Question for Feminist Women : Do You Always ask for and obtain enthusiastic consent before you do something sexual with a guy...????

theambivalentrooster · 2018-05-11T11:55:15+00:00

*** Pretend this is automod***

For those of us not still in college this is not an issue.

Hell, even in most colleges this is not an issue. I don't recall hearing about enthusiastic consent being bandied about at say, Auburn or Georgia Tech or UGA or UVA or Texas A&M or University of Florida or Bama or schools in the midwest or mountain states.

This is a niche college feminist issue on liberal campuses.

Eastuss · 2018-05-11T11:08:49+00:00

Supposed to be under the automod.

Every single person i've ever talked who have been enforcing the "enthusiastic consent" thing swear that everyone is always super obviously enthusiastic and thinks your life is sad if it's not the case. These people are not reasonable, or don't have enough experience to have a relevant opinion.

funny_lyfe · 2018-05-11T13:03:50+00:00

No automod so here-

I have had hardcore feminists grab my junk when drunk. Lesbians are even worst about it. One "friend"(not sure how feminist she was) decided to give me a passed out hand/ blowjob, woke up to getting stroked. If I decided to do the same to some chick I'd be sitting in jail today.

Women are full on hypocrites when it comes to consent. Not that I give a shit because I try to stay away from the crazy feminists as much as possible.

Just because you are a woman does not mean that I/ or some guy wants to fuck you.

MickDash · 2018-05-11T14:35:29+00:00

automod

In my experience it's always been the man doing the seducing so there's been no need. If for some weird reason I was the one trying to convince a guy to sleep with me it'd be different, but that's never happened.

BiggerDthanYou · 2018-05-11T10:13:47+00:00

Make a small edit to summon the automod.

Edit: for now this is the automod

mycaptainmycaptain · 2018-05-11T12:05:00+00:00

I'm not exactly a militant feminist, but I'll take a stab at this one anyway.

First things first: I'm pretty sure many (most) states' laws don't follow this "new standard of enthusiastic consent," and certainly most countries don't. That seems to be mainly a US campus thing. But yeah, if a guy has been raped, in the US he can take it to the authorities. So?

Now to answer the title question, yeah I always have enthusiastic consent. I don't always ask for it verbally, though I sometimes do (even within my LTR). Enthusiastic consent doesn't mean signing a consent form and doesn't mean needing a verbal "yes, I am going you permission to do this" as an answer to an explicit "Can I touch you like this" every time you escalate. It literally means enthusiastic.

If my guy is helping me undress him, if he is giving me signs of enjoyment, if he is asking me to stop teasing him or begging me not to stop doing whatever it is I'm doing, if he is guiding me towards his goal, if he is an active participant in the sex and I'm not just doing things to a passive, silent recipient who is letting me do stuff while looking away and inwardly cringeing, if he has been initiating escalation as much as I have, if he is running his hands down my body appreciatively, and doing all of this while not pulling away or pushing me away -- he's demonstrating enthusiasm every step of the way, and I am doing the same. And even though he has never once in our relationship said "No, I don't want you to give me a blowjob," if he's being strangely silent during sex (sex he has already shown he wanted in the first place) I stop and ask him if it feels good, if he can give me some tips, if he wants to change something up. I'm not saying every single sexual encounter should always be this way, but that's how I do it and like it. There's nothing sexy about fucking a guy who just lays there without showing he's into it.

If we're capable of still doing this in a relationship despite already being quite aware of what the other person is okay with or not and not being at all concerned about US college definitions of consent, I don't see what's so awful about making sure your casual college hook-up partner (which I think is the type of situation for which this enthusiastic consent has become a thing) actually wants to fuck you.

Entropy-7 · 2018-05-11T12:16:21+00:00

OFF SIDE

This asks for women to take responsibility.

CatchPhraze · 2018-05-11T17:01:45+00:00

The nuance of sex isn't so hard to grasp nor is it as all or nothing as you make it. Consent is a proactive/positive roll in the sex. If someone is unresponsive or only does something after urging then they aren't really consenting. There is a huge difference between me forcing my boyfriends legs apart, and him fucking wiggling his belt off faster then I can pull my hair back, like anyone with any ability to read body signs knows what enthusiastic participation looks like vs fear based compliance.

