Telling young men to settle

Asterix88 · 2018-06-02T14:22:39+00:00

To settle for someone is really disrespectful to the person you are settling with because you are basically saying to them: "Ehhhh, you'll do for now". Hardly the basis of a healthy relationship.

But I don't remember women telling men to settle (in fact it seems to be the other way around more often).

decoy88 · 2018-06-02T15:40:45+00:00

Having a harem of hot women is a common male fantasy, but it's not a common male reality. The reality is very few people have frequent casual sex. I was discussing this recently with a friend and realised how for the majority people, LTR's is the way most people are having sex.

Because there just aren't enough hot chicks that want casual sex all the time to go round.

Humans all have to reach a modicum of compromise where they can be happy and content.

For most men, regular sex with one person without fear of STD's is an acceptable compromise that they can be happy with.

storffish · 2018-06-02T15:16:18+00:00

the insistence that most redpillers' start out as average and become "above average" is baffling to me. these guys have problems that go beyond not being fit... my chubby ass gets laid on the reg. there's no doubt that going to the gym and dressing better helps, but it's not going to automatically put a guy "above average."

if you're short, ethnic, socially awkward, foreign, introverted, anxious, ASD (more common issues for redpillers than bad hair cuts) that's not shit you can lift away. telling guys they can gym away whatever makes them unattractive and weird to the point where they will be drowning in pussy is how you get angry MGTOWs and incels.

its fine to make casual sex your goal, but ultimately what's better? sex with an average girlfriend or no sex at all?

Unconfidence · 2018-06-02T19:23:22+00:00

I had harem stuff in my lifetime. Like multiple women willing to have sex with me at the same time. And yes, I'm talking traditionally attractive women. As part of my past in having a hyper-sexualized lifestyle, I pretty much delved as deeply as I could into what I would call predatory and toxic masculinity. I'm genuinely just saying all this to give proper context and weight to my next statement.

I've never been happier in my life than I am right now with my girlfriend. If you'd have told me ten years ago that I would "settle" for someone who was not my physical ideal, emotional ideal, or mental ideal, I'd have told you that you were nuts. But here I am.

I finally bit the bullet and addressed why I felt the need for some attractive thing. Was the woman I married going to be a smooth-skinned supermodel her entire life, like the stagnantly-aged mid-twenty year-olds I was chasing? I'm in my mid thirties, and my entire concept of physical attraction has been warped toward people below my age group. Don't get me wrong, there are traditionally attractive women as they get older, but by and large traditional attractiveness in women is correlated with youth. Furthermore, I'm not attractive nor have I ever felt I was. At best I was an oddity people viewed as exotic. And that's okay, I don't need their acceptance. But what kind of real understanding can I have with someone who lived their life being pursued? When my girlfriend says she knows what it's like to be a social reject because of the way she looks, I know she's not fucking with me or putting on an air. This lets me respect her on a level I just couldn't with traditionally attractive women.

I realized that my sexual ideal was heavily based on what I'd been made to want. Domination, sexual aggression, polygamy, all this was considered a matter of course for me. Of course I'd want to bang all kinds of women in whatever holes I could fit in. Of course I'd want the perfect submissive little housewife to attend to my every sexual need. And yet every time I got anything like that the personality was like nails on chalkboard. Even when it was someone I could genuinely like, carrying all the water all the time is rough. I still enjoy getting aggressive in bed, but having someone who shows you what they want and genuinely desires you, without reservation, is unspeakably good. At this point I really wish I hadn't done half of the freaky stuff I've done because it's either embarrassing, scarring, or left me with deeply entrenched Pavlovian fetishism that honestly I could do without.

And my emotional ideal was a reflection of all of this. I chased the most damaged people I could find because they're more willing to fill other peoples' desires. I never found the concept of strong people attractive. It just became part of my understanding that any wife I got would be too submissive and emotionally broken to care for herself, and that I would have to work for two. Now I live with someone who makes over twice what I do and is very self-sufficient. She'd absolutely fall over without me, but at the same time I feel like she makes me safe. She makes me feel cared for and provided for. When I went into angle closure she drove two hours to get me to the hospital. Everything is soft, romantic, and generally vanilla. And I've never been happier.

