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Is it odd that she doesn't touch me in public and barely has any photos of us on social media?

Reddit View
August 7, 2019
75 upvotes

I've been with my LTR for 3 years now (I'm 32 and she is 26), living together for 4 months (yes, I know don't live with them).

My LTR is really weird about any sort of PDA. I was at the gym with her the other day, I was doing my thing and she was doing hers and I quickly walked by her as I moved to the next exercise and I did a drive-by butt pinch and she got bent out of shape about it. No one could have possibly saw.

We were walking up the stairs in our apartment complex and she was in front of me and I simply grabbed her waist for 2 seconds and kind of squeezed and rubbed her back. She was weird about that too (because of cameras in the stairwell).

Lastly, we were in the pool and she was in the corner and I swam close to her and she got bent out of shape about that too.

We later talked about it and she basically said that she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple. It was never my intent to make it appear that way, I'm just doing it to do some kino throughout the day. I never saw this as any type of mate guarding or anything. Everything I did was subtle and wasn't to try to show the room that she is my girl.

I ended up giving her a beta DEER response and I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable, just so I didn't have to hear her bitch about it anymore. I literally fell right into her frame and her rules.

Now I feel like I have to walk on egg shells. She is okay with holding hands in public, but anything more than that she gets weird about it. Are some girls just like this and I have to accept it?

Also, a common trend that I see on social media is both guys and girls in relationships are posting photos of themselves in their profile pictures. I honestly don't give a shit about social media all that much anymore, but I just find it odd that in 3+ years of dating and being in an LTR, shes only every uploaded like 2 photos of us. There's a few photos that I've uploaded of us and then a few from other people's uploads.

She doesn't have much on social media to begin with, but wouldn't you think that she would at least have a few photos within the past 3+ years?

Her Facebook profile doesn't show that her and I are in a relationship, unless you click into her about me section. I've learned from TRP to mirror what they do, so after seeing that, I made it so you have to click into the about section as well to see my relationship status.


Post Information
Title Is it odd that she doesn't touch me in public and barely has any photos of us on social media?
Author ke3bsf6
Upvotes 75
Comments 220
Date 07 August 2019 12:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/249048
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cn4wfk/is_it_odd_that_she_doesnt_touch_me_in_public_and/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
mirroringDEERbetaframekinolong term relationshipthe red pillclose
Comments

[–]ThrowawayOFCCCC169 points170 points  (7 children) | Copy

If you were the prize she would show you off.

From your post, I can tell you aren't, and she probably knows that too. Holding hands for a place to live is a good deal though!

[–]ke3bsf634 points35 points  (5 children) | Copy

She got a new full time job a few months ago and her salary doubled over night. I definitely think that went to her head. We split the rent and everything down the middle, so she's isn't getting a free place to live.

[–]ThrowawayOFCCCC36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you have your answer from the rest of the comments on this thread!

[–]bloody_condoms12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Here’s a little positivity: you’ve got your life and your LTR together better than most.

With that being said, remember that you aren’t trying to be better than most, you’re trying to be the best. Sometimes a little refresher of “I am the best. I am the prize” mindset really resets the way you do things and recreates that stronger frame you “used to have”... I know it does for me. And with that,

Good luck!

[–]FrontloadPain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Positive self-affirmation does indeed work. It's gotten a bad reputation over the last few years because of the many retarded self-help gurus set on making a quick buck, but don't let that mislead you.

[–]superomar130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She sees herself as higher value than before, is looking to monkey branch to see if there is a higher value male around. Do you make more than her?

[–]ThePriorityBike-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This one is over.

[–]s4schroeder1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A little (or a lot) of dread game goes a long way. If nothing else it will show you how far out the door she really is.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (5 children) | Copy

she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple

How much more obvious can she be. She's clearly not thinking about long term being with you. You're just a placement for affection till she finds someone better.

[–]ke3bsf619 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're right. I found out a few months ago that she had a crush on a coworker. He obviously didn't want anything to do with her, so that is probably why she stayed with me.

[–]MYMOUTHISNUMmn2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

So you dont dread???

[–]ke3bsf65 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Been trying to dread since. I’ve recently taken up MMA and spend most of my free time there.

[–]Speedracer1111 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

That's not dread. I'd call it a mix of a great new hobby and hiding. You should be talking to other women and getting their numbers. Don't hide this.

Why do this? 1) Validation that you are the prize. Make use if that hamster in her head. 2) Practice and social skills. Never hurts to increase your social skills and appears you will be (are) back being single.

From what you wrote and commented, only one of you thinks you are in a relationship. News flash, it isn't her. That pool scene is a huge red flag, the others not so much. Add in her 2 comments about not wanting to be seen in a relationship and being dependent on you. You are her safety net until she finds someone new.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, you're right. I actually have 2 potential plates lined up and I have both of their numbers. Let's say I continue this dread and continue to get more numbers/flirt in front of her. What if she does the same? Should I just end it on the spot? Isn't that a bit of a double standard? I don't care if she does because it'll give me the information I need to make a solid decision.

Also.

Since my LTR has been away on a trip and she hasn't seen me in almost a week.... I definitely have a better chance to flip the script. My question is, I shouldn't bring up anything from the past, even if it was from last week, correct?

Like I shouldn't bring up the whole issue with me touching her in the stairwell or any of the other occurrences for that matter.

If that every comes up again though (I go to touch her and she gets mad) can I say anything about it? Can I simply say "Listen, I'm not a fan of PDA either (like making out in public is a turn off to me), but me touching you isn't something I consider PDA. You're my girlfriend and if you have a problem with me touching you in public because you don't want me "showing everyone in the room" that we are dating, then you might want to be single. I'm not going to walk on egg shells or change who I am to keep you happy".

Is that DEERing or is that standing ground and maintaining frame? I'm asking because I know if I touch her in public or even semi-private again, I know she is going to say something. I want to be on the ball and have something to say to let her know that I'm not gunna tolerate her shit.

[–]2SirKolbath103 points104 points  (28 children) | Copy

If she's not the one showing you off and doing everything she can to broadcast that you're a couple then she has one foot out the door.

Shove the other one out. Find another place to live and next her. There are 3.66 billion women in the world and the majority would be happy to be seen holding your hand in public.

[–]ke3bsf613 points14 points  (12 children) | Copy

Yeah, I've been trying to have more of an abundance mentality, the red pill rage hit me hard the past several weeks and I'm sure I've looked really strange to her. I'm finally working through it and I see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is probably too late to shift anything with her.

[–]2SirKolbath34 points35 points  (10 children) | Copy

My opinion, and I'm some guy on the internet so you know it's not biased and totes fact, is that it's probably too late for her. Learn from this going forward.

[–]ke3bsf612 points13 points  (9 children) | Copy

I feel like I have been doing a lot of red pill things, my physique has never been better, I have hobbies that I'm really into.

The probably is my mentality. I go from feeling clear headed and goal oriented, to scarcity mentality, beta-ville, I get emotional over shit that doesn't matter. I'm really struggling with keeping a straight head.

[–]2SirKolbath8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy

Meditation did not really do much for me, but a lot of guys in this subreddit swear by it. Have you tried it?

[–]ke3bsf62 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

I've tried it, but I should probably give it another shot.

[–]2SirKolbath0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I don’t know about you, but one of the things that made meditation not work for me is that I don’t really know how to do it. I feel like I’m wasting time to just be sitting there thinking about stuff instead of actively working on something. I’m trying to learn the guitar. I’m trying to get ahead at work. I’m trying to write a novel. I have a lot of things that I should be doing. I feel like sitting there and staring at my feet isn’t accomplishing anything.

Let me point out that this is a failing in me. Lots of the guys here meditate and enjoy it and get a lot from it.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I agree, I find it hard to clear my mind enough to benefit from it.

[–]nateydanger14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Meditation is not about clearing your mind. Your mind is going to do what your mind is going to do. Think, react, plan, etc.

Let me try and explain it to you the way i understand meditation. I am in no way an expert at this so take it for what you want. So I have many parts of my body that all work together to create life and awareness. My heart pumps blood, my stomach digests food, my lungs take in air. My brain, being part of this system, is meant to think. I cannot simply stop breathing oxygen, or pumping blood or digesting food. I cannot allow that part of my body to control everything. The first step to enlightenment is the concept that I am not my thoughts. I control my brain, not the other way around

The first lesson i received in meditation is to observe, not react. When I sit and concentrate on the in and out of my breathing, I hear sounds, i sense movement, I feel warmth. So my brain NATURALLY wants to follow these "strings of conciousness". I use this as an example. Say I am meditation and I hear a bird chirp. My mind naturally wants to start pulling at this thread: "what kind of bird was that? Where is the bird? What color is the bird? Is it outside? Did it get inside? I should go check on it." instead of reacting to light, noise, sound, etc. I simply observe it and let it pass through me. I welcome the sound in, and i let the sound go.

