What do you think of the common RPW advice to STFU?

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-08-08T05:49:28+00:00

Do women really have this problem? Like who doesn't know it's bad to be a naggy, critical bitch?

It's like those Life Pro Tips that say, "Always save a little bit of money each month!" Or "Always wipe after you poop!" Who is the intended audience here? Babies?

DrunkGirl69 · 2017-08-08T07:11:05+00:00

I get the impression that RPW encourages fighting ones nature whereas TRP encourages embracing theirs. This seems to assume that all men are naturally awesome at being men and husbands that women would love and just need to shed society's control to reveal their true selves, while women are naturally annoying shrews that men would have no natural interest in being around or marrying unless they repress their vapid feminine urges (to nag and bitch) at every turn.

I know many women exist who would benefit much more from TRP-styled advice than RPW. Some women STFU for too long before realizing she should've fought that social conditioning (like a red piller) in order to get the relationship she really wanted.

TheChemist158 · 2017-08-08T06:16:52+00:00

I usually talk to older married women who are happily married in order to get relationship advice. The suggestions they have about happy marriages are: letting things go, keeping some things to yourself, not going to bed angry. All of these words of wisdom, in my view, translate to 'shut the fuck up'.

Ehhh, I've noticed a lot of things can be categorized under 'STFU', some of which I agree with, and some I don't. I do think that keeping the peace is a good thing to consider in all relationships, for everyone. Man or woman, boss or spouse. Also ties in with 'pick your battles'. Ask yourself how much this issue really matters, and if fighting for it will only cause more harm than good overall. Which, again, isn't advice just for wives in their marriage.

But the key here is balance. I've been told that many people in the pillosphere lack a sense of reasonable middle ground. They can be either stepford wives with no sense of agency or nagging harpies. Which is a tough spot, sucks for them. But for more well adjusted people, I wouldn't agree that you shouldn't advocate for your wishes/beliefs. A male lead relationship isn't necessarily a good one, and if it doesn't suit you don't force yourself to follow one. Even the best men will make mistakes that you knew better on. Even the best men will be thoughtless and act against your interest sometimes. And those are the best men, most of us are stuck with average men. Sometimes it's best to voice your opinion, insist on it going one way, not deferring to him, and making sure your wants are met. So don't always STFU.

KidxMaka · 2017-08-08T05:36:15+00:00

I guess it's okay advice for women who have trouble with

nagging, complaining, criticizing, or fighting with men.

Kind of feels like a band aid solution though

Salieri_Tuesday · 2017-08-08T05:49:11+00:00

Encouraging women to stfu sounds like it would breed resentment. Why shouldn't people just tell their partners when something is bothering them? Seems like that would be much healthier.

Lyanina · 2017-08-08T06:00:43+00:00

I think it's good advice for people in relationships; at least, for people who can discern which situations it should apply to. I STFU about small things that irritate me. I can easily see how it would lead to problems if I held a grudge over these things and became bitter, but usually if I hold my tongue long enough it will go away because it's just a small thing. I don't believe my SO points out every little thing that irritates him either. Absence of nagging and fighting over unimportant things is IMO good for a relationship, yes.

STFUing over big decisions and problems is stupid IMO and not what any RPW worth their salt recommends. But for people who are prone to nagging and complaining, it may help to STFU and listen for a few minutes anyway while their partner explains their side of things.

Like most RP things I find the need for a specific term strange.

Scurvemuch · 2017-08-08T10:13:02+00:00

If you really think about it, the post I wrote on MRPW could apply equally well to either gender since it basically has to do with direct communication, positivity, and good manners. Which, I've noticed lots of ppl are in short supply of.

RockinSocksII · 2017-08-08T14:13:20+00:00

Being unable to air grievances typically makes people unhappy. Bottling it up is not good for a person.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-08-08T05:59:32+00:00

I realized a few months ago after reading a comic about it that the reason women end up nagging in relationships is because they often carry the mental load of housework, and it is very frustration on them that the men in their lives are pretty much clueless about these issues.

kind of made me feel like a giant piece of shit when I realized that's why my mom acts like a crazy bitch

Tell_them_to_shrug · 2017-08-08T08:49:22+00:00

As a man, I did this for the entirety of my teenage years as my mother became increasingly insufferable.

I recommend it for any unavoidable relationship where you hate the other person.

haikufun · 2017-08-08T10:41:28+00:00

I don't follow it. Sometimes you need to have that fight. Solve the problem together and then you won't have something to resent for years to come. I get weirded out by people who think ideal relationships involve never having conflict. Resolved conflict is a great thing.

pinkgoldrose · 2017-08-08T05:53:52+00:00

Shutting the fuck up is a good way to not get into an argument and it works for both men or women. I once heard an old man say the secret to happy married life is to exclaim "guilty" when your wife complains about something. It was kind of sexist, but he was saying it in a funny way to make people laugh, and it was kind of endearing coming from an old fat guy married for 50 years.

