Q4W: How many of you have "back-up" guys?

madscientistlove · 2017-12-19T05:28:32+00:00

I think that sourcing that claim from The Daily Mail is questionable, and I seriously doubt that half of women have back ups. Having "back ups" is low-class and trashy.

Salty-Bastard · 2017-12-19T03:21:49+00:00

Me and Liam Neeson have an understanding

SmurfESmurferson · 2017-12-19T03:26:34+00:00

I do not. I would be royally screwed if the husband decided to divorce me - we've been together since before online dating. I wouldn't know how to date in this day and age.

What do I think of the half of married women who do have a Plan B? I think their marriages are doomed to fail, be it by divorce or a lifelong boredom/dissatisfaction purgatory.

sublimemongrel · 2017-12-19T07:16:17+00:00

God this is like the fifth thread I’ve seen on just this one “study.” No one I’ve genuinely known, save one crazy girl, had any such “back up guys.”

Orange_Paisley · 2017-12-19T04:26:27+00:00

Oh, God no. I was skeptical even trying to date again at 40. If this relationship doesn’t work out I’m going to adopt 2 more dogs and 16 cats instead.

Littleknownfacts · 2017-12-19T10:22:16+00:00

Half of women are probably extroverts.

No I've never kept a back-up. I don't doubt my ability to get guys if I need them when I need them.

[deleted] · 2017-12-19T04:10:32+00:00

Pfft! I wish. I've had enough trouble just finding one!

Willow-girl · 2017-12-19T04:26:38+00:00

Nope, nada. All my eggs are in one basket.

[deleted] · 2017-12-19T05:16:20+00:00

I invested everything in my SO. Do or die, or don't get on my ride.

TheChemist158 · 2017-12-19T06:24:55+00:00

Nah, I don't have anyone on standby. I think this ties heavily into the fear of singledom. Many people (man and women) fear being single to the point where they stay in unhappy relationships. I don't fear being single, so my 'backup' is just being single. But other people do fear being single so maybe they just want that backup to feel better. I'm sure men enjoy the same luxury when they can.

That said I can't imagine it being healthy for a relationship. Having the confidence that you could move on and find someone else if good, but having a real flesh and blood human to constantly weigh against your SO is just asking for trouble. I can imagine that anytimes things go sour you start idealizing the other side.

Doesn't it say a lot about dating norms if women seem to be able to have guys on hold in case their current man doesn't cut it?

I've made this point many times before on here, but I believe this to be an illusion (at least in the RMP). Both men and women want relationships, and there are roughly equal men and women. So if every woman got with a guy, there wouldn't be a huge surplus of men around. My guess is that since men are the ones who pursue, they pursue several women at a time. Much like how if you are applying for a job, you apply to several at a time. You'll only take on one job, but you to test out the waters the waters. So I bet a lot of these plan B men are plan B's to several women (or have approached several women at least). He won't date all the women he approached, but all the women he approached see him as a candidate.

washington_breadstix · Tue Dec 19 3:43:51 2017 UTC

the back-up is likely to be an old friend who has always had feelings for the woman in question.

So essentially the "backup" guy is the girl's most attractive orbiter.

Any woman who's like a 6 or higher has enough orbiters that she probably selects the backup guy subconsciously. I mean, how could you not in that situation?

Very, very few men have orbiters to begin with, so of course we don't have backups as often. I know exactly zero women who would "drop everything for me" as the article says. Maintaining that kind of relationship(s) with a woman outside of your actual relationship would be way too exhausting for a man because men are expected to do most of the initiating and damn near all of the hoop-jumping to keep women interested. A guy might have some idea of who he would approach next if he suddenly became single, but guys don't have excess members of the opposite sex at their beck and call to nearly the same extent that women do.

This news may cause a few men in relationships to think twice about not taking the rubbish out or choosing a night down [at] the pub in favour of a cosy night in with his partner.

Lol. So guys reading that article should just hand over even more power to women? Give me a fucking break. That's exactly the opposite of what they should do.

thinkytoes · 2017-12-19T18:50:24+00:00

I do. Always.

I have backups for both romantic relationships and fwbs. I see no reason to operate differently, especially considering how men can be.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that I am very particular and just being attractive is not enough of a reason to start with a guy. They are vetted, so to speak.

Works for me.

super-commenting · 2017-12-20T01:17:49+00:00

Why do people think that they'll get meaningful response by posting threads like this? Obviously everyone who posts is going to say no. The women who do have back ups will either not post or lie

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-12-19T03:51:09+00:00

i have never done this
who the fuck cares what other women do
dread affcts relationships in a positive way for the dreader, no the dreadee so it depends on where you stand

quotient_is · 2017-12-19T04:24:07+00:00

The source for this is a tabloid, but ok.

I don't have a backup at this point in my life. The closest I think I've gotten to having a backup was an ex that it took me years to fully get over.

Strike that. I did have a situation like this when I was in highschool. Not sure if pre-adulthood instances count.

It wouldn't surprise me if a fair number of women think like this. I figure it's equivalent to men who keep in touch with old fwb/gfs/plates to either cheat with or keep on standby should their relationships fail.

TheBlackQuill · 2017-12-19T13:44:39+00:00

I am a loner who don't have friends irl, so nope, I don't have backup guys.

RockinSocksII · 2017-12-19T14:41:33+00:00

I don't. I'll probably just stop dating altogether if my boyfriend dumps me.

GridReXX · 2017-12-20T01:36:59+00:00

I don’t actively invest in men I’m not dating.

But if you’re asking if there are men in my network who are not married and interested in me? Yes. Yes there are.

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[deleted] · 2017-12-20T01:37:18+00:00

Nope. I'm an introvert and a bit of a loner. I don't have a lot of friends irl, and most of my friends are female.

With that being said, I do have a couple of male friends who I grew up with (since elementary school), but they are in relationships themselves and we talk too infrequently for them to be considered orbiters. Talking negatively about my relationship or complaining about my husband is strictly off the table with any friend of mine.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2017-12-20T14:14:27+00:00

I do, three.

I_will_become_better · 2017-12-20T23:07:30+00:00

I've never had a backup. I don't really know people that do either. The concept seems so strange to me, and cruel to both the hapless guy waiting in the wings and to the boyfriend who's in a probationary relationship.

edit: It sounds a lot like the "abundance mentality" crap that TRP uses to avoid emotional investment. Having a bunch of plates in the wings so that you don't feel as hurt if this one fails. To me, it's defeatist.

[deleted] · 2017-12-21T01:24:33+00:00

Not me

Title	Q4W: How many of you have "back-up" guys?
Author	Scatre
Upvotes	3
Comments	129
Date	December 19, 2017 3:21 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7kqj3i/q4w_how_many_of_you_have_backup_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-many-of-you-have-back-up-guys.264437 https://theredarchive.com/post/264437

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