Hope this helps. Also you need to work on your frame bro. She doesn't want anyone to know you are dating. Need to take a firm look at that.

[–]fds_1 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

> I feel like I’m wasting time to just be sitting there thinking about stuff

That's literally the opposite of meditation. Meditation is about not thinking because you are not your thoughts. As somebody that likes to do shit during the day I meditate before sleep and after I wake up. Meditation grounds you and makes you realize that you actually have plenty of time but you just tend to waste it. People like you and me are the ones that need meditation the most. We need it to show us that we often take life for granted and that we skip through our day without ever stopping and "smelling the flowers". There's a quote from Calvin and Hobbes that I love where Calvin says we would all live better if every night we were looking into the night sky. Why? Because when you look into infinity you realize there are more important things than what people do all day.

[–]2SirKolbath0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That’s a very good point. Let me stress again that I don’t feel like it did anything for me, but I was probably not doing it correctly. In fact, I can almost guarantee that I wasn’t based on what you were saying.

[–]sir_shitfuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah because the whole point of meditation is to cease thought and remove your attachment to your mind, allow it to happen and recognize you are not the mind but the witness. Then you can easily decipher and detach from thoughts and emotions because you know you are not them, rather they are impermanent phenomena across the projector screen of consciousness.

Observe your mind without judgement, no matter what comes up. Easier said than done though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

what's going to suck is if you lock in too tight with this girl and can't get out, and then you get your shit together and you build muscle and you're looking great and what are you going to do kick her to the curb? I say she's a great piece of candy while you make your red pill progress, and it is in your favor that she isn't broadcasting your relationship, because you're going to want to leave her at some point.

this girl is something better than masturbation to fuck in the meantime. you've got someone to bounce ideas off of in the evening and laugh with sometimes keep your interest so you're not alone all the time. and share the rent.

but you're going to move on from this one

[–]ke3bsf62 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy

Should I just start distancing myself from her? She has a large family and they get together quite often. Should I just stop going to those events as much. Maybe for every 3 events, just go to 1. Or if she wants to go do something over the weekend, just make other plans?

[–]2SirKolbath13 points14 points  (11 children) | Copy

That’s kind of up to you. It will probably be best to quietly make plans to leave and then drop the axe. Distancing could invite retaliation, and you don’t want to be miserable until you can get out of your lease and move out.

[–]ke3bsf62 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

I guess this is the part of red pill that confuses me. I read a lot that I should be so busy, that I don't always have time for my LTR, withdraw attention, etc. And you're saying that I shouldn't distance myself because she might retaliate.

My LTR has admitted to me that she is very co-dependent on me. She says she likes that she is, but she wants to try to be more independent. So far she really hasn't been.

When she is not at work, she comes home, goes to the gym, makes dinner, tv and sleep. It is super routine. On the weekends she either hangs with me or goes to her parents house, I usually go too. I can verify that she has never lied about her where abouts, I have her location on my iPhone.

[–]2SirKolbath6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

The issue is that you haven’t been Red Pill from the beginning. You could more easily justify being busy now and withdrawing if you were doing that from the start of the relationship. Does that make more sense?

[–]ke3bsf62 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yes, I've been a lurker for awhile, but I've just started to put things into play the past 2 months. I joined an MMA gym, I still lift, I've been eating very healthy and getting in shape. I've also upgraded my clothes and I've been passing shit tests more and more.

Even if I change my life and she completely notices, who cares. It'll just speed up the process of everything.

[–]2SirKolbath4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Never give her the upper hand. Women thrive on drama. She would love to make you miserable before you leave. Have your ducks neatly aligned and be ready to go before you yank her starter cord. Then it’s quick and clean.

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why do women like to make a man miserable before he leaves?

[–]2SirKolbath0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They love drama and they love playing the victim. If she can make him lash out in anger (not physically), she gets both.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

In some aspects, she already has the upper hand. I invest too much emotion in her, with little in return. She definitely knows this. My problem is, I can't break out of the habit. I am preparing for things to go south and I'm sure it is only a matter of time before they do.

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This awareness is good, you seem very self-aware.

It will be really tough for you when you break - like a cocaine withdrawal. And you'll probably do lots of stuff to make it worse in the short term, but long term you'll be ok, and you'll be in a much healthier place because of it.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I failed to mention that I think my LTR is pretty insecure. I think although she is treating me this way now, she would be devastated if I ended it. I don't think she has a lot of confidence in getting a guy to like her for a relationship. I think she has a fear of being played. I

[–]Warren_Bateman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

subconsciously AWALT

[–]2SirKolbath0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her mental state isn’t really your problem. This is why we try not to LTR women with mental issues. Then it becomes our problem.

[–]Imaginary_Historian0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Should I just start distancing myself from her?

Yes. Start planning your exit immediately.

She has a large family and they get together quite often. Should I just stop going to those events as much. Maybe for every 3 events, just go to 1. Or if she wants to go do something over the weekend, just make other plans?

No, fuck this. I'd get out. You can do better. Since you live with her and share everything, you have a bit to unravel first. Not as bad as getting a divorce, but still, you have work to do here.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No you need to address this head on, tell her you want to take some time apart. Focus on improving yourself and find a woman that actually wants you. I’m sorry but her behavior is not about PDA itself... it’s about who she’s doing it with. You only have one life... and I wouldn’t be wasting it...

[–]SemperPrimus49 points50 points  (38 children) | Copy

This is how women are these days if they are high value. Date but not be seen publicly in case she finds a better dick next month

[–]ke3bsf65 points6 points  (37 children) | Copy

But why let it go for 3 years then?

[–]abstractbarista24 points25 points  (13 children) | Copy

She's failed to find anything better so far? So she may actually overestimate her value somewhat. It'll happen eventually but don't fret over it.

[–]ke3bsf6-3 points-2 points  (12 children) | Copy

She definitely overestimates her value. She had/has a crush on a coworker several months ago, who has a girlfriend and I don't think my LTR has a chance. Not that he is any higher value than me, but he seems happy with his girlfriend.

I verified this recently by seeing some text message discussions about him. It all checks out, I don't think it is anything more than a crush, for now.

[–]1FixYourselfFirst38 points39 points  (5 children) | Copy

Your live in LTR has a crush on another man. She’s just marking time with you. Why are you still with her?

[–]frick-a-frack17 points18 points  (5 children) | Copy

Dude. You are in denial about whose cock you think she isn’t already sucking.

[–]LiftHeavyFuckSteady9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Would explain the sudden promotion...

[–]Some_Situation18 points19 points  (21 children) | Copy

are you sure she's not cheating? I've been in the same position and found out she was cheating on me this whole time. it's a clear red flag.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (20 children) | Copy

I'm almost positive she isn't. She wouldn't be able to pull it off, unless it was on a business trip.

Plus, she has a terrible poker face, I would have found out already if she has. I can read her pretty well.

[–]Some_Situation20 points21 points  (12 children) | Copy

Dude trust me, this is a huge red flag. I too was 100% positive i had her in check, i thought she was a bad lier and that i will find out as soon as she cheats but i took me 4 months to find out and that's only thanks to her sister. Has she ever went to visit her parents or other relatives? i found out my ex was cheating on me whenever she would tell me she's visiting her parents... that whore would even call me WHILE cheating on me and i didn't realise, some girls are fucking sociopaths

[–]frick-a-frack14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy

This answer is the epitome of why guys are crushed when they found out the girl they claim “couldn’t, wouldn’t do that and doesn’t have time” found the time and has been doing it.

You are in pure denial.

[–]ke3bsf6-4 points-3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I could be, but so far, nothing has stood out to where I think she is cheating. I'm going to continue to verify and see what I can find out.

[–]jonsmif97977 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

So what are you trying to look for? Catch her in bed with her lover? Is that the evidence you are trying to "verify"?

You are in constant denial. She doesn't see you as a prize. She had a crush with other people while in a relationship with you. She finds physical intimacy with you weird.

Aka, she doesn't see you as a boyfriend she wants to get intimate with. What's there to be in denial about? What's there to be verifying about?

The ball is in your hand right now. You have the power to walk away from so many red flags, yet you relinquish your power by waiting for some miracle to happen.

I feel like you deserve to be heartbroken.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've kept a eye out about conversations she is having with her sister and close friends. Nothing indicates she is cheating. I do need to verify things again though. I know she doesn't see me as a prize, I think she is way to comfortable with me. Physical intimacy isn't weird at all, we still have sex, she gets into it and be both enjoy it.

