Why you should avoid significantly older men at all costs: 9 Reasons

chateauduchat · 2020-10-25T13:38:35+00:00

Every single one of these reasons is what I suffered immensely from a narc who was 2 decades older than me in my early 20s. Take it from me: there is NOTHING good that can come from an age gap relationship. Nothing.

Great article. Thank you for sharing.

Sage_Planter · 2020-10-25T14:50:33+00:00

Another one we don't talk about often enough is what happens when couples with age gaps reach their elderly years. Not only will the woman have wasted her youth on an older man, she will now be wasting her golden years taking care of an older partner. Ten years can be a big difference when you're in your seventies and eighties. An older man in his early forties might not seem like he's "that old," but once he's in his late fifties, things start to go downhill.

Also, how does retirement look? I'd be pretty resentful if I were 45 with a 60 partner who decided to stop working with the expectation that I'd keep working for another 15 years.

PuupTA · 2020-10-25T14:50:36+00:00

Even a relatively small age gap - 22 and 29 - was disastrous for me. He flipped out after three months of paying all the rent (which we discussed) while I was looking for a job right out of college. He was making six figures. Yeah, bye.

fresh_grass_ · 2020-10-25T13:56:45+00:00

To add: they will sabotage everything you love and care for whether that's your career, friends and family.

2020-10-25T14:53:25+00:00

As someone who was in a relationship with a 50 year old for the past two years, and I’m just now turning 25 next week, I can fully say that EVERYTHING in here is SO FUCKING TRUE. Especially when she says that women our age range aren’t equipped to handle their own flaws and character issues. Holy hell, it was like I was looking into a mirror of myself prior to FDS and going no contact with him. I only now exposed him to his ex-wife (SECOND one, mind you) and she told me even SHE was dealing with the same narcissistic abusive shit for the past SEVEN years (so yeah. I was the other woman like an idiot).

To any girl that’s significantly younger than a man she’s currently seeing, please please please don’t do what I did and countless other women in this sub and DUMP HIM AND RUN. When people say “age is just a number”, then motherfucker is JAIL just a fucking place!? No! He is using you like his own personal blow up doll, and even now I’m still reeling and picking up the pieces. I feel disgusted with myself for staying so long with a man like him. I shouldn’t have to be. I should be enjoying my life right now - but hell, life happens. I’ve learned this once, I will never make this same mistake again.

daria1994 · 2020-10-25T13:59:46+00:00

Reason #10: He doesn’t like you DESPITE of the age gap. He’s after you specifically BECAUSE of it. Men believe women expire after a certain age, but that men deserve to be loved and cherished till death. He’s after you because he thinks his female peers are inferior to him... if he wants an age gap, he should look for a woman 20 years older.

Meadow97 · 2020-10-25T16:23:44+00:00

Great reasons! I'll add my own, 1)he's a man and 2)he's old.

thinktwiceorelse · 2020-10-25T14:59:19+00:00

All of my friends are married to men with an age gap ranging from 5 to 15 years and have children with them. I'm a bit worried, because these dynamics mentioned in the article are definitely there. Their husbands talk to them like they would talk to naughty children. And of course, if you have an older partner, you're usually meeting his friends, who are older too. I don't think it's healthy to be friends only with people decade older. Not to mention, that my friends think of me as immature, but I think I'm acting normal accordingly to my age. So we grew apart a lot. What's interesting is, that's always women who change in a relationship with an age gap, not other way around.

2020-10-25T16:09:18+00:00

I’m 21 and I honestly have no idea why gross old men think we want them. Obviously, when I say “gross old men” I’m not referring to many of the sweet elderly men who love their families and (age-appropriate) wives but rather delusional, disgusting redpillers.

ItsFreezen · 2020-10-25T14:22:03+00:00

I will never understand Scrote's who think a 25 year old should have the same maturity as a 40 year old.

theminiaturelife · 2020-10-25T13:34:56+00:00

Finally some sanity. Usually Medium is full of drivel but this...this is correct.

daria1994 · 2020-10-25T15:47:26+00:00

[deleted]

2020-10-25T16:33:00+00:00

[deleted]

NaurathDominionSpy · 2020-10-25T18:52:37+00:00

The woman who wrote the article is brilliant and articulate. I appreciate older women passing wisdom to the younger generation so we can try to avoid heartbreak and abuse.

eveninghope · 2020-10-25T14:40:13+00:00

Even at 30, I dated a guy who was 40 and it was like he was overlaying his life/gf idealization onto me. My best relationships have been w/ guys who are a couple years younger bc they're close enough in age to be in similar places in life but the slight age difference somehow translates into mutual respect.

