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Confirmed my LTR has been cheating

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July 2, 2019
41 upvotes

Okay here goes. First post on here. Open fire.

Stats: newly 29 yo, unmarried, 10 month LTR, live separately, no kids 5'9" 155 lbs Lift 3x/wk. Bench, squat, DL, OHP numbers cannot be updated. I'm getting over a minor back injury, but I'm sure I can do at least body weight for each now. Reading: sidebar, 16 commandments, she comes first (probably shouldn't have read this one first).

For a few weeks now, I've had my suspicions that my LTR has been talking to another guy. I saw the message previews on her iPhone. It didn't look innocent. It was a guy asking her if she already had dinner, what she was up to, etc.

I left it for a while. If she wants to have beta orbiters, then so be it. Nothing to concern myself with. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was up. Trust your gut.

Then this past weekend, I took her on a road trip out of town. At one point, she puts in her pin code to her phone to unlock it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see it and memorize it.

During the last day of our trip (yesterday), as we're getting ready to check out of the hotel, she gets into the shower. Like a typical woman, she takes her time showering. Her phone is laying on the bed and I couldn't resist the urge to go through her messages. "Trust but verify."

Holy fucking shit.

It wasn't some beta orbiter. It was her ex. Her first bf from years ago. Most likely took her virginity. The story was that they started dating in college but then he dropped out after receiving a job offer. He got busy with work and life so he ended things with her. He wouldn't commit to her (Alpha widowed her?).

Jesus Christ I'm still in shock at what I read. I rushed through it. I couldn't read everything before she stopped showering, but I read enough. I'm sure you've guessed it by this point, but yes, they've been fucking.

We had sex every day this past weekend. In the bed, in the shower. I made her cum multiple times till she couldn't take it no more like I always do. We seemed happy. Honestly. I've read about many of the other problems that guys have on this sub and I just can't relate.

But what really shocked me (other than being cheated on in a seemingly happy relationship) was that she did things with him that she wouldn't do with me. God as I'm typing this I feel absolute shame for becoming another blue pill beta cuck statistic. According to the texts, she attempted anal with him, she swallowed his cum (she's done this with me as well, but only once or twice). Alpha fucks. AWALT. God damn it.

Another painful thing is that it's not just texting for logistics. There's emotional cheating. She's really into him. Lovey dovey emojis and 'I miss you and I really want to see you' texts. Ouch. What's interesting was that it was mainly one sided affection from her while he was mainly about logistics and sexting. Alpha fucks indeed.

I was in shock. Still am. Had to make a long drive back home with her. The silence made it even longer. I applaud myself for not causing a multi vehicle collision. But I couldn't hold it in. We talked. She cried. I asked her if she had been 100% honest with me. She lied to my face point blank each time.

Then we get back to her place. I told her only about the text previews. Then she admits that she lied and that she never cut off communication with her ex like I asked her to when we first started dating. I continued to press, but she still refused to admit to cheating. "We're just friends. No touching, no sex." Liars gonna lie and hoes gonna hoe.

I chose not to reveal all my cards. I made no mention of reading the actual texts on her phone. She apologized profusely saying she made a mistake, I'm the only one she wants to be with, to share a future with, "I love you," "I'll do anything to earn back your trust" blah blah blah. No tears from me. No outburst of anger. Just a hysterical smile with lots of keeping my mouth shut.

You're going to rip me apart for the next points that I write. I'm giving all the relevant info here because I see this as a learning experience. Hopefully one day I can look back at this and just laugh while sipping champagne in business class.

  1. There was minimal vetting time. Only 2.5 weeks of dating before LTRing after meeting on Bumble. Shoot me now. She had a low n count and "conservative values" but she slept with me on the third date (including bj).

  2. There weren't many red flags at all. But one was that she never made any mention of me or having a boyfriend on her instagram account. I myself don't have social media but "trust but verify." I read somewhere on this sub that women do this to keep their options open. True story.

  3. If you haven't taken your shot at me yet, now is the time. She wanted to get married young and soon and have kids soon after. Slowly over time, she pressured me into this and I fell into her frame. Her reasons were that having kids later would be riskier for her and the kids (biologically fair point).