[–]Jugurthajones872 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she has a crush on another guy then she’s already cheating on you, at least emotionally

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, she definitely cheated on me emotionally.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can read her pretty well.

You can't even read her glaring "You're not my first choice" clues staring YOU right in the face.

[–]doublecup__18 points19 points  (18 children) | Copy

She perceives herself as having higher SMV than you so she’s ashamed to even be seen with you.

Your #1 priority is to kick her out if possible/find a new place. Until then, treat her like a roommate or a fat girl that’s invisible to you. Make yourself as unavailable as possible and do productive shit with this time. Pick up extra work hours, hang out with your bros, put more time into your hobbies, etc. She doesn’t get any more of your attention from now on.

[–]ke3bsf62 points3 points  (17 children) | Copy

I've been really focusing hard on getting in better shape. Physically, I have several points higher than her. I'm 6 ft, 185 pounds and probably around 12-13% body fat. I lift, do bjj, muy thai and boxing. She is in shape, but I wouldn't say she is fit.

She def got cockier when she landed her new job. They make her travel a lot. (I don't think she will cheat because she works with a TON of nerdy beta males who couldn't fuck their way out of a bag). I honestly like when she goes away, it gives me a break from her.

[–]doublecup__8 points9 points  (16 children) | Copy

Rejoice my friend, you get to have a permanent break from her now. Kick that bitch to the side of the road and start spinning. You'll never look back.

[–]ke3bsf6-2 points-1 points  (15 children) | Copy

This is definitely a consideration of mine. I'm not ready to kick her to the curb yet. I've actually made up my mind that I will give it until the end of the year and see what happens. During those 4+ months, I'm going to work on myself completely, use our relationship as a means of bettering myself by identifying and passing shit tests, focusing on myself and raising my smv. I think it'll be good practice to do it while she is around.

She is traveling so much, I think I will only see her about 10 days out of this entire month.

[–]bonivermectin 1 points [recovered]  (8 children) | Copy

Whatever you do, use condoms and withdrawal method, together. Always.

[–]ke3bsf6-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

She's on birth control and is very strict about it. I've been busting nuts in her for 3 years and not even a scare once.

[–]bonivermectin 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

Things are different now

[–]ke3bsf6-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

I don't think she would trap me. Especially if she is looking for a branch to swing to.

What confuses me is that she says she wants to marry me. We have plans for some traveling in the near future. Some of which, she is footing the bill. We have a wedding to go to in California and she said she would cover the cost of everything.

This is why I find things so odd.

[–]Flying_legs 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

That's heavy investment from her. Maybe she isn't comfortable holding hands with anyone in public? Part of her upbringing?

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know her mom raised her and her sisters religiously, so that might have something to do with it. Her mom is also a raging liberal and she has the "you don't need no man" mentality. Which is probably why she is about to divorce her husband. I don't think my LTR is nearly as extreme, but I still think she has adopted the mentality to never rely on anyone.

[–]20pastfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's heavy investment from her

Maybe she feels guilty about something she did?

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Soundsl like intimacy & narcissism issues and like she is intentionally getting you obsessed with her.

She's gradually directing 100% of your attention and curiosity toward her and away from anything else that life has to offer.

She won't touch you in public because she doesn't see you as a sexual part of her life.

Pull back from her A LOT or leave and never look back

[–]MYMOUTHISNUMmn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He's talking about std's. Dont matter if she works with pussy there's always someone more chad than you.

[–]doublecup__1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'm going to work on myself completely, use our relationship as a means of bettering myself by identifying and passing shit tests, focusing on myself and raising my smv.

Staying with a woman that is ASHAMED to be with you won't help you. Where's your pride?

You can do all of this more effectively if you don't waste even more time with this girl and instead game multiple new women. It's already been 3 years, wake the fuck up.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I think it's because I want it to work out. I want to get back in control and have the upper hand. I want to see if I can change to better myself and the relationship.

If it doesn't then whatever, it's not all that much more lost time. what's another few months, I've already spent 3 years with her.

[–]doublecup__1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

it's not all that much more lost time. what's another few months, I've already spent 3 years with her.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost

I want to get back in control and have the upper hand.

Your ego took a hit and now you need to prove to yourself that you're still the man.

You're being fairly stubborn about this so do what you want and see how it works out. That's the best way to learn, after all. I just wanted to save you time and headaches.

Good luck.

[–]ke3bsf6-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate it, I'm going to take the next few weeks to think about everything. It's nice that she is gone, I can really utilize my time and figure things out.

[–]Jugurthajones870 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why don’t you use this time to get another plate while continuing to see your LTR? If you can’t end the relationship you can at least change its nature.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have 2 potential plates lined up now. I haven't really pursued them much, more so keeping them on the back burner, but I think I might push a bit more now.

[–]LucyDD6914 points15 points  (8 children) | Copy

Fuck her until she starts rejecting sex, then kick her out.

She’s waiting for the next branch swing, and having you broadcasted as her partner doesn’t help with that.

[–]ke3bsf66 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

I can't kick her out, we split the apartment, but I can end the lease and leave.

[–]Jugurthajones871 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

How about you break up with her and keep living there.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I could afford it on my own, but just barely.

[–]Jugurthajones871 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

So she would move out on you if you broke up? Is her name not on the lease too?

You can always move out before the lease is up, you just have to find someone else to take it over from you. You’re not bound to it.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Both of our names are on the lease and the bills as well.

[–]Jugurthajones871 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

So you’re no more tied down by it than she is. I think it’s just a matter of you getting free of it before she does.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah I guess it just comes down to logistics

[–]Jugurthajones871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The good news is she’s gone most of the month, so you’ll have plenty of time to give tours to prospective renters without her being there.

[–]Awokeeleven9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Like other have written, you are in denial. Your GF has disrespected you a lot.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not in denial, I realize that I'm being treated poorly. And I agree, she doesn't respect me. I'm stuck, I can't get out of this lease for now.

[–]Awokeeleven0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I get you, tough situation especially with a woman involved.

[–]1redhawkes8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, tingles are gone, it's over. Next. The whole post, 'she' 'she' 'she', you're operating in her frame. Wake up.

You're too ego invested to listen and your mental gymnastic hamstering ain't helping.

You can try 12 levels of dread, but it's better to find a new prospect. Relationships are not investments, they are restaurants. You cling to your past 3 years old relationship, it means shit to her.

Remember the Briffault's Law and the Light Switch Effect.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've kind of been doing dread, but probably not at 100%. I just want to be able to break out of her frame.

[–]Irtotallynotrobot7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

All bullshit aside, it's clear as day that being treated like that by your LTR doesn't feel good. That's enough to justify tossing her. Prioritize your standards for how you're being treated above all else, it's not okay for her to dictate how you behave for any reason. It would feel much better to be welcomed in public. PDA is gross when you're full on making out in public, not discreet ass grabs.

I'd start by giving your public attention to other women in front of her (ass grabs and all) and when she bitches about it, tell her that you'd be affectionate with her instead if it didn't piss her off. Or just drop her.

And yes, that's odd.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree. When she told me that she was displeased about it, instead of holding frame and saying that's just something I do, I submitted to her and DEER'd about why I do it. Ultimately, I apologized for something that I didn't even see a big deal.

Yeah I think making out in public and shit is gross too, but a quick ass grab doesn't even scratch the surface.

I'm going to give more attention to other girls in public, but I wouldn't feel right grabbing ass. I rather not give her any reason to play a game like that. I just need to focus on myself and be more confident.

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She likes power, she treats you like crap, and she knows you'll put up with anything.

It's an intentional, calculated and cold move on her part and she's probably been training you for a while now, or simply using your nature for her benefit. You're deep in the depths of it.

I pray for you brother, it's not going to be easy for you.

[–]TheRealEyesWideOpen4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

It obviously bothers the OP, which is enough to next her.

Especially if she progresses to dead bedroom syndrome.

She’s 26 and still has SMV. She’s definitely looking to monkey branch.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

I just find it odd. Almost everyone that I am friends with on social media, has a photo of them with their S/O.

Bedroom isn't dead, it's been a bit starfish, but I usually just cave man her.

Career-wise, she definitely has higher smv than me (in a way). She works a lot more than I do and she really doesn't make all that much more money than me. It actually balances out by the end of the year. The only thing she has on me with that is benefits, paid vacation, etc.

Looks-wise, I definitely think I have several more points than she does. I'm in shape, the best I've been in a long time. I have 2 orbiters at the moment, but I don't want to cheat. The thought of it would be fun, but morally, I think I would feel shitty.

She got very jealous recently because of a situation that happened at a party we threw. I got drunk and very social and she barely took a sip that night. I got caught flirting with a girl who is in great shape (I think my LTR is jealous of her) and taking video of her ass (I was hammered, forgot I even did it until the next day). My LTR saw this and although she gave me shit, I got great sex the next day.

