Women, do you like confidence in men?

wholesomedude · 2017-03-30T11:36:25+00:00

For women who like confidence in men - would you still like confidence in a guy if he had nothing going for him, and the only reason he was so confident is...

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If not, what exactly do you mean?

Guys are sexually aroused by looks, women are aroused by both looks and personality and social standing and other things. Both men and women can both be turned off by shitty personality, but men do not get a physical visceral feeling of sexual arousal based upon a woman's personality.

How would you test this or prove this?

There are loads of questions you could ask to get a better idea of this.

When men and women have sexual fantasies, what aspects do they focus on? Who are they imagining? What aspects of that person are they focusing on? What media causes them to be horny? What types of media do they desire to satisfy their sexual needs, when they acquire such media at all?

Also, since the hypothesis is based around biological sex and not sexual preference, look at what homosexual couples seek out and do. What do gay men do to turn on other guys? What do lesbians do? What do they change about themselves to become more sexually attractive? What standards do they adhere to in that regard?

And of course the answers to all of the above come down to percentages, not absolutes.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Men are exclusively sexually attracted to physical traits in women (aka looks

What? A few years back I met a girl. She was cute, a natural blonde with blue eyes, big tits, big ass, flat stomach so we could say that she was attractive. But there were lots of other girls more attractive than her around.

This girl was more attractive to me than all of the other girls because of how bubbly her personality was. She was incredible. The greatest flirt I have ever known, all natural. This girl was 18 and she dated a guy for 2 years and that's it.

She was also very introvert and had a handful of friends, she'd spend all of her time at home watching movies. But for whatever reason she'd turn into a social butterfly when I was around. Maybe she needed glasses, I don't know.

I met her, I was confident and funny as I usually am when I'm not fucking surrounded by 6'6'' greek gods, we hit it off and this girl would shower me with attention. I legit couldn't have one minute for myself lol.

It would've been annoying if she wasn't so funny, witty, charming and sensual. She began by acting all shy and reserved. Then she began to be more risky. ''Show me your biceps.''

''Shave your face, I want to see you without facial hair.'' She continues with the '' I am not that sort of girl'' '' I don't do that'' but she keeps escalating lmao. I'm addicted to porn. And I've been so for a few years now but I tell you. All of this flirting and how she would tell it to me, everything, would make me feel like I had a huge river of testosterone running in my veins. I legit wanted to grab her, push her against the wall and fuck her so hard I'd rip a hole in the wall. I'd tell her this, too. She would laugh and giggle and keep teasing me and getting me all worked up haha.

she would tell me ''take off your shirt.'' and then she'd say ''nope, I ain't showing you anything tehehe''l, only to show me her shoulder or naked legs an hour or so ago was so exciting lololol. I legit found myself getting erections every 5 minutes with her and all of these sexual energies running through my body, something I hadn't felt in a long time.

She teased and escalated, and retreated and flirted, and brushed against me when there was no reasons for, then she'd giggle, or she'd let me catch her bending over in shorts shorts or a sundress or whatever.

Dude, she had only been with a guy before but when we banged it was such an intense experience like I have never experienced when banging a hot chick. Hot chicks usually lack warmth and have no social skills to speak of because guys are throwing their souls and their dogs at them.

Anyway, a man's attraction for a woman is not 100% based in looks. This girl was like a 7 compared to 10s and she gamed me so hard lololol.

Girls from Virginia =D

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I think confidence is overrated. There's a certain minimum level of confidence below which it would be very hard for me to date that man, I would find it difficult to deal with extreme insecurity or anxiety. However, more confidence is not always better, if anything, it's worse. I noticed that what many men think is "confidence" is closer to arrogance, machismo and being full of themselves, and I hate all of those. If there's a type of confidence I'm super attracted to, it's this quiet, "humble" confidence, but it seems very, very rare. That's the kind of confidence I respect in people in general, and try to cultivate in myself too.

