How often is the "girls date assholes" just a result of jealousy of another man, who is probably equal or greater SMV?

scrantonic1ty · 2016-07-19T15:19:16+00:00

It'll be different for different people.

From personal experience, all the scumbags I've known over the years have been more sexually successful on average than the truly decent men I've known.

Decency and integrity are not part of SMV. They are unrelated to sexual attractiveness. Scumbags tend to be more confident (attractive), but being a scumbag does not make you less sexually attractive, so scumbags will be more successful on average.

exit_sandman · 2016-07-19T12:45:20+00:00

Part jealousy, part the woman retroactively branding any guy she was attracted to but who dumped her as an asshole and being quite vocal about it.

boogerpill · 2016-07-19T12:43:16+00:00

It's possible the guy really does act like an asshole to other guys but not to the girl. Just like a girl will be a bitch to other girls but a submissive sweetheart to her guy.

[deleted] · 2016-07-19T13:13:40+00:00

Women fall for strong, dominant and assertive men, who are frequently assholes.

KrispyMcSockington · 2016-07-19T13:05:28+00:00

Confident guys with boundaries whom women are attracted to will come off as assholes, but it's really jealousy. There is some truth to it though. Nice guys are generally not assholes and they're not getting laid as much.

TheChemist158 · 2016-07-19T16:10:26+00:00

I personally think it's a common occurrence. I personally have seen a Nice Guy (tm) claim that I was dating an asshole (he's not by any stretch of the imagination). A lot of them just don't have a clear perspective of things like that.

fiat_lux_ · 2016-07-19T18:06:54+00:00

What I've noticed is that there's a certain bit of male and female solipsism involved.

Women don't see men from a male POV.

Men have the same problem. E.g. I've often wondered why certain girls were hated by other girls. A lot of girls would call these pariahs "bitches" when I personally found them pleasant. I realized that I have male blindness going on. I don't perceive certain behaviours from these "bitches" as threatening to me, as a male.

I assume the same applies to women who don't see why certain men are considered "assholes" by other men, because their threat assessment works differently.

disposable_pants · 2016-07-19T13:42:39+00:00

Part of it is jealousy by less attractive men that more attractive men have an easier time getting laid.

Part of it is that most of those more attractive men are assholes to a degree.

Part of it is resentment that being an asshole works, and that men who are not naturally assholes have to develop some asshole game to succeed. The resentment is a result of the fact that these men find it hard to be assholes, despite the fact that it works. It's not in these men's nature to be assholes.

Part of it is the realization that men are almost always forgiven for being assholes; but are never forgiven for being pussies.

Part of it is that women who date these men call them assholes.

Part of it is that a lot of what women call "asshole" behavior in men is really men just doing what they want to do, not putting up with shit from people, asserting his own wants/needs/desires, standing up for himself and not caving in to everything everyone else wants him to do, not prioritizing the woman in his life, and him not doing what she wants/expects him to do.

[deleted] · 2016-07-19T12:48:00+00:00

How often? Probably every time. I saw recently where one of the MRP mods said that if you run into assholes all day long, then you are the asshole. I don't know if it was his idea or he was repeating it but I thought it worth considering.

GaiusScaevolus · 2016-07-19T14:50:38+00:00

Part jealousy.
Part women reward asshole behaviors.
Part passivity on the part of the second guy.
Part women branding every ex an asshole.

-moonbuggy- · 2016-07-19T13:19:46+00:00

I mean a lot of guys are assholes, it's just that a lot of guys are pussies too and women would rather date an asshole than a pussy.

mrcs84usn · 2016-07-19T14:47:54+00:00

When it comes to break-ups is that people rarely say "he/she was a good person, but we just were a bad fit for each other." So you often get reasons like "he was an asshole" or "she was crazy" etc.

My guess is that most of the time, the real issue is:

The person started showing the bad aspects of themselves towards the point when the relationship was about to end.
People like to highlight the negative aspects of the relationship and ignore the positive ones.
People refuse to account for the fact that there are TWO people in the relationship, and don't do any reflection how much they influenced the break-up.

hedonism_bot_69 · 2016-07-19T16:44:01+00:00

I dont understand your post? Being an asshole is a collection of traits that also happen to be attractive to women.Your not an asshole because you get women, you get women because you are an asshole.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2016-07-19T15:24:49+00:00

How often is the "girls date assholes" just a result of jealousy of another man, who is probably equal or greater SMV?

That's probably a big part of it.