Mentality-wise, she has me beat. I do know she cares about me, but I think I show I care a lot more than she does. This is something that I completely struggle with. I really need to have more of an abundance mentality and stop caring so much.

[–]i-am-the-prize3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Mentality-wise, she has me beat. I do know she cares about me, but I think I show I care a lot more than she does. This is something that I completely struggle with. I really need to have more of an abundance mentality and stop caring so much.

https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/the-cardinal-rule-of-relationships/

I hated to do it. Felt swarmy at first. But a few months back, I consciously withheld affection and attention from my wife. I had identified an asymmetric amount of outward expressions of 'caring' as you note. So I simply mirrored her, I figured - fair is fair. My SMV is high (higher than hers) and if yours is higher than your LTR's (in her mind too) it may work. My wife went from expecting affection randomly to wondering 'what was wrong', to asking "what was wrong", to giving affection randomly to me - first time in over a decade/since I can remember. Sure this was 'fake it until i make it' but it proved a point.

My affection before was too common like cheap jewelry given away too easily. I was being 'nice' and 'loving' Not just because I was 'trained be that way but because I do love her so why not show it, right?

Well, turns out, she is happier, and I am happier when she feels it (my attention and affection) are not as 'common' and she is chosen by me over other women, consciously. Its hard to believe, it goes against what you believe and have heard and read and hear in songs and see in movies - etc. But it's in the sidebar, and my 'not so scientific study of N=1' has proven it first hand to me.

So the 3 ways you describe being affectionate above - I hear you/ I can picture you/ and I understand. But you have to stop. For your sake, possibly for hers, but for your next LTR's as well. But mostly for your sake.

I still find myself holding back consciously, it's not 100% internalized yet- sometimes I give in, and note how she devolves back into her more cold and selfish ways if I am too loving, sometimes post sex, and the day after. Wish is wasn't the case. But it's a pendulum effect.

About your post, I feel you. Before RP in the past year, I noticed I was in less/fewer of my LTR's FB posts. She's not a prolific poster, but the posts she does do (private to friends) are about our family events and trips. She will post and let me know she does, and I'll get on her tablet to view the pics (I don't do FB). And I noticed a trend in the past years - I was in less and less of the multi-pic posts. Granted I'm the one actually taking many of the pics, but when we hand the cam/phone to a stranger for a family shot, those don't make the "collage/cut", or shots of just me and one kid don't make the cut. I made the mistake of bringing it up as a WTF is up with this pattern complaint.. Cringey. Should have not mentioned it or made a joke out of it in a more natural way. She denied it. Got defensive. We argued, and it ruined dinner. But later that night, I saw her reviewing our vacation/event posts from the previous few years. She was quiet that night. She didn't come out and say I was right, and I haven't brought it up since. But the time following this confrontation she has reversed the trend - magically I'm back in the pics... but that directly tracks with my use of Dread, my SMV climb, and my abundance mentality - so i can't say that 'talking helped', it may have hurt, no idea. But I do believe it showed weakness in the end, at least in the way I brought it up (before finding RP). So ignore this social media pic count. It's a symptom of a larger issue, don't address the symptom. Addresss the root cause - you.

So just DNGAF and take care of yourself. But mirror her as a test (reduced affection and attention routine) if you want to try and give this 4 more months until the end of 2019. Treat it as an experiment, with outcome independence.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I hated to do it. Felt swarmy at first. But a few months back, I consciously withheld affection and attention from my wife. I had identified an asymmetric amount of outward expressions of 'caring' as you note. So I simply mirrored her, I figured - fair is fair. My SMV is high (higher than hers) and if yours is higher than your LTR's (in her mind too) it may work. My wife went from expecting affection randomly to wondering 'what was wrong', to asking "what was wrong", to giving affection randomly to me - first time in over a decade/since I can remember. Sure this was 'fake it until i make it' but it proved a point.

I've had the thought of mirroring her, but I think it makes me look mad at her. I find it difficult to act as if I'm not fuming inside. In a way, my SMV is higher than hers, at least physically and personality-wise. I'm normally an outgoing person and my LTR is a bit more shy. She doesn't like to be in certain social situations that I would normally feel fine in. She is a nerd at heart. She's ask me before if I'm mad at her or if something is wrong and I usually just play it off as I'm fine. She quickly dismisses it and things go back to normal.

My affection before was too common like cheap jewelry given away too easily. I was being 'nice' and 'loving' Not just because I was 'trained be that way but because I do love her so why not show it, right?

I do love her. I love her a lot. I know she loves me as well. She used to tell me how much she loves being with me because her last LTR was such a scum bag and that I was leagues above him. But I do see myself giving her my affection way too easily. It's so hard for me to break out of that mentality.

So the 3 ways you describe being affectionate above - I hear you/ I can picture you/ and I understand. But you have to stop. For your sake, possibly for hers, but for your next LTR's as well. But mostly for your sake. I still find myself holding back consciously, it's not 100% internalized yet- sometimes I give in, and note how she devolves back into her more cold and selfish ways if I am too loving, sometimes post sex, and the day after. Wish is wasn't the case. But it's a pendulum effect.

Yes, I completely agree. I really just have trouble sticking to my guns. I feel like I start to gain some ground and then a situation happens and I'm back to kissing her feet.

I'm not going to worry about the picture thing and it isn't that huge of a deal to me, I just find it odd. She isn't a huge social media person to begin with, but I still find it strange that she barely posts pics. Especially when we take a decent amount of pics together, but they never make it onto any social media.

How do you go about giving less attention? The affection part I can do (even though it will be tough at first) but what else can I really do to give less attention. I go to the gym, go to MMA, work, etc. I really have no idea what else I can do to make myself less available.

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How do you go about giving less attention? The affection part I can do (even though it will be tough at first) but what else can I really do to give less attention. I go to the gym, go to MMA, work, etc. I really have no idea what else I can do to make myself less available.

ah, that ties into an earlier bit of your comment:

" I've had the thought of mirroring her, but I think it makes me look mad at her. I find it difficult to act as if I'm not fuming inside. "

See, if you pull back to do nothing else - it's because you're butthurt, she'll know and you look even weaker, reactionary.

The key is to eventually become your own mental point of origin, so these things do not bother you truly. For now, you don't "pull back" as much as "move towards something else".

I've always had my hobbies, When I pulled back in 2019 the following things worked:

  • she was used to getting a kiss goodbye every day when I left for work, no more. Just a yell as i close the door on the way out "later!"
  • She was used to me 'always' (often) kino'ing when we were both in kitchen / closet/ any tight space, no more, i was all business, in/out of the space, on my with mission. What do you know a week later she's the one pinching my ass, trying to get my attention.
  • she was used to me being home most nights after dinner, nope, I made plans > 50% of every week night, real plans, not off drinking just to ignore her: I was handlng a personal todo list of projects (some bigger ones like restoring an old car, you can spend dozens of hours/week doing that, trust me), additional networking/business building, going to the gym (LIFTING), and truly having a lot of shit to do.

So it was authentic when I'd withdraw from our home. It was calculated withholding of touch and attention when in private spaces. Bottom line, it may have blown up in my face (if she was on her way out, or low SMV view of me) but it literally rekindled something, along with my abundance mentality. She realized at some level, I wasn't a "sure thing".

If you're already doing MMA/gym and other stuff, do you do it early AM before work? change it to "prime TV time" when girls expect couch time with you, go after dinner, of move dinner later and go after work. Again it may not work, she may truly believe you're "below her" and although guys are less concerned with "marrying up" it's a huge driver for women.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

See, if you pull back to do nothing else - it's because you're butt hurt, she'll know and you look even weaker, reactionary.

I've noticed this and I've caught myself being butt hurt way too much.

The key is to eventually become your own mental point of origin, so these things do not bother you truly. For now, you don't "pull back" as much as "move towards something else".

This is a great way of viewing things. My problem is, I'm running out of things to do.

I've always had my hobbies, When I pulled back in 2019 the following things worked: she was used to getting a kiss goodbye every day when I left for work, no more. Just a yell as i close the door on the way out "later!" She was used to me 'always' (often) kino'ing when we were both in kitchen / closet/ any tight space, no more, i was all business, in/out of the space, on my with mission. What do you know a week later she's the one pinching my ass, trying to get my attention. she was used to me being home most nights after dinner, nope, I made plans > 50% of every week night, real plans, not off drinking just to ignore her: I was handlng a personal to do list of projects (some bigger ones like restoring an old car, you can spend dozens of hours/week doing that, trust me), additional networking/business building, going to the gym (LIFTING), and truly having a lot of shit to do. So it was authentic when I'd withdraw from our home. It was calculated withholding of touch and attention when in private spaces. Bottom line, it may have blown up in my face (if she was on her way out, or low SMV view of me) but it literally rekindled something, along with my abundance mentality. She realized at some level, I wasn't a "sure thing".

