is dated too. It is not going to look good that you knew and lived with her and fucked her in order to trap her or build a better case. How you could think of fucking her again I don't know, that's some cuck porn shit. This marriage was over the instant you knew for sure, time to act like it. Again, I'm sure your lawyer will say the same thing.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'll fuck her in the ass a few times,

Unless you regularly fuck her in the ass don't do this. Keep your side as normal as possible. Do not let her notice a change in behaviour from your side. Time for your game face.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Fair. It's the rage talking. She's out of town with the boys until tomorrow so I have a bit of time to cool down, get recording devices purchased and planted throughout the house, get an attorney, get a PI, and act normal.

Lots to do today!

[–]CasperTFG_8082 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Check with your lawyer and state laws before you plant recording devices. In most states there is "Single party consent" which means you can record a conversation you have with another person without their knowledge but you cannot record another person without their knowledge if you are not party to that conversation. So recording your conversation good, leaving a recorder in the house for when you aren't there, not good.

[–]nantucketghost3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

deleted REMOVED BY AUTOSCRIPT - GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

For the record, I spoke to 3 attorneys today. #1 I'm in an at fault state, not in a no fault state. #2 despite a previous recommendation to use recording devices, I don't plan to. #3 she's a self righteous one and will deny deny deny unless I give her clear proof, as in showing her a video of them fucking. I'll continue talking to attorneys and we'll take their advice.

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed.

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

A change in 'venue' will not fix your problems, only a change in paradigm (i.e., you!) will.

[–]anythingincRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I agree.

Some guys start MRP and either get the relationship they wanted, or become the man that can leave just because they want to.

Some guys get started on MRP and end up not having time to get there. OP wasn't far enough along, didn't have the value and frame to be able to leave for himself, but he is far enough along to leave for a reason outside of himself that he can justify. This is still miles ahead of where he was a couple years ago.

[–]Aaren_Augustine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Rational. We are very simple, at least, in the beginning. Context is...anything. Everything. Miles ahead of nothing. Silly as I may be, doesn't sit well. Doesn't have to

But...error none the less

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Context is...anything. Everything. Miles ahead of nothing.

Yes, to you, I, et al., OP's context sucked prior to the smoking gun and would be enough, but to OP, the context was just his life until recently. A slowly boiled frog maybe. Thankfully at some point in his journey OP became aware of his context and wanted to change it, and this awareness lead to the journey of the smoking gun.

I don't think this is uncommon subtext here:

My relationship sucks and I want to have a better life, I would almost welcome my wife cheating on me so I would have a GOOD reason to leave...

Only after becoming a man more embodying of RP/masculine virtues do we realize we probably already have all the reasons we need, and don't even need a reason at all.

Irreconcilable differences = Peace, I'm out.

[–]zeteomegaleio9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Obviously you need to save those texts, and I would go so far as to do a remote backup of all that you have to a new, hidden cloud account with whatever service you like (Dropbox, etc.). Basically, don't give her the chance to destroy any files physically.

Anyway, congratulations! Your post history says you have been in marriage counseling, she has cheated before, and now you know she is still doing it.

So now you get to leave this low value whore WITH RP knowledge and tactics in hand as you navigate through this and into a new phase in your life. No good marriage ends in divorce, so you get to look forward to a much brighter future.

Make sure you execute with extreme prejudice and keep your eyes on winning the war here. Don't let your emotions overcome you and blow your position before you have everything lined up. I put up with my ex-wife's bullshit for a year straight after I told her I wanted a divorce (and slipped up a few times too), before I unloaded all my ammo in one calculated blow via email at just the right time. She didn't respond to that email, didn't say a word after that, and didn't show up to court to fight me on anything.

[–]zurgenfloggin3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Keep in mind all your posts here are discoverable.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

lmao

i had this discussion and the discussion on hiding money with two separate lawyers. urban myth. discovery requires forensic accountants and other technical experts. unless we're talking many millions of dollars this never happens because neither party can afford it.

do the obvious like deleting account logins, etc. from computers . . . but aside from that no one is going to be scouring the internet for redpillquest

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You file your financial disclosures with the court under oath. I You might not get caught, but if you do you are in worse shit then you will ever imagine.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Solid advice on not lying under oath. My main point was that no one will be scouring reddit for his account.

