Why am I 18f struggling to find a boyfriend?

YungBoi12 · 2019-11-09T05:58:18+00:00

You're not as pretty as you think you are.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-11-09T06:32:42+00:00

You are strongly afflicted with a case of being 18. This is an affliction that you will grow out of over time.

Spurius85 · 2019-11-09T07:03:23+00:00

If you want genuine advice then you are going to have to explain your environment a little more. Have you ever had a boyfriend? Do you live in a big city or a small town? Are you progressive or conservative? Are you going after guys your own age or older? I think the biggest question is: what are your social media skills like? My cousins that are your age meet their girls off of snapchat. Do you pick up social cues well? Here's another biggie: are most guys in your social circle just friends?

You're a babe so, it's not your looks. Also based on prior posts it looks like you feel that the ideal way to go about it is to ride the CC. So I mean, aren't you winning at life right now?

LeJacquelope · 2019-11-09T08:08:05+00:00

The decent men who want to be in a LTR with you are invisible to you because they're lower than SMV 8+.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-11-09T07:07:35+00:00

Don’t listen to anyone here telling you to lower your standards or give in to casual sex to find a boyfriend. In fact, stop worrying about finding a boyfriend at all. You are cute, you are young. Get an education, cultivate some hobbies and make a lot of friends. Someone who is worthwhile and values you will bubble up to the top.

dylang92 · 2019-11-09T06:57:21+00:00

Well to be fair women (especially when younger) will find getting a boyfriend difficult, especially if we’re talking with objectively attractive men provided she’s not some bombshell Stacey. What kind of men are you going for? You might want to start lowering your standards if you want a boyfriend and maybe deal with a beta. Sucks, but women’s options only stop at casual sex in most cases.

I think you’ve been misunderstanding this community and related ones a bit. We say that women have men chasing them for casual sex, and that women have almost unlimited access to it in some way. You’ve already proven that to be true as on tinder you mentioned men only want casual sex or one night stands from you. It’s an agreed upon view that women have difficulties getting a committed relationship though if she’s not like 8+/10

NockerJoe · 2019-11-09T06:06:50+00:00

Low value men project their frustrations and assume every girl has a million serious options who are all explicit even if this is numerically impossible.

My two assumptions are if you have you have some dudes who seem to just he around but doing surface level flirting once in a very blue moon they may be just testing yhe waters and expecting signals you aren't giving back. Likewise maybe you have a bit more chub than you think but this hasn't stopped a lot of people.

Do you have anyone you're interested in and if so how are you actually interacting with them?

bonerdude420 · 2019-11-09T06:57:31+00:00

my guess (just a guess) is a completely passive strategy and poor girl-game skills

neualgae · 2019-11-09T08:22:02+00:00

Standoffish? Not able to flirt/show interest? Not meeting new people often enough?

How is the rest of your social life? How do you act around guys that you like (or do you even meet guys that you like?)?

The guys here are giving absolutely horrible advice btw. Definitely don't go out and sleep with guys you are not into on the off chance it will lead to a mediocre relationship.

wtknight · 2019-11-09T13:07:23+00:00

Your expectations in a man are higher than what your current looks are. If you lose some weight, then you'll have a better selection of men interested in you who might want more than just sex. Or you could try to start being attracted to less attractive men, but from what I hear this is difficult for women to do.

superlurkage · 2019-11-09T15:07:32+00:00

This is awesome. It’s great you guys are taking her post in good faith but the bewilderment and disbelief is hilarious.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-11-09T17:13:51+00:00

what kind of fat, weird, antisocial unassimilated foreigner are you first, and then ill tell you why

Mongrelcel · 2019-11-09T08:59:00+00:00

If you can't find a partner as a woman you must be absolutely disgusting, like the bottom 1%

Or your just going after chads and not seeing the other guys as human which is more probable...

FrigidShadow · 2019-11-09T06:08:00+00:00

If you want a relationship, but you're not willing to pursue any guy who shows sexual interest in you, then you're essentially looking for a friendship. Most people aren't looking to jump into a relationship with someone they don't know, but will often be willing to have casual sex while getting to know someone to see if they are a good fit for a relationship.

If you only want to have sex with guys in a relationship, then put it on your profile and insist on only going on dates without sex.

