What do you offer?

pearlsandstilettos · 2019-06-18T22:59:49+00:00

This post is for all RPW women and only men who have previously participated in RPW. Comments from unknown accounts will be removed. Snarky comments will result in a ban.

HB3234 · 2019-06-18T21:01:24+00:00

Men do not go to their male friends for a soft place to land, and while female friends may provide some level of comfort, advice, etc, it is about as comparable as an orange to an orangutan IMO... shares some traits on paper but looks wildly different in real life.

I think one of the things we don't talk about on RP often, because I think it maybe carries some blue pill stigma, is the word LOVE. The sheer power of a man who is loved deeply... A man who feels respected, supported, admired, and trusted is willing to take risks that his bachelor-self wouldn't. He is able to achieve more when home is a refuge where he can recharge, a place where there is someone else actively watching out for him. I think many men instinctively understand this and seek it out, but then become frustrated because it is so, so, so hard to find.

Men are biologically wired to protect and provide for us, to the extent that TRP advises they spin multiple plates always lest that biological tendency manifest itself. Providing and leading a family is so much more satisfying to most men than writing checks to his maid, chef, and executive assistant. Read "Just For Women" if you want to read a book full of research that points to how much joy men get when they provide and it is met with gratitude, respect, and joy. Men at TRP are in their anger phase because life told them that if they provided, they would get all those things... but then they don't.

And let's talk sex. People crave variety, this is true. But have you had sex with someone for years and years, until they know how to get you off in ten seconds or make it last hours? Have you had sex with someone who knows you dearly, faults and all, and still worships every inch of you? I think this is one of the deepest and most primal longings of both genders, and when it is achieved, nothing fleeting is comparable. ONS or sex workers would be hard pressed to meet this need.

As for food, just read the thread about making a husband's lunch to see the value a man places on a meal made with love. Some posters talk about men who had cafeteria-cooked food just as easily and sometimes more cheaply, but they still preferred their wife's cooking.

Anyway, this is getting long and entire books could be written on this subject - but tl;dr feminine charm, love and devotion will transform everything they touch. Find a man who inspires this in you!

questionablejuno · 2019-06-18T20:37:13+00:00

I offer companionship, which I think sometimes we forget men want as much as great sex. Having someone who is always by your side and is unwaveringly loyal is worth more than anything IMO. And of course being an amazing cook can help lol.

silvernikki · 2019-06-18T20:23:52+00:00

I'm a zen, supportive, Christian woman who wants children and an old-fashioned relationship, so I think I have that to offer. But I'm still trying to increase my RMV and SMV before getting into the dating world.

As part of my journey towards mental and emotional health, I've been declaring to myself every morning that my goal is to become a delicate, delightful housewife (or a sexy, successful trophy wife, depending on my mood lol) for my husband who loves me.

To that end, I have a daily to-do list that includes: intermittent fasting and yoga (to be delicate/sexy), personal hobbies and side hustles (to be delightful/successful), and meditating and cleaning (to be a good wife by offering emotional and domestic support).

I've also started a retail job on weekends, to work on my style and social skills.

Kara__El · 2019-06-18T21:00:06+00:00

I have a similar sense of humor to my husband's. I'm Christian and want children, both of which are important to him. I'm highly educated, have a respectable career, and make decent money in a position that will work well with having a family. I like to dress up and look nice. I have several feminine hobbies, like sewing and cooking. I make an effort to get along with his family, even if we don't have a lot in common.

teaandtalk · 2019-06-18T20:17:33+00:00

I make a variety of homemade gourmet cheeses! Lmao. So... I guess I could entice his social circle w homemade charcuterie boards? This is a hard question, tbh.

fosho_away · 2019-06-18T20:23:04+00:00

Well what makes you high value to your best friend?

It’s basically all of the basics you already listed, plus that ^ intangible connection and bond he can’t get from a friend, ONS, or hired service.

ETA more: I think it’s tempting especially for us eager RPW to perceive relationships as transactional, like if only we can manage to do x and y, he will give us z in return. But just as it’s unfair for men to treat us as sex dispensers, it’s unfair to treat men as commitment dispensers. All we can do is our best! The rest is up to chemistry, personal connection, and how he feels about us. As tempting as it is to believe we can manipulate the outcome, we cannot make someone commit to us if only we bake a little better or learn to sew or dye our hair his favorite color. Those things can make a man feel especially heard and pampered, but as another poster mentioned, men want connection too! And some of that is hard to pin down or predict.

hardtruths2019 · 2019-06-19T00:04:01+00:00

Just wanted to say that all of the ladies on here expressing desire to be valuable to their man are an inspiration to a guy like me who was leaning toward MGTOW due to my poor experiences with selfish women. Thank You

unwineding · 2019-06-20T21:01:26+00:00

[Full disclosure: I am a feminist and my politics are progressive, but I happen to be in an RP-esque relationship by default. I have never posted here before, but I do l lurk here and at RP Wives because a lot of the issues discussed come up in my own relationship. I hope the mods will allow me to participate in this and other discussions, even though I am not aligned 100% with RP values.]

