CMV: "The some women like this some women like that" idea is toxic dating advice.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2017-03-03T17:53:39+00:00

Objectively hot: fit body + decent face symmetry. That's what most women want as Step 1.

After that each woman has different tastes. Some women for example prefer cute guys with round faces while other women prefer guys with sharp features. But a fit body (not necessarily swole, just within healthy BMI) and decent facial symmetry is something that most women find hot.

SetConsumes · 2017-03-03T18:03:53+00:00

First of all, using the term "some" is done to throw off any sort of statistical majority or relevancy. It obscures any possible categorization of attractiveness which is not how things work. If this were actually true, we would see an equal representation of morbidly obese men and muscular ripped men in the media, movies, TV etc. Additionally, we would see an equal amount of women hooking up with nerdy guys and fratty guys like myself. These are both not the case.

why? stating that there's a variation in attraction or that there are exceptions to rules doesn't mean that everything is equal.

Just because some non-zero amount of individuals exist that like some X-type of men doesn't mean they should be acknowledged or even given the same weight as those with a majority preference.

they should be acknowledged; it's foolish and ignorant to act like exceptions don't exist, or that there's only one set of traits that might be attractive to someone. i don't think that just because someone states there's an exception, it means they need the same weight as a more common preference or that everything else can just be thrown out the window. i don't think that's the intent of people who make these statements either.

More importantly, being ignorant to majority preferences or using special goalposts to diminish them sabotages people trying to improve themselves.

honestly, anyone who sees mention of different preferences as a reason to stop trying to improve themselves will find anything to excuse them from having to try. that's a problem with the individual, not the people noting that exceptions and different preferences exist.

sublimemongrel · 2017-03-03T18:54:00+00:00

Toxic? Really?

shoup88 · 2017-03-03T18:25:05+00:00

What you linked to is not dating advice, it's an argument against RP black and white thinking.

This seems to be a pretty common misconception on this sub. When BP argues against RP, they are rarely offering an alternative guideline to dating - they're just trying to disprove RP.

Can you link to actual dating advice to illustrate your point?

prodigy2throw · 2017-03-03T19:09:06+00:00

Can we please put a rest to the idea that TRP thinks there is one single Chad for all women?

The idea of a Chad is someone who appeals to MOST women simply by their natural attitude, look and genetic gifts.

For some women, their Chad could be Chris Hemsworth and for others it could be Rob Gronkowski.

Both are Chads. Both are fucking a good percentage of women they come across. Yes it is possible that some would fuck Thor and not Gronk and some would fuck Gronk and never Thor.

Trying to argue away the idea of Chad by saying "not every single woman on the face of the earth would fuck him" does nothing for your argument.

says_harsh_things · 2017-03-03T18:08:03+00:00

the problem is that men still don't understand female sexuality, so they substitute a projection of their own.

every woman has an attractiveness threshold that generally mirrors her own self-perception. a woman who considers herself very attractive will have a higher threshold than a woman who thinks she's ugly, or who could lose a few pounds. it's a binary... either you're attractive or you're not. a 300 lb greasy neckbeard is going to be attractive to very few women, and they're generally going to be obese and greasy as well.

Once that attractiveness threshold has been reached, then individual tastes come into play. if an attractive girl says she likes guys with glasses a dumpy nearsighted guy shouldn't hear that as he has a chance. she wants a guy who meets her attractiveness threshold (meaning as hot as she perceives herself to be or hotter) who also wears glasses.

But those individual tastes do matter. If I'm into alternative types with beards and you're a good looking clean-shaven frat guy it's still not going anywhere. you'll register as an attractive person, but I'm not going to be attracted to you.

BiggerDthanYou · 2017-03-03T18:08:56+00:00

Yes every woman only likes frat boys and there is no way that you simply don't notice those that ignore you

LSTW1234 · 2017-03-03T19:09:21+00:00

If someone isn't smart enough to recognize that "some" means "some," that's their problem. Most people can use their own logical reasoning skills and, ya know, their eyes to recognize what is and isn't the majority.

Also, who uses PPD for romantic advice? The chain you linked was not intended to be advice, it was an observation.

AutoModerator · 2017-03-03T17:49:35+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

buttlollipop · 2017-03-03T21:42:26+00:00

Does the idea that women have individual/different personalities necessitate that no particular traits/types of men will be more attractive to women than others? I don't see how these things are mutually exclusive. But there's kind of a middle ground between "No matter what you look like, there is an equal amount of women who find that attractive" and "All women are manipulative disloyal sluts." Catch my drift?

I mean, red pill men generally agree that men will find some women more attractive than others (Long hair comes to mind as something most men like, no matter how much my fellow women/blue pillers want to tell me I'm being sexist and wrong.) But they also seem to believe that there are some men who are good people and some men who are bad people. That said, red pillers (especially the more jaded types) seem to believe that ugly men are inherently good, hot men are inherently bad, yet the same reverse looks-based merit system doesn't exist with women. But that's a rant for another day.

siaynoq11 · 2017-03-03T21:18:07+00:00

Red Pill dating advice is overly reductive regarding complex human relationships, which is why you get BPers trying to add nuance to the RP very black and white view of the world.

I know many men want to hear that relationships are simple. Do x and you will be rewarded with z. This exact system and procedure is The One True Answer. Systems, categories, logic, simplicity. Binary. The problem is that life isn't really like that. Humans aren't like that. Attractiveness isn't like that. What works for one person won't necessarily work for another.