Another big part is all the female whining, yknow... when these same high SMV guys cheat, pump and dump them, bang their besties, or just straight up beat the shit out of them one night in the middle of an alcohol and drug fuelled bender after giving her an STD he got from prostitutes he hired using their kids' college funds.

When mild mannered Stan STEMlord sees Cindy Slutface complaining "where have all the good men gone" on facebook after being pumped and dumped the twelfth time this year, he can't help but want to scream "I'M RIGHT HERE! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT HERE, BUT YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDZONING ME ALL ALONG! WHY DOES GOOD PUSSY GET WASTED ON CHADS, REEEEE!"

If it was just jealousy, the betas would only grumble quietly amongst themselves. It's when women complain about the dudes they just gave pussy to that something finally SNAPS inside the tormented hearts of their undersexed, fawning orbiters.

eddiae · Tue Jul 19 12:27:20 2016 UTC

nah girls love thugs assholes, criminals, drug dealers, guys that get into a lot of fights, basically brutality and cockiness+agressivity.

ThrowawayCactus6012 · 2016-07-19T13:02:44+00:00

I think a lot of it might also indicate how people perceive if someone is "cool" or perhaps at the top of the social pecking order. A lot of that may be influenced by society and popular culture - movies, TV shows, music - all of which may define what is "cool" in young people's eyes.

Of course, in popular culture, the criminal/thug/bruiser lifestyle has been glorified and became very popular. It has ostensibly affected how people look at the world and how people choose to present themselves.

In the scenario you bring up, it may be the result of jealousy of another man. After all, no one likes it if the object of their affection wants to be with someone else. But it's often not clear whether the woman is making a choice because it's her own decision, or whether it's the result of upbringing, conditioning, and pressures to conform to the overriding influences of popular culture and the mass media. If someone is just a sheep, unable to formulate their own value system, or tends to make decisions under questionable influences, then that may be deserving of some criticism.

Sure, it may be a matter of jealousy, but that aside, one might wish to take account of the situation and analyze to determine what might have led a woman to choose man A over man B.

And the reason why a lot of "nice guys" know full well that women fall for "assholes" is based on what the women themselves say about them. Women will give an earful to anyone willing to listen about what an "asshole" their ex-boyfriend(s) might have been. So it's not like anyone is just making stuff up, unless all these women are lying about their asshole ex-boyfriends.

lerellen · 2016-07-19T14:13:50+00:00

The thing about high smv men is they have enough options that they can be assholes and not really care. It's wishful thinking that someone who has no incentive to do something that takes effort (not being an asshole) will do it

ppdthrowawai · 2016-07-19T22:55:11+00:00

It's occasionally false labeling by a jealous man, but I find that assholery is very independent of sexual success. Its not that being an asshole makes you automatically successful or being nice makes you unsuccessful. It just isn't even a factor.

I played college sports and I can assure you that being an asshole did not hinder any of those guys.

I can't comment on how many of their LTRs turned out but most of them did pretty well for themselves.

ifelsedowhile · 2016-07-19T23:35:04+00:00

it's probably a confusion between cause and effect: high SMV guys are aware of their attractiveness so they can afford to be assholes but their attractiveness doesn't come from being assholes. on the other hand you can argue that being confident and assertive can lead to be an asshole

[deleted] · 2016-07-20T02:43:27+00:00

Well, let's put aside the fact that we can see what girls gravitate to, there's the fact several girls have told me point blank they love assholes.

"I only date assholes, something's wrong with me" "I can't help it. I love assholes" "[My name], can you tell me why all guys are such assholes?" "My boyfriend is such a fucking asshole"

Ehh....women. Not a large sample size, I know lol.

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-07-19T12:52:00+00:00

When we came together a guy that went to school with my girlfriend told her that she should stay away from me because I'm an asshole. But I'm a nice guy. I'm still good friends with a lot of the women I had sex with on a regular basis.

It's just that his sister has been a fuckbuddy of mine for a time and he also heard the stories of how I picked up her female friends.

He actually should have known that I'm a nice good guy, because his sister came to every of my parties and we even went on vacation together.

But he always distrusted me, looked at me with such a angry face and generally did try to piss me off. He was angry that I was fucking his sister without committing to her, but he didn't knew that she didn't want to commit either. He figured that I must have been lying to all those women, but I've always been honest. I didn't deceive them and always been vocal about my intentions.

But he's one that needs to deceive women if he wants to sleep with them and thus figured that I was the same. He projected his intentions into my actions.

On other occasions I tried to give dating advice to younger guys that started skating and became members of our crew. When I told them that they have to look like X type of guy to pick up X type of girl they told me that they don't want to look like assholes. And this is probably another huge factor.