Tomatoccino · 2019-11-09T08:18:09+00:00

Dump tinder, all you find on there is fuckboys.

What are your interests? Live music, reading, dancing? Broaden them; try something where you’ll meet new people and gain a new skill. Archery, fencing, amateur theatre, toastmasters, historic re-enactments, singing or playing in a band. New contacts or friends who might have a nice brother, a fun friend or cousin looking for a tennis partner. The wider your net, the more fish you can catch.

wtffellification · 2019-11-09T09:09:38+00:00

you: "I'm queenofsaigon, I'm a 6, where are all the attractive non fuckbois throwing themselves at me?"

me: whoosh (that's me running away)

acenosk · 2019-11-09T11:08:41+00:00

Hypergamy. You think 80% of men are unattractive and only want men who are way more good looking than you and who wouldn't want to be exclusive with you.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-11-09T06:34:27+00:00

1) you are right. A lot of people only want casual sex.

2) you choose the more attractive guys that, of course, have options and they choose for casual sex.

3) the losers fly under your radar.

4) you are cute, but your personality doesn't stick

5) in some instances you may be so cute to some that they won't even get close to talk to you in fear of rejection

WolfEagle1 · 2019-11-09T06:56:16+00:00

You are NOT going to find ANY quality men on Tinder or like apps. Go out in the real world and meet people,

rus9384 · 2019-11-09T08:24:29+00:00

Maybe you are not popular enough. Not going out often enough. And so on.

eldritchfloormop · 2019-11-09T09:10:41+00:00

Three possible reasons:

You think you are "chubby" but in reality you are fat and unattractive. What's your BMI?
You have a seriously toxic personality and you don't realize that.
You have a MAJOR case of resting bitch face and it gives the impression of issue no. 2.

insertcredit2 · 2019-11-09T14:23:18+00:00

What's your hight and weight? Your bmi is probably the answer to your question.

ScootsScoots · 2019-11-09T14:24:34+00:00

Dr. Drew says this alot, "I find that because we are so obese in general that when people describe themselves as a little overweight they're really 20 or 30 lbs overweight."

A little chubby usually means fat. No way to tell for sure without a photo (do NOT post one) but you're most likely fat. Look up a bodyfat percentage photo diagram on google and note which one you are. Then look up what your bf% should be.

Take an honest assessment of your fitness level. None of us are perfect and it will actually feel good to know where you're at and where you should be. Do something HEALTHY about it.

Tinder is a hook up app. People seem to forget that.

One of your prospects is a druggy. This might be an indicator that your social circle needs improvement.

shalomanioleh · 2019-11-09T15:36:56+00:00

> I've tried tinder but guys just want one night stands or casual sex.

Of course they want a relationship, just not with you. If they're fuck and dumping you after a few times of having sex, its your personality. If they're fuck n dumping you after one night, you're fatter and uglier than you think. Try r/truerateme Or gasp, do the unthinkable and pick a guy who isn't overly attractive. Have you tried fat guys?

angels-fan · 2019-11-09T16:28:30+00:00

Apparently you think FDS is a great sub?

That might be part of your problem.

TheReformist94 · 2019-11-09T17:11:17+00:00

Because you are entitled and need to lower your standards. You aren't owed commitment..

Settle to your appropriate looks match and you'll have a bf in a month

lolafawn98 · 2019-11-09T06:29:37+00:00

I saw your photos, you’re very pretty. I would ignore the guy who said you’re “not as pretty as you think you are”— you’re rating yourself too low IMO.

Tinder sucks for anything but hookups. Have you tried something slightly more relationship oriented like Bumble or POF?

Teflon08191 · 2019-11-09T06:42:20+00:00

Do you not leave your house, or are you terribly unattractive?

Those are the only reasons I can think of that you wouldn't be inundated with male attention.

Whether they stick around after they get to know you is another thing entirely, but the initial attention should be there in spades.

DXBrigade · 2019-11-09T10:35:26+00:00

Men Don't know what it's like to be a woman. They assume that all women live glamourous Stacey lives, which is not true. Don't listen to them.

[deleted] · 2019-11-09T10:43:48+00:00

Well you have options, you just don't like the options.

It's not you, it's the present state of things where there are very few guys looking for relationships (and chances are you won't find those attractive) while the vast majority of people are out there looking for something casual.

