Most women find me attractive, just not my wife. Am I still the problem/the one who needs to change?

Sepean · 2016-05-27T05:20:01+00:00

Attraction is mostly behavior. Yours probably isn't there.

Are you really outcome independent? Are you not validation seeking? Do you pass shit tests properly? Are you interesting? Are you cocky? Do you game your wife? Are you lifting?

Riding_Officer_CCI · 2016-05-27T05:34:08+00:00

I'd posit that there's a better than even chance you're treating your woman as a wife, not as a woman you're gaming.

Never forget that the ring, wedding and corresponding commitment is the woman's equivalent of getting a blumpkin on the second date- a massive "well shit, where to go from here?" moment. You're attraction from her perspective takes a huge, unavoidable hit simply by committing to her for life- hence 'hard mode.'

Start slowly treating her as a woman again. Remember- she doesn't 'owe' you sex, despite what you/we interpret the wedding vows as being. Under the duress/upholding of vows marriage model, the best you can expect is shitty, infrequent starfish sex.

You have to inspire her to desire you, in order to attain the level of sex & affection you were conditioned to expect from her. It's worthwhile hard work.

Or you could step out, and be doomed to follow the same pattern with a list of wives forever...

innominating · 2016-05-27T05:33:43+00:00

You are me a year ago. You need your wife to want to fuck you for you to feel good about yourself. She doesn't want to fuck you, subconsciously, because she knows you need it. You game women until they want to fuck you to feel validated. Eventually, you will get caught.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-05-27T15:54:00+00:00

The problem now is she's 6 months pregnant.

Seriously guys. Something truly weird is going on with these field reports. EVERY SINGLE GUY writes up a shit storm and then at the end or buried in the middle throws this out like it is an afterthought.

It isn't. It is the primary issue.

do I still need to change?

You have improved yourself and are cheating on your wife regularly. What possible "Dread" level do you think might help?

This is beyond "Dread" at this point.

First, you can't effectively use dread with a pregnazoid.

Second, you indicate nothing about your seduction attempts. You mention about the "silent treatment" and this is telling. Where is the leadership? Where is the Captain who should be able to take his First Officer's hand and lead her to a better place?

I think you are at Dread Level 6- even though I don't reccomend this for pregnant women, this is where you are at.

So learn seduction. Learn PUA. Practice on your wife.

I think there is a LOT of anger bubbling just below the surface. I think you are amgry at your wife, perhaps even resent her- or even despise her. I think your wife knows (or thinks she knows) how you feel.

red-pill-man · 2016-05-27T14:22:32+00:00

Are you sure it's your kid?

druganswer · 2016-05-27T17:06:33+00:00

When she gets mad, she gives me silent treatment. I will simply not respond to her. It will go on for days and sometimes a couple of weeks at a time. We will literally not talk for two weeks sometimes because she decided she didn't want to talk to me.

Well this is the red flag in you whole post. I don't consider it that bad of a victim puke, by the way. To start: TRP would say don't cohabitate with a woman (beyond not getting married) because it by default lowers attraction. So backwards as it is, your wife is probably the hardest woman to have attracted to you. You get points because, obviously, she was very attracted to you once (hopefully), but you lose a shit ton of points because you are always there, you're contractually locked into this relationship, she has you... there is no chase, no want, no desire. Beyond this, though, you are definitely fucking up somewhere... the paragraph above makes it obvious.

Now we need more details. What kind of things does she get "mad at?" A few examples would help. Because these examples will show us how you are fucking up. Are you not taking care of your shit as well as you say you are? Are you not being as OI as you say you are? Are you treating her like a wife/woman you want to be with?

In case you don't respond with more examples I'll jump to the next part. The silent treatment. Now, I guess I have probably been in your shoes. I have gotten the silent treatment and my usual move was to freeze it out, silent treatment right back. "Can't show any weakness," I'd say. And it worked alright. Except that now I was going on streaks of not talking for a week every couple months and it made me feel like I wasn't even in a relationship and it built resentment in both parties. I realized I was cutting off my nose to spite my face. Now I make her feel foolish for the silent treatment. I don't do it with harsh words or emotional guilt, I literally make fun of her for it. Someone wants to pout around me and show how unhappy they are like a child? Lol I can't believe I used to take that shit seriously. My level of interest in the pouting depends on how reality based the reason for her being upset is. -Edit: I guess I lied a bit when I said I just make fun of it, I do make fun of the silent treatment part of it (because it really is ridiculous) but... if it seems "serious" I will inquire as to the issue and go from there, this is the part where When I Say No I Feel Guilty comes in.- I could write a whole post on my different responses to "the silent treatment" alone, but basically in my life the silent treatment doesn't last more than 30 seconds because I don't put up with that shit anymore and what I really want you to get out of this is that I don't turn adversarial and throw it right back at her. Eventually you will have trained her to come to you positively when she's upset and you can talk about it like adults. And when I say talk about it, it will probably be her just saying "I'm upset because blah blah blah" and you can kiss her head or give her a hug. You don't have to worry about fixing it, just realize her emotions and comfort her. It's a lot better that having these freeze outs... that is so fucking unhealthy. Please read or reread When I Say No I Feel Guilty so that you can deal with criticism in a less dramatic fashion.

