Are men bad at getting gifts? If so, why?

Taylor1391 · 2016-12-20T12:21:41+00:00

Is this really a gendered thing? I thought basically everyone was shit at buying gifts for others.

BPremium · 2016-12-20T12:38:21+00:00

I struggle getting gifts for the women in my life because they tend to buy whatever they want right away if it's affordable. So the stuff they don't already have are ridiculously expensive items, like a new sectional couch. Or a car.

Alth12 · 2016-12-20T12:38:40+00:00

I think it's just life. Everyone works, everyone has more disposable income so when they really want something they just buy it. It makes buying gifts for people you feel they want/need a lot harder.

Men do tend to think of things in a what do they want/need basis too rather than what will make them feel good, though.

DarkLord0chinChin · 2016-12-20T12:44:51+00:00

Because men are more reasonable and more chill than women. Women will always seek hidden meaning behind gifts, always create unnecessary drama. Besides, their interests are often alien to men - things like makeup / fashion / gay fanfics - are very different to sports / videogames / DIY

dejour · 2016-12-20T12:43:07+00:00

There's huge individual variations within each gender, but I would agree that men are worse at buying gifts than women.

I think it's mostly because men tend to dislike shopping and women don't. Many women seem to enjoy browsing and that makes it easier to find a gift. Many men seem to want to have an idea, go find it and buy it.

I was speculating that men are easier to buy for than women, but I don't think that's true. As a man, I find it easier to buy a video game, Star Wars merchandise or an NFL t-shirt because I'm interested in those things. So I think I do a better job of buying things for men. But I think there are lots of women out there that are more interested in stereotypically female things, and so find it easier to buy for other women.

Lyanina · 2016-12-20T13:54:21+00:00

I don't know. I generally suck at it. My boyfriend has been excellent at getting me gifts I enjoy. I think I'm pretty easy to shop for, though -- almost any book I haven't already read (and, actually, quite a few I've already read) will make me happy.

I find some people easy to buy gifts for, and others (okay, most people) terribly difficult. My boyfriend, unfortunately, falls in the latter category. Anything he needs or intensely wants, he already has or intends to buy (and if he doesn't, it's because it's out of either of our budgets). Sometimes it seems like anything he doesn't need would be a sub-optimal gift doomed to be forgotten in an attic somewhere... My ex was a little more sentimental, so I could get a touching, personal gift that did not have to have a practical use, but trust she would appreciate it anyway.

[deleted] · 2016-12-20T14:07:27+00:00

Men are just really bad at picking up social cues. Remember that autism was once defined as the 'extreme manifestation of the male brain', meaning that any brain that leans masculine is a bit on the spectrum. Not a bad thing, it just means men need to have things spelled out for them.

Loreing · 2016-12-20T14:42:08+00:00

That's because men in general have less connection to their emotions than women. The very act of gift giving is an act of emotional transfer where you're telling the other person, "I care about you". Naturally, women would be better at such an activity

anitapk · 2016-12-20T13:25:34+00:00

I'm female and horrible at gift giving. If they don't tell me what they want I turn to gift cards at places I know they like or cash. I know people say that's lazy but I'd rather be called lazy then to give something you want use.

DebatePony · 2016-12-20T13:42:19+00:00

My husband is the best at gift giving. I'm always the one struggling on what to get him (though I think I hit it out of the park this year).

DucksCanDance · 2016-12-20T15:22:11+00:00

Most people will talk about what they want

Just make a note about it in your phone when they do

Even the dumbest person can do this regardless of gender

lbspredh · 2016-12-20T16:14:45+00:00

Buying clothing for anyone is a bloody minefield, wrong size, wrong cut, looks Fuckin awful you really cant win

Jewellery is a safe bet I suppose, perfume too

Maybe if more women liked video games and toys you wouldn't be so hard to buy for

[deleted] · 2016-12-20T16:47:43+00:00

Don't really see a difference between men and women when it comes to gifts in my social circles.

philomexa · 2016-12-20T17:01:48+00:00

Honest to god I hate the gift giving process. I'm terrible about buying gifts, and I'm terrible about receiving gifts. I have no idea what people want, and I never want anything because whatever I want I get for myself.