To put a finer point on it. I have been building an exit fund for several years now. I disclosed this to my lawyer(s); and asked what I should do with that in regard to discovery and assets. Their advice was spend it before the D (including using it pay their retainer); or to declare it in the D (they aren't going to council me to lie to the court obviously). They (both top long established D lawyers) said in their decades of experience, "deep" discovery of assets has happened in just a few cases with both involving millions and complex assets (companies, etc.).

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

There was a good post in TRP on "divorce done right." Look it up. Basically the guy got evidence of the infidelity and presented it + divorce papers to the wife in such a manner that she was compelled to accept the terms he laid out. They filed uncontested so the court didn't decide his alimony and CS based on some formula designed to wreck men. This of course depends on whether she cares how her family and friends see her reputation. If she DNGAF then this may not work.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is a great way to do it if you have the leverage and she is willing to cave. Make sure you have a lawyer review it, as certain things like child support cannot be settled by negotiation and are strictly controlled by law.

[–]Garblix2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good on you for finding the truth. Like others have said, do NOT show her anything other than your normal face. It will be a struggle, I know. You will get mad and want to say something snarky or hate filled. And she will definitely be testing things out, asking what is wrong. "Are you sure nothing is wrong?? You seem off, different, are you sure?" You gotta play all of that off and like everything is normal as can be. If she's suspected already that you tapped into something and she's changed her passwords, she's going to be super cautious for awhile. Play it cool so she lets her guard back down. That way, she will feel comfortable enough to slip up and meet this guy again. And you'll have a PI to document it. Use your anger to lift and to work on improving yourself. You've got the goods on her, the leverage you need now, so don't blow it by letting your anger get the better of you.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is going to catch you almost immediately. I don't think you can pull off a bluff for long. Just a speculation. You need to see a lawyer NOW and you need to get the status quo papers filed ASAP. You need to be cool as ice and completely forget about reconciliation or anything of the sort. Talking about ass fucking at this point is cringe worthy because it is YOU who are likely to get it without even any lube or a god damn reach around. We call it...the legal system and it will drain all your resources, waste your time as well as treasure, and you will still end up with a shitty deal. Count on it.

But you will be free! Congratulations!

[–]Sapphire_Jizz4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Congrats sir.

Keep us updated on your progress.

[–]vorverk4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good. Keep us updated

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Kudos on you for finding your balls back.

Save ALL cheating proof. Dont tell her you know. Act completely normal and serve her the papers. I know you must be angry as fuck at her, but the one you should be really angry is at you. Its not your fault that she is a whore, but it IS your fault that you married a whore and it IS your fault that you got back with her after you knew she cheated.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

The only reason I'm angry at myself is for not looking sooner. I agree 100% that I'm at fault for several things, but I'm also excited for the possibilities of the future.

ALL cheating proof has been or will be permanently stored digitally off site for safe keeping.

Incidentally, she's already on guard... She just changed her iCloud password, which means I don't get any additional downloads from her phone for the time being. And she called me a few times yesterday to "make sure I was OK." Both are abnormal actions for her, so she must be scared.

Anyone know how to get her icloud password without sending a notice to her phone or otherwise alerting her to the fact that I have it? I've got a few ideas of my own but I'd love to know if there's an easier way.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sure man. You are FREE now. Do what you want with your future, you can make it awesome, its all up to you.

You dont need her passwords anymore, stop obsessing about this, for your own sake. You already got the proof you needed, no point anymore. Its over.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

She just changed her iCloud password, which means I don't get any additional downloads from her phone for the time being. And she called me a few times yesterday to "make sure I was OK." Both are abnormal actions for her, so she must be scared.

She knows you know. Or at least she strongly suspects you know. She's feeling very guilty right now...

[–]MindfulStoic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She knows you know. Or at least she strongly suspects you know. She's feeling very guilty right now...