I've been attracted to traits in one person that would turn me off completely in another person. Inauthenticity is gross, and so transparent. If you're not some muscle-bound jockhead, don't try to become one.... find what you like about yourSELF and own it before trying to become other people. To me, RPers want to destroy uniqueness and variation in men, converting them all into the same boring stereotype of masculinity. That's bad dating advice.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2017-03-03T22:20:34+00:00

It isn't toxic advice at all. It's the truth. Some women like certain things and other women like other things.

Some women like guys who rock flat bills, other women like guys in uniform.

If you want to be the type of guy who can appeal to many women...here's a thought: get to know whichever woman you're trying to appeal to and figure out what she likes.

It's not rocket science.

IIHotelYorba · 2017-03-03T23:24:43+00:00

Yes abs are more high percentage but men need to stop using their spare tire as an excuse to not approach women at all. I've never had abs. It's BETTER but not ESSENTIAL.

Women will always be saying nitpicking contrarian shit. If a man is so stupid he simply falls for any one single remark they make, and does not try to persevere, he will not pass on his genes. Women are not "toxic" just highly contradictory, evolved to confuse low value timid men.

Homosapiensized · 2017-03-03T23:56:41+00:00

This post comes across as hysterical. Toxic advice? Lmao.

voteGOPk · 2017-03-04T03:30:10+00:00

a classic BP shortcoming is their inability to understand that you can use generalities to make general points.

BP mentality is fixated on the "everyone is unique" point of view.

i am not disagreeing with you so moved to auto mod i guess

midnightvulpine · 2017-03-03T19:39:49+00:00

It's not about ignoring stats, it's about promoting flexibility. If you bank on only what is statistically more likely, you're inevitably going to fail. And by how much you fail depends on the skew within the scope of your region. If you acknowledge and take into account that tastes vary you'll be better able to deal at times when the statistical average does not apply.

TheBlackQuill · 2017-03-04T05:37:12+00:00

The thing is, people tend to judge others based on their experience, even without them realizing it. It's just that some choose to express their judgement, whereas others like to keep it to themselves. Even then, the judgement is not usually black and white and more on a spectrum. Because of this, there are certain people that appeal to you more than others and I think it is not necessarily a bad thing. What is more important is, whether or not you give the person a chance to prove them wrong.

[deleted] · 2017-03-04T11:37:02+00:00

When people say "some women like this, some women like that" it means that you shouldn't act, dress or look like something that doesn't feel true to you just because you fear it might make you undateable. If you're really into playing DnD with your buddies and you think letting hair grow down past your shoulders is awesome then you shouldn't feel pressured to change those things and start working out obsessively, get an undercut and stop hanging out in board games stores in order to get laid. The advice is not meant for dating but for being happy in general. Don't worry, women like all sorts of men and you shouldn't change things you like about yourself in order to appeal to the "average" woman.

This might surprise you but not everyone builds their life around getting laid as often as possible. Most people want to be happy with themselves and stay true to themselves in a way that allows them to keep meeting new and interesting people and perhaps share their life with.

mistresswhat · 2017-03-04T23:48:08+00:00

Here's something that applies to both marketing and dating: you can appeal somewhat to a large group of people or very strongly to a smaller group of people, but not both. The latter tends to be a better strategy, especially when it comes to dating -- someone who thinks you're kinda cute might be convinced to give you a chance, but only if you're not competing with someone they think is the SEXIEST PERSON EVER.

Trying to become generically attractive is an inefficient use of your time. It's a lot more efficient to play to your strengths and/or focus on becoming more attractive to the specific people you are trying to attract.

A nerd isn't going to do well hooking up at a frat party because the women who go to frat parties aren't into nerds. Put a nerd in the kink scene, though -- a notoriously nerdy crowd, basically sex LARPers -- and he'll probably do better than the frat boys because nerdy likes nerdy.

Things get a lot more cut and dry when it comes to physical attractiveness, but even then there's variation. An obese woman at a chubby chaser convention is going to get more attention than a generically pretty girl at a night club.

Returnofthemack3 · 2017-03-05T08:31:59+00:00

people tend to find exceptions to any rule and use said exceptions to justify their viewpoints. It's fucking annoying but people are really bad with understanding basic statistics and probability.

RedPillDetox · 2017-03-05T14:05:26+00:00

Yes, there are many things that are consensually attractive but what women like also depends on age (Cohen & Wade, 2012), geographical location (Sear & Marlowe, 2009), attitudes towards casual sex (Simpson & Gangstead, 2003), self-esteem, attachment style, past relationships (Eastwick, 2013) and even things as random as menstrual cycles or how likely you think you're gonna get sick (Little, DeBruine & Jones, 2011). And those are just to name a few factors.

If you want to dig a bit further try in this article (it has the references i listed.

So no, in my opinion it is not toxic dating advise, it is the true that there are many things that are idiosincratically attractive.

bones_and_love · 2017-03-03T18:15:02+00:00

using the term "some" is done to throw off any sort of statistical majority or relevancy. It obscures any possible categorization of attractiveness which is not how things work

I mean, you're just setup to fail here. Normal people understand what this advice means, but your machinery is broken. Modern medicine calls it autism, but it's just your inability to understand what everyone is saying. I read an autistic guy describe his plight as being in a movie set with actors all around performing a scene but with him being the only one without the script. It seems like your ability to "know what to do" with the information here has also been gutted from you. Good luck, man. Best of luck truly. You're going to need it.

Title	CMV: "The some women like this some women like that" idea is toxic dating advice.
Author	soccerstar77
Upvotes	19
Comments	131
Date	March 3, 2017 5:49 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5xbsst/cmv_the_some_women_like_this_some_women_like_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-the-some-women-like-this-some-women-like-that.269727 https://theredarchive.com/post/269727

Comments