XOXabiXOX · 2020-10-25T18:17:16+00:00

How I wish I had the benefit of FDS in my early 20s. I met my ex at just turned 20, he was 8 years older. He expected a 50/50 relationship (mainly me putting in 90% effort and him very little) even though he had the benefit of an established career and I was in my final year of university. I was living with him by 23. Pregnant with our first by 25 and our second by 28, married at 29. I was effectively an unpaid maid with the bonus of sex thrown in. He’d always say to me “promise you’ll look after me when I’m old” the irony is he wouldn’t even take me to hospital after the horrific birth of our first child and the subsequent medical complications. I took an Uber to hospital whilst delirious with a fever, with my newborn in a carrier. He’s picked up a much younger girlfriend since. I feel sorry for whoever she is.

hydrohydrangeas · 2020-10-25T21:10:09+00:00

I was in a brief relationship with a man twice my age when I was 26. It didn’t last long, it didn’t take long for me to wake up and to be honest it felt wrong the whole time, but young women get so much conflicting messaging that I wondered if it was me or our culture that’s wrong. It’s been almost a year now and I’m still processing the trauma that inflicted on me. I still get triggered to this day.

There was a huge power imbalance at play there, too, because he owned the company I worked for. It fucked my self-esteem up and confirmed some of the fears I’ve always had (that he only hired me because he found me attractive, not because of my intelligence, work ethic, degree from a prestigious school, or anything like that; it was also not the first time a person in a position of power over me tried to take advantage, but I was so lost and alone then that I fell prey to it). Luckily I got out but I’ve never felt so trapped in my life. I remember we were sitting on his couch and he was talking about the future, taking me away to another country, and I just panicked. I knew I had to get out so I started looking for a new job and ghosted him as soon as I found one.

I used to advocate for these kinds of relationships but never again. I actually discovered FDS while in that relationship and it helped to wake me the fuck up. It’s really distressing that this is something that’s pushed on young women as if it were empowering.

missangel89 · 2020-10-25T20:09:54+00:00

I would also like to include age gaps like:

College-aged guy with high-schooler, like 20 with 17 year-old
College grad guy with freshman/sophomore, like 23 with 20 year-old
30s guy with recent college grad, like 32 with 23 year-old

These are "stage of life" age gaps that are also worrisome. When I was a 22 year-old college grad, all the freshmen and sophomores literally looked like children, and I sure as hell wouldn't touch a freshman guy with a 10-foot pole.

groserogorra · 2020-10-25T19:03:28+00:00

I almost cried reading this. I'm in the process of getting over an old, predatory jerk who led me along for a bit. It's hard but I'd never put them before me, ever again.

laserkatze · 2020-10-25T19:00:37+00:00

damn i need a frickin time machine to link myself this article

2020-10-25T19:54:11+00:00

Don't waste your youth on a guy who's going to throw you out when you're not young anymore

darling89 · 2020-10-25T22:23:27+00:00

I agree. Not even just from teens but to late 20's the most, avoid older men.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-10-26T10:24:45+00:00

I'm surprised "maintaining an erection is a lot harder - and it will be softer." Wasn't on there

gothicctemptress · 2020-10-26T12:07:41+00:00

[deleted]

Fearlessfell · 2020-10-25T15:22:26+00:00

This makes me so angry not because I’ve been in this, but because I dated an LVM who put other much younger women through this. 😡

wayward_woman · 2020-10-25T22:37:05+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Why you should avoid significantly older men at all costs: 9 Reasons
Author	ellengau
Upvotes	354
Comments	47
Date	October 25, 2020 1:23 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jht9q2/why_you_should_avoid_significantly_older_men_at/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-you-should-avoid-significantly-older-men-at.323811 https://theredarchive.com/post/323811

Comments