If you ask me if I would trade what I have for going back to maintaining tenuous and empty relationships with multiple traditionally attractive women, for the purposes of fulfilling some kind of sexual conquest checklist fed to me by modern media, the answer is a solid no. And I could have that; I turned down several such booty calls in the early stages of our relationship.

Don't climb the mountain only to find you'd rather live in the valley.

DXBrigade · 2018-06-02T17:21:00+00:00

But why do redpillers hate on women who do the same thing ?

wtknight · 2018-06-02T15:00:24+00:00

Casual sex is way overrated, in my opinion. Relationship sex is a lot better once a guy finds a partner who knows how to satisfy him and who he also enjoys satisfying. And, having an emotional connection with one woman is much more fulfilling than finding random women that one has no feelings for. Is improving so that a man can attract a 7 for casual sex who makes him happy for a couple of hours one night really that much better than finding a 6 who he can settle down with and who makes him happy perhaps for the rest of his life?

Entropy-7 · 2018-06-02T16:36:53+00:00

In my life, I have made a lot of mistakes but I think I got one thing right. I didn't get married until I turned 50.

Play the field and once you have a half century and a decent n-count under your belt, then consider your end game.

Madness20 · 2018-06-02T20:55:53+00:00

The truth is, and speaking by experience, being a "romantic" these days will only result in pain for yourself. If you don't have "experience" with dating, you'll most likely fail getting the potential interests and even acting on them, and no one will really look after that and think that your shyness or anxiety, or any other social problems, are cool.

So, there's a certain growth that men must make, that they only get through experience, trial and failure. Failure is also the best thing to know how to do right.

Doom_and-Gloom · 2018-06-02T13:50:14+00:00

Sad to say, but most men these days are lucky if they can find anyone at all.

celincelin · 2018-06-02T15:40:57+00:00

2 years of heavy lifting, getting a better hair cut, dressing better, and having the confidence to approach ..........puts them well above average. Then this now above average man can certainly have lots of casual sex.(and eventually get bored of it)

Tell me how is this not just world fallacy?

wracky272 · 2018-06-02T14:22:53+00:00

Everyone settles, and everyone projects their morals and/or regrets onto younger people. It's the circle of life.

[deleted] · 2018-06-02T17:06:01+00:00

We only tell guys to settle because they whine so much about not getting sex. If you want casual sex and you can get it from consenting women then by all means go for it. You do you boo.

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2018-06-02T18:28:13+00:00

It's the same thing as ads trying to sell you everything under the sun. At the end of the day you will buy what you want. Let them whine and cry, while the guy gets his.

BookwormJane · 2018-06-02T17:50:24+00:00

Young men shoudn't be settling ..they should be trying to get the best for themselves.

Why are young men so eager to defend their right to have casual sex? Is anyone preventing them from doing it? Society praises the stud. It's not like anyone is forcing men to get married. If you want to have casual sex, them have casual sex. Geez.

NalkaNalka · 2018-06-02T16:27:59+00:00

Of course women will complain when you don't do what's best for the female imperative. How could it be otherwise?

AutoModerator · 2018-06-02T12:35:57+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Brazilian_Slaughter · 2018-06-02T18:12:09+00:00

The real reason most people aren't getting married is technology. Saw a good post on the subject once

PhotosyntheticChad · 2018-06-02T18:10:38+00:00

There’s no incentives to settle.

Women collectively don’t offer a very good return on investment, and the risks are too great.

Rent only, never buy.

Doom_and-Gloom · 2018-06-02T12:55:05+00:00

I don't know why reddit always says that you shouldn't be interested with casual sex. I mean casual sex is the norm, not the exception. Most people are participating in it. Most people here (both women and men) have engaged in it repeatedly. In fact, we've gotten to a stage where not having it means there's something wrong with you.

Title	Telling young men to settle
Author	Pretty_Please_C_My_V
Upvotes	14
Comments	156
Date	June 2, 2018 12:35 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8o09b5/telling_young_men_to_settle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/telling-young-men-to-settle.262111 https://theredarchive.com/post/262111

Comments