I agree with this. Kudos to you for holding it in and staying quiet that you know. Keep holding that frame. Good luck brother.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Apple changed their security protocols after the "Fappening" leaks. Anytime you log into iCloud from another device or from something like FindMyiPhone, an email is sent to the owners registered email address.

Looks something like this

"Your Apple ID (xxxusername) was used to sign in to iCloud and iMessage on an iPad. If you have not recently set up an iPad with your Apple ID, then you should change your Apple ID password. Learn more."

That's probably how she was tipped off and why she changed her password.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She knows someone logged in with her password from another device. It won't be hard for her to connect the dots.

[–]OldRoke1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking tough situation mate. Sounds like you have it all sorted though, wish you all the best and keep us all updated.

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Congrats.

Also, how do you download texts? I might take a hopeful look.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try mSpy and Dr. Fone. You'll need at least her iCloud password and username.

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Congrats on catching the whore red handed. Make sure you get the best lawyer money can afford NOW so you dont have to pay later.

Remember, all it takes is for her to scream "abuse" one time and you will lose all credibility.

I hope you are good at acting and (based on your local laws) recording conversations.

I also suggest having a recording device handy when you drop the bomb or a hidden video camera.

Protect yourself.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Done and done. Thanks mate.

[–]Griever1142 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Paranoia, especially in this day and age, pays off.

Buckle down, the white light of freedom is at hand.

Good luck brother.

[–]LawBot20160 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The parent mentioned Red Handed. For anyone unfamiliar with this term, here is the definition:(In beta, be kind)


To be taken with red hand in ancient times was to be caught in the act, like a murderer with his hands red with his victim's blood. The use of red hand in this sense goes back to 15th-century Scotland and Scottish law. Sir Walter Scott's Ivanhoe (1819) contains the first recorded use of taken red-handed for someone apprehended in the act of committing a crime. The expression subsequently became more common as caught red-handed. [View More]


See also: Recording | Whore | Credibility | Subsequently | Fresh | Mark | Blood

Note: The parent poster (Griever114 or RedPillQuest) can delete this post | FAQ

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll set this thing up so tight that she walks away with nothing, and I'll start acting single as soon as the paperwork has ink on it.

Yeah, don't get your hopes up on that one. Equitable distribution and community property pretty much guarantee she'll get very near even split of the marital assets and not much more. The reality is no fault divorce pretty much makes infidelity irrelevant.

Best is to give up the fantasies, divorce porn is for women. Treat this like a business transaction and nothing else. Negotiate with her in good faith and get out as quickly and cleanly as you can. The only one who comes out ahead in a divorce are the lawyers. In the long game, you will come out ahead.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She's home, she's affectionate, clearly scared, and I'm pissed. This is going to be hard.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A woman becomes affectionate when you emotionally remove yourself from the relationship and start planning your divorce?

Really? Who could have predicted that outcome?

I want to give you permission to plate her but there are concerns about you right now. The best move is to find somebody younger/tighter/hotter (and more loyal) before you plate your ex wife.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Just like that. Except that at least that guy is actually having sex with a woman while you can't.

Seriously.... Leave it alone man. The entire goal here is to learn and help each other learn. You're not gaining anything here

[–]bob13bob0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

IF evidence of infidelity helps in your state, you shouldn't have tipped her off by downloading the icloud stuff because it alerted her. You should have gotten other evidence first eg PI (you knew deep in your heart that she was cheating). Now it'll be much harder to collect evidence, and if she's smart she will now prepare to fight in the incoming divorce. The game is on.

just skimmed mensdivorce thread, the chess game is on. IMO, the better you play it = keeping the kids in your custody more = better for your kids and you. The worse you play it, the more resources she'll have it to keep hoeing it up. You're a good man, i read your history and can't believe everything you did to try to save your bad marriage with a bad wife. I would consider weighing the cost benefit of staying another 6 months. Right now now divorce strategy totally trumps red pill, and if that thread is right, a lot of bad advice was given here.