She is very used to routine and it definitely doesn't work in my favor. She is very used to me kissing her goodbye (she leaves for work before me), but I have been waiting for her to make the move to kiss me first recently. I've noticed myself doing too much kino as well. I'm going to pull back on that a bit. What's nice is that she has been gone all week and I can use this to my advantage when she gets home. I going to be happy that she is home, but I think I'm going to let her initiate any type of kino.

If you're already doing MMA/gym and other stuff, do you do it early AM before work? change it to "prime TV time" when girls expect couch time with you, go after dinner, of move dinner later and go after work. Again it may not work, she may truly believe you're "below her" and although guys are less concerned with "marrying up" it's a huge driver for women.

If my schedule allows it, I go to MMA in the morning and do a private lesson in Jiu jitsu before I have to go to work. My MMA gym also holds class at night, but only a few nights a week and I go to that. It usually starts at either 6:30, 7:15 or 8:15, depending on the day. But like I said, it is only a few nights a week. I have a lot of time where I'm just home when she is.

She cooks dinner almost every night, but I've started to cook more as well. I'm starting to enjoy learning how to cook different types of meals.

Ultimately, I'm running out of things to do and I don't always have the energy to go out and do stuff every night. She is a home body though and if she isn't at work or the gym, she is home. Sometimes I will just go into my office and hang out on the computer, just so were not in the same room and she will always say "your not going to hang out in here with me?" I usually say, I'm going to finish something up and I'll be in there in a bit.

[–]UltraInstinct21 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Thats so weird. The fact that you're in better shape than her, but make less money makes me think you'd be her alpha fuck, but refusing pda indicates that she looks at you as a beta.

I'm generalizing of course and I don't mean it as an insult.

But I guess looks aren't as important to women, and she thinks she's hot shit just because she makes more money. She's just pepbably waiting for a branch swing, OR could be weird about pda because she's religious, but the social media thing is a weird one.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think she sees both alpha and beta traits in me, but the beta ones stick out like a sore thumb. I've never had to rely on money from her, I've always been able to hold up my end of the deal.

I definitely think her getting this new job has gone to her head. I can't put my finger on it, but she has shifted a bit ever since getting the job.

She might be waiting on a branch swing, but I don't think it'll be that easy for her. I think she is good looking, but I don't think she is confident in herself. She is in decent shape, but she could lose 10 pounds. I think she is very hard on herself because of it. She isn't really all the religious anymore, but I think her mom pounded it into her head to not do PDA of any sort.

The social media doesn't really bother me, I just find it odd. She doesn't post much to begin with.

[–]Imaginary_Historian0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Career-wise, she definitely has higher smv than me (in a way). She works a lot more than I do and she really doesn't make all that much more money than me. It actually balances out by the end of the year. The only thing she has on me with that is benefits, paid vacation, etc.

A woman's career success does not improve her SMV. Only in women's minds does it help. In fact it actually lowers it. If you don't believe me, explain why professional women are far more likely to be single.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is definitely only in her mind. She’s become a bit more cocky since she got the job.

[–]frick-a-frack3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

Wow. She has you trained.

Does she suck you off in private? Ever. LOL

[–]ke3bsf6-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

I haven't gotten a quality blow job from her in awhile. It's just been long enough to get my dick wet so I can slide it in her. There isn't as much passion in the bedroom as there used to be. We do still have sex though and I normally just cave man her. The past few months, we did have some good sex as well.

It is very hit or miss and the quality varies. The quantity is fairly steady though.

[–]frick-a-frack4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

You’re doing a lot of deflecting. We can’t help you because step 1 is admission.... and you’re not there.

She doesn’t want any form of PDA.
Even in private, she doesn’t want to suck your dick.

That’s great that you “caveman her,” so she gets a little manhandling (which I’m sure she legitimately loves) without ever having to try and please you.

All the signs are there that you’re a placeholder. You can keep deflecting and justifying, but the rest of us know exactly how this will end.

[–]askmrcia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Placeholder is the proper term and that's exactly what all this sounds like.

Been there a few times myself op so I know exactly how it feels.

Soon as she has that new prospect "signed" it's all over.

I could have written this entire post myself three years ago

[–]ke3bsf6-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

I understand.

Well unfortunately, we can't break the lease right now unless we are willing to spend a butt load of money, which neither of us can shell out right now. I'll have to suck it up for now until I have some money to piss away.

She does like getting cave manned for sure, but I completely agree with you. She doesn't do anything extra to please me.

What can I do for now to reverse this and getting the upper hand again. I just want to make things a bit more bearable until we can break the lease.

[–]frick-a-frack1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can’t. In most cases, once women view you as the “lesser specimen” (sexually, financially, whatever), they typically don’t reverse course.

She now views herself as better than you. You follow her rules. You please her sexually. The end.

It doesn’t help that you apologized for something you didn’t even do (or, apologized for being affectionate to your girlfriend – let that sink in).

The only winning move here.... is to not do or accept that shit with the next girl. This relationship is dead (or close to it, anyway). I suppose just enjoy what sex she’s willing to dole out, but I highly recommend pulling back or fully stopping any pleasurable acts you do for her. Stop eating the princess’ pussy.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate the input.

I'm going to pull back and just focus on myself and see what happens. I'm kind of stuck in the situation for now, so I'm just gunna do what I can to make it bearable.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

you can though game other women in front of her. You can though GET JACKED. You can do lots of things.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I need to work on gaming other women, especially gaming them in front of her. I've done it once or twice before and if any girl shows interest in me, she hamsters hard and I get great sex. But to be honest with myself, I think that will be hard to maintain.

I'm working on getting jacked. In the past 10 weeks or so, I did a nice cut, went from 202 down to 185. I'm not where I want to be just yet, but I def look a lot better. Physically, I score a hell of a lot higher on the SMV scale than her. She is working on getting in better shape, but she isn't disciplined enough.

[–]SeasonedRP3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You say you're sure she isn't cheating. It sure sounds like she is to me, either that or lining up a prospect. Her behavior is not normal for a girl in a relationship. She should be showing you off and getting affectionate with you in public, not hiding you and getting mad when you are affectionate. If I were you, I'd start talking to other girls and end the lease and move out. It's only going to get worse.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, I don't think she is cheating yet, but I'm sure she has someone or a few people in mind. I agree, her behavior is not normal at all. I've already lined up a girl for myself and I've been lighting chatting with her.

[–]GoldenHusky4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

When I was with my ex and I became bored of her, I have this feeling of "refuse to let the public know we are dating". This includes not wanting to hold hands/pda much. The only time I kino is when I wanted sex.

I feel that if she's really attracted to you, she will definitely let you pda.

Let me add that this feeling comes from me perceiving her as lower value and being embarrassed of being seen with her.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I guess the only thing I can do is pull back for now.

[–]GoldenHusky0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I will say focus on your mma and gym. Those 2 certainly gives me a higher sense of accomplishment. Especially mma

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm hitting the gym 3 times a week and going to MMA several times a week. I went to jiu jitsu this morning and I'm going again tonight. I spend a fuck load of time over there. It is becoming my sanctuary. It's one of the few places that my mind is clear and I'm 100% focused on what I'm doing.

[–]Nfuckedmeup4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

She doesn't want to be seen in public with you in a romantic way since:

  1. she doesn't hold you as high value

  2. she just doesn't in general like to show affection in public

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It is definitely a bit of both.

[–]superomar130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She doesn't want to be seen in public with you in a romantic way since:she doesn't hold you as high valueshe just doesn't in general like to show affection in pub

No its not lol. It's just number 1. Hold frame, pass her tests, make her submit. She will bend to your will in every way, she would call you her king, and call herself a dirty cum slut everytime she spoke to you, if you place the right frame for that lol. Girls REACT TO YOU, the fucking BOSS, the fucking MAN in her life.

[–]Ronaldo-CR7-2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get rid of her mate

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can't right now, stuck in this lease. But if things don't change soon, I will have to do what I can to get out.

[–]Falling13372 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not to be negative, but speaking from personal experience, it sounds like the relationship is on the downhill and she is preparing to check out.

Don't fret, it happens/ has happened to the best of us. You learn and you move on!

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. I just think it is a matter of time. The only confusing thing is that she has plans for us in the near future. A wedding next month and another wedding the following month. The second wedding is in California and she has agreed to cover my cost. She also was talking about a vacation next year.

[–]Corvus_Uraneus2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

" she basically said that she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple "

And what would be wrong with that? RED FLAG RED FLAG, this ho aint loyal

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree.