Also, Reddit seems to think that in this day and age, a casual thing is how things might start; people hooking up and some of them will turn into a relationship.

It's not you, it's the way things are.

INCELMAN2000 · 2019-11-09T11:04:02+00:00

The guys here are all retards.

The_Madmans_Reign · 2019-11-09T07:13:32+00:00

18m, based on those pictures I just straight up don't believe you. It might just be too much time hanging out on this part of the internet, but I'd assume you'd be approached like 2-3 times daily. If I saw you irl in the wild I'd place you into the "Too attractive to approach" mental category.

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XtoDoubt · 2019-11-09T06:06:07+00:00

You do have a lot of guys chasing you. Our job is to pursue, yours is to filter. You've got two options:

Keep aiming high and prove yourself as GF material to guys who you want to have sex with quickly.
Lower your attraction standards (swipe right on guys you don't think are hot) and deal with a beta. I always recommend #1, especially at your age, as you have time to screw up.

Xxoxo6969 · 2019-11-09T06:40:12+00:00

I'm surprised they don't lie to you about wanting a relationship to sleep with you.

Hmm

Reisiluu · 2019-11-09T07:18:40+00:00

Can you get into clubs and bars at that age? Go party, especially on days when college students have events. If I was able to get attention that way then you definitely will too considering that you are prettier. Dressing and acting more hot/exciting doesn't mean you have to sleep with any guy until he is your boyfriend or you are comfortable.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-11-09T07:52:53+00:00

Lesbian?

Do you want a boyfriend?

What signals are you sending to guys about what you want?

samwise-gamggee · 2019-11-09T08:06:15+00:00

It’s tough out there. I personally try to focus on making friends.

Maybelowsmv · 2019-11-09T11:13:43+00:00

I saw your picture. You're really pretty. I think you just need to be less afraid of trying to keep a guy around / avoiding being ghosted. And by this, I mean just get to know a guy for a bit more than a few days, and THEN have sex with him. If he barely knows you, he'll have no emotional connection to go back to once he has post-nut clarity

captain_petty · 2019-11-09T13:27:40+00:00

Don’t listen to reddit on what is and isn’t normal. Everyone is different. It just sounds like you haven’t found anyone you’re very compatible with yet. It’s not a big deal if you don’t have a boyfriend at 18. Focus on other things in your life. You’ll find someone when you’re least expecting.

SoloDoloFE · 2019-11-09T20:53:36+00:00

You're being too selective

plugupthere · 2019-11-09T07:03:04+00:00

I've tried tinder but guys just want one night stands or casual sex.

You said it yourself. You've got 100s maybe 1000s of options but you won't put out. Sweetie in today's hookup culture it's either put out or get out. Men aren't going to wait if every other chick is a slut desperate for new dick.

You know what to do. Just make sure you're on the pill.

aherrns · 2019-11-09T12:45:05+00:00

Don't listen to all this crap. You look fine. Do what you enjoy and grow.

RT-AC66U · 2019-11-09T13:16:52+00:00

Have you asked a guy out?

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-11-09T14:58:27+00:00

Men at your age suck. It takes time to find a good one. Hold out until you do. I'm a 27 year old woman. I was a 6. Healthy upper side of BMI like you. I didn't see the pics but I'd venture to say you'll be fine. You'll find a good man. Or he will find you.

How do you dress? Are your clothes flattering? Do you do your hair nice? Do you wear a smidge of makeup every day? Put yourself in clubs and activities that poise you to meet people.

Red pill / incel / mgtow guys are completely delusional about the ease of finding man overall but they're right that compared to the avg man the avg woman has an advantage. But you're probably even above average. You'll be fine. I had a lot of guys interested in me and I liked a few back. I ended up LTRing two of them and marrying one of them who I started dating at 20. You just gotta be patient. It will work out

bonusfruit · 2019-11-09T15:44:23+00:00

You admit guys do chase you, just not for what you want. And the ones who offer what you want aren't up to your standard. This is awalt af. There's nothing strange happening here

Title	Why am I 18f struggling to find a boyfriend?
Author	__queenofsaigon_
Upvotes	0
Comments	228
Date	November 9, 2019 5:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dts1u9/why_am_i_18f_struggling_to_find_a_boyfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-am-i-18f-struggling-to-find-a-boyfriend.294553 https://theredarchive.com/post/294553

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