I get that reading TRP can lead you to this mentality and MRP is a bit different on the subject. The answer for your wife if she was a plate? NEXT. But she's not, so your choices are lead her in a positive direction or blow up your marriage and get divorce/child support raped. Every woman you encounter will, most likely, eventually end up acting a LOT like your wife does now, so you may as well fix this one rather than (falsely) think the next one will be better.

JuniperSunshine · 2016-06-09T21:41:52+00:00

Women want to fuck a guy they admire. It's hard to admire a guy who is cheating on you. And yes, she knows. You ask what you need to do to get what you want, but I can't seem to figure out what that is. A loving, comitted wife who fucks you constantly while you occasionally cheat and give her the silent treatment? Does that seem like a realistic goal for you? Or am I misunderstanding your post?

FearDearg2015 · 2016-05-27T05:26:06+00:00

If a woman is sexually attracted to you, and is given the opportunity to do it, she will fuck you.

Your wife is a woman, so the rule applies to her also. Your situation sounds a little weird though. You claim to be spinning plates, or at the very least have been successfully engaging in extra marital sex, but you still seem to have this oneitis for your wife somehow. You also say that :

I feel like I have been RP for a year with her but that many times it doesn't work.

What exactly you mean by that I have no idea. My best guess is that you are still stuck somewhere in the anger phase, with a mindset that says RP is something you do to your wife to make her want to fuck you. You've been successfully applying your understanding of TRP outside your marriage, and getting lots of sex, and you are angry that your wife seems not to be interested.

Married red pill is red pill on hard mode. Don't beat yourself up over it. You are just really shit at applying TRP to your marriage. And you've not given any further information for us to go off, apart from the victim puke tone of your post.

If you've been RP aware for a year, and have been confirming those truths to yourself outside your marriage, then the only conclusion I can come to is that you really havnt swallowed the red pill yet. Maybe it's gonna take some big event, like catching your wife gobbling Chad's dick while Chad2 drills her a new ass hole. Maybe it's gonna take your wife "catching" you in one of your adventures.

Reread the first line I wrote and tell me why you don't think this applies to your wife.

Griever114 · 2016-05-27T12:38:20+00:00

While it is too late, why the fuck would you knowingly impregnate her when you were having these problems? You say you were red pill for a year but in that time you clearly weren't because you knocked her up knowing shit was bad.

This means you were failing at home and not realizing it. Sidebar and this this really read the material.

EDIT: I mean in the last line that if you have any hope of unfucking yourself, you need to double down on your homework and from there REALLY take a cold hard look at your life/marriage and see if you can fix it (not HER, IT)

over60_stupid_loner · 2016-05-27T05:02:19+00:00

I guess my point is, do I still need to change? Women seem to like me just fine, find me attractive/funnny/etc. want to fuck me/date me/marry me. Just not my wife.

Only you know if you need to change. The fact that you would ask strangers on the internet would indicate that you are a weak, validation seeking beta male.

If I get divorced, yeah my relationship problems go away. But my personal problems will likely start.

You answered your own question here, just remove the word "likely".

what else do I need to do to get what I want

You might try to do some things that will help you stop being a pussy. One thing you might try is to read the side bar.

redstripedanimal · 2016-05-27T06:22:05+00:00

I feel like I have been RP for a year

I am just more than a month or 2 into RP, and I haven't spent as much time learning these skills as you have. Yet here are my 2 bits.

Attraction:
Me and my gf met in my previous office.
I was a cute fat(obese) panda, she was the most beautiful woman in this 2500 people office. Yet she was attracted to me. I was a man at the workplace, one of the best, with dual tech degrees from the best institute in my country.
I was a trouble maker to colleagues and middle management and used to get people off their cosy haworth chairs, and get them(inspire) to work their asses off. The top management was in love with me and I used to get best performer awards almost every month. She saw all the glamour of my young career and the attention I used to get from both genders at the workplace. Attraction!

Power Struggle:
More than an year back, we both changed jobs, different workplaces now, but started living together.
All that she saw of me now was the beta panda. Man at the workplace, pussy at home.
She won. She tamed me.

Today: Reclaiming power over myself:

Most women find me attractive, just not my wife. Am I still the problem/the one who needs to change?

I had very similar thoughts yesterday night. Fuck us both!
I did not make a post about it here.
What I need is to have:
1. An awesome life outside my gf: things as basic as hobbies(manliness), social circles(game & bros), lifting(Long Term Goal: 1000 lb club?)
2. An awesome life outside my gf, that she can see with her own eyes, if she peeped into(and she will), because that's what got her attracted to me in the first place. But now, not just this, but an awesome life with a 6 pack is my aim.
3. A life outside my gf that makes me attractive to most women around me and helps me make buddies with manly bros.

Most women find me attractive, just not my wife.