We've already discussed our timeline for when she wants to get engaged, when the wedding will be, when and where the honeymoon will take place. We've even looked at a couple of wedding venues. I was about to book in advance our honeymoon trip around the world in business class. All before even hitting the 1 year LTR mark.

God kill me now. I've been so blue pilled Billy beta boy.

We may have discussed all of the above, but I haven't given any of them to her yet. Briffault's law would suggest that she keep her shit together until the marriage contract is signed and baby on the way to lock my dumb ass down for long term. But she just couldn't wait and resist the alpha dick.

As I'm writing this, I feel completely humiliated. But there is hope.

Pre-trp me would have cried like a little bitch in front of her, demanding to know why she would destroy what made her so happy and comfortable. She could have lived a comfy life in one of the most beautiful and most expensive places in the world. But now she ain't getting shit from me.

Pre-trp me probably would have forgiven her on the spot after seeing her cry and beg for forgiveness. Instead I walked away with my head held high and her crying hysterically.

I admit it. I done fucked up bad.

My question now is for my next steps.

Option 1: Hard next her cold turkey and never look back. Focus on myself.

Option 2: Demote to plate. Only see her when I want my boner taken care of and only when it's convenient for me. Focus on myself.

Option 3: Keep her as LTR until I find someone better to branch swing to. Focus on myself.

As I'm typing this, I think I know what the right answer is, but I always enjoy reading trp veterans destroy noobs like me on here. So do it.

This all comes at the worst time, of course. Close family member is sick and I'm starting a new job that I fought to get for years. Then again, there's never a good time to get cheated on.

I swear to lift, sidebar, meditate, learn and practice game, eat healthier, dress and look better, read more trp-related literature, focus on my self and career and mission.


Post Information
Title Confirmed my LTR has been cheating
Author PayingDwyaneWade
Upvotes 41
Comments 77
Date 02 July 2019 12:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/244155
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/c88h96/confirmed_my_ltr_has_been_cheating/
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Comments

[–]askmeanything253 points54 points  (1 child) | Copy

NEXT

Note: I just read the title

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret44 points45 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stopped reading after no kids. What the fuck, whatever comes next is a non issue. It's like picking a scab, just fucking tear it off pussy.

[–]threekindsoflucky54 points55 points  (1 child) | Copy

Rejoice. You found out about this before you got locked into engagement or marriage. You've only been together 10 months. You can actually pull out of this unscathed (well, financially anyway) and focus on yourself.

What fantastic motivation you will have as well. You can just remember those text messages and the feeling of absolute betrayal and use it to fuel the fire within.

You have been given a gift. If you ever doubt that, just imagine how this would've ended up if you only found out 5 years down the track.

Just don't fuck this up by thinking you should stay with her.

[–]architectintx3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

words of wisdom.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

You made mistakes.

HER behavior does not not make you a “blue pill pussy faggot.”

But YOUR behavior now, might.

I choose option one.

Completely ghost. NEVER disclose what you know. NEVER talk to her again. Give her no reason and no closure.

If you fuck her as a FWB and she finds a way to impregnate herself, even from a used condom you leave behind, then she wins the lottery. And YOU WILL PAY FOR IT THE NEXT 18 YEARS.

Ghost. Next. Done.

Or, you can always choose to be a blue pill pussy faggot.

Life is full of choices.

Start making good ones.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hard next done. Thank you for the advice.

[–]SelectAirline62 points63 points  (3 children) | Copy

Stats: newly 29 yo, unmarried, 10 month LTR, live separately, no kids

Didn't read past this.

No marriage + no kids + no shared home = zero reason to stay with a cheating woman

[–]hack3geRed Beret44 points45 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wtf is this faggotry - there’s never a valid reason to stay with a confirmed cheater.

[–]JudgeDoom6915 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

u/PayingDwyaneWade be thankful you dodged a bullet. Let her ex or whomever have her skanky, cheating ass. You don't even owe her an explanation, just NEXT and ghost.

Edit: Get yourself tested for STDs.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's exactly what I did. Thank you for the advice.

