So is not being Harsh or critical of women sexist? I feel like not treating them like a man in the aspect is bad as well.Is the nature of men to go easy on women and be nicer and coddle them sexist?

sadomasochrist · 2018-09-30T12:42:11+00:00

Treating them differently is sexist by definition, but expected in practice.

Pope_Lucious · 2018-09-30T16:17:22+00:00

Women are expected to possess hypoagency.

Men are expected to possess hyperagency.

We hold men disproportionately accountable. It’s unavoidable sexism.

LUClEN · 2018-09-30T14:28:48+00:00

This is really intriguing to me. I had an incident recently where this conflict made itself hypervisible. My job is to replace windows in residential buildings and last week we did a building with a lot of older folks. A woman was complaining to me about the sliding glass being tough to move, but I was able to move it, so I became dismissive when she told me the window must be broken. She replies, "you have to think about it from my view, as a woman I'm less strong". I cocked my head and said "but if I assume you're weaker because you are a woman then that's sexist".

I left with a sense that the view I had is quite recent, and while she seemed to think it came from a good place, to her it was not only impractical but rude, too.

RollCaltrops · 2018-09-30T13:00:07+00:00

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "treating them like a man". The way adults treat other adults is always calibrated to the context of their relationship. If the way you speak to and behave towards a woman is the same as the way you would speak to and behave towards a man with whom you have the same relationship, then that isn't sexist and it's fair. And vice versa, they should not be treated differently provided you have the same relationship. This covers not just romantic relationships, friendships and acquaintances, but also working relationships, where a woman might be your boss or your subordinate, or a customer, or a stranger.

Being harsh(??) and critical of women given the appropriate context could make perfect sense, though I honestly think people are generally harsh because they don't know how to go about getting what they actually want. If you need to be critical of an employee's performance because you're their boss, do it. If you need to be critical of an acquaintance ... probably just don't? I dunno. Context.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-09-30T13:05:36+00:00

I guess it depends on the context. If you just mean "if a man and a woman commit the same mistake, is it sexist to treat the man worse than the woman for the same infraction" then yes, it's sexist.

Men are frequently sexist. Women are also frequently sexist. Such is life.

goatismycopilot · 2018-09-30T12:22:08+00:00

It is the nature of man to go easy on, coddle, and be nicer to attractive women they want to fuck, or women they want something from. For inexplicable reasons this translates on PPD about how all women are coddled by the state and recieve free cars and cash every day just for existing. I am mildly annoyed because my Toyota is 8 years old and and my free commie car has not arrived in the mail.

Young_Oryx · 2018-09-30T16:33:11+00:00

Yep. It's called "benevolent sexism" in feminist theory. In practice, everyone is a little sexist due to reality, so who cares though.

ElbowStrike · 2018-09-30T17:37:42+00:00

You can treat women differently from men without coddling them. For example, if your male friend is attempting some task in a game at a party, like darts or whatever, and before he throws you might say, "you f***ing suck!" as a friendly jab. You can just refrain from doing the same with a female friend. You don't have to coddle her and say, "you can do it, we believe in you!" in cringe-worthy after school special fashion. You can just say nothing at all.

If you have a male coworker who you have good rapport with and he routinely forgets to do some task and you would generally remind him of it by saying, "well if you weren't such a f'ing retard you wouldn't keep forgetting to do XYZ," whereas with a female coworker you could skip the male dominance game and just ask, "Carol, did you remember to XYZ? No? Well... that is the third time this week maybe figure out a way to remind yourself." That wouldn't be coddling, that would just be neutral.

Basically you can interact with women in ways that remove our usual male-to-male dominance dynamic without coddling and treating them as a weaker-than.

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wtknight · 2018-09-30T13:40:20+00:00

Well, it is benevolent sexism, which is arguably not as terrible as malevolent sexism. If you ask me, benevolent sexism against women is more harmful to men than it is to women because it often leads to them being taken advantage of by the women who they are benevolently sexist towards.

bonersNlaughs · 2018-09-30T13:54:22+00:00

Is being harsh and critical of men sexist. Women don't treat us like another woman. dicks & cunts.

[deleted] · 2018-09-30T15:35:19+00:00

People who aren't assholes usually monitor their behaviors based on the individual they are interacting with. I'm a woman, and my preferred method for communication is pretty direct and blunt. I have learned that my preferred method does not always go over well with more sensitive types. Because my intentions are not to hurt people or pick fights, this means I have to censor myself quite a bit.

My boyfriend and my closest friends tend to be the kind of people who can give it out and also take it. I can get in my own head pretty easily, and I find it helpful to have someone be honest and direct, including telling me things like "you're being a bit of a bitch right mow" or "boo fucking hoo, stop whining". That said, I don't want those types of interactions coming from just anyone.

[deleted] · 2018-09-30T19:52:20+00:00

One of the most important tenets of "sexism" with a capital S is the idea that the oppressed classes are not understood by the class who holds the power. But the visibility of that class's power is ultimately their weakness; oppressed classes understand them far better thanks to how their power is exercised across culture.

The reasons why it's difficult to establish a healthy dialogue between the oppressor and the oppressed should be obvious. The ability for people to understand each other is out of balance, it tips more in the oppressed classes' favour. In a worst-case scenario, oppressed classes take on a haughty attitude when communicating with those they fight against, and oppressors double down in an attempt to either save face or maintain an equal playing field. In the end, nobody really understands anybody, due to a lack of integrative complexity - both parties view the situation not as it is, but according to their values.

So to answer your questions, it's yes on both counts, if Sexism is to be treated as an ideology, rather than a case-by-case error in judgment.

Whodunnit88 · 2018-09-30T13:38:50+00:00

It's sexist if they deserve to be criticised or harshly berated for their actions and the person who chose not to criticise or be harsh with the woman would not hesitate for a second if it was a man.

MisterJose · 2018-10-01T01:14:27+00:00

I've taken the stance that most modern women expect equality, and therefore I'm going to give that to them. If I'm not calling you out for shit I wouldn't accept from another man, then that's my error.

MMDT · 2018-10-01T04:13:43+00:00

If 100 men die the population won't change because other men can make the babies instead

If 100 women die that's 100 less babies.

Its hardwired into us to protect and coddle women because they are essential for the survival of the species.

Men are disposable and worthless.

weaver420 · 2018-10-01T09:00:49+00:00

imo coddling and preferential treatment is sexist, yes.

killallthenarcs · 2018-10-01T12:52:25+00:00

I'm a woman. I'm fine if you treat me how you are expected to treat other men in polite company. You know... politeness? That thing that helps keep us all from attempting to rip out each other's throats metaphorically or literally. If we were, for example, at a friend's place playing board games, you might elect not to call me fat in front of all our friends or comment on my N count. I might choose not to point out that your ex is now dating a mutual friend or that your baldspot has grown. A certain amount of coddling all round is necessary.

InformalCriticism · 2018-10-01T18:36:26+00:00

Benevolent sexism is the mainstay of western jurisprudence. Women enjoy this, and they don't want to lose it, so they have crafted a narrative that attempts to portray them as perpetual victims without responsibility while insisting that they be handed the rewards that come with assertive and dominant economic, social, athletic, and intellectual pursuits.

I think it is a natural male behavior to defend anyone they consider part of their tribe. These social and political divisions of late seem to have made it pretty clear that women on the political left do not want male support, they want male subservience, which are wildly different things.

Willow-girl · 2018-09-30T12:08:55+00:00

I think it's debatable whether the nature of men is to go easy on women, be nice and coddle them. (Although that's certainly one strategy for getting pussy in a culture where you can't just rape them outright.)

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