[–]mismm 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

Are you trolling? Every few days you come up with a new story about this bitch

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not trolling at all, just fed up with how I'm treated.

[–]mismm 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Just dump her man

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This guy is in a completely different place to you, it's not that easy for him

[–]ibetrynaimprove 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Pain-avoiding psychological denial...

Open your eyes dude, her attention is already on someone else.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know if her attention is on someone else anymore, but it was at one point. Trust me, my eyes are open. I'm really just trying to figure out the logistics at this point.

[–]AnIslandForYourself 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

She does not value you enough.Dump her now and don't look back.

[–]ke3bsf6-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

There are times where I feel like she doesn't value me at all and other times she greatly values me. It is very hot and cold.

[–]AnIslandForYourself 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

times where I feel like she doesn't value me

Enough to leave her.It only gets worse in the future.The sooner you do it the better.I've seen some of your other comments;why are you so hesitant to leave her?It's very simple.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm hesitant to leave because in order to break our lease, We would have to pay like 2+ months worth of rent and then a couple of fees. I don't have another place to go and she doesn't either (which doesn't matter to me).

[–]Jugurthajones870 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why don’t you get somebody else to take over your lease?

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I could, it just comes down to logistics. I have to see what the rules are in our apartment complex.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're in trouble buddy. Think about your exit strategy. I'm sure everything that needs to be said as already been said so I'll say for next time (relationship) you make a few changes.

Firstly, I have never had this problem but I have had the opposite problem of a girl complaining about how I ignore her in public too much and wishes I did what you're doing so I personally don't have any real world examples for what to do to turn it around but obviously DEER wasn't the answer.

Second, I don't think this would ever happen to me because I treat women like play things and furniture. When were on the couch some part of me is resting in her lap. When we're driving, I'm playing with her hair or hand on the leg. I remember I was out with one girl that had especially long hair and when she was going the wrong way I gave it a decent tug and EVERYBODY in the bar saw. I didn't hear a damn word about it. I think touching in a relationship is an underestimated form of showing dominance around here. I touch you when I want, if you don't like it fuck off. They either love it, tolerate it or they're gone, simple as that.

[–]cracksniffer6661 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

My ex would do this and act "embarrassed" about it, but she's probably saving face just in case she runs into Chad. I wish I had an answer for this. It's easier to not be a whore if there's no proof online you're in a relationship.. My ex and I worked together, and I'd give her a kiss in the break room (away from everyone) and she'd freakkk out. This was in a bar too, not some office. lol

My guess is they want to be ready to monkey-branch, and you're just her landlord.

Think about it from a woman's perspective.. if you only had to pay half the rent, and had some dude doing shit for you, and all you had to do is lay down and have sex every once in a while, would you?

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You're right.

[–]cracksniffer6660 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah I was in your situation. It was 4 years ago, and I'm still looking at all the different angles, asking why, etc, so it NEVER happens again. Always remember, when the relationship ends, there's a very good chance she's going to drag your name through the mud if you all have mutual friends. Prepare yourself for anything my dude.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not worried about her bad mouthing me, at least not publicly.

[–]Zanford1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

If she's very active on social media but 'hides' you, then do NOT take her seriously as a LTR. She either views you as an uncool beta or 'backup' option....or sometimes as an alpha fuckbuddy while she's trying to keep some beta provider in the dark. But I doubt you're in that niche based on your story. What's your sex life like with her? IS there one?

You LIVE with her and yet she doesn't want people knowing that you two are a couple!? This is nuts. Unless she's waking you up with an A-grade blowjob every morning, she probably sees you as more of a bill-paying roommate.

A third, less likely option is disapproving parents. But if that were it she should've said something by now (and even then it might be an excuse to mask the first two options) .

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

She’s not active at all on social media. She barely posts anything. It says we are in a relationship, but u have to click into her fb profile to see it. This isn’t a huge deal to me, I just find it odd.

Sex life isn’t bad but isn’t good. We have sex once or twice a week, but it isn’t as intense as it should be.

The third, her parents like me a lot. They have only ever said great things about me.

[–]Zanford0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That makes it less weird, but still a yellow or red flag. Also consider that she may be hiding the extent of her social media activity from you. Girls usually like to advertise they are in LTRs and don't like to be seen as 'single' for years running, so a girl NOT bragging about your LTR is a bad sign.

More importantly, I just get a generally beta vibe from your post. It sounds to me like she has the hand in the relationship and she knows it. She explicitly gave you shit about some tepid PDA like hand holding / arms around waist. Jeezus, it almost sounds like one of those grade school 'relationships' which is really just orbiting.

You only have one lifetime, these are some of your best years, and it sounds like after 3 years you aren't going to get much out of her that you haven't already. If you break up a year from now instead or right now, is that extra year really gonna give you fond memories of the 511th time you fucked her and that extra season of propaganda you binged together on Netflix?

You should probably either go through the usual 'shape up, start lifting heavy and learn to turn the relationship around' if you want to salvage it, or cut your losses and split as soon as you can figure out the live-in / rent situation (you said she pays half the rent, but who is on the lease? who is legally on the hook if the rent stops getting paid?)

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I don’t really find any of her social media use to be shady. I do need to snoop through her texts again though and try to find any more red flags that will put the nail in the coffin. Then at least I will have all the proof that I need.

She does have the hand in the relationship to an extent. I’m through the RP rage now though and I’m working on internalizing things. I think my best bet is to just invest less emotionally. Also going to make myself less available.

We are legally both on the lease as co-leasers. If I stop paying or she stops paying, it fucks both of us.

[–]Zanford0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The fact that you feel the need to snoop through her social media means that deep down you know there is an issue and that she is ready to branch swing.

I'm not saying you're bad for wanting to or doing so, just that you should recognize that when you get to that point (and find yourself making a post here "there's this one girl...") deep down your gut is telling you you are already on unfavorable ground, and something needs to change.

How much longer is the lease? My advice might be to try to turn things around (lift heavy, start socializing without her, be more DGAF with her and other things that are good habits whether you stick with her or not) but don't renew the lease unless there has a been a SERIOUS turnaround by then.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Doesn’t RP always say trust but verify? I’m just doing it to see what I can dig up and react accordingly

[–]Zanford0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Again, I am not saying you shouldn't go through her social media. More information is always better and no one can fully be trusted (AWALT). Just that you should also acknowledge what your gut is telling you.

[–]BusterVadge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

We later talked about it and she basically said that she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple.

She is okay with holding hands in public, but anything more than that she gets weird about it.

So holding hands in public doesn't make it known that you're a couple?

Your girlfriend is a self-contradicting bitch, dude... Kick her out and dump her.

[–]wisdomrichie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Idk how you do it my guy. All my LTRS loved my touch as they should, and would literally blow me up with a million questions about if they did something wrong if I decided not to for the day. ANY signs of disinterest from MY own girl is a huge turn off for me, cause then what tf is she there for? Meanwhile you all in your head wondering this and that.. it’s just not worth it. She makes it seem as if she’s embarrassed when you do the slightest shit. I bet a guy she was really attracted to, she wouldn’t give a fuck if he smacked her on the ass in front of everyone. By your responses I can tell you’re trying to find a solution to build her attraction back up but I honestly don’t think it’s worth the effort. Btw being just busy is not real deal dread. Dread is when she knows other girls are finding you attractive, and then she wants to play catch up. It sounds like she sees you as average, and is comfortable now. But that’s all on you. My advice would be to detach emotionally but don’t do it blatantly. Detach mentally, & try being a little more cocky or asshole maybe. Just SWITCH it up, and see what happens because clearly this isn’t going anywhere good. Might as well experiment til it’s over. & MAKE SURE you prepare your mind and plan for when it is over. Flirt with other girls while your not with her, and build your own confidence back up. I promise you when you see the positive reaction you get from just random girls, you’ll be disgusted by any disinterest from the one you call your own.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she basically said that she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple.

So what? You fucking ARE a couple? Dafuq is wrong with her?

Institute "DREAD" protocols....

[–]thrwy754791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For 3 years, you've been with her, but she's never been with you.

[–]L3onard31 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wanting more affection? Monitoring her social media for your presence as a couple? You’re the bitch in this relationship.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't want more affection, I just want to be appreciated and respected more. I'm not monitoring her social media either, I'm already aware of the situation and her lack of showing me off.

[–]Chadster1130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing is wrong with wanting more affection. Obviously OP senses something wrong with what she is or isn’t doing.

[–]Slut_Slayer90001 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP a ton of dweebs in the comment sections have no clue about relationships and or really about girls in general, they are just projecting their ReD PiLl insecurities with their advice to you.

While her lack of PDA might seem concerning it doesn't mean she is ready to branch swing on your ass.