[–]SepeanRed Beret13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

We had sex every day this past weekend. In the bed, in the shower. I made her cum multiple times till she couldn't take it no more like I always do. We seemed happy. Honestly. I've read about many of the other problems that guys have on this sub and I just can't relate.

But what really shocked me (other than being cheated on in a seemingly happy relationship) was that she did things with him that she wouldn't do with me. God as I'm typing this I feel absolute shame for becoming another blue pill beta cuck statistic. According to the texts, she attempted anal with him, she swallowed his cum (she's done this with me as well, but only once or twice). Alpha fucks. AWALT. God damn it.

This right here. They'll hook any guy with sex, but for alphas it's everything, and it's effortless. If you're getting less than her best, she's stringing you along. Especially early on, even lots of sex isn't a sign of real commitment.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret21 points22 points  (10 children) | Copy

What i see is a guy who is willing to be bend and break his boundaries for what?

You were so worked up over her cheating that you looked through her phone. You even twice tried to get it out of her. YET...you are considering staying with her.

See most men use Red Pill as a way of trying to figure her out and get revenge. They look for the signs of cheating, or if she is good enough. That’s not the point at all. Every day events can be red flags when you are looking for red flags. Being cucked is knowing your girl is fucking another guy and doing nothing about it. You are even wondering if she was Alpha Widowed. You are entirely stuck in her Frame.

It’s not about red flags, AWALT, or the rest. It’s knowing what you are about, what you want, and the boundaries you have and to follow them. This way no one controls you. This is about your self respect, core values, and terms you live by.

I swear to lift, sidebar, meditate, learn and practice game, eat healthier, dress and look better, read more trp-related literature, focus on my self and career and mission.

This is entirely opposite of what you just showed me in your post. I have every reason to believe you will continue to put aside what it is you want in life for something or someone else.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

What specific steps can I take to not continue this trend of putting others first?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know why puzzles come all in pieces? Part of the fun is putting it together. Seeing how the picture unfolds. There is also learning along the way.

If you think you need the puzzle handed to you then you are missing the point and you will never get your shit together.

[–]Kidterrific4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love this comment.

[–]ArborioRice4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you really think you need steps to start putting yourself first? Are you an autonomous human being or can you not function without input from others?

Read the last sentence of your post ffs.

[–]seedster55 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Grow some balls and read the side bar. You don't belong here. You sound like a little bitch. Man the fuck up. You are going to have to work to become the captain. You're now the guy that loads the cargo into the ship. There's so much wrong with you I don't know where to start. But seriously man what the fuck. You waste time writing all this when you could be reading the side bar. READ MOTHERCUKER

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Start now. Just let her know that you know everything and that even when faced with the situation that she still lies and manipulates. Tell her that this is the last time that you will talk to her and good luck getting her ex to commit when he now knows that she is also a liar and cheater and say good luck with your newfound status as a cheating whore.

Then NEVER speak another word to her. Go do your own shit.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I just hard nexted without a word. I've wasted enough breath speaking with her.

[–]OMSnow5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good for you. Now stick to it when not if cheating ho comes back.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yessir

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

WTF? You seriously see option 2 and 3 as something you can do? You deserve what you got. You ghost her. No explanation. Unfollow on everything. She never existed.

If you don’t you deserve all the pain your putting yourself through.

[–]kyengraver9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank her for a good time, next. You’re not paying hookers for the sex.... you’re paying them to leave.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is fucking beautiful.

[–]WesternhagenWinner9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Option 2 and 3 very dangerous that you’d even consider them. You will eventually weaken, forgive her, and get married. Bad idea. Hard next now, work on yourself. It will hurt but it has to be done.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hard next done.

[–]CrazyLegs787 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

You need to thank her, she just did you a huge as favor! Wake the fuck up! Not even a year invested, not married, no kids, no shared financial obligations, and she just showed you AWALT.

If you don't get your shit together now, you deserve whats coming to you. You have the opportunity to change your life here. Focus on your new job, use your anger to lift and lift until the anger is gone. Those two should be your main objectives for the next two or three years. Practice a little game, and date around.