PPD-Angel · 2018-05-11T18:05:19+00:00

This post seems to have turned into a mess because the AutoModerator never showed up due to the failure to edit. "Question for Feminist Women" is not a tag on here. The appropriate tags are question for: Bluepill, Redpill, Women, Men and Purple, no questions strictly at directed feminists, MGTOWs etc.

BiggerDthanYou · 2018-05-11T11:21:20+00:00

Someone please explain "enthusiastic consent" to me

the_calibre_cat · 2018-05-11T13:15:12+00:00

I’m not a feminist (although me being against bullying women gets me called a feminazi on here 🙄)

But why would I want sex with a guy who isn’t enthusiastic about having sex with me? If he seems disinterested, I would just cut it off. I would be humiliated to have sex with a guy who doesn’t seem interested.

2018-05-11T22:16:37+00:00

There is no such question in society. Women are passive. They are not responsible for anything. If they are acting, it’s because they are crazy.

2018-05-11T16:37:17+00:00

I always ask permission before penetrating my boyfriend.

shoup88 · 2018-05-11T13:33:21+00:00

No, I’ve been with my partner for 11+ years. I’d say a good third of the time we’re not even that enthusiastic - it’s just that conditions are right and if we don’t do it now we might have to wait a week.

Under the new standard of "enthusiastic consent" does that mean that if a chick doesn't ask for and receive explicit permission before giving a guy a bj, that means she's a rapist and the guy can sue her afterwards as a sexual assailant...?

No, this is all wrong. You don’t have any of this right.

DerEwigeKatzendame · 2018-05-11T22:56:25+00:00

I do, to the annoyance of my partners. I'll do a butt grope in private with an established partner, but for much else I'll ask, and I think the seventh time he says, "Dude, you literally can't rape me, just do whatever." That's when I start to be a bit more forward.

2018-05-12T00:48:11+00:00

Yes! I definitely make sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the person I’m fucking wants to fuck me before I fuck them. And that if they ask me to stop or act like they’re not enjoying what’s going on, I stop. That’s what enthusiastic consent means, not asking “mother may I” before every single ass touch.

Willow-girl · 2018-05-12T02:51:01+00:00

I jested a bit earlier, but in all seriousness (you can put away your pitchforks and torches now) "enthusiastic" (or "affirmative") consent and similar strategies are a product of the hookup culture. They're an attempt to make sex between strangers less awkward, uncomfortable and potentially litigious. See how difficult that is, and why clumsy (albeit well-meaning) rules are probably doomed to failure?

Perhaps we would do better to recommend not being physically intimate until some emotional intimacy has been established. Or, alternately, if you do want to sleep with strangers, perhaps you should expect that things may be awkward and unpleasant? (That is not an excuse for rape, of course; merely an acknowledgement that "opening night sex" sometimes leaves a lot to be desired, especially when alcohol is involved.)

SpaceWhiskey · 2018-05-11T21:03:09+00:00

Jesus this thread is messy lol, all the top level comments aren’t feminists.

Yes, all partners should affirm consent before and during sex. I’ve never gotten anything short of an enthusiastic yes before performing oral. It doesn’t have to be a boring strawman type question like I see in this sub though where I ask “do I have permission to put your penis in my mouth”. Suggesting that’s the only way to do it is a bad faith argument. For me I’m a fan of eye contact and something to the tune of “yeah, want me to suck that hard cock?” It’s not rocket science.

Willow-girl · 2018-05-11T11:07:01+00:00

Where men are concerned, enthusiastic consent is not usually a problem ...

Title	Question for Feminist Women : Do You Always ask for and obtain enthusiastic consent before you do something sexual with a guy...????
Author	MickDash
Upvotes	37
Comments	178
Date	May 11, 2018 9:08 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8imcdr/question_for_feminist_women_do_you_always_ask_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-feminist-women-do-you-always-ask-for.262491 https://theredarchive.com/post/262491

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