Anyway, I'm married to what the RP community would consider a "high value man." My husband is objectively handsome, has a great career, top 1% income, smart, funny, kind, etc. We've been together for 10 years and married for 8, and I'm approaching my 40th birthday.

Before I discuss what I have to offer him, it's important to note that in my early 20s, I was in a long term relationship with an abusive and controlling man. After I left him, it became my goal to reinvent myself and reestablish my independence. I did a lot of soul searching, and thought long and hard about the person I wanted to be. I was so traumatized from that relationship that I thought I wanted to be alone forever. So all of my interests and priorities are 100% my own and were NOT cultivated with the purpose of attracting a man. Specifically: I went to law school, joined my city's council on foreign affairs, took French classes, attended political and literary lectures, joined the young professionals boards for my city's opera and ballet, adopted an embarrassing number of pets, and began writing a series of historical fiction novels. (TLDR: I fully embraced my inner nerd!) Little did I realize that all of those dorky interests would actually help me attract my husband. In fact, I thought I'd be a crazy old cat lady for the rest of my life...and I was cool with that :)

My husband and I are both lawyers, and we met at an alumni event for our law school. He was attracted to me first because of my looks, but also because I was the first attractive woman he'd dated who wasn't completely vapid. He jokes that he knew I was "the one" when he saw my bookshelves and when he learned that I named my dog after a 19th century Transcendentalist writer. He was drawn to my sense of humor, my political and historical knowledge, and my general ability to engage in intelligent conversation. Those were all interests/characteristics I developed long before I even met him.

Basically you need to decide for yourself what makes you valuable and special as a person. Don't contort yourself into some idea of what you think a "high value man" wants, because men are not a monolith. They are individual people, and they are all very different and find different things attractive. My husband found my nerdery and borderline animal hoarding attractive and endearing, whereas other men were befuddled or turned off by that stuff. And even though my husband would be perceived as very masculine, he does not want to take the lead or make decisions in certain areas of the relationship/household. He would rather focus on his career. He loves litigation, but I absolutely despise it so I didn't mind taking a step back in my career so he can devote more energy to his. (I still work PT from home doing public interest law, which is personally fulfilling and I don't have to worry about billable requirements.) The dynamic we have works so well because it's so effortless--we both have natural strengths and weaknesses that are complimentary and we make a great team.

So essentially, the greatest thing you can offer a "high value" partner is YOU. Devote yourself to activities and issues that you are passionate about. Not only will that make you a happier and more fulfilled person, but passion and excitement are attractive qualities. If you need to work on mental health/personality issues, then work on those with the goal of achieving self-fulfillment. And if you try to force yourself to care about things that don't interest you, resentment will bubble up eventually and it will poison your relationship.

One final point about "high value men." My husband works for a top 10 global elite law firm, so he works with a lot of "high value men" (as defined by the RP community). Pretty much ALL of those men join the firm at the age of ~25, get married by age ~30, and have children shortly thereafter. There are VERY few men who remain single bachelors, and those who do remain single are viewed with suspicion and even derision by their colleagues. They are openly gossiped about, and others speculate that there is something wrong with them because they haven't settled down yet. And the men who ARE married and have families are not married to your stereotypical young, subservient trophy wife. They are typically married to women who are their professional/intellectual equals. If some middle aged partner brought a young trophy wife to a work function, people would talk...and not in a good way. The same principle holds true with people in the medical community. So try not to preoccupy yourself with thoughts of men living this James Bond lifestyle (this goes for young men reading this as well) because it is not at all reflective of reality.

Ari3n3tt3 · 2019-06-18T23:20:51+00:00

Posting this in response to bacon_and_3ggs who felt like they could diminish my value.

Not possible.