Either way, to me confidence doesn't mean anything without other personality qualities that I value, and can even be a minus, actually. I don't see confidence as something that can be artificially inflated, if that's what it is, then it's just that - an artificial feeling, closer to too much self-importance and arrogance. True confidence is something people naturally gain by overcoming challenges, improving themselves and experiencing personal growth, living up to their values. I would have little respect for someone who's confident but doesn't actually have anything to be confident about, it would be just empty confidence. I don't expect people to be perfect, what I really value is self-awareness. If a person knew they had flaws, acknowledged them and were humble about them but also willing to improve themselves, I'd be a lot more attracted to that than someone who has the same flaws but attempts to hide them under false confidence.

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Lots of men like competition, and when you prove yourself to be on their level by talking a big game and then backing it up you're welcomed as a brother.

It depends on what kind of men. I had a 90% male social group (mostly shy guys) and most of my friends would complain about guys who are always bragging and turning things into a dick waving contest. Frat guys though probably do enjoy these dick waving contests as a way to have fun and bond in a friendly way. There are many different types of men.

No, but they do want a winner. And they'll put up with that guy to be with a winner before going to a loser

You're thinking about this from a male perspective. Women tend to not think like that. Women are less likely to want confrontation and conflict and don't usually like to date someone who brings conflict to their door.

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No? I don't even know what mental gymnastics would get you to this point but I think it says more about you than it says about me.

Men can talk to whoever they want, however I disagree that being socially competent and not afraid to talk to women is the same as actual confidence. Not caring about what other people think of you is one thing, feeling like you are better than them in some regard is another.

Also why the hell would a man need skills just to talk to me? I'm socially awkward as fuck - I like talking to nerds about nerdy shit and most of them are pretty shy. I won't take your head off for making conversation, jesus christ. What I need confidence and skill for in a man is for me to be attracted to him. However that can also be confidence in a professional skill etc. like coding or engineering - lots of socially shy/ non-confident men have high levels of skill and confidence when it comes to their interests - just mention that you're a Star Wars fan and you can be sure to get into a debate where they can get very dominant.

And no one needs to achieve anything for me, them achieving things for themselves and feeling good about it makes me want to have sex with them, pure and simple. Female attraction works different from male attraction in this regard. For our relationship to work out in the long run, I also need to respect my partner for something that he's better at than me, that encourages me to also be better, ideally as a team - for example my husband works very sucessfully in IT and is great at scripting. It encourages me to also continue this hobby and lately we've been programming mods for some games together. He also works out regularly and from that has some nice muscle - this in turn encourages me to also work out because I want to match him in st least being "good enough" for him in terms of looks and fitness (obviously he doesn't make me do it but I feel lazy for not working out when he does for example).

Now I don't know how he sees me as good enough but apparently looks, shared interests, being really nice to him and regular enthusiastic sex are enough for him to keep me around so idk that's his choice.

My husband was also really shy when we first met and I carried the conversation in a never expected concouring of my social awkwardness but I thought he was really cool in our nerdy convos before and looked good. He is not a stereotypical Chad and still whenever he has a success at work or talks about his passions or gets into political debates etc. he is very confident and I find this very attractive.

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I make a difference between confidence and dominance. I don't get why both are linked in your speech.

Confidence is my attitude, I look like I think I can talk to you, I look like I believe I can get you, I look like I don't care what you think and am oriented toward my goal and only that matters. That is confidence to me, and lacking this is supposedly unattractive.

Being dominant in a discussion is kinda lame, unattractive and beta if you ask me. We're supposed to be dominant in our behaviour.

Everything else you say makes sense to me.

I am also a developer, but my wife doesn't give shit about it. I do nothing really better than my wife. The only differences are that I earn more money, am physically and mentally stronger. What matters is the later, I have to be cold headed for her, be stable, be confident about figuring things out, be patient for her. She can do all that, but maybe less consistently.

And these things aren't skills, they're pure confidence. Therefore this is why I don't really get why people think confidence should be built on something, measured confidence is good for itself and is a skill itself. Even for sex, I'm not going to please her in bed because I have some secret skills and techniques more than others, but because I'm confident, not hesitating and will never display sign of negativity. This is the assurance that even if I suck, I won't suck for long. The same way video games release games that has lot of flaws, but gets good point because they progress and listen and are reassuring beforehand with their confidence.