Also, she shows up with a hickey and makes an obvious excuse, part of her wants it to be over.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go read my next post. You're a bit behind.

[–]whatisthisarmthing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]gixxerthouguy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Good luck on your new journey. You are obviously angry right now, and fair play to you. My advice would be this:

1) Depending how old the kids are, don't go slagging their mother off. No matter what's happened, they will still love their mum. Truth will come out when they are old enough to understand.

2) If you have cash in the bank....join a Casino. Withdraw a few hundred at a time, then go to the casino, stay 20 mins, then put it somewhere safe. A friends bank account, a safe at a relatives house. She cannot take what you don't have.

Good luck.

[–]WesternhagenWinner4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

2) If you have cash in the bank....join a Casino. Withdraw a few hundred at a time, then go to the casino, stay 20 mins, then put it somewhere safe. A friends bank account, a safe at a relatives house. She cannot take what you don't have.

Disagree. Hiding assets is the one thing that could reverse his current position as the wronged party and put power back in her hands. Courts will punish you harshly if they catch you. Very likely he does not have enough money to make it worth the effort to try and hide it.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not to mention that your financial disclosures to the court are made under oath, and that is perjury. If you think a divorce makes your financial situation harder, try getting a job with a felony conviction. Hell, just a felony arrest is enough for some employers to terminate you or not hire. You won't get bonded or insured, for starters.

[–]WesternhagenWinner-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

I'll set this thing up so tight that she walks away with nothing

I want to know how that goes. What I keep hearing is that courts don't care about adultery. They plug in a formula that factors in your salary and hers, and whether custody is shared or sole, and that spits out a number. If you are the sole breadwinner and she is a stay at home mom who gets sole custody, that's when you get hosed big time. Personally I would advise seeing the lawyer first and asking how much adultery "matters" in the process. May not be worth paying for the PI for ironclad proof.

(Where adultery matters is in states that require a period of separation for "no fault" divorce but you can get instant divorce if there is a "fault" like adultery.)

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

The key here is, know your local laws. I'm in NJ, even an at fault divorce generally doesn't affect the outcome very much, other than length of separation. On the other hand, I know a friend who got divorced in NC, and his wife was cheating. He ended up with a great outcome, 50/50 custody, no support, and his retirement was untouched. His play was to threaten to sue the other man, as NC still has a jilted lovers law. He walked away like they had never been married.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Probably negotiated settlement using the threat of an alienation of affection or criminal conversion suit against the affair partner. I bet he was instrumental in coming up with settlement funds.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She was working, and as far as I remember it wasn't as much as you hear about. Ironically he's a very savvy financial guy. One of her reasons behind the divorce was, "He's too controlling, too stingy with the budget. She just wanted to feel like she didn't have to worry about money.."

They sold their marital home at a loss; both forked over money to short sell it (it was during the housing crash) and he walked away with a beautiful new townhouse and she lives in a 2 bedroom apartment and declared bankruptcy. She forfeited any claim to his 401k and he had zero maintenance because of 50/50 child care. Feelz before reelz...

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fair. What you hear from me is the bravado before talking to my attorney (later today). This is a state that recognizes at fault divorce and what I've read suggests that evidence of adultery can heavily decrease the amount of alimony and child support that I owe.

That could all be wrong. I should probably shut up now and get to work.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not child support. That is a right held by the child against each parent. Infidelity has no bearing on that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

In my state, the only difference between fault and no fault divorce is the speed with which you can get the divorce, the actual dissolution of the marriage. In a "fault" divorce for adultery, abandonment, abuse, addiction, alcoholism, etc., once you prove the fault conduct, you are entitled to a divorce immediately. In a no fault divorce you have to be separated and living apart for 2 years, or you can waive the 2 years down to 6 months. But in any event in a no fault divorce you have to physically separate and then you have to wait at least 6 months.

Fault doesn't affect property division. "Fault" isn't used to penalize the party whose conduct caused the divorce in any way. It's used only to get the wronged party an immediate dissolution. Fault doesn't play into property division at all.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's more or less the way of it in my state too.



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