Is men seeking validation via sex hard-wired or learned in each generation?

Wallstreet3 · 2020-03-11T01:53:37+00:00

Imagine being so hungry you get hunger pains. And imagine those hunger pains lasting years.

Imagine having no friends, no one to rely on. An existence of soul-crushing loneliness.

Certain voids form in the human soul and gets replaced with a spiritual cancer that slowly consumes you. FDS is a response to that void. The Male incel community is a response to a void.

therealyoualreadykno · 2020-03-11T01:36:36+00:00

I think it’s validating when you can go from complete stranger to being desired sexually in a short amount of time. It’s the thrill of the chase.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-03-11T06:56:43+00:00

I think its learned. Boys are competitive and having sex is a measure of success when we are young and we don't have too much going on for us.

When other measures of success start popping up in life as we age, sex takes the back seat. For example, no one is really bragging about how many girls you fucked last week when you are on your 30's or 40's, we have more important shit to take care of.

intersIn · 2020-03-11T03:14:02+00:00

Both genders seek some sort form of validation from the opposite sex. We are hard wired to want to attract a mate. Not to mention being desired by someone is flattering - an ego boost, and everyone needs an ego boost from time to time.

However, if attention from the opposite sex is the defining factor of your own self worth, it's now a response to your experiences and or environment.

YasuotheChosenOne · 2020-03-11T01:19:43+00:00

Men don’t seek validation through sex, sex is just validating.

AggravatingTartlet · 2020-03-11T01:59:32+00:00

You’ve perfectly summarised female sexual privilege.

The only reason you don’t seek validation through sex is because you know you can have it whenever you want.

Not only that, but men approach you and make it easy for your entitled ass to get what you want.

You even have to blow a neurotic rape threat way out of proportion with reality to justify the undeserved privilege you enjoy your entire adult life.

Imagine having to ask out 50-100 or more men and getting nothing but blithe dismissal or cruel attempts to belittle you and fuck with your self esteem. And these aren’t hot guys, just normal guys who are extremely arrogant and conceited.

Imagine knowing that even just to have sex, you have to promise all this other bullshit you don’t want like kids and being an unpaid therapist to some wildly unstable guy.

Imagine knowing that every relationship you have will only occur because you make it happen, so you never really know if the object of your affection really likes you or was just bored or wants to use you for money or to make another girl jealous.

Imagine knowing that if you didn’t have money men wouldn’t speak to you at all and any guy you end up with will leave you the moment you lose your job.

Imagine knowing that to get the sex life you want you have to pretend to be a completely different person with no emotions, because men are so shallow and dull you need to resemble a stoic movie character to have any value to them.

Imagine trying for years to get guys’ attention and being treated as invisible, and then when you voice concern about this fact, being treated as a potential rapist and serial killer.

If you can imagine the above, you’re close to understanding the resentment the average guy holds for the average woman. Well earned in my opinion.

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goneaway2thewind · 2020-03-11T01:33:31+00:00

Men don't value validation as much as you believe OP, men need to be validated to have sex because they typically can't have it by default. If women had higher libidos and lower standards men would be just like you, that's why your partner is similar as you mentioned.

AggravatingTartlet · 2020-03-11T11:41:32+00:00

How the fuck you gon' feel validated when you haven't even succeeded at the most basic function of all living organisms

A fucking gnat reproduces, and you're supposed to feel validated as a human being not having achieved that? Like, the definition of life is that it has sex and makes copies of itself. Carries on. Makes its dna go into the next generation's gene pool. Every single organism that fails at this suffers a mini-extinction.

If you presume that biological hard wiring exists at all, the very first priority is going to be getting one's dick wet. That's just logic.

wtknight · 2020-03-11T12:20:31+00:00

I think that the “thrill of the chase” is hard wired. If every man was just given a woman to have sex with and that woman was always completely willing to have sex with him, I still don’t think that men would be happy. This is also why I don’t think that sexbots, VR porn, or government subsidized prostitution are actual solutions to the “sexlessness problem.”

PapaPinyun · 2020-03-12T00:23:51+00:00

I dunno about no hardware reward but I'm certain that validation and reward in female sexual attention is important to my father and also that he communicated this a thousand different ways as a role model.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2020-03-11T03:56:16+00:00

You’re a woman.

It would be like explaining to tuna why sharks need to kill.

Darkseeker_Mau · 2020-03-11T01:52:21+00:00

Is men seeking validation via sex hard-wired or learned in each generation?

You got it exactly backwards, sex is genetically hardwired into us, validation is just another way of pushing our specie to keep seeking reproduction. As such validation is an evolutionary psychological tool.

The thought that a large percentage of the opposite sex would have sex with me at the drop of a hat gives me no joy.

It is hard to accept that we are all replaceable and none of us are special. But eventually we all just have to confront reality as it is.

It's a negative association, because it's so many men and because there are too many men who rape women.

I don't think you should worry about it, unless you live in a z-tier third world country, rape is statically a rarity as a crime, compared to others you are more likely to be mugged or even killed, before ever encountering a rapist. And even those crimes are also a rarity.