Now I don't know how he sees me as good enough but apparently looks, shared interests, being really nice to him and regular enthusiastic sex are enough for him to keep me around so idk that's his choice.

Well it's what it takes to make a man happy. I have the same kind of relationship with wife. You must sometimes be sad to hear from terpies that you're not unique and you're replaceable, but it's not very difficult to be of a very solid value for a man, even for the worst terpiests.

If you claim to be a Doctor but are actually a homeless drug addict with 50k in debt, that's a pretty big problem if we were making plans on getting married, buying a house and having children together.

Haha funny part is in the USA it's probably perfectly possible.

If you claim to be great at sex and when we actually do it, it just feels uncomfortable and you're done within 30 seconds then that is also a prettty big disappointment.

Well, there are other ways. You can be confident about being good at sex, have a soft boner and finish in 30 seconds, but then still managing to make her cum, it's just a mentality. Promising good sex and not delivering it is just being a liar, not confident.

[–]DemonConsulting4" Dragon1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The only differences are that I earn more money, am physically and mentally stronger. What matters is the later, I have to be cold headed for her, be stable, be confident about figuring things out, be patient for her.

I would say that all of these are things that make you better in her eyes - you don't make more money by doing nothing for example and being mentally strong, calm and able to slove problems the way you describe is certainly a skill that many people lack. Tbh I could also achieve most things at the level of my husband, if I put a lot of work into it (other than strength which I biologically just cannot as a 5'2 woman) but he is the one who actually already put the work in and achieved those things - I admire that about him and I would guess that your wife probably does too.

I often see confidence and dominance linked in the people displaying them in public (think "Chad" archetype) but I can get on board with your definition.

Being a liar is exactly what would turn me off - marketing yourself without actual good qualities like OP described. Being a quick learner is a great skill too though - if you actually manage to get good at whatever game we talked about and I don't even notice you lied than that's pretty impressive - if it's all empty promisses and lies and the same goes for all the other things that you claimed to be at first, then there probably isn't much of a solid foundadtion for the relationship. If like in OPs question all you ever achieved are women and there is literally nothing else interesting about you then there is not point for a relationship, it's like dating a Ken doll just with a functioning penis lol

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes I fear that she realizes she can do everything I do, and much better because she has motivation and I am lazy as fuck. One skill she might never have but I do, is to create illusion of hard work without actually doing much, I'm super good at that. :')

But then I also remembered that when she was pregnant I did the relocation of our house by my own strength and kept lifting shit for her for 9 month, and I hope she'll remember that I am here to help her when she's weak. I've noticed that the contrary is not necessarily true, weakness from me often implied more nagging and shit testing.

if you actually manage to get good at whatever game we talked about and I don't even notice you lied than that's pretty impressive

That's something I could do just to mess with someone. I often try to develop rivality just to boost motivations.

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Nah, I know confident fat people in blue collar professions who are popular in their social group and also get women - not morbidly obese and the women aren't super good looking either but it doesn't seem to be a dealbreaker if the guy is otherwise well groomed and doesn't have a hideous face. Usually those guys were popular and more athletic in school just like OP described but now put on a few pounds. A poorly groomed, socially weird neckbeard type will definitely be shunned though, even if he is trying to be confident. The fact that he is trying and not actually confident makes the teasing worse since they want him to stay in his place - it's a pretty common human behavior to make the in-group stroger and keep the out-group out to in turn preserve your own standing in the in-group.

Usually men have to pass a base line of physical attractiveness to be considered for sex at all, that's true, but if you're a really dominant guy and still have lots of friends from school or wherever, chances are you won't be bullied out if the group just like that. Obviously if you aren't in the cool group to begin with, you have a problem because not only are you not confident but they want to actively keep you out to elevate their own standing and the more is "wrong" with you, the better a target you are.

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Title	Women, do you like confidence in men?
Author	wholesomedude
Upvotes	9
Comments	151
Date	March 30, 2017 11:36 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/62ded7/women_do_you_like_confidence_in_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-do-you-like-confidence-in-men.269187 https://theredarchive.com/post/269187

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