Pasteurized cheese is not beneficial for you. It's dead. Filled with antibiotics and hormones if bought from a supermarket chain. You need live, natural bacteria in cheese for a healthy and diverse microbiome. If you choose to feed yours via cheese, that is. Your microbiome is in charge of producing, I believe, 90 percent of serotonin/ dopamine as well as producing testosterone. Which increases libido. It is predicted that auto immune disease will be over 50 percent in America and rising in other western countries due to unnatural foods causing inflammation and mucosal membrane destruction in the gut. It is also theorized that a healthy microbiome prevents aging. So, no, he can't get an gourmet, natural, anti depressant and aphrodisiac from any store. I can even infuse w cbd. So, again, that is valuable. The marketplace is unable to provide this type quality. Even if my man sources his fromage from an artisanal cheesemonger, he is unable to get this specific value. I say this because non pasteurized dairy is illegal to purchase/ sell in all 50 states of the USA. So, if my man is based in America, I provide something rare. Something for his friends and family. I can provide a continuous source that is beneficial to his physical, sexual, emotional health. All 3 are connected to a high value lifestyle, obviously.

aussiedollface2 · 2019-06-18T23:28:30+00:00

Such a great post, I’m married now but this is something I used to think about and still do. I feel like men really value loyalty, understanding and support. Knowing that he can always turn to you to talk about his work stresses or thoughts is invaluable. My husband always says that he’s a much better man because of me and he beams happily when he says it which makes me feel great! Other than that, my draw cards would be my appearance and that I’m generally a happy person. I work hard to maintain my slimness because even though I don’t really care about it, I know my husband loved the figure I had when we first met so I’m trying to keep it as close to that as possible xo

just_a_mum · 2019-06-19T01:33:49+00:00

I'm already married, but I'll answer anyway. I'm a good Mum, I'm naturally very maternal. I told him when we first met that I wanted kids and I wanted to be a SAHM. Most girls you meet in post grad education are much more career driven - so that was a big thing that I could offer. He wanted his kids to be raised by a SAH parent, preferably the mother.

I'm also honest and open, and I listen to what he's saying. We have good conversations and I understand his work (to a certain degree!) I laugh at his jokes but I also call him out when he's wrong (always in private of course). I don't try to be his mother and I treat him like a grown man. I don't expect to have to make his appointments for him or keep track of our finances, I will (and do) if he asks me to though, if he just doesn't have time or something.

vintagegirlgame · 2019-06-18T23:33:41+00:00

Belly full and balls empty! ;)

Also... Cheerleading his career and ideas. Organizing all the little stuff. Dinner parties for his friends. Massage when he’s aching. Cuddles when he wants it. Space when he needs it. Making him feel king of his castle. Listening (aka STFU). Travel/Adventure companion.

iwasawasp · 2019-06-18T21:17:17+00:00

I give a great blow job. I really care about making it an experience for my man and we are a bit voyeuristic, so I will often offer them in adventurous, semi-public places (locked broom closet of the casino, dressing room in the theater, tent camping, etc.) I also am a pretty good cook and baker. He especially loves how I creatively incorporate leftovers into new meals, which saves us money and keeps waste low and excitement high.

I'm working on getting myself into peak physical shape. I am doing that by dedicating myself to regular exercise which I know I enjoy, and trying out new forms of exercise which he already enjoys. I am also getting myself into financial shape, which not only means tackling some bad choices I've already made, but also stopping myself from making them again. As well as keeping my damn mouth shut about money in general. He earns well and doesn't like to deal with money when he doesn't have to. It's a learning process to relax about it. He is already providing everything we could possibly need and encourages me to spend my own earnings however I like (which I do on beauty maintenance: Brazilian waxes, hair & brows, and some custom products).

[deleted] · 2019-06-18T23:12:54+00:00

You've got to be careful with helping him network and find opportunities. High high value rich men in my experience prefer you not to be in their business or have to do business with you, they want to relax with you and not have to assess your plans or risk assess you if something goes wrong. Being able to host a dinner party or be a good party guest is important but don't do too much. Make sure you're refined in how you speak, act and dress. School of affluence on YouTube might be interesting to you.

Also be virtue of not being a rad fem you offer something different. Dont over think it.

retal1ator · 2019-06-18T20:38:08+00:00

As a lurker man, I would like to know as well.

loneliness-inc · 2019-06-20T01:20:56+00:00

Hello! I have been thinking more lately about what I can offer a high value man to add value to his life, and while I do think I am a good person, I was at a complete loss as to what a I can offer him as a woman to enhance his life.

Good question, but to answer it you must first realize that value is subjective. Value is only valuable if it adds value to your life. Men and women are different, so what's valuable to you might not be valuable to him and vice versa.

That men marry down and women marry up is a well known fact around here. What this means with regards to your specific question: if you think that you need to be overly accomplished to be a high value woman, you're mistaken. Accomplishment is a male virtue and attractive to women. Men don't care as much about accomplishment in women. If they care at all, it's usually just a means to determine that you aren't a lazy mooch. Think of the millionaire guy dating a waitress. This happens. A millionaire woman never dates a waiter.