Find out where you want to go in life. This doesn't include marriage and kids. This is about your career and retirement. Want to make big bank? Want to live a minimalist lifestyle? Travel? Van down by the river? Get your shit together, girls will be there.

[–]CrazyLegs785 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, If you were already hot shit, option 2 would be the go to. But you aren't ready for that. You need to go option one until you no longer have questions like this.

[–]mountainbiker17820 points21 points  (5 children) | Copy

I read your whole story. I've been in a similar position, which is what brought me to TRP. I understand what you're going through. However the fact that you're RP aware and haven't IMMEDIATELY nexted her shows that you lack any sense of abundance and haven't really swallowed the pill.

A true RP man would have abundance and know that after dropping this cheating whore, he could easily pick up another chick tomorrow.

To be clear, you need to take option 1.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

You saw right through me. Zero abundance mentality.

[–]KoolAidMan798018 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just wondered why you even bothered driving her home after seeing the texts. I would have just gotten in the car and left. Next right there on the spot without a word.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

This sounds appropriate. Took another dudes dick in her ass, she can call him for a ride home.

[–]mountainbiker17810 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Scarcity mentally (is very unattractive and) will make you do some cringe-worthy stuff, like staying with a cheater.

You're a RP toddler; you can't quite walk on your own yet. You hear your guardians talking about all these complicated concepts. You can understand the words they're saying, but you don't really get it yet. So you can either ignore us, or you can follow our advice (on faith) until you finally get it.

I hope for your sake (as a man) that you gather up the courage to take the leap of faith (abundance).

[–]hack3geRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Since when did having even a ounce of respect for yourself require abundance or any RP concepts.

Even blue as hell me dumped a woman I confirmed cheated.

PSA - you don’t need a six pack to dump a cheating whore - you don’t even need two working legs. You can limp or roll away if needed.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Options 2 and 3 are how she "accidentally" ends up pregnant.

This entire post reads like one big rationalization for not doing what you know you need to do, which is next her immediately.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Done.

[–]Punishermp66 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You already know what to do. What you don't realize is how fortunate you are to have discovered red pill prior to marrying a cheating LTR. Not sure what's up with your back, but start lifting today like your life depends on it. Use your anger to fuel workouts. Know how to get abundance mentality? Be jacked as fuck so you expect attractive women to check you out everywhere you go. Then have enough game to talk to said women and close the deal. Not rocket science...big muscles + game = wet vagina.

[–]go-RED-go6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

The fact that you even wrote option 2 and option 3 shows your fear of being alone and deep rooted scarcity mentality.

Which is a common part of any blue pill guy. That part of you is fighting for its survivor, your programing is trying to find stupid excuses to keep her in your life in some way. This will never ever work. You need to kill this part of yourself swiftly and without hesitation.

Quit on her cold turkey, treat it like she died and doesn't exist anymore. It's over. There's nothing to gain by maintaining ANY form of contact.

There is a lot to gain if you move forward and focus on yourself.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're not wrong about the scarcity mentality. This definitely needs to be worked on.

I've already hard nexted. Next stop is STI testing after work. What a messed up world we live in.

[–]Bushpilot8174 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not even a question. Just be done with her. That’s the easy part. The real work is going to be fixing yourself. If you don’t do that, you’ll end up right back here again with some other woman.

[–]johnmic075 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude you have nothing to be sad about. No kids, not married when you found out. You are one of the luckiest people out there. Option 1 all the way. You should be embarrassed for even considering maintaining a relationship of any kind with her. Are you really that desperate for pussy?

[–]Grimsterr5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

The best lessons are those learned the hard way.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True story.

[–]testy684 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Run, Forrest, run!

[–]BishBoshDosh4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

That multiple choice question of yours is bullshit, and deep down inside, wherever it is that your self respect is hiding out, you know it.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

The level of blue is astounding.

She could have lived a comfy life in one of the most beautiful and most expensive places in the world. But now she ain't getting shit from me.

This is such a faggot covert contract

Keep her as LTR until I find someone better to branch swing to.

