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Most women find me attractive, just not my wife. Am I still the problem/the one who needs to change?

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May 27, 2016
9 upvotes

We have been together for 13 years, married for 5. Both 33 years old.

I always dated and fucked party girls in high school and early college. I figured I had my fun but that I had found the one. She did put out, but it was 1-2x/week max. She was a virgin before me. Smart, driven, good family (I thought), not a big partier, etc.

Over the years the sex dropped off, even when we moved in together. I know I was a beta with her and let her get away with a lot. She claimed she didn't like sex, etc. She refused to go to a sex counselor. The lack of sex led to other problems. She refused to see a relationship counselor.

I decided fuck it...if she's not going to put out then I'll get it somewhere else. So I would do ONS's when out of town for work or when I knew I could get away with it. I had a couple of regular FWB during this time also. As i mentioned, other women found/find me attractive. So finding women to have sex with wasn't/isn't hard.

Women at work love me. I rarely talk about my wife, if ever...so most think (rightfully so) that I'm unhappy and make passes at me.

I feel like I have been RP for a year with her but that many times it doesn't work. When I get shot down, I go and do other things without complaining. She definitely gets nervous about where I am (sometimes I don't answer, sometimes I do), but that doesn't make her want sex.

I do what's needed around the house, but it's for me, not for her. I don't ask for recognition or tell her when I do something (the grass, etc). We stick to our chores (I do outside work and fix things inside, she maintains the inside).

When she gets mad, she gives me silent treatment. I will simply not respond to her. It will go on for days and sometimes a couple of weeks at a time. We will literally not talk for two weeks sometimes because she decided she didn't want to talk to me.

The problem now is she's 6 months pregnant. I was ready to pack up and go. What I don't want is some other man to raise my child. If I end it she will also want to move. My job and life is in the city I am in now. I can always attempt to block her from moving and not getting custody, but that will get nasty.

I guess my point is, do I still need to change? Women seem to like me just fine, find me attractive/funnny/etc. want to fuck me/date me/marry me. Just not my wife.

If I get divorced, yeah my relationship problems go away. But my personal problems will likely start. If I stay married, what else do I need to do to get what I want (if it's even possible)?


Post Information
Title Most women find me attractive, just not my wife. Am I still the problem/the one who needs to change?
Author redcardforlife
Upvotes 9
Comments 18
Date 27 May 2016 04:48 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207401
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4l98dq/most_women_find_me_attractive_just_not_my_wife_am/
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Comments

[–]SepeanRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Attraction is mostly behavior. Yours probably isn't there.

Are you really outcome independent? Are you not validation seeking? Do you pass shit tests properly? Are you interesting? Are you cocky? Do you game your wife? Are you lifting?

[–]Riding_Officer_CCI9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'd posit that there's a better than even chance you're treating your woman as a wife, not as a woman you're gaming.

Never forget that the ring, wedding and corresponding commitment is the woman's equivalent of getting a blumpkin on the second date- a massive "well shit, where to go from here?" moment. You're attraction from her perspective takes a huge, unavoidable hit simply by committing to her for life- hence 'hard mode.'

Start slowly treating her as a woman again. Remember- she doesn't 'owe' you sex, despite what you/we interpret the wedding vows as being. Under the duress/upholding of vows marriage model, the best you can expect is shitty, infrequent starfish sex.

You have to inspire her to desire you, in order to attain the level of sex & affection you were conditioned to expect from her. It's worthwhile hard work.

Or you could step out, and be doomed to follow the same pattern with a list of wives forever...

[–]J_Incognito1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great comment here. In reading the OP's post, I was thinking the same - OP treats his wife as a domestic partner - someone to take care of half of the household chores - not as an object of sexual desire and pursues sex elsewhere (OP has affairs, others retreat to porn).

Cut off all other sources of sexual interest entirely. Focus on your wife and your wife only. You want to have sex - seduce your wife, make her feel attractive and desired.

Lastly, it's too late now - but if you thought it was bad now, wait till you have an infant keeping you both up all night.

[–]MRPguy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stellar post.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem now is she's 6 months pregnant.

Seriously guys. Something truly weird is going on with these field reports. EVERY SINGLE GUY writes up a shit storm and then at the end or buried in the middle throws this out like it is an afterthought.

It isn't. It is the primary issue.

do I still need to change?

You have improved yourself and are cheating on your wife regularly. What possible "Dread" level do you think might help?

This is beyond "Dread" at this point.

First, you can't effectively use dread with a pregnazoid.

Second, you indicate nothing about your seduction attempts. You mention about the "silent treatment" and this is telling. Where is the leadership? Where is the Captain who should be able to take his First Officer's hand and lead her to a better place?

I think you are at Dread Level 6- even though I don't reccomend this for pregnant women, this is where you are at.

So learn seduction. Learn PUA. Practice on your wife.

I think there is a LOT of anger bubbling just below the surface. I think you are amgry at your wife, perhaps even resent her- or even despise her. I think your wife knows (or thinks she knows) how you feel.

[–]innominating5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

You are me a year ago. You need your wife to want to fuck you for you to feel good about yourself. She doesn't want to fuck you, subconsciously, because she knows you need it. You game women until they want to fuck you to feel validated. Eventually, you will get caught.

[–]lionmenden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very interesting. Where are you now and how did you get there? What should he do in the meantime?

[–]redcardforlife[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Why should I continue to game this woman outside of the fact that she is pregnant with my kid? Eventually...yes i probably will get caught. But in the end whose fault will it be? I would not have went outside of the marriage had it not been for her.

[–]ornerycrank2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a shitty hamster rationalization going on there - and a fucking huge covert contract that you've got to kill. Have you read NNMNG and how Nice Guys are fundamentally dishonest? You seem to have a high opinion of yourself and think you're a really good, nice person. You're not. You're just as shitty and dishonest as the rest of us. You'll never get anywhere if you keep rationalizing your bad behavior in this way. Instead you'll just continue this pattern with your wife - whether it's your current wife or someone else in the future.

Stop fucking random women to validate your weak, insecure ego. Your cheating is on you. She didn't make you cheat. If you want to fuck randoms and spin plates then be a man and leave her or have the difficult conversation about opening the marriage officially. You've already opened it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You decide where your dick goes, so it's your fault. Stop trying to rationalize and place the blame on her when you made your choice.

[–]mrpCamper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But in the end whose fault will it be?

Wow! You do realize that if you get caught cheating and she wants divorce, you're fucked in many states, right? You'd be much better off, financially and with child visitations, leaving her before she finds that out and divorces you.

[–]red-pill-man2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Are you sure it's your kid?

[–]herpy_McDerpster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd get a paternity test before signing ANY acknowledgement of paternity. It just pays to be thorough.

[–]trp_dude0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This. I'd say it's 50:50 chance.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What would the wife's incentive be to purposely get pregnant from an affair? It doesn't seem like she's desperate to keep OP.

[–]redcardforlife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Positive.