You've been with this girl for 3 years you know her better then anyone here, it would probably be smart to at least have a conversation about this with her and to frame it from your perspective: "What if I were you and you were trying to give me attention and you made a snide comment about trying to show everyone that we are a couple? How would that make you feel"

Then see how she reacts, if she dismisses your concern then you have your answer, if she understanding and try to work on it, that's your answer. The misconception going on in this thread is trying to apply redpill techniques to a LTR that's been going on for 3 years. Some are applicable, some make the situation worse and will end your relationship.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this response man. I appreciate it. I’m glad I made this post and there are things that I’m going to take away from it and apply. One being what you are suggesting

[–]Cody_Silver0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My guess is she is banging every night when she travels at least. I was a full time travel consultant and saw this happen all the time. I never cheated on my wife, but my co-workers went to town all the time. Most had “locals” on long term contracts in a particular town.

You are kidding yourself with location tracking on her phone. Cheating 101, buy a burner and leave your phone in the hotel room/office/locker at gym/etc.

Another guess, if you try to prorate your expenses based on income, she will leave you. You are just a reduction in expeneses for her. A ghost that helps pay the bills.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I honestly don't think she is banging anyone when she travels, but she could be. I can find out pretty easily, once she gets back home. She definitely doesn't have a burner phone haha.

[–]Jugurthajones870 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

“She basically said she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple”

Uh wtf is wrong with that? You are a couple, that’s what you should be doing. Why isn’t she doing it?

Instead of the DEER response, smack her ass at the gym next time you go. Do it front of other people and don’t apologize for it. And when she acts outraged (both at the gym and on the drive home), be amused and indifferent. You don’t give a fuck. She’s your gf and you’ll smack her ass wherever you want.

There’s no excuse for her to be upset about that. A woman who was genuinely into you would think it was affectionate and welcome it with a laugh. This one isn’t into you. Fuck her for wanting to hide your relationship.

From now on, just unapologetically do the PDA wherever and whenever you want and be indifferent to her reaction.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

This was exactly my plan. I shouldn't have to change this about me, especially since it is such a dumb thing for her to get upset over. It is definitely her trying to maintain control.

[–]Jugurthajones870 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yes. And you backing down over it is a sign that she has hand and you let her control the frame. So here’s a thought:

Give her less affection at home and more ass grabbing in public. When you’re at home and she asks you if something is wrong because you haven’t been as affectionate, just act normal and say shrug, “Nah, everything’s good.” When she gets upset that you grabbed her ass in public, have the exact same demeanor, “Everything’s good.”

Same demeanor, opposite situations. You’re maintaining your frame/emotions and she can’t affect them. Which is the opposite of how you’ve been acting.

In fact, if I was you I would make a point of grabbing her ass or waist when you guys are out with her co-workers, at the wedding in California and all the other places where you know she’ll want to downplay you being her bf. Or find a co-worker or bridesmaid to flirt with.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is a great idea. I'm going to give this a shot.

[–]Jugurthajones870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cool. Let me know how it works out, I’d like to hear the results.

[–]Greengenes194 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Reading your comments, I think you don't understand that on paper you can be the greatest guy in the world, but if she sees you as a weak pussy, that's all you'll ever be to her.

Lifting, MMA, a good job, good looks don't mean shit if she's lost respect for you. For fucks sake, when a woman is really into you, she'll do absolutely anything, ANYTHING to keep YOU interested. If she gets pissed of because you try to touch her, has crushes on other dudes... Wake the fuck up.

She probably knows how insecure you are about your relationship, posting about her not having pictures with you and shit. When she said she wanted to marry you, what she really meant was:" marriage seems like an option RIGHT NOW".

Doesn't mean she'll want to marry you tommorow, or even a few hours after she said it.

And fuck giving it more time, start doing what you want. If you want a girl that is affectionate with you in public and posts pictures of you, shows you off, step your game up and go find those girls. Stop living in her frame, read the sidebar.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're completely right. I've let this get way out of hand and now it's probably too late to change it.

[–]Don_Draper270 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You have a ton of work to do on yourself and none of that is going to get done while you are in a toxic relationship.

It's painfully simple that this girl does not have the qualities and values that you want in a partner. If you want to be able to grab your girls ass at the gym and make out with her in public then you deserve that. She also deserves to be with someone who also respects PDA.

There's girls out there who will spam their social media accounts with pictures of you and show you off to the world. You're never going to meet any one of them because you'd rather settle for someone who just puts up with you.

Change will be big and hard, but it is the only way to stop living your life of mediocrity.

[–]ke3bsf61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not a huge fan of PDA either, but a simple butt squeeze shouldn't warrant her reactions. It's a control thing in her mind.

[–]GGrub80 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I strongly dislike exposing my personal life in public, including relationships, so it's a major green flag is my girl doesn't advertise me all over socials and in her social circle.

Sex frequency and enthusiasm are the only things you need to be concerned about. If she's clearly interested in you in a sexual way then don't worry about her not exposing your relationship in public, she might just want to respect your and her own privacy.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This was also a thought of mine. I've read that people who flash their relationship constantly aren't actually happy. Sex frequency isn't where it should be, but we still have sex once or twice a week. sometimes once every 8-10 days, but that is because she is gone on a trip.

[–]ZR19870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Spin more plates.

[–]Bilderbergerwcheese 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

I'll go out on a limb and say she was raised by incompetent parents. Possibly a lot of turmoil between the parents, while being raised.

I've never been with a girl who doesn't want to 'show me off', 'be touched by me', 'no photos of us', and makes it known she is single....

From the sounds of it, she perhaps has already cheated on you and is emotionally disconnected. Just stringing you along to split that $2500 a month apartment bill.

I could be completely wrong, but a picture says a thousands words. If shes high SMV and your a mid-low SMV, maybe different ethnicites too, you are just damage control until Brad Pit(chad) shows up with his 50th floor high rise condo. Then, the birth control will go bye bye for him. No amount of hobbies and appearence changes will seduce her into rethinking about settling down with you.

You say she travels for work with beta nerds, I use to travel for work with beta nerds(software dev?). I simply hit the streets without them and a abundance of women are at stores, bars, walking, etc.... In other words, I wouldn't rule her out to NOT cheat because she's traveling with 'beta nerds'.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'll go out on a limb and say she was raised by incompetent parents. Possibly a lot of turmoil between the parents, while being raised. Her parents stayed married for a really long time, they are just now getting a divorce. Her dad recently became an addict and has changed completely. There is a bit of turmoil now between them. I do think that her and her sisters were raised right though.

I could be completely wrong, but a picture says a thousands words. If shes high SMV and your a mid-low SMV, maybe different ethnicites too, you are just damage control until Brad Pit(chad) shows up with his 50th floor high rise condo. Then, the birth control will go bye bye for him. No amount of hobbies and appearence changes will seduce her into rethinking about settling down with you.

I think I have high SMV in certain aspects and her in others. Her and I make close to the same amount of money. I'm in a lot better shape than her, I'm more outgoing and social.

You say she travels for work with beta nerds, I use to travel for work with beta nerds(software dev?). I simply hit the streets without them and a abundance of women are at stores, bars, walking, etc.... In other words, I wouldn't rule her out to NOT cheat because she's traveling with 'beta nerds'.

Most of her travels are in third world countries with high travel caution and her company is strict about them going out at night. They have a strict protocol to follow. She can't simply go out to bars or anything. Can she still cheat with someone at the hotel, yes definitely, but it would only be a matter of time until I found out. If she does, then that's the nail in the coffin and we can both move forward from there.

[–]Bilderbergerwcheese 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Interesting... I;m not sure then. There's to many variables that need to be considered that Im sure you didnt express here. I don't think any redditor will hit the nail on the head. My next guess would you having a slight 'beta' attitude/mentality/persona but again, there can be so many variables.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I def have both alpha and beta tenancies, one being, I apologize about dumb things. She def tries to make up rules for control and I end up falling into the trap.

[–]Jugurthajones870 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

And for the love of God, stop fucking her. Starfish sex is as insulting as it gets. You want hand, you withhold that shit.

Still not buying that she ain’t sleeping around on you on her business trips. Maybe not with the beta nerds at work but what about her and the girls meeting other guys at the hotel bar or some other place nearby? Happens all the time and the fact that her demeanor towards you changed after she started going on these trips speaks volumes.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She's currently on a trip with all guys and I've met all of them. They are the nerdiest that they could be. She could be at the hotel bar, but she doesn't drink much. I'm sure she could still meet someone though. They have strict rules because they are in level 3 travel advisory country, so she is limited on where she can go.

Anything is possible and I'm not blind to it. I know what she is capable of doing.