What is it about you that most women find attractive?
What got your wife attracted to you in the first place?

So finding women to have sex with wasn't/isn't hard.

One thing that intrigues me is if you love outside food, and eating(getting) lots of it, why would you care about homemade food?
Do you want the home made food to want you to eat it?
Are we seeking validation from the wife?

I think we should both get to some serious lifting and reading the sidebar.

you_done_messed_up · 2016-05-27T07:05:24+00:00

I feel like I have been RP for a year with her

So you had the information...

The problem now is she's 6 months pregnant.

...yet you did this. Dude, this was a huge mistake, you dug yourself deeper into this hole.

Time to buckle up, you're going to be playing on 'ultrahard' mode for a while.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-05-27T07:56:17+00:00

The change is for you. If you like you, then you're good. It sounds like the issues have been building for years air it will probably take "years" to turn them around.
It's a huge problem to be thinking about leaving when your wife is 6mos pregnant. I'd say you're in this for the long haul unless you want another dude raising your kid.

screechhater · 2016-05-27T10:55:15+00:00

If you think about it most women shit test you and then the next morning have a nice cheerful smile for you like nothing happened. When you engage the fight - silent treatment - for weeks it is you engaging the behavior and therefore are in her frame

Apparently you are missing the key fact that you need to warm her up fm the morning and validate her feelz with your attractin to her verbally. You are going to have to break down the good girls don't have sex mentality in her by constantly telling her and showing her how attracted you are to her. This is a big thing betas miss. It's not pedastalizing it's getting her motor started early in the day, then when you do actually get her excited to engage innintercourse you are going to have to verbally reaffirm what she does for you as a woman, not a wife. You guys are getting ready to go into the 7th month of pregnancy and she is going to need you to reaffirm her feelings and you need to do it right Do this well and a huge barrier comes down.

You are definitely in her frame and the fucking of the others is sensed and it's a catch 22.

The game is to have other women publicly show there attraction to you in public. Then it's mate retention on her and the barriers to come down

redcardforlife · 2016-05-27T13:34:32+00:00

I don't think you've been RP at all. I think you've been very, very BP. Deeply so. I think you're practicing avoidance rather than dread. I think you're chasing other women for validation. Your thread title says it all...you're looking for validation in being attracted to women.

I'm speaking from experience. Focus strictly on yourself and your own growth as a person. Quit worrying so much about your wife.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-05-27T20:33:25+00:00

Troll.

cj_aubrey · 2016-05-29T09:35:17+00:00

I guess my point is, do I still need to change? Women seem to like me just fine, find me attractive/funnny/etc. want to fuck me/date me/marry me. Just not my wife.

Its interesting that the woman that knows you best is the one that doesn't want to fuck you. I'd look into all of the covert contract stuff. Sounds like there might be something that's an emotional DLV that she's seeing that the casual chicks don't get a close enough look at. It sounds like you have game that works. Tighten it up and focus it on her.

But if she's 6 months pregnant with your first, everything is about to get worse for the next year.

ReddJive · 2016-06-02T15:09:11+00:00

I feel like I have been RP for a year

This tells me more then the rest of the post.

No. No you haven't been red pill...

Im not sure what you are but you seem to be a bag of indecision and conflicting thoughts. You want this but not that, oh I'll take some of that over there.

Jesus. I literally know nothing about your path as MRP lies it out. How you're progressing here tells me a great deal about how your relationships will pan out. It's fine if you plate you wife. You're call, brother, but you are seeking validation from other women.

It's not about sex for you. Clearly sex is easy for you so high five on that.

KyfhoMyoba · 2016-06-05T18:23:00+00:00

Am I still the problem/the one who needs to change?

Uhh, news flash: You have no control over whether anyone else changes or not. You only have control over yourself. So, yes, you are the one that "needs" to change.

Are you lifting? Employing increasing levels of Dread Game? Remembering that Women Talk, Men Do, along with Demonstrate, Don't Explicate, and Acta non verba?

The Red Pill may not save your marriage, but it can save you.

2016-06-08T06:56:43+00:00

You are one of those guys women find attractive i.e. Chad, so your game is probably shit. The type of guy women say "he's so deep" but any guy that knows him just sees a shallow vain asshole. You have dread by default. I actually think you need to mix in some more beta.

BossLaidee · 2016-05-30T01:08:11+00:00

Have you been tested for STDs?

Do you realize that if you have herpes and you give it to her, it could pass on to your unborn child?

That isn't even mentioning HIV.

Yes, it's rare, but do you think about the consequences of your cheating? Do you not care about putting her life (and your child's life) at risk for some strange?

Condoms or not, shit happens.

Title	Most women find me attractive, just not my wife. Am I still the problem/the one who needs to change?
Author	redcardforlife
Upvotes	10
Comments	50
Date	May 27, 2016 4:48 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4l98dq/most_women_find_me_attractive_just_not_my_wife_am/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/most-women-find-me-attractive-just-not-my-wife-am.207401 https://theredarchive.com/post/207401

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