If Keep thinking like a bitch, dont ask why your being treated like one

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am a sick fuck so I would take advantage of her guilt. Just about break up with her until she is groveling and crying, but then give her the condition that you won't if she does exactly what you say. Give her "one last chance". Then fuck her in the ass, fuck her mouth and just do everything you want. Then ghost her and never see her whore face again.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is funny, but doubt OP has strong enough frame to pull it off if he was considering staying with her.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Congratulations dude. You're lucky to have found this out now instead of 10 years into a marriage after having kids. No real loss for you, and now you're fully RP aware and awake. Onward and upward for you

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Reading this on my way to work really made my day. Thank you. Yes, I'm so grateful. It's crazy how 48 hours ago I was happy in my blue pill world. We were holding hands while on the way to a breakfast buffet.

Yesterday was rough, but today I woke up feeling refreshed and energized. I won't be stuck in a marriage with a cheating ho. I won't be stuck with multiple kids who probably won't biologically be my own. I won't lose half of my assets in a divorce and make regular payments for 18+ years to fund her and her lover. I can do anything and everything I ever wanted. Wow. All thanks to this sub.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're ahead in life. AFAIK, my wife has been faithful and all my kids are mine... Even so, life would have been much easier had I been RP aware at your age. I'm sure it sucks to have found out about her cheating, but you're much better off for it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh absolutely a million+ dollars better off.

It does suck but I'm glad I trusted my gut. I'm glad I went here for advice. Thank you.

[–]umizumiz1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Feels good, don't it? Hahaha

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hell yes!

[–]Tbonesupreme3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

You were in REAL danger of getting married, divorced, and paying child support for years for someone else's kid.

The same thing that made her want to marry you while fucking that other dude would make her want to have that other guy's kid, but with your resources.

I think you need to sit back and realize what a huge bullet you dodged, and make fucking sure that you don't ever put yourself in the line of fire again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You are 100% correct. I'm so grateful. Thank you.

[–]rotkohlblaukraut1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just as important as the bullet you dodged now is to make yourself into the man who can see those bullets and red flags from far far away and make the best choices for yourself going forward. No settling for a ho just because she puts out for you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your advice is on point. Thank you.

The pussy is sweet, but freedom and RP knowledge are sweeter.

[–]helaughsinhidden6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Next her.

You can't plate her, you need to establish frame first. You'll keep falling into hers.

Keep as LTR? No possible good can come of this. Seriously, only grudge sex with a chance of pregnancy or STDs.

Focus on yourself, hit the gym and do arms and cardio, whatever is save while back heals. Read Rational Male and start posting in OYS. Oh, and rejoice you didn't marry her, for real! You dodged a bullet.

[–]seedster52 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude wtf. Why did you type up so much shit. Next bro. NEXT

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I did. Hard nexted.

[–]seedster55 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know but why type anything else. You and I both know you know exactly what is wrong. My other comment is me being an assholes but dude that's what it's going to take for the modern man to survive this new world. Things are not how they were 20 years ago. And the changes will continue to happen. You gotta put yourself first.

[–]DeplorableRay2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, is 10 months really considered an LTR? Like that’s not even a year? You two haven’t had a second Christmas yet... next that shit.

[–]jdogworld2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

At least you are self aware. She isn’t even worth the effort you put in typing up this post. 10 mos? See ya. Ghost the shit out of her.

[–]Ivabighairy11 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your turn is over.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, it is. She was never mine. Now to have my turn with others.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As I read this rubbish, I have to ask the question if you pushed fior anal or anything else ?

Quit feeling like a cheated victim, and look sternly at yourself and your commitment to you. What do you really want ?

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just goes to show you some ex’s are never out of the picture if they are Alpha.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Revised title: "Confirmed my EX-LTR has been cheating, and I'm already fucking her best friend, her sister, and her roommate."

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why are you asking faggots on the internet to make your decision for you? I'd be surprised if this doesn't happen to you again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Obviously I'm still very new to this. In my mind, I immediately knew what the right decision was. But I hesitated. Clearly, many (I.e. most) RP concepts have still not been cemented in my brain and I have a very basic understanding of it all. My frame is weak. I still have a long, long way to go. My minuscule RP knowledge saved me this time. It's up to me to put in the work to ensure that there is never a next time.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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