[–]Imaginary_Historian0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She's currently on a trip with all guys and I've met all of them. They are the nerdiest that they could be.

Yet she had a crush on one of them.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her crush isn’t on this trip, they actually barely see each other. They work in different departments and I’m pretty sure it’s rare that they even see each other when they aren’t on trips

[–]Stupyyy0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Maybe she feels like you are just her landlord.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

That could possibly be it, but if she is unhappy, why stay here. She can also suggest that we end the lease. She would have no problem affording a smaller apartment on her own.

[–]Stupyyy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why stay here? Cause she knows she has it good. Why bite the hand that feeds you and pays for your shit? Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine you are 26 dating a 32 woman.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Still doesn’t make sense. I don’t feed her or pay for her shit. Expenses are shared between us.

[–]Stupyyy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Idk bud maybe she doesn't like you that much and is just waiting to monkey branch.

[–]Benny7570 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are wasting your time. Mark my words. She just is not into you. Dump that cold bitch. Tell her to get the fuck out.

[–]blissfullyaware000 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Dread game and see how she responds. Show her you are a man of value, start blatantly flirting with women in front of her. If she doesn't fuck the shit of you after that then it's time to next.

[–]ke3bsf60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It’s happened in the past. I flirted with a girl at the party we threw and my LTR fucked me like there was no tomorrow the next day.

I definitely need to apply more dread to get things to start turning around.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Showing the world that you are hers should make her swoon. If it doesn’t she’s not in love with you. That combined with bare bones social media presence of you... yeh bud... I’d be letting her go.

[–]Casanova-Quinn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

really weird about any sort of PDA

she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple

3+ years of dating and being in an LTR, shes only every uploaded like 2 photos of us.

Her Facebook profile doesn't show that her and I are in a relationship

God damn, how many more red flags do you need? She's basically just waiting for Mr. Alpha to come along while she keeps you as her back up plan. Get out of this relationship.

[–]kingofclubsmorde0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your relationship is over. Speaking from similar experiences. You can believe us, you can be in denial. Whatever. Your life, your choice. Just don't come here crying when the break up happens, because you had all the warning signs in front of you. Do as you wish, but I suggest you to be a little bit prepared about the future and how it will effect your mental health.

[–]XT3M30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i came here honestly ready to rip you for caring too much and etc, but after actually reading this post, please break up with her. if the little things you described gets her that bent, you have an actual situation you need to consult.

We later talked about it and she basically said that she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple.

that qoute should be the one to alert you its time to get out. if you were higher on her SMV she wouldn't have a problem with anything ur doing.

I ended up giving her a beta DEER response and I apologized

im not one of the red pill guys to go and say NEVER APOLOGIZE , HOLD FRAME ETC. but i do wana say thst tou apologizing here is a bitch move. why are you saying sorry for her feelings towards you?

Now I feel like I have to walk on egg shells.

if you EVER feel this way about anyone, its better to not be associated with them. also hand holding is okay everything else isnt..... lmao....

I honestly don't give a shit about social media all that much anymore,

i feel like you are lying to yourself here cause the. ext point wouldnt be an issuse as much. but to answer your question i didnt have a picture up of me and my LTR. untill we did something truely special recently. she shows me off but i really dont cause of " drama vultures " .

but yea get out of this bs. and dont be shocked if shes with someone by September

[–]superomar130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, that is horrible treatment. Right now, you're the one down. It's as simple as this. Tell her: lol you're so weird about touch lately, I like a girl I can grab and hold, and pin down. Doesn't seem like you can be that for me. I think you'e pretty and cool, but I understand if you can't do that for me, but I'll need to find someone that can.

You have to remember, girls REACT to you! You don't react to them. If you're worried about what she's thinking when you touch her, and then ontop of that, apologize because she looks put off, you're being lame as fuck lol. Grab her hand, twirl her around, pin her to a wall, and then when she's put off by it, look at her like shes a weird fucking alien and then take away attention and time. She will eventually fall into your frame.

If you want to reset the frame into your hands, do this for the next week: Call/ text/ anything else once for every three times she does something. 1/3 effort. THEN throw some dread in there for good measure, let her SEE you texting another chick, even if its just a friend. HIDE it from her, but in a way where she's still suspicious. Finally, work on yourself, and focus more on your future. This way, when you're at the gym, your mind is away from her, and it helps you as well as makes her more curious about you.

You need to show her you are the prize lol.

Trust me, I literally had my girlfriend of 1 year tell me she knows "I'm such a catch" and that she feels like anastasia steele from 50 shades of grey because she doesn't know what the fuck such a catch like me sees in her. Then she asked me "are you satisfied my king" as I told her to get on her knees, suck me off, and take my load on her face. She's constantly initiating affection, while I'm more detached. Sometimes I even playfully run away from her when she's trying to kiss me lol.

MAKE HER REACT TO YOU.

[–]Jailhouseredpilled930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can tell by your post that you're young but intelligent or at least educated. However, you don't seem to have a grasp on TRP theory. You need to read the side bar. REALLY read it! Don't skim study it. Read the National Male series. If you had the concepts down, you wouldn't be in the situation you're in right now.

For now, Dread Game is your only hope. Fish for IOIs every time you go out with her. Because, women constantly need to be reassured that you were the right choice (see Hypergamy), they unconsciously pick up on all IOIs, they look for them. She's getting nothing. If girls were giving signals she'd be all over you. Mine!

Good luck.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If a woman is proud of you, she shows you off.

If a woman wants to keep her options open, she hides her relationship.

Sorry dude but she's not your girl - you're a placeholder until whoever-she-is-actually-into makes his move

[–]Project_Zero_Betas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If a woman is proud of you, she shows you off.

Depends. She might not if she's worried other girls will pick-up the clues that he's a HV guy and then try stealing him, i.e. lack of SM posts. But in this instance, with rejecting regular PDAs, it's clear OPs girl is more concerned with signaling to other GUYS that the relationship isn't serious.

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I got it. You won't like it though.

You've been in a serious relationship with her for 3+ years, and she is still dating you.

For her, your relationship doesn't classify as a LTR. She's still in the early dating stage with you and isn't that keen to move you onto the next level.

Your situation would be a dream if you weren't emotionally invested & living with her thinking you are in a LTR (assuming that you're fucking regularly).

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We later talked about it and she basically said that she felt like I was trying to make it known to everyone that we are a couple.

This is her saying "I might find a better guy while I'm out with you one day, and I don't want to give him the impression that we're very serious." Hard next.

[–]bibalong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thats a next

[–]CorruptedKnight00 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like some of the post here mentioned, the real problem was with you, or more specifically your mindset.

Even on your first sentence, you exhibit the sign of fake "redpill" (read the few words in the bracket). Do x because redpill says so. No. Never ever do that. Heck do you ever follow any rules other than those made by yourself. Moving in with a LTR means that you are giving up certain things in exchange of certain others. The only thing I would recommend finding the things you gave up and the things that you gained. Then take the necessary precaution for damage control if anything goes sour. It's more difficult now as everything had settled but you can still pull it off if you're clever enough. First step, find out what you gain and lost by moving in then you balance them out by taking appropriate action.

Now as for the showing your relationship publicly part. Let me explain it with our anatomy. I'm sure you know what it felt like once you past the point of no return during ejaculation. Remember the last time you're there and your women did something you didn't like or stopped entirely and you still spray.Women has the same exact thing built in them not just on their sexual area but also in their emotions. You just have to turn them on.

If we are take a step back and look at your women, it's not hard to figure out why she behaves that way. If she can comfortably have intimacy and her sexual desire fullfill, why would she do it publicly out of her comfort zone? In other words, you will provide everything to her, why would she even try to break out of her comfort zone? Challenge her.

Some would ask you to cut her off and go zen mode by not touching her for a few months, I would suggest otherwise. Starting today, touch her and fuck her anytime you feel horny until she rejects for whatever reasons, then stop. If you're still horny, watch some porn alone and release yourself as much as you want or find some plates to fuck (don't seems attainable to you in short term). Once you're in zen mode, subtly tease her through your actions. For example, doing chores half naked, come out of shower naked and pretend to look for stuff around the room, hugging her on bed subconsciously with your morning wood poking her, do whatever to arouse her but don't try hard to prove that you're sexy, just do it. And while showing her affection, always pull away at the very last moment and leave her hanging, the more times you do, the further you bring her towards the point of no return.

Once you felt enough and want to fuck, don't give it to her directly. Take her out for dinner, later, find a private place (public toilet, car, etc. make sure it's borderline dangerous but still safe), try touching her, she will not reject if you did everything right. Do this a few times spaced between period and switch things up with some variance, you'll slowly convert her into a exhihitionist.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, a lot of people with the same opinions here. They must all be right! BAAAAAAAAA



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