[deleted] · 2017-08-08T08:53:31+00:00

I can see some ways where this can be useful, to avoid nagging etc., but meh. Personally, I never fight with my partner and if I ever reach the point where I have to actively supress myself in order to avoid fighting, I will probably break up. Then again a lot of RPW are married so they don't have that option so easily.

Willow-girl · 2017-08-08T12:30:59+00:00

I think part of being a mature adult of either gender is learning to STFU in some situations.

ta1901 · 2017-08-08T17:37:07+00:00

STFU does nothing to enhance communication or solve a problem. It's just an outburst.

nemma88 · 2017-08-08T07:25:31+00:00

Nagging is feminine.

But annoying. The urge to nag comes from a place of attempting to fix someone else's incompetence. It is both a symptom and cause of dysfunction. I think some amount of nagging is good, sometimes you have to get things off your chest and this is rarely pleasant or gosh darn doing the same thing wrong repeatedly can just make you want to explode.

I think people sweat the little things too much. Many more things can go wrong or be done wrong than ever before and it can be exhausting. Everyone should take some R&R time sometimes.

Over nagging will lead to unhealthy dynamics, but in many cases it was already unhealthy. You can nag with jokes tagged on the end to lighten the mood. I think STFU'ing will eventually need resolution.

Onna999 · 2017-08-08T21:31:26+00:00

RPWs are a bunch of wanna-be stepford wives and should not be taken into consideration. STFU is nothing but saying that a wifey shouldnt voice her opinion, like ever. Bunch of lunatics.

AutoModerator · 2017-08-08T05:25:05+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

badnews4u · 2017-08-09T12:19:48+00:00

well i think it goes back to who makes the first move. nagging and shit is natural response to beta male behaviours which are exhibited by all average and below males to some extent. so it will happen. but the problem here is that these women, dont try and take responsibility for their actions which is one route to improve the relationship.

i think the guy should improve, but if these rare women want to improve then good for them. although i dont know if its realistic since this is logic overriding emotion which might not work well in the long run

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2017-08-08T07:05:36+00:00

I have seen firsthand how nagging by my mom pissed off my dad (and I would argue harmed their relationship). She also often uses a combative tone with him which leads to him getting irritated. So I think she would strongly benefit from that advice.

I think the principle behind the advice is - you shouldn't expect your partner to change (hence why vetting is so important), and nagging/criticizing is either 1) not going to be effective or 2) work but lead to your partner resenting you. It also creates a parent-child dynamic between the couple. Hence STFU and find a more constructive way to have the conversation, or work on yourself - because in the end the only person you can change is yourself.

[deleted] · 2017-08-08T14:38:43+00:00

The positive equivalent to "STFU" is "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Anyone can use it, but it's particularly helpful when a woman is emotional (more prone to disgruntlement, and fighting), and when she's just bored, and when she's unhappy because of a completely unrelated thing but decides to take it out on the guy.

Advice that encourages restraint, is what the more masculine and aggressive women tend to have the hardest time learning. There is also a focus on personal accountability on RedPillWives, so whining, yelling, and fighting are all excuses to not take action yourself.

One of the most basic ideas is that "you can only control yourself" - which means yelling, nagging, and whining don't actually accomplish anything. The other person isn't likely to comply, so instead of trying to get them to do something, it's better to first look at what you have been doing, and could be doing.

I also like the expression "is this really the hill I want to die on?" meaning "is it really worth it to create an argument over this issue?"

PoofyPossum666 · 2017-08-08T14:48:27+00:00

Both run counter to the dominant expectations in our society that men should sacrifice themselves for women and that women should expect male servitude. Look to the prominence of "honey-do" lists (whereas the hypothetical inverse to that would be considered a war crime), etc.

The expectations for male servitude and female entitlement are a bit extreme and don't leave anyone happy, advice that runs in the other direction might lead to a better middle ground.

prodigy2throw · 2017-08-08T14:52:55+00:00

There was an actor who took a vow of silence for a year or something and realized most people weren't really saying anything of substance.

I think STFU is pretty solid advice most of the time.

rainisthelife · 2017-08-08T18:37:37+00:00

Yeah. Women really do need to STFU. They need to stop nagging, complaining, criticizing and fighting with their men.

Title	What do you think of the common RPW advice to STFU?
Author	KidxMaka
Upvotes	4
Comments	128
Date	August 8, 2017 5:25 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6sbfyl/what_do_you_think_of_the_common_rpw_advice_to_stfu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-think-of-the-common-rpw-advice-to-stfu.266555 https://theredarchive.com/post/266555

Comments