Every time someone gets me a gift that isn't just a gift card, I just...I don't want it. Whether its jewelry, perfume, clothing, books, etc, I know the person had the right idea/heart in the right place, but they never get me what I'd truly like out of those items.

So knowing this about myself, I realize I am also shit about giving gifts. Why am I spending money on a item that I can only speculate the receiver would enjoy? I need specific instructions (I would like X, brand X, series X, etc) or else I'll become overwhelmed and just resort to an amazon or visa gift card.

Screw you, I'm not a mind reader.

As it stands, I have no idea what to get my husband for Christmas, and we've been together for almost 12 years. Its not that I don't listen, its that he is also very peculiar about his items. He doesn't participate in masculine consumerism (i.e. NFL, watches, golf, ties, cologne, outdoor equipment, and other assorted items that are advertised as male gifts), he gets all the video games he wants through steam sales, he has all the music equipment he needs, and his interests are niche and hard to buy a general gift for (computer building, aquatic husbandry).

On top of that, every time I do buy him a gift, I'm chastised for "wasting money".

My mother and MIL are the same way; they have everything they need/want so according to them, buying a gift is silly and a waste of money.

So far the only person I can easily buy a gift for is my son, because he's a toddler; so as long as it bleeps, bloops, and lights up he's happy.

I wouldn't say men are bad at getting gifts, I think its a cross gender issue.

stone_opera · 2016-12-20T17:42:49+00:00

I don't think everything has to be a gender issue; there are a lot of considerate and generous men, just like there are a lot of considerate and generous women. I think successful gift giving really comes down to careful consideration of the person you are giving to; if you're not a considerate person then it might be harder for you to give meaningfully.

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-12-20T12:39:05+00:00

Men in general are just worse listeners. They are bad at paying attention and at receiving new information.

They don't pick up on all those subtle hints without explicitly getting told what to look out for. She could be talking about something all day everyday and he wouldn't realize that she's into it unless she explicitly tells him so.

Women usually are pretty clear about what they want. Like even mentioning that they would love to have a certain accessoire or travel to certain place several times in the months leading up to their birthday or christmas, but that's not something men pay attention to. They forget about it a second later.

Everyone knows the stereotypes about men that they don't even know the dress size, eye color, favorite food/color/movie/genre/artist, birthday or anything else about his partner or what she cares about.

The thing is that many men just don't care about their partner as people. He's simply blind to her interests, preferances, personality and taste.

He endures her to get sex, but he doesn't actually want her.

Men that actually love their partners and not just their bodies and the fact that they get sex will be able to give good gifts instead of having no idea that there is a soul inside his sextoy.

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IamTheWalkingMenu · 2016-12-20T12:35:29+00:00

It's because everyone is so entitled and add to that advertising conditions people to think that gift giving is some magical life altering experience. Ads always imply men will get sex if they give the right gift. Now it's not only you and him all your followers have to be s part of the exchange and the gift better be insta material. So much pressure. I can kind of understand the skittles thing. Kind of. They should have picked a better candy though like sour patch kids.

Candy_Kittens · 2016-12-20T12:56:18+00:00

I'm a man and i am awesome at getting gifts.

[deleted] · 2016-12-20T14:46:26+00:00

i don't think so... it's pretty easy to buy gifts if you just pay attention to the person. most people aren't secretive about their interests. i could see it being worse if you went with just "men's tastes" or "women's tastes" instead of considering the recipient as an individual though.

anitapk · 2016-12-20T14:56:38+00:00

I don't know. My family doesn't celebrate Christmas. I never had a Christmas tree or christmas gifts growing up. I'm not jewish lol. I'm as white as it can get, tho. I really have no idea what other people would want to get. Perfume for girls, socks for guys?

anitapk · 2016-12-20T14:57:39+00:00

I think it's mostly a combination of social aptitude, subject knowledge, subjectivity and shopping/browsing tendencies.