Plus the majority men are the ones who would statistically protect you from a crime than the reverse. Women would just run away or try to get other men involved.

vicistvic · 2020-03-11T01:53:54+00:00

Sexual morality was developed to negate these issues.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2020-03-11T02:11:10+00:00

I definitely sought out validation through sex, I'd say it's hardwired into guys.

ontherailstoday · 2020-03-11T04:21:04+00:00

> Is men seeking validation via sex hard-wired or learned in each generation?

Some from column A, some from column B?

I mean do humans exercise because they have to due to hard wiring or because they learn to? A bit of both... the drive to move is innate, the baby reaches for the interesting thing, levers itself onto its elbows to look around, drags itself across the carpet to get to a parent, stands up and bobs to music, but a lot of the complexity of how we do it as adults and the choices around it and specific flavors of the satisfaction gained from it are very much learned.

Gravityalwaysgoesup · 2020-03-11T04:30:46+00:00

Men with scarcity mentalities seek validation through sex to allay their scarcity. The thirsty man in the desert only wants a drink of water, the other man is busy trying to build barter town.

Their are women with scarcity, but it's relationship scarcity. What should they do? They can't do anything. Curl up in a ball? Cry? Get some cats. Pet them.

Women seek to fill their vanity, desperate ones, I'm worthy. Men do it too. With their ego. But for men it's, I'm the best one.

Glad to hear you got a cutie boy. Make some cutie babies we don't want good genes to end.

tropicsGold · 2020-03-11T04:50:39+00:00

Men are hardwired to plant their seed in women as frequently as possible because this how we reproduce our genes. We are driven to do so by a sex drive that I don’t think women have any understanding. Based upon testosterone levels, men have, on an ordinary day, about 10x the sex drive that a young woman has while ovulating (her peak). Imagine the most thirsty you have ever been in your life, then walk around in the desert for a couple of hours, until your throat feels like it is coated with sand. Then look at a tall glass of ice water. That is how men feel every day. It can be absolutely maddening.

It has nothing to do at all with validation. Validation may follow and this may be of varying importance to different men, but the male sex drive transcends almost all else. But hey, it has kept the human race going for the last hundred thousand years. Lol

Jz_Inc · 2020-03-11T06:36:54+00:00

I’m not sure your post actually expands on the question you asked. For starters you assume want sex for validation. Why do you think this? You stated that for you, sex is not about validation, so how can you possibly just assume that that’s what it’s about for men?

Secondly, is it “hard wired”? Depends what you mean by that. If by “hard wired” built into our brains, then the answer is yes, and this is not unique to men. I sense a negative view of this, but it’s because you seem to be pathologizing men’s sexuality. You seem willing to grant to women that sex is just something people do to feel good, but for men it’s about validation. It’s an odd double standard.

Also, you said sex is easy to get. For you it’s easy to get. And see THAT right there is the fundamental difference between how men and women experience sex. I don’t care what anyone says, or what people think about this: women will ALWAYS be the gatekeepers of sex, and because of this, it will always be easier for women to have sex whenever they want and that will never be the case for men.

I sometimes see this refuted by pointing out what you’ve said here; that it brings you no joy to know that a bunch of men are willing to sleep with you. That’s all well and good, but understand that you feel that way BECAUSE you have almost unlimited options.

Anyway, I don’t wanna get too much into the weeds, but you seem to have many misconceptions and double standards about sex. Maybe you should take some time to actually talk to men about how they experience these issues instead of assuming to know these things when you cannot and will not ever experience them.

77tuoemtae · 2020-03-11T06:51:41+00:00

Well Mike Campbell needs sex

2020-03-11T16:44:29+00:00

Well this is slightly present is every gender but is amplified through social conditioning in men

redditthrowaway1478 · 2020-03-12T00:12:29+00:00

Holy shit OP this is a really good post...

Like, yeah, everything you said was spot on for me

the_calibre_cat · 2020-03-11T02:35:19+00:00

100% firmware-level biology - as programmed by women, I should add. Men are the way that they are because of female selection choices. The aggressive ones got laid.

I should add that validation via sex is the way it always has been, and the way it always will be. There is no greater mark of shame upon a man's manhood than having never gotten laid. Having trouble getting laid on the reg is a challenge every man will face, except for those at the tippy top looks-wise - but to have never been chosen? Like, there's no way to spin it - that sucks, and men will feel that deeply to their core.

But - if no men ever wanted sex with me, and men did not rape women (hardly ever) then I wouldn't have a negative association with men and sex.

Of course you wouldn't, because the species wouldn't exist

Tonga89 · 2020-03-11T04:27:14+00:00

We care shit about validation.

Sex is a physiological need. "Urge" I would say.

It gets better with age, though, but I remember how it was to being horny when young and damn that shit hurts.

It's hard to explain actually, but have you being bored? Like REALLY BORED to the point you get desperated, almost depression-border?

Well, imagine being bored, desperated, depressed AND horny.

Some guys say sexual deprivation can hurt, I can't recall but I believe it is true. Actually, depression can hurt in very real and physical ways, like in the chest for example.

Title	Is men seeking validation via sex hard-wired or learned in each generation?
Author	AggravatingTartlet
Upvotes	5
Comments	158
Date	March 11, 2020 1:13 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fgovbm/is_men_seeking_validation_via_sex_hardwired_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-men-seeking-validation-via-sex-hard-wired-or.354639 https://theredarchive.com/post/354639

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