Same with regards to any other trait that you may think is desirable or undesirable, ask yourself whether this is truly desirable or undesirable to men or are you projecting your female preferences onto your future man?

A high value man would likely have access to beautiful women, great sex, money, a good social circle/friends, and stimulating challenges (in terms work, passion, school, etc.).

Yes, but so what?

You're forgetting that men date down. You don't have to be the most anything. You don't have to be the most beautiful, the best cook, the best housekeeper or the best anything else. "Best" is a quality that women look for in men, it isn't something men care for in women. On the contrary, you might come across as haughty if you need to be the best.

I would think he would not necessarily need a wife unless for children or something she offered significantly helped improve his life.

Yes, but how?

Something I was thinking was being great socially to help him network and find opportunities?

Meh. He doesn't need your help with these unless he asks for them specifically.

I feel cooking, cleaning, looking hot, soft place to land, sexual desire, etc. are almost things a woman looking for a high value man need to have as basics to even be worth a glance because technically a high value man could just get any hot girl for sex, order food and/or hire a maid for cooking/cleaning, and turn to friends for emotional support/soft place to land.

Once again, you're thinking that he thinks like a woman. You therefore minimize these seemingly mundane things and you search for some magical way to stand out. Men date down, you don't have to be the best, you don't have to stand out.

So what do men want and not want?

Men want to be genuinely respected and admired. To be sexually desired and for you to respond positively to his sexual advances. He wants you to be straightforward and consistent, to say what you mean and mean what you say. He doesn't want drama and bullshit (example: if you say nothing is wrong but you really mean everything is wrong. That's bullshit and a huge turnoff to men). He wants to be cared for and he wants you to be his soft landing spot and chief cheerleader.

I'd recommend reading the series of posts by u/girlwithabike on the book for women only for more elaboration.

Also, 3 simple ways to keep him smitten forever!

Zeldafan1023 · 2019-06-19T00:03:00+00:00

What I aspire to be is someone specifically unique to fit my husband's needs and desires. I am moldable, someone exactly fit for him. I can learn eagerly who he is and what he wants and be someone perfectly suited to help him be everything he can be. For prep work for just generally being ready for "a man", not necessarily a specific man, I would say be someone who is eager to please, who can put her guard down, who is willing to let go of her own will and do whatever she can to be the best mate possible to the one you choose. The kind of wife you will be is unique to the man you are with, but generally being eager to please, selflessly loving, and driven and determined to suit him, will get you far and deeply connected to whoever you choose. This is my advice, and what I truly believe is the design for man and wife.

801735 · 2019-06-18T22:32:16+00:00

I usually don't comment outside the one sub, but Patrice O'Neal asked this already...

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2019-06-19T14:05:18+00:00

You’re thinking about this wrong. You keep using the word “need”.

Most people don’t wholly need a partner. The only true need a high value man would have for a woman is children. You’re not looking for what he needs, you’re looking for what he wants.

Adding to someone’s life usually has very little to do with a person’s needs outside of desperation.

A man wants a woman who is positive and encouraging. Who is a homemaker and emotional crutch. Who is hot and cares about maintaining being hot. Who is not argumentative and good at communicating. Who will defer to his judgement when reasonable. A woman who is loyal and immune to the temptations of hypergamy once he comes along.

They don’t need these things because they could just figure it out themselves if they really needed to, and society has developed to a point where you don’t even need to see someone in person to have a relationship with them. No high value man truly needs a girlfriend/wife, but they usually want one.

succulove293726j · 2019-06-19T00:30:23+00:00

Ambitious, successful career, fun athletic hobbies, friendly personality with good social network of men and woman, faithful and attractive. I offer intelectual conversations but can also be incredibly goofy. You should strive to have a balance and also never stop improving. I’m working on being a better listener.

[deleted] · 2019-06-18T23:58:34+00:00

I'm currently working on being able to express my emotions more, from what I've learned men really love women that have high emotional intelligence. I think it's like stable, emotionally healthy women>unbalanced but exciting women> emotionally constipated robotic women.

I'm a pretty great conversationalist, try my best not to be "basic" (I don't think I could be basic even if I tried actually lmao), I'm very patient and understanding. When I have a man, I'm very respectful and admiring of him, I don't try to control or nag or make him look bad to others. I'm pretty high sex drive, so there wouldn't be any duty starfish sex. I'm a pretty decent cook, I'm super organized and don't mind cleaning. Although I don't nag, I'm very good at giving advice and problem solving.