Subject knowledge is the difference between a gift that she won't use (that's otherwise amazing) and one she'll love, for example her favourite colour might not be flattering in terms of clothing or I have a friend who knits and US and UK needle sizes are different. I think women are a little more careful about this than guys.

Social aptitude is about picking up that they like something and the difference between this is nice and I want this, I once got given cat bowls despite not having a cat because I mentioned it was a nice set when helping a friend pick out stuff for his new cat. I appreciated that he'd remembered I liked it, but it just sits in my cupboard waiting out the polite period.

Subjectivity, when it comes to visual things without knowing exactly why she likes that necklace it's difficult to tell if a similar necklace is just as good (in her eyes). Men tend to want things they need, or things for a specific hobby, women are more likely to think of things they'd like to have around. Buying for hobbies you're not into can be risky.

Women don't appreciate 'needs' as much, if Jake and Jane both need new vacuums Jake will probably be happier to get one than Jane. Jake is more likely to see it as effectively being given money, Jane is more likely to see it as missing out on a gift to get something she was going to get anyway.

Shopping/browsing tendencies, women are more likely to browse year round, so are more likely to get a better deal within the same budget and also notice things even if they don't buy them immediately. If I need to order all my friends' birthday presents right now I could get everyone something they wanted within a few hours, because I remember seeing things around they'd like. Women effectively spend more time noticing things people will like than men do.

GaiusScaevolus · 2016-12-20T15:44:51+00:00

Men are generally easier to shop for, we have simpler, more obvious tastes.

despisedlove2 · 2016-12-20T18:51:15+00:00

Yes.

I don't ever want a formal gift. Love in itself is the greatest gift you can give someone.

Women are incapable of expressing it with any authenticity to men who aren't their sons, brothers or fathers. Then they wonder why he doesn't really like when you give him a wallet, and why he won't use it before his old one is worn out.

Giving gifts? That is easy.

anitapk · 2016-12-20T21:03:45+00:00

I panic'd and picked out some blue velvet heel boots, a designer bag and some CK under garments. Then I felt like I made bad choices and returned them, I forced my fiancee to go into the dept store and look around so that I could see what she liked and she picked like 3 of the 4 things I had bought and returned. Damn.

So I guess I'm actually pretty good at it but I think the thing about it is that I'd rather it be perfect not just a "decent gift" although she says anything is perfect.

midnightvulpine · 2016-12-20T21:54:30+00:00

Probably comes down to how well that person knows the hobbies of the other. If you don't know what they like, it's hard to pick out something that fits. Or they might think what comes to mind is t good enough. That they should be able to think of something better or the one they're buying for wont like it. We are often our own worst critics. Even in gift buying.

Personally, I'm bad at knowing what people like, but I'm not super social.

wuboo · 2016-12-21T03:26:47+00:00

I'm guessing they aren't paying attention. I suck at getting gifts, because I don't pay attention to what people are interested in. When I actually make the effort and take notes whenever someone makes a remark about stuff they like, it makes gift giving easier.

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2016-12-21T06:56:21+00:00

Men are clearly not as materialistic as women are. As Chappelle explains, a man would fuck a woman in a cardboard box if he could get away with it, he only has an apartment or house to use as bait.

dottywine · 2017-01-08T04:21:29+00:00

Yes because when he needs something he goes and gets it so I never know what to get him!

Title	Are men bad at getting gifts? If so, why?
Author	anitapk
Upvotes	3
Comments	132
Date	December 20, 2016 12:15 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5jcyjh/are_men_bad_at_getting_gifts_if_so_why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-men-bad-at-getting-gifts-if-so-why.271139 https://theredarchive.com/post/271139

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