They see someone with muscles, confident aura and a trendy look and think that he must be an asshole.

Then again, there are also women who fall for serial killers for example, so my theory is not completely airtight

In order to become a successful serial killer you need to be a very good manipulator.

The women that were together with him didn't knew he was a monster. Just like none of his neighbors or coworkers knew.

If anything serial killers mostly get described as very nice, respectable members of the community. They don't stand out and often can convince the people close to them that they've never done anything wrong.

Those that are into him because he is a serial killer aren't regular women just like a guy that goes to a dominatrix to get kicked in the balls isn't normal. She might be a psychopath herself that wants to go on a killing spree herself, she might have grew up getting sexually assaulted daily and thinks she doesn't deserve any better and seeks out abusive guys, she might be a goth that's into blood, etc.

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Princeso_Bubblegum · 2016-07-19T13:54:17+00:00

I have a friend who is going through this kind of thing, and it isn't always something that they come up with on their own, several women who he has talked to actually straight up told him that he needs to act more assertive / dickishly, and gave him advice on along that route.

I think this is mainly an issue of bias based upon the kind of women he hangs out with, but that's a different discussion.

[deleted] · 2016-07-19T14:56:45+00:00

I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case it used to be more along the lines of me judging other men on my criteria (put another way, a man judging the "decency" of another man) and they often fell far short. What I failed to realize in my previous life was: women DO NOT judge men on the same things men judge other men on.

I may consider another man to be an asshole because of how he interacts with other men, because of how I view him to treat women, or simply because I think he has no sense of honor or loyalty. But women don't care how a guy treats other men, and in many cases not too much how they treat other people. At least in the early phases, its mostly all about how he treats her. She may or may not learn later that he treats everyone else like shit through experience, or he may start treating her like shit once she's no longer the "new girl" or whatever.

The point being: its not easy for a man to judge another man's "worth" when it comes to women. This was a major contributor to my early belief that women made no sense whatsoever when choosing men. Well, that's true, if they were choosing men by MY standards of what constitutes a "decent" man.

InBaggingArea · 2016-07-19T15:08:29+00:00

Well, how would we ever know? For one thing SMV is hard to objectively determine.

[deleted] · 2016-07-19T16:26:54+00:00

I think it's mostly jealousy.. I've been called an asshole more times then I can remember.

A close friend I used to help out?? A girl he looked was flirting with me.. So he told her I was an asshole.

Girl confessed her love to me. I broke up with her... Again asshole even tho i was nice about it

alreadyredschool · 2016-07-19T16:33:05+00:00

Very often and I agree with many posters here but they are all ignoring the very common theme of a dishonest guy or a helplessly hopeful girl that ignores red flags and gets lead on.

[deleted] · 2016-07-19T17:02:05+00:00

A large factor IMO is that guys don't generally like guys who want their gf.

Also combination of the gf venting more than she should to friends, jealousy, guys being nice to their gf and not to others, the occasional asshole and some 'jerks'.

winterrider · 2016-07-19T21:23:28+00:00

It is actually very simple. We guys hear women talking about guys they have slept with or are dating as assholes we come to the natural conclusion that many women like these types of guys. We are not the one calling them assholes, women who date and sleep with them call them that.

Then of course we look at the traits of these assholes and emulate them because we too want to get women.and then they call us assholes.

TrialsAndTribbles · 2016-07-20T02:16:21+00:00

The chick I wanted to date wears a t-shirt "don't be an asshole" with her boyfriend, so I dunno.

Subway_Bernie_Goetz · 2016-07-21T21:43:45+00:00

When "girls like assholes" is said by a "nice" guy lamenting his romantic failure, it is definitely just jealousy. A lot of guys like that still see the world according to high school: Jocks are the assholes of the world. When you get away from that Hollywood trope and actually observe the world, you find that there are plenty of nerdy outcast assholes who don't get girls and genuinely good-natured guys who are stereotypical masculine bro's who get girls.

But... girls do kinda like assholes. Everyone knows that many girls "like a project."

[deleted] · 2016-07-19T19:23:04+00:00

Guys do not actually like to compete with other guys over women.

Period. The end.

Title	How often is the "girls date assholes" just a result of jealousy of another man, who is probably equal or greater SMV?
Author	psylord
Upvotes	16
Comments	98
Date	July 19, 2016 9:30 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4tka5b/how_often_is_the_girls_date_assholes_just_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-often-is-the-girls-date-assholes-just-a-result.273953 https://theredarchive.com/post/273953

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