One thing a lot of guys really love about me is I'm very skilled and knowledgeable of the occult/alchemy/spirituality. Not just basic horoscopes or new age stuff lol. A lot of guys get annoyed at those basic astrology girls, and at first they think that's me. Next thing I know, it's like they're spell bound. To guys I've been serious with, they love having their personal oracle that can actually give them great advice, calm their mind, read their cards etc. Similar to how most men don't really get the emotional support they crave unless it's from a woman, it's like they get to step into a new world with me. I don't talk about that type of stuff unless they ask me tho lol.

I'm pretty cute or so I've heard as well. I have a lot to offer, I just need to get out more I think. I can't meet mr. right unless I actually go outside and communicate with men lol.

Pennywise24 · 2019-06-19T17:27:39+00:00

How about you being a high value woman, and what can he add to your life? He earns his way into your life too.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2019-06-20T13:54:30+00:00

I've had to think about this one for a little bit. I'm new to the "red pill" philosophy so please be patient with me, but I think that "high value" is a little subjective.

I'll start with my husband. He's a good looking guy and fit, a senior engineer who's respected at work, an officer in the part-time military, plays soccer recreationally, plays two musical instruments pretty well (piano and violin), and manages to keep all of the household and yard machinery maintained and running well. While friendly, he's also a bit of a "lone wolf" type and rather selective of who his friends are. His friends are about the same in their activities and accomplishments. He's kind and gentle, but not one to be trifled with. He's also 7 years younger than I am.

What can I offer him? First, I have to be able to keep up with him intellectually and be interesting. I could be a Victoria's Secret supermodel, but if I'm boring he would loose interest. At the same time, I need to be physically available and remain sexually appealing to him. This means keeping fit and healthy. I am working on being more feminine, which he acknowledges and has voiced his full support and appreciation. I need to be supportive and present with him (as far as is practical) in his activities - in some of these the wife can play an important role. I have to allow him the room to be the "protector" and to take the lead.

I don't know if that answers your question or not.

[deleted] · 2019-06-20T17:32:20+00:00

The only other truly valuable things I can think of would be a musical woman, a woman who does urban permaculture, has a boat/ knows how to sail, a woman who has lots of experience w children, storyteller.

All of those things can benefit his future children, current social life, his family and himself.

Does anyone else have ideas?

teaandtalk · 2019-06-22T23:29:45+00:00

Here's my quick list.

I'm smart*.
I'm great with money - I budget well, I work hard to understand the best way to look after our money, I know how to invest, and I furnish our home cheaply but well.
I'm no slouch in the sack. I'm willing to 'go the extra mile', I'm engaged, I'm involved and I'm enthusiastic.
I'm pretty cute, and I'm fine to tailor my looks to my husband's preferences.**
I'm decent at homemaking. I can cook, bake, clean, manage maintenance/services,etc.
I'm pretty funny. I'm willing to be silly and playful.
I'm kind and loving, and supportive in a feminine way. I'm great at active listening, and honest, clear communication.
I'm good at networking and being socially appropriate. Most of our couple friends have been made due to this.
I'm good with kids, and have clear views about future children and parenting styles that align with my husband's.
I'm honest with myself about my deficiencies/areas for improvement. But I'm not going to write about them here today as there are too many and they're mostly too specific to be interesting to everyone else ;)

*Note: Intelligence is only a virtue if it doesn't come with smart-assness. My intelligence makes me a better partner because I'm still humble (with my partner). I'm able to have intellectual discussions, make good life choices, and earn decent money. But, if I'm a jerk because of it, it becomes a negative. Most men would prefer dumb-but-nice to smart-but-jerky.

**Note 2: There's no point in working hard to look like Dita Von Teese if his ideal is Ariana Grande, and vice versa. Some of it is immutable - I'll always be short, pale and curvy, so it's lucky I married someone who's attracted to that - but the rest is variable and being open to that is important. If your husband likes long blonde hair and sundresses and natural beauty looks, will it really hurt you to embody that?

slynn2 · 2019-07-28T19:35:03+00:00

I'm going to sound bad then lol but I have never wondered what value i bring to a man because that is for him to decide. I'm married it's been 11yrs. Met him when i was 21 almost done with uni so didn't have much of a career and no money lol! Instead what i think matters more is being compatible and genuinely liking each other as human beings and enjoying being with each other and having fun as a couple. I think asking yourself what value you bring to a man isn't very useful since every man sees value in a different things & over time what he thought was valuable becomes less so.

Title	What do you offer?
Author	Lemon-Blossoms
Upvotes	94
Comments	59
Date	June 18, 2019 7:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/c26u69/what_do_you_offer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-do-you-offer.242